Things Change
by 51readaholic15
Summary: Rose has been gone five years, when events take her back to Lissa. what has she been doing for those five years and what will she do once back with Lissa?
1. Chapter 1

**Okay so this is my first fanfiction, tell me what ya think please**

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**Chapter 1.**

The Strigoi staggered back, apparently more surprised that he had felt my blow than he was hurt by it. He tensed up again, and lunged towards me, but I had anticipated this and dodged to the side, ducking under his arm and driving my stake upwards. The sickening crunch of breaking bones signified that I had struck home, straight into his heart. He let loose a wail of pain, falling to the ground in convulsions.

I bent down, wincing, and ripped my stake from his chest, my own heart sitting heavy in my chest. Five years. Five years of hunting, killing and healing; and I was exhausted, mentally and physically. Being alone for all these years had taken its toll, but I still hadn't completed what I had planned to do. Find and kill Dimitri Belikov, my mentor, friend and lover.

Sighing I pulled out my pocket knife and scratched another mark into the handle of the stake. Sort of like a _molnija _tattoo, but since I lacked a tattooist, this little tally system had to do, plus I wasn't even sure if I would be allowed to get the tattoo's officially, considering the fact that I myself wasn't an official guardian. I had been forcibly removed from the academy just a few days short of graduation and hadn't been back since, so I had had no opportunity to get the _promise mark_ announcing myself as a guardian.

Thinking of the academy brought forth the familiar pang of regret, guilt and remorse. Although I had been kidnapped, once I had escaped I hadn't felt able to return, thus leaving Lissa without a guardian, and had abandoned her.

Thinking of Lissa immediately caused the mental block I had built to crumble, and her emotions hit me like a tidal wave, and causing me to be pulled into her mind.

_"... Lissa, love, it's been five years. Rose isn't coming back, in fact we can't even be sure she's even alive. For all we know she ran away and is dead. I'm sorry Liss, but it's time to move on." Christian was saying._

_Lissa winced at Christian's blunt words, but shook her head in denial. "I don't believe it Christian. I can't believe that had she died that I wouldn't... I don't know... wouldn't feel something, some loss or something." Tears blurred her vision and she gently sobbed._

_Christian wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulders, drawing her to his chest. She grabbed a fist full of his shirt._

_"The bond hasn't changed Liss, it's still one-way. You can't feel her and you haven't manage to reach her in her dreams. Still."_

_He stroked her cheek tenderly and she looked into his deep ice-blue eyes..._

She can't reach my dreams, because when I sleep I don't allow them to get into my head. It was a technique I had had to develop to avoid them. Only way I can get to sleep peacefully and get through the days now.

Because I started to feel a change in Liss's feelings, I pulled out of her head. I didn't want to experience the lust and love she felt for Christian. It was simply too painful for me.

Taking a deep breath I dragged the Strigoi from the cave we had been fighting in. As soon as it made contact with the beams of light from the sun, it began burning; smouldering and soon crumbling into ash within minutes. Even now after having seen this countless times, it still fascinated me. Something as powerful and seemingly invincible as a Strigoi reduced to ash from something as simple as the sun.

I turned away and headed back towards the city I had been residing in for about three months now. I was unsure of what to do with myself for the day, Strigoi only ever came out at night, and now that word had spread of my presence, finding Strigoi at night was becoming a rare thing as well.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Hunting had been a lot easier five years earlier, well the locating of Strigoi had been at least. I fingered the scar that rested just above my right hip. I had got that one just over four years ago, from one nasty Strigoi who had enjoyed playing with her food; of course that had been her downfall.

I dashed down the corridor on the second floor of the seemingly abandoned building, scared for my life. My ankle was strained and throbbing painfully; blood mattered my hair and trickled down my back of my neck from a nasty head wound.

I heard her cackle in glee, enjoying the chase more than she would the meal. I turned into one of the doors, slamming it shut looking round for a weapon, anything I could use. I had barely made it to the centre of the room before the door was smashed in, ripped clean from its hinges it flopped uselessly onto the ground with a gust of wind and a loud thud.

I froze in terror and looked into the eyes of my soon-to-be killer. They sparkled red and a sneer spread her lips. I gulped and stepped back, crouching defensively.

She cackled again and, before I could even blink, leapt across the room and backhanded me across my face. I heard my jaw crack and I felt myself become airborne before I crashed into the wall. Dazed and disorientated I was defenceless when she grabbed me by the throat and lifting me into the air as if I weighed next to nothing. Struggling feebly I couldn't even begin to escape her grasp, my attempts just seemed to amuse her more. She laughed again then literally threw me out the window.

I felt a piece of glass slice through my thigh, and I screamed in pain, but it was cut off as I landed heavily onto the pavement outside, shattering my hip and winding me. Amazingly I didn't break my spine.

Barely conscious I felt the ground vibrate as the Strigoi landed only feet away from me, my body was screaming in agony begging my brain to black out and save me from this torture. No such luck though.

Cockiness and confidence radiated from her as she approached me slowly and fear like I had never felt before spread through me, and suddenly I knew what to do. I summoned forth the spirits in desperation. They appeared suddenly and immediately began their assault on the Strigoi; she jerked back in surprise, and then began hissing ferociously at them, swiping the air around her uselessly. The ghost induced headache pounded in my head and I was perilously close to passing out, but pure stubbornness kept me awake. And then the sun broke through over the apartment building I had just been thrown out of. It shone brightly and the Strigoi felt its heat and screamed in absolute anguish, crumbling into ash in seconds. With the Strigoi gone the ghosts turned their attention towards me, and I used the last of my will power to replace the blocks in my mind that cut them out, banishing them from my sight.

I lay my head down and welcomed the sweet bliss of unconsciousness.

I winced at the memory, still fresh in my mind. I had been too confident in my abilities then, and it had nearly cost me my life. I had been found by some local garbage collectors, and they rang for an ambulance. After three weeks in recovery at the hospital I was discharged. That had been my most severe injury I had ever received and the last time I'd been in a hospital. It had been a hard learned lesson, and I was still in debt to that hospital under an alias I could no longer remember. Thanks to my Dhampir healing I was back to hunting within a month, although I went about it cautiously.

I was lost deep in thought as I wondered the streets of town, so deep that I bumped someone on the street. Nearly losing my footing I stumbled back and hastily apologised. The person grabbed my biceps to steady me, and I winced involuntarily. I pulled free of the hold and thanked him, turning away to continue walking I stopped when he called my name.

"Rose? Rose Hathaway?" a deep voice stammered.

I tensed instantly, and spun to face the threat who knew my name.

"And what if it is?" I threatened frostily; I shifted faintly to a defensive stance, my hand jerking towards my concealed knife placed at my hip, under my jacket.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

The stranger blinked in shock, but he noticed the small change in my posture and raised his hands in a gesture to show he meant no harm. "Rose, it's me. Eddie!"

My eyes widened, Eddie Castile, from the academy. I straightened but my hand stayed by my knife.

"Eddie Castile? Wow, it's been... how long?" I queried him, feinting ignorance. I knew precisely how long it had been.

He smiled broadly and I began to recognise him, the smile was the same.

"I'd say about 4-5 years."

I just nodded and a slightly awkward silence fell between us. Then, surprising me he pulled me into a bear hug. Having not had human contact in, what felt like forever, I awkwardly wrapped my arms about his muscular frame. He pulled back first and grasped my shoulders, studying me intently.

"Wow, I barely recognised you... just... wow."

I smiled shallowly and slipped out of his hold, rubbing the back of my neck I attempted to give him a farewell.

"Uh, well... I need to be going now..."

He halted me with a hand, "How about dinner? Mia and I are in the city and I'll bet she would love to see you, so how about six tonight?" Not giving me a chance to refuse, he named a restaurant and politely forced me to agree.

I sighed and agreed reluctantly, the last thing I wanted to do was have dinner with my past.

"When did you get so pushy?" I faked exasperation and he smiled again

"I prefer to call it assertiveness, I like to get things done and don't accept 'no'. And by the looks of you Rose, I'm betting that you're planning to bail, so I'm just ensuring your attendance tonight. It'll mean the world to Mia."

I shook my head in disbelieve, I was crazy to agree to this. It was flirting with trouble, but I agreed and confirmed that I would meet him at six tonight. He chuckled at my reluctance and gave me one last hug before letting me leave.

My mind was rushing about as I got ready, my thoughts were scattered and disorganised. Five years I had avoided contact from anyone from my past life. Five years I had in fact just plain avoided human contact period. How is it I managed to bump into Eddie of all people on the street? My gut told me it wasn't a pure accident, but I had thought the search for me had ceased, after the last time they had managed to trap me it had ended in a Strigoi attack. I had been presumed dead.

Hot water gushed down my body, soothing the aching muscles. I rested my head against the tiled wall, fighting the tears that threatened to fall. I hadn't cried since I had left Lissa, crying at the academy gates, and I wouldn't cry now.

I scrubbed at my arms and legs, removing the dried blood and dirt from my skin. Scrubbing until my flesh glowed pink.

Shutting off the shower, I stared at my reflection in the bathroom mirror that hung on the door. My dripping wet hair hung down past my hips, scars adorned my body. Fresh and fading bruises alike patterned my tanned skin. My face was weather worn, and appeared aged before its time, hardened and serious. My brown eyes that had once been sparkling with life and mischief were now dull and almost lifeless.

My outside reflected my inside; I was a hardened and seasoned warrior.

I dried myself as quick as my tired muscles could, and dressed in my standard black, baggy cargo pants, clingy red v-neck skivvy and my favourite jacket, which had a hidden compartment in the sleeve where I stored a small stake. I never went anywhere unarmed.

I brushed my hair and tied it into a simple braid that hung past my waist. My hair, that was once my most prized possession, was now dull and dry, full of split ends and, I noticed, in desperate need of a cut and style. Assessing myself in the mirror once more, I deemed myself presentable and hurried from the apartment. Already ten minutes late.

I quickly found my way to the restaurant, but when I was within viewing distance I halted and swore violently. There were guardians posing as civilians everywhere. Eddie and Mia had been sent to capture me. I swore again, and considered returning to my apartment, but something held me back. I hadn't seen Mia in over five years, in fact I hadn't seen anyone in five years, and there was a part of me that desperately wanted to reconnect with that part of my life again. I knew I would be able to easily out fight these guardians if it came to that. I swore again, but continued towards the restaurant, appearing to be oblivious to the guardians while in actual fact I was concentrating solely on them. Tracking their movements, on guard in case they attempted to apprehend me now. Luckily for them, they didn't.

I entered the restaurant and immediately spotted Eddie and Mia sitting at the window table. I walked over to them, and they both stood up. Mia looked positively shocked, completely and utterly shocked. I smiled, amused at her reaction.

"Oh, come on Mia, I haven't changed _that_ much. You look like you barely recognise me."

I teased her, in the old 'Rose' mode. I didn't want to tip Eddie off to how much I had changed, he was a guardian and he was trained to recognise the signs of superior guardians; such as cool, calm and polite manners.

Mia blushed and gaped for a few seconds before finding her voice.

"It's just that, wow Rose. I actually don't recognise you. It's been five years, but I never expected..." She drifted off, unable to explain herself. Breaking into a wide smile, she pulled me into a bear hug worthy of a comparison to Eddie's one earlier. I forced a light sounding laugh, and hugged her back.

Taking my seat I smiled sweetly at Eddie, "have you ordered yet?"

He shook his head, "no, we were waiting for you."

Not unusual but again my gut warned me, something wasn't right about this, and I immediately suspected something was up. Keeping my composure I gestured for a waitress, and immediately one approached; all smiles and slightly flirtatious behaviour towards Eddie.

We each ordered, and I knew something was up. The waitress was not one I recognised, as I actually regularly dined here.


	4. Chapter 4

**I forgot to say in previous chapter, disclaimer: none of the characters are mine, they are owned by Richelle Mead, no matter how much i want them**

**Chapter 4**

A slightly awkward silence fell over the table, as we all tried to think of a way to break the ice, Mia came through.

"So, Rose, you must have quite the story. Five years since you disappeared and you turn up in Moscow of all places to be. Tell us, what are you doing here and frankly what have you been doing with yourself? I trust you are well?"

She smiled sweetly, but I could see the burning curiosity brimming beneath. I hesitated, unsure if I really wanted them to know. I mentally shook my head, _No if I tell anyone my story, it will be to Lissa first._ So unwilling to tell them, I kept it brief.

"Not a lot." Very brief.

Mia's mask dissolved into disappointment, she tipped her head to the side and gave me a small smile.

"Uh, come on Rose. For as long as I've known you, you have always been the first to be in the spotlight, never hesitating to tell us a story. And here we are, after five years, and you're trying to tell us you've been up to nothing. I don't believe it."

My friendly demeanour slipped and I narrowed my eyes. "You're right Mia, it _has_ been five years. Five long years and people change. I have changed. _A lot. _So if I say I've been up to nothing, then it means I don't want to talk about it. So leave it." She paled slightly, but I didn't stop, "And about why I'm here, in Russia, well I could ask you and Eddie the same question. I highly doubt it's a honeymoon. No not a honeymoon at all, I mean who takes a good dozen guardians on their honeymoon?" At the mention of 'dozen guardians' I saw Eddie tense profusely and Mia pale further. I pushed my chair back and stood up. "You're not even royal Mia; no way would you get twelve guardians assigned for your protection, so that just leaves me with the thought that it was no coincidence that I bumped into you Eddie. No you came here for me, and let me tell you _I am NOT going back!" _I hissed the last bit and turned to leave. But Eddie had shot from his seat and blocked me exit. I glared up at him. "Eddie if you don't move, I won't hesitate in hurting you." I threatened.

He only smirked, cockily. "Rose, you have already hesita-"

I cut him off, striking out with my elbow and simultaneously driving my knee into his groin. Cheap shot I know, but he was bigger than me. He blocked my elbow but my knee got him, hard. He bent over, gasping in pain. I shoved him hard and in a split second decided to take the easier route of smashing through the window rather than fighting a room full of fully trained guardians.

"Christ Rose!" I heard Eddie cry out, but I didn't look back, just took off sprinting.

I weaved my way through the crowded streets, aware of at least two pursuers, I swore in my head. I was going to have to lose them, and fast. I darted through the alleyways, I had been here a good three months, and knew my way around this city well; unlike the two guardians on my tail. I rounded the corner into what appeared to be a dead end, which was exactly what it was. I swore violently, but kept running towards the wall. Jackie Chan style I leapt up the wall, pushing off the wall to launch myself into the air; I barely grabbed hold of the fire escape ladder but held on. Pulling myself up, I hastily climbed the ladder and quietly climbed the stairs. I halted and stood like a statue when I heard approaching footsteps, the two guardians paused at the end of the alley, and appeared confused. One swore in Russian, and spoke into the walkie-talkie he carried.

"Castile, we lost the target... In an alleyway... yes we are sure she came this way... I don't know, broke into one of the apartments? ... Roger, Castile, on our way."

The shorter of the two glanced at his partner, "orders are we return to her apartment and wait for her there."

Taller dude nodded, and started off.

I waited till I was sure they were gone, and waited a few more minutes before climbing back down the ladder.

"Fuck, they know where I live." I muttered under my breath, pissed off that I hadn't noticed the fact that I was being watched. Now I would have to start all over again, get over the border and begin my search again. "God damn it." I cursed. Unless... a plan began forming, I could go find Eddie and Mia, and force the information about who sent them, I couldn't let that opportunity go. I knew it wasn't Lissa because there was no way that she could avoid thinking of it, so I had no idea. Defiantly not Queen Tatiana, or my mum. Christian was unlikely and Eddie wouldn't have been able to get twelve guardians to come with him. Adrian was a strong possibility, but since he hadn't been able to contact me via the dream world, he had presumed me dead, or turned Strigoi.

So with that in thought, I set off back to the restaurant. I lifted my jacket hood over my head, because I didn't want to risk bumping into any more guardians, I couldn't be bothered with the fight it would involve. Just as I neared the restaurant I heard an ear-splitting scream of terror, and felt the sudden Strigoi nausea hit me. I didn't hesitate, just began sprinting towards the scream, my nausea increasing with each metre I crossed. I rounded the corner and saw three Strigoi; two were fighting a guardian the other preying upon the Moroi. I charged towards the smaller one attacking... Mia! My initial surprise turned to fury in a split second and I leapt upon the Strigoi, flicking my stake from my sleeve as I ran. Not surprising, the Strigoi had heard my approach and dodged my attack. She faced me and hissed, pissed off no doubt about me interrupting dinner, I didn't respond just moved into an attacking stance, and lashed my foot out in a bone breaking axe kick. She dodged easily and lunged at me, as fast as she was, her inexperience was obvious, and I easily staked her. She screamed and collapsed in a heap on the ground. Barely pausing for breath I ripped free my stake and dashed to the other two, who were over-powering Eddie, who seemed to be in a poor state, his stake on the ground and he was bleeding heavily. I leapt towards the Strigoi holding Eddie and staked his back, right through his heart. He dropped to the floor with Eddie flopping down on top of him. I had just pulled the stake out when the last Strigoi back-handed the side of my face. I staggered back, and he leapt forward not allowing me to recover, punching my in the ribs. I hissed in pain and the Strigoi sneered, preparing to strike again. I dropped to the ground and rolled, kicking my legs out and tripping him; jumping to my feet I leapt at him, staked poised and I struck down as hard as I could into his back. He screamed as the magical stake sliced him deep, and rolled away from me. I kicked his face and stabbed my stake forward, ripping a deep gash into his cheek; he howled in agony and backed away. I wasn't fast enough to catch him, so I did something very stupid. I threw my stake at him, and impossibly the surprise of the attack caught the Strigoi of guard, and the stake stabbed deep into his chest. But not deep enough, his shock held him still for precious seconds, and I sprinted at him. The pain must have been insane, but the Strigoi pulled the stake from his chest. He threw it aside and glanced at me just long enough to see my fist, it connected heavily with his nose; breaking it and my knuckle by the sound of the sickening crunch. I didn't pause to feel the pain as I spun, ripping free my knife and cutting the Strigoi's neck. He lurched away, but the knife cut deep enough for blood to gush from his wound. I lashed again, and again each time cutting deeper until finally his head dropped to the ground, severed from his body; that slumped to the ground in the opposite direction of his head.

I gasped in air, ignoring the raging pain my body was in. I turned back to Mia, who was now helping Eddie to his feet. They both looked at me in a mix of awe and fear. Breathing became difficult as I staggered away from them, I couldn't allow myself to be captured, and they were the ones trying to capture me.

"Rose, wait!" Mia cried out to me, but I wouldn't, I couldn't stop; because if I did, I wouldn't move again. That much I knew, that much I could think about. Desperately trying to ignore the spots appearing in my vision, and the fire in my ribs I hobbled away. "What if there are more?" She finished her sentence and it stopped me. I turned back and could tell she was scared of me, but she was terrified of the Strigoi. I sighed internally and against my better judgement limped back, slowly.

"How do I know that this isn't a trap?"

Mia ducked her head, clearly ashamed of their poor attempt at capturing me.

"It's not Rose. After you just saved us, we won't try bringing you home. Not tonight at least." She answered honestly, and I had to smile at that.

"Why did you even try? Why even come at all? It's obvious that I don't want to go back, so why force me?"

Mia studied Eddie for a few long seconds before answering.

"You wanted to know who sent us. Well, it was Christian –"


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey, sorry for the changing lengths, but it's difficult picking places to finish chapters :P  
Disclaimer: none of the characters are mine, just the plot which i am having so much fun with  
Enjoy and please review, i love hearing from you**

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**Chapter 5**

"Christian?!" I interrupted, shocked. "Why on Earth would Christian Ozera want me back? He doesn't even like me that much."

Mia gave me a small smile, slightly amused. "Yes that's true, but Lissa does. Christian couldn't stand to see Lissa so distraught any more. So her sent out a group of guardians to track you, and when Eddie heard about it he volunteered, as did I." She looked at me, pleadingly, "please Rose, it's been five years. We all miss you, Lissa especially. She knew you hadn't run away, just like she knew you weren't dead. She never gave up hope that you would eventually return, even though everyone else had given up on you."

I cringed; I had been in Lissa's head several times over the years so I knew that Mia was speaking the truth. Mia saw my reaction.

"You didn't run off did you?"

I shook my head, too scared to speak in case my voice trembled and I lost control over the tears threatening to burst forth.

"So why haven't you come back? Why let the whole world think your dead? Why put Lissa through all that? She was so pissed off that she couldn't even get properly depressed over your death, because you kept taking that darkness from her. And you wouldn't have done that if you had stopped caring for her, so why not return?" Mia cried out, pulsing with strong emotions.

I clenched my fists and turned away from her.

"It isn't my place anymore." I answered cryptically.

Mia snorted, not satisfied by my response. She opened her mouth to bombard me again when Eddie groaned, he was only partially conscious so hadn't had a lot to say throughout our conversation.

"Mia, let's take him back to your hotel room, he is in bad condition." I didn't wait for an answer, just went to Eddie's other side and took some of his weight.

We made very slow progress to the hotel, but thankfully no nausea alerted me of Strigoi presence. My ribs were throbbing painfully, my head woozy but I kept at it, worked through the pain.

After what had seemed like hours we finally made it into their room, and I dropped Eddie onto his and Mia's bed. The loss of weight caused a surge of pain throughout my body and I let out a small cry, collapsing to my knees beside the bed. I sucked in air, gasping in agony.

Mia rushed to my side "Rose, you're hurt." She exclaimed

I shrugged her off, and struggled to me feet.

"I'm fine, it's nothing." Putting emphasis on 'fine'.

Mia stood with me and grasped my arm as I turned away, I flinched and pulled free.

"Rose, come on. Why are you fighting me? I just want to help and you're obviously in pain. You just fought and killed three Strigoi tonight, you're lucky to be standing."

I kept my back turned, but sighing in defeat, I slowly pulled off my jacket. Blood had soaked through my skivvy and I swore in my head, that wouldn't escape Mia's notice. I mean, when I say soaked I mean half the skivvy on my left side was dark crimson and sure enough I heard Mia sharp intake of breath. I ignoring that I slowly pulled the ruined skivvy off and dumped it on the floor and turned back to face her.

This time Mia cried out in horror, my ribs were red and blotchy, blood dribbling down my waist from a few open gashes.

"Oh, god Rose. How can you tell me that _that _is nothing? I'm amazed you're still conscious." She rushed over and started fussing over me. I shrugged and regretted it as my ribs spasmed.

"I've had worse." Which was true, I had had worse. I had also fought Strigoi with worse injuries, but the trip from the street to here had drained the last of my energy and I swayed. Mia steadied me and gently led me to the sofa in the other room.

She sat me down then hurried off. I sighed gently and was overcome with exhaustion, my eyelids suddenly felt like they were lined with lead. I let them drift close and felt the blackness of unconsciousness take me.

"Rose. Rose? ROSE!"

I wrenched my eyes open to see Mia looking panicky; she seemed on the verge of slapping me.

"What Mia? I'm tired." I grumbled, closing my eyes once more. But Mia wasn't having any of that, she called me again.

"Rose, you can't sleep. You probably have a concussion. I think we should take you to the hospital."

At the word 'hospital' I jerked myself awake.

"No Mia. I'm not going to the hospital. I'm –"

She cut me off angrily "Do not say fine Rose. You are anything but." She sighed, "But if you don't want to go to the hospital then I'm calling in a doctor." Her tone told me she wasn't interested in arguing with me anymore and she stood up to get the phone. I supposed I should see a doctor, my ribs were aching horribly and my head was throbbing and getting worse.

Mia was only on the phone briefly, she hung up and returned to my side.

For the next twenty or so minutes it took for the doctor to arrive, I kept trying to drift off to sleep. It got to the point that Mia actually splashed water in my face, which I did not appreciate at all and swore at her. She just smiled and replied in a sickly sweet voice that she'd do whatever it took to keep me awake.

Finally the doctor arrived and as soon as he saw me he paled considerably and hurried over. He kept asking me stupid questions like my name, my age and if I had any next of kin to contact. I hesitated at that question and said no, I did not. Mia shot me a sharp glance, accusative but I ignored it.

After the doc had finished his examination he confirmed four broken ribs and several deep lacerations. I didn't seem to have any internal bleeding, but he suspected a concussion. After cleaning, stitching and wrapping my wounds he gave Mia instructions to wake me every few hours through the night. He also gave her some heavy duty painkillers but I wouldn't be allowed them until tomorrow.

Mia ushered him out, then help me lie back on the sofa; I had refused to kick her and Eddie from their bed. She gave me a pillow, spread a blanket over me then settled herself down in the opposing couch to watch me through the night.

I was finally allowed to embrace the black oblivion of sleep and so I did.

I wasn't sure how long I had been sleeping when I felt my dream change. The landscape of the academy suddenly spread out before me, and I noticed I stood in the exact place I had when I had left Lissa on my mission to hunt Dimitri. It had been on my 18th birthday.

I glanced around, noting that nothing had changed, but then this was a dream, created by Adrian so I didn't know if this was how the academy still was or how Adrian wished it to be.

"Adrian? I know you're here. Just come out."

I had no patience for hide-and-seek. My ribs ached dully, but not even to wake me.

"Rose?" a voice questioned and I jumped. It wasn't the deep, husky voice of Adrian. No, it was quiet, sweet and defiantly feminine. I spun in shock – Lissa – I backed away from her in fright.

Lissa just blinked at me, unbelieving and as surprised to see me and I was to see her.

"Rose?" She repeated, voice jumping an octave higher.

I gulped and shook my head, trying desperately to wake up.

Lissa stepped forward and reached out a hand towards me. I backed further away, wanting to escape but not knowing how to.

"Oh my God: Rose, it is you." Her voice caught, choking back a sob.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

And just then Mia woke me up. I sat up in fright, and then bit my lip to keep from crying out as my ribs burned.

"Rose, what's wrong?" She was crouching down beside me.

I shook my head and was horrified to feel wetness on my cheeks. I felt a sob rise in my chest and fought to contain it.

"Rose! Are you hurting?" Mia cried with surprise, worryingly.

I couldn't deny it, so I nodded, hoping she would interpret the acknowledgement as I was physically hurting, instead of emotionally.

She eyed me suspiciously, scrutinising my face. I desperately tried to compose myself, but found I had lost my mask. The tears kept pouring and I finally broke. I gasped loudly then launched into heavy, heart-wrenching sobs, crying out. Mia sat up on the edge of the couch beside me and pulled me into her chest. I ignored the protest of my ribs and grabbed a handful of her pyjama top into my fist.

Five years of guilt, loneliness, fear and other emotions flowed out of me, the bottle I had kept my feelings in overflowed. I wasn't entirely sure of how long I cried into her shirt, but I was aware of Eddie entering the room, and then quietly exiting. My tears eventually dried up and I begging Mia for some of the Tylenol. I couldn't stand to see Lissa in my dreams as my usual defences were obviously down in my weakened state. Mia hesitated, unwilling to disobey the doctor's orders, but I think the shock of seeing my literally break down swayed her. I swallowed the pills quickly, desperate for oblivion.

"...she just broke down into tears. I have no idea what happened. As first I thought it was her ribs paining her, but it wasn't. I think her walls finally crumbled. Something happened to her during those five years, something she hasn't dealt with yet."

I woke slowly, becoming aware of Mia speaking in hushed tones, apparently about me. I kept still, relaxing my features to keep up the pretence of sleep. I need to get out of here and maybe they would eventually leave the room or something.

"We should take her back while she is still unconscious. I know that she will be furious when she wakes up to find herself back home, but Lissa is desperate to see her."

I fought to keep control my rage, to keep up the act of slumber. Eddie was right, I would be furious; in fact I was furious that he had even voiced the idea.

"No Eddie, I won't do that to her. Not after she just saved our lives; when she didn't have to." Mia argued, not mentioned the fact that she had promised me that she wouldn't do that.

Eddie was silent for a long time, thinking hard.

Reluctantly he agreed, "Fine, we won't take her now. Not until she is at least healed. Maybe in the time it takes for her to recover, she'll agree to come willingly."

I couldn't contain myself, I snorted and immediately my ribs punished me for it so I groaned.

"Rose?"Mia called, coming to my aid. I mentally kicked myself for giving myself up. Reluctantly I opened my eyes and squinted at the blurry figure taking up the majority of my view.

I groaned again in response.

Mia crouched down beside me, placing a wet flannel on my forehead she asked. "How are you feeling?"

"Like shit" I replied honestly, groaning again for good measure.

Mia chuckled lightly. "Well that's the first honest thing you've said to me so far: Shows improvement."

I growled softly, and then a coughing fit kicked in. Each cough caused shock waves of burning agony throughout my body and I called out in pain.

"Ssh." Mia soothed gently, running a damp flannel over my forehead.

"Urg, what's wrong with me?" I tried to keep my voice level, but it cracked a bit.

"You're running a fever, but don't worry it will burn itself out."

"When?" I tried querying innocently, but Mia saw through it.

"I'm not sure, but at least a few days. Mind you, you are a Dhampir so maybe you'll burn it out overnight."

I tried sitting up and Mia, once she saw what I was doing, assisted me gently. My stomach grumbled hungrily and I remembered that I hadn't actually eaten last night, having broken out of the restaurant before I had a chance to eat. Mia heard it and order Eddie to get me something.

"So how long was I asleep?" I felt like I had been sleeping for a long time and not moved much.

"Mia looked over at the clock, "Well it's about 4pm human time, and you fell asleep about 3am, so... just under over 12 hours." I knew what she meant by 'fell asleep'; she wasn't counting the hours before I had my massive crying session.

"Huh, well that explains the bed sores." I made a bad attempt at humour to try lighten the mood. It didn't work very well.

"I need the bathroom" I announced as I stood up. I wobbled slightly on my feet, my head spinning, but I didn't allow Mia to help me. I walked unsteadily to the bathroom.

I heard murmuring from through the door; no doubt Eddie had returned and wondered where I had gone.

I caught site of my reflection in the basin mirror, and I was shocked. The Strigoi had apparently done more damage than I had first thought; I looked like something out of a Halloween movie. I had deep black circles under my eyes, my right cheek was swollen and my lips puffy; my skin colour, where it wasn't blue and black, was pale white and pasty. I had a nice bandage wrapped around my head, and on further inspection the wound it was covering was apparently weeping. I staggered out of the bathroom drunkenly and collapsed onto the couch with a hiss.

"Hey Mia, I think my head is weeping." I told her as Eddie presented pizza and a bottle of water. I dug straight in, suddenly ravenous. I had the entire large pizza finished in less than 5 minutes and was looking around for more; I looked up at Eddie, "Is that it?"

He blinked, then cracked up laughing, "My god Rose, I had forgotten how much you could eat." He left to go to the kitchen, still laughing loudly.

Mia came up behind me and gently unwound my bandage, "Your right Rose, it is weeping. I'll need to clean it and re-cover it." I just shrugged and let her do her thing.

After having been awake for half-an-hour I was exhausted and lay back down. I was asleep within minutes.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Once again I felt myself being pulled into a spirit-dream. This time I was on a beach, and I relaxed, instinct telling me this was Adrian's dream world; and sure enough...

"Little Dhampir," Adrian breathed, "My god, it's really you."

I turned to watch him cross the sand to stand in front of me. His emerald green eyes studied me intensely and I looked away, out at the hypnotic sea.

"You are alive. I mean, I knew you were, but to finally see you is just so..." he drifted off unable to find the right word. "When Lissa told me she had finally entered your dream I could scarcely believe it. Five years, Little Dhampir, five long years I have tried. How is it you have blocked me, and later Lissa, for this long?"

I turned back at him, my heart heavy. I didn't want to talk about this. In fact I didn't want to be here at all, as an unexplained anger flashed through me I lashed out at him."

"I would have thought one could take a hint, my _Lord._ Five years I avoided you _and _Lissa. Five years I fought off your trackers and yet, still you persisted. Why can't you understand that I don't want you, or Lissa? I don't want that life anymore."

My voice was venomous and Adrian was utterly shocked, his eyes displayed just how deep I had wounded him. But he persisted.

"Rose, this isn't you. I can see your aura; it's the blackest I have ever seen. You're trying to tell me you don't want Lissa anymore, then why do you continue to take her darkness?"

I snapped at him.

"You think I _choose _to take her shadows? You think I have a choice in the matter? I _don't _Adrian, her shadows are pulled in whether I want them or not."

The lie came easily to my tongue. I winced internally at lying to him, but I need them to leave me alone. I couldn't stand being around him or Lissa when I was such a failure. I didn't deserve to be around them anymore, not after what I had done, what I had become.

"Stop entering my dreams Adrian. Leave me alone."

And with that I ripped myself from the dream. I woke in the dark, and I was slightly disorientated, having seemingly been in the bright sun seconds ago. Once my eyes had adjusted to the light I inspected the room. Mia wasn't on her couch, most likely in Eddie's bed. Now was my chance to escape. I silently pulled myself up and bit my lip to keep from calling out; my ribs protested, but not as loudly as they had yesterday. My head spun a little but I shook it off.

I realised I wasn't wearing my own clothes, instead some of Eddie's. I quickly scanned the room and spotted my jacket neatly folded on top of a pile. As quietly as possible I got changed and checked my pockets. _Shit,_ they were empty, but all I cared about was my stake. I couldn't leave without it. Eddie must have known this and hidden it, I cursed him. I just couldn't leave without it.

Just then the light flicked on and I pivoted to see Mia standing in the bathroom doorway, looking disappointed.

"Seriously Rose, you thought we would leave you most prized possession lying around for you to take whenever you felt able to leave? After you had already made it clear how much you wanted to leave."

I glared at her.

"Where is it Mia?" My voice was quiet, but hard and threatening,

Mia just shook her head, "I'm not going to give it to you Rose. Just go back to sleep, you are too weak to force the information from me and I'm not gunna just give it up like that."

I swore, "Just give it to me. I want out so let me out."

Mia remained defiant. "No Rose. You need to recover, and even with a stake in your condition you wouldn't stand a chance against a Strigoi, now matter how badass you have become."

"Give me the stake Mia. I am not playing around." I took a threatening step forward, but Mia didn't even flinch.

"Stop running Rose: Why do you insist on running? I know you didn't run that day five years ago, but you have been running ever since. And if you don't go back to sleep I'm calling Eddie in and we'll get a hold of the other guardians, who will happily finish their job and take you back to Lissa."

I froze, and hissed in frustration and anger. "You can't do that Mia; you owe me your life. I _didn't _have you save you and Eddie. But I did, I risked my life and freedom to help you out and this is how you repay me?"

Mia frowned when I mentioned 'freedom', "What do you mean by that Rose?"

I hesitated briefly, "I knew you guys were after me, and I didn't want to go with you. I knew I would get injured by three Strigoi and if I were injured I wouldn't be able to fight you off." It was true to a degree, but a hedged answer: Mia knew that.

"That isn't what you meant. So what are you running from, or should I say who?"

I winced at the defined question, she was getting to close and I didn't like it.

"Just give me the stake."

This time Mia turned towards Eddie's bedroom, and I knew what she was about to do. Just as she opened her mouth I leapt over to her and clamped my hand over her mouth, silencing her. She narrowed her eyes then made a cheap shot by punching me in my broken ribs, I nearly screamed out in pain, but instead backhanded her. Hard.

She staggered back but regained her footing before she fell, then slipping into a defensive stance. I mimicked her and struck out first. My fighting skills outmatched her easily, but I was still weak and so I was fading fast. Just before I managed to strike her for a second time I felt movement behind me, so I spun and just deflected Eddie's strike. I lost balanced and stumbled sideways and Eddie used it, striking again and this time connecting with the base of my neck. I barely felt it, everything simply went black.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

I woke gradually, my head pounding, my body throbbing. I first became aware of Eddie arguing with Mia, about taking me back to Lissa. This time Mia gave in and I momentarily considered protesting, but I was just too tired, already drifting off back into sleep.

Next time consciousness came, I had the sensation of motion, this seemed odd since I was still in Eddie and Mia's hotel room... wasn't I? I fought for consciousness and realised I was in fact travelling. In a car. I growled and hissed in fury; how dare they? I sort of noticed Mia trying to comfort me, but I shoved her away; my pride hurt more than my body. Oblivion claimed me once again.

I resurfaced once again, on a plane apparently and I knew then that I had indeed lost. I didn't even try fight to stay awake, the black oblivion of sleep was better, so much better. If only I could stay this way forever... maybe I could...

"Rose."

"Rose?"

"Rose!"

I heard someone calling my name, but I wasn't ready to answer so I ignored them. Until a feeling of being hot, cold and then hot again flowed through me. It was a familiar sensation, but one I hadn't experienced in about five years... No! Exactly five years, it was the feeling of being healed and I suddenly remembered what it meant.

My eyes flew open and the first thing they focused on was a pair of familiar blue eyes staring back.

"Rose you're awake!" Those blue eyes exclaimed, huh? Eyes don't speak... but owners of eyes do.

Lissa was speaking to me. Lissa, my best friend that I had abandoned. Lissa, the one who had saved my life seven years ago. Lissa, the spirit-user whom I was bonded to.

Tears suddenly welled up in my eyes, blurring my vision and I turned my face from Lissa's in shame. I couldn't face her. I attempted to roll over but my arm was caught on something. I yanked it but it wouldn't budge. I realised I was handcuffed.

I opened my eyes again and glared at the cushioned cuffs, they had restrained me.

I swore violently in Russia and pulled harder.

"Rose, calm down -" Lissa started to say when I cut her off.

"Calm down?" I roared, "I'll calm down when you release me."

Surprisingly Lissa wasn't fazed by my outburst.

"Rose, this isn't you. I can help, let me help."

What was she talking about? Not me, who else would I be?

"How the hell would you know anything about me anymore _Princess?_ It's been five years."

This time my words hit home, she paled slightly and pulled back. I violently tugged at the restraints and kicked out in frustration.

"Come on Rose, control yourself" Eddie stepped in, my fury turned on him.

"Oh, fuck off Castile. Go screw your Moroi." I snarled.

His face flushed in anger and he took a menacing step forward. I cackled.

"What Eddie? Gunna attack me? Ooh, big man you are! Beat on a handcuffed person. Untie me and let's go." I mocked him, trying to goad him into releasing me.

"God Rose, what's happened to you?" Mia placed a hand on Eddie's arm, calming him.

"It's the darkness" Lissa answered for me, sobbing in her hands.

"It's more than your spirit's darkness Lissa; it's Rose's own personal darkness too. Just look at her aura." I jumped in surprise; I hadn't noticed Adrian sitting quietly in the corner.

Lissa gasped and leaned forward, reaching towards me. I did not want to be touched so I snarled viciously and jerked the cuffs in warning; which she heeded, drawing back.

"We need Oksana's help." Lissa announced, standing up.

I suddenly felt panicky. Oksana would be able to read my mind and I didn't want that: Couldn't have that happen.

Adrian scrutinised my face, apparently having seen the flash of fear.

"Yes bring Oksana here."

"NO!" I screamed, "Let me go!"

Lissa looked at me, shocked by the obvious fear in my voice; she narrowed her eyes in concentration then dialled a number into her cellular phone.

I was seriously panicking now, but there was nothing I could do. No one would release me, they all wanted to "help" me, but couldn't they see I didn't want it.

"GET OUT" I screamed at them.

They all looked at me in surprise, but complied since it was obvious I couldn't break the cuffs. With the room clear I lay my head back on the pillow and closed my eyes. Fear engulfed me with the blackness.


	9. Chapter 9

**I hadn't anticipated the length of this chapter, but I needed to get all the information out in one go... so enjoy and please review.**

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**Chapter 9**

"Place this on her finger. It should calm her mood." I instinctively clenched my fists when I heard the instruction voiced by a familiar voice.

"Ah you are awake Rose. Good to see you again." I opened my eyes to see Mark and Oksana standing at the foot of my bed. I glared at them and refused to speak.

Oksana smiled sadly.

"So tell me Rose, how have you managed to build such powerful blocks that keep Adrian and Lissa from your dreams and me from your conscious mind?" Oksana questioned in a polite, friendly manner.

I felt the intrusive hot flush in my head and I fought to block it. It was something I had picked up a few years ago; it ran along the same principle of blocking Lissa's feelings, ghosts and resisting compulsion.

Oksana smiled at me, genuinely impressed by my efforts; Mark on the other hand had a more knowing smile.

"It must be tiring to block so much Rose: The bond, ghosts and now Oksana. No doubt you've created a resistance to compulsion as well. I can imagine the strain it must be causing, you must be feeling tired by now."

I ignored him, concentrating on the new wave of Oksana's probing. But Mark had a point, I was getting tired. It was a constant battle keeping Lissa's feelings out and with Oksana attacking over and over, I was draining my energy. But I remained stubborn, not giving in. I gritted my teeth and pushed at the blocks.

"Stay out of my head Oksana" I warned. "Just stay out."

She had the decency to look partially ashamed, but glanced sideways at Lissa.

"Have you tried healing her darkness?"

"She won't let me touch her. I only just managed to heal her wounds last time." Lissa sighed, deep concern layered her words.

"Try now, she is too busy blocking me to fight you off."

"NO!" I screeched and using my full strength I jerked up and ripped the bed handles clean off. My panic-induced strength was incredible. I leapt off the bed and, gripping the bed handles, I struck out; hitting Eddie in the stomach and clipping Mark on the side of the head. But it was useless, Oksana had been right. I couldn't fight her mentally and fight physically. One thing had to give and it was my blocks. They crumbled and Oksana was in my head. I cried out pitifully and sank to my knees clutching my head.

Images flashed through my mind: Dimitri in the caves, me flying through the window, chained in a basement, fighting the three Strigoi off Eddie and Mia, Mason lying lifeless on the floor, Lissa crying at the gates, Dimitri as a Strigoi drinking from me, his lifeless body falling over the bridge. They just kept flooding my mind, in no order; things from five years ago to now, all the horrors of my past.

Then it stopped and I returned to the present, huddled in the corner sobbing into my hands. Oksana gasped in horror and fell to the floor, her hand at her mouth, most likely trying to prevent herself from throwing up.

I stopped my tears and glared up at her.

"I told you to stay out of my head." My voice was matter-of-factual, emotionless and lifeless.

Mark crouched down beside her, his arm wrapped around her shoulders. I saw the instant he read her mind, his whole body stiffened and he actually swore.

I shrugged, like it was no big deal and rose to my feet steadily. Eddie stiffened and shifted into a defensive stance. I raised my arms, holding them out to him.

"Relax Eddie, just unlock my handcuffs." My voice was calm, unaffected by the turmoil of my inner emotions.

Eddie had apparently realised that the bed handles merely behaved more of a weapon than a restraint. He quickly unlocked me and I let the handles drop to the ground. Rubbing my wrists absent-mindedly I walked to the door and turned the handle.

"Rose, wait." Mia called, but I ignored her; escaping out the door to find some air that I desperately wanted.

I found my way out fairly easily and pushed through the door out into the fresh crisp air, of the Courts. Typical, I had been taken to guardian central.

It was Moroi night conveniently, so there was no foot-traffic for me to avoid. I turned left and hurried down the footpath, unsure of where to go. I spotted a nice tree down a secluded pathway and sat down beside it. Closing my eyes I leant back against the trunk and relaxed for the first time in years. I steadied my breathing as I tried to organise the flow of thought, so much had happened in a few hours and I needed to process it.

Looking back now I realised that I had indeed been overpowered by the spirits negative energy and I felt ashamed, ashamed that I had succumbed to the darkness after so long of keeping it at bay. I also felt ashamed of my behaviour, spirit darkness or not, I shouldn't have acted that way, it just showed how much I didn't deserve them.

Although I hadn't wanted their help, I realised now how much I truly needed. I wasn't okay; in fact I hadn't been okay in a long, long time.

I was so lost in my thoughts I didn't even sense Lissa's approach until it was too late for me to escape. I kept my eyes closed as she sat down beside me, not saying anything.

"I'm sorry." I croaked out, surprised by how much I meant them, and how difficult those words were to say. I didn't say anything else and Lissa didn't reply for a long time.

I could feel her scrutinising me, studying my face. It had been five years and it had changed; I had changed. I opened my eyes and studied her in return. Her general features were the same, blonde hair, pale Moroi skin and blue eyes: But looking deeper, her face had matured, hardened. Although her skin was soft, clear and smooth, it had a look of age and experience to it. Her eyes had lost their old sparkle and were now almost hard, pale and dull. These changes saddened me further, knowing I had been the cause.

I broke eye contact and watched some leaves blowing in the wind.

"Rose," Lissa finally spoke, "Talk to me." She was gentle and soothing, non-threatening.

I continued to watch the leaves rise and fall, unsure if I should answer. Something inside me compelled me to though: this was what I had been craving for five years, I needed to talk, needed to reconnect with Lissa. I looked at my hands then finally up at Lissa.

"I didn't run away." I stated my voice barely a whisper. Lissa kept her face composed.

"I never thought you had." She replied gently, not pushing for me to continue.

I looked back at my hands and took a deep breath, I would do it. I would finally tell my story.

"That day, five years ago, I had been planning on meeting you, when Kirova summoned me to her office..."

_- I rushed about my dorm room, cleaning and packing; nervous energy making me jumpy. Graduation was in two days and I would finally find out if I would be assigned as Lissa's guardian._

_The last two and a half months had involved insanely hard work. I had been training with Alberta twice a day, which had been good. Great even. I had learnt a lot from her and not just about the basic theory of guardianship and how best to kill Strigoi. She had taught me more self-control and composure than I had ever learnt from Dimitri, but I'm guessing that had been due to the fact that I hadn't wanted to learn such things from him. I had managed to catch up in my non-combat related classes too, maybe not becoming top of the class, but defiantly not at the bottom either._

_I had earned my right to graduate and I had never felt so proud of my achievements._

_I heard a sharp rap on my door, so I left my half-packed suitcase and answered it. A messenger had a summons note for me, Headmistress Kirova apparently wanted to see me. I frowned, unsure of why she would want to see me; I hadn't done anything against the rules in my time back. I left my dorm, not bothering to lock it and strolled through the corridors at a leisurely pace. Out of habit I checked in on Lissa's feelings; she was once again working with Adrian on spirit, but I could feel at the back of her thoughts she was looking forwards to seeing me at lunch in the cafeteria._

_I had nearly arrived at Kirova's office when I sensed movement behind me. I barely had time to respond when I felt a something crash down at the base of my neck and everything went black._

_I woke several hours later with a killer headache in a dark, windowless room. I tried sitting up but my hands were tied behind my back and my head spun viciously._

_I lay on my side breathing evenly for a while before I tried to sit up again. This time I managed it, despite the throbbing in my head. I looked around; trying to see an escape route, but the room only had a single door and nothing else. I was trapped._

_Swearing I tried pulling my hands free, but they were tied tightly and my wrists were already feeling raw._

_I had no idea who or where my kidnapper's were, or where I was. I felt unease coming through the bond and I immediately slipped into Lissa head to check up on her._

_Thankfully she was still at the academy, feeling a little annoyed that I had stood her up at lunch. She was in her dorm room and didn't really know what to do; she had finished packing and was just a little worried about me. She had already called for me a few times and I had never ignored her before, but she was hoping that I had simply got carried away with my packing and lost track of time._

_Deciding to look for me she stood up and exiting her dorm. She moved quickly but not quickly enough to attract attention. Eventually she made it to my dorm and knocked gently before trying the door handle: It was unlocked, but since I hadn't answered her fear for me prickled. She entered cautiously and was surprised to see my suitcase still on the bed, exactly how I had left it. She called me several more times before leaving. She was starting to get seriously worried now as she walked down the stairs. She had just passed Kirova's door when it opened and Kirova herself called for Lissa._

_"Ms. Dragomir, have you seen Rose? I summoned her a good few hours ago but she hasn't arrived yet. I wondered if you had seen her."_

_Lissa was surprised that I had ignored a summoning, but shook her head. "No I haven't sorry Ms Kirova. She was meant to meet me for lunch and never showed. Did the message get delivered?"_

_Ms. Kirova narrowed her eyes in suspicion, but not aimed at Lissa. "Yes Emma said she had delivered the note, and Rose had left her dorm on her way here..."_

_Now Lissa started to get scared for me, she said farewell to Kirova and left in search of Christian, Eddie and Adrian. Maybe one of them had seen me._

_At that point I was pulled from Lissa's head as pain shuddered throughout my body. I looked up and stared at the dark figure that had just kicked me._

_"Ah, so now you are paying attention." The man said his voice hoarse and dull._

_"Who are you and what do you want?" I got straight down to business, not quite afraid of him, but defiantly heading that way._

_"Obviously we want you, and we've got you. But as for who we are," the man crouched down to my level and I freaked. His eyes were red, his skin pale: Strigoi. He smiled as he saw me flinch away from him, "I think you can figure that one out."_

_He chuckled and in a movement to fast for me to see cut my restraints and stood. I was confused, why on Earth would he free me? I couldn't answer it and then suddenly I was hauled onto my feet._

_The Strigoi stepped back and shifted into an offensive stance, on instinct I changed to defence._

_"Show me what the great Dhampir Dimitri had taught you before he was turned." And with that he lunged at me. I quickly side stepped and punched at him, but he blocked easily, responding in kind with a vicious backhand that left me stunned. I stumbled to the side and he punched down, striking me in my spine. I cried out and fell to the floor. He laughed in amusement_

_"This is the best Dimitri's star pupil can do? I'm disappointed to say the least."_

_I huffed and forced myself to my feet, thinking of everything I had learnt in the past year. Everything I knew about Strigoi. I lashed out while he was turned side on to me, but he spun so fast that I nearly missed the movement. He blocked my first punch, but hadn't anticipated my follow through and it connected squarely with his jaw. He staggered back and laughed in surprise._

_"That is more like it Rose. Show me what you can do. Prove to me that you deserve to be a Strigoi."_

_I ignored him, and kicked out. He grabbed my leg in a flash of movement and spun me around, throwing me into the wall like a ragdoll. I crumbled to the floor, too dazed to get up again._

_He came to stand over me and laughed again._

_"That's enough for today; you have earned your meal. Enjoy it and work on your technique for tomorrow." He walked away laughing._

_I sat there, stunned out of my mind. What did this Strigoi want? I smelt the food he had promised and I quickly crossed the room to get it; Bacon and eggs, with mashed potatoes and steamed vegetables. Apparently he wanted me well fed; I quickly ate then stood up and inspected the room. It was plain with a bed and a toilet. Reminded me of a prison cell, which it probably was this guess was as good as any. I sighed and lay down, my head was aching from where I had smashed it against the wall and my arm would most likely be bruised, but I was alive and fed: But for how long? I fell asleep with that being the last conscious thought._

_I woke to the sound of footsteps approaching and I immediately leapt from bed, I had slept surprisingly well and felt revitalised. The door opened and in stepped the Strigoi from yesterday, he wore different clothes and I noticed his features this time. He was nearly 6 feet I'd say, with pitch black cropped hair, freshly shaven and groomed. His eyes would have been brown if not for the red that rimmed them._

_"So what am I meant to call you?" I asked, trying to delay whatever he was about to do to me. He smiled coldly, and replied "Justin will do."_

_He didn't say anymore, instead slipped into the offensive position from yesterday and struck out; I hastily blocked him with my forearm and anticipated the follow through punch, managing to duck under it and drive my fist into his gut before leaping back. He coughed and laughed, obviously enjoying this. He spun out kicked out, his foot crashing into my shoulder with an almighty thud. I staggered to the side, and he finished his rotation with a front snap kick into my chest. I again flew back into the wall and crumpled to the ground, the world spinning._

_"Rose Rose Rose, you are doing worse than yesterday, come on now, earn you breakfast." He mocked me and I leapt to my feet._

_Lunging at him I feinted to the left, he anticipated this and moved to block my right but I knew he would do this and actually followed through with my left, then performed an upper cut just under his ribs. He huffed as the air was forced out of his lungs and I grasped his head in two hands and broke his neck. He fell to the floor with a flop, momentarily stunned._

_I ran for the door, but Justin recovered impossibly fast and grabbed me, throwing me back through the air and I landed heavily onto the bed. His neck was bent at an impossible angle, and he grasped it with both hands and with a sickening crunch realigned his head. I flinched back, but he didn't retaliate, just simply smiled, almost impressed by my efforts at escape._

_"Well, that is more like it Rose, had you have had a stake I would have been dead. It's too bad you don't though. Congratulations you have earned your breakfast." And with that he bowed and left._

_I sunk to the bed, gasping for air probably going into shock._

_This behaviour carried on for weeks, and I felt Lissa's worry for me grow, until it was fear. Then at one point when someone had suggested I had just run away, she felt disappointment in me so strong I struggled to stay out of her head. She honestly believed then that I had run away, abandoning her, and it stuck with her. She became increasingly emotional, whenever I was mentioned she snapped out in rage at the person who dared mention me. She felt I had abandoned her, which I had. I hadn't been strong enough to avoid capture, and I wasn't strong enough to escape._

_Over the months I became lethal, killing the men Justin sent into my room to avoid being raped and to get feed for the day. I earned my food by becoming ruthless._

_Eventually though I figured out why Lissa was so emotional, she was becoming depressed and on the point of cutting again when I realised it was the spirit darkness. Without hesitation I drew the darkness from her, into myself and I used the animalistic rage it manifested in to kill the men who were sent to me._

_It was at this point that I felt Lissa realise that I hadn't left her, she had felt the depression leave her and she knew what it meant. That I still cared for her or at least didn't want her to have the blackness spirit manifesting in her._

_It had been maybe 4 months when I finally made my escape. Justin had entered my room to test my abilities, and should I proof myself he would turn me Strigoi, or kill me._

_We fought an epic battle, we were almost even, but I was Dhampir and I was tiring, if I was to escape I would have to make my killing move soon. Summoning forth the darkness I used its rage to enhance my strength. I attacked with a ferociousness that would later on sicken me. Justin never saw it coming; I leapt at him and punched and kicked with such speed and precision I could well have been a Strigoi myself. He backed away, and I struck him in the face so hard he became dazed and I actually felt the knuckles of my hand break. I ignored the raging pain and grabbed his face in my hands and broke his neck, stunning him long enough for me to rip his head off. I just twisted it and twisted it until it broke away. The storm was still within me and I raced out of my prison, for the first time in months, I felt the faint tingle of hope flow through me. But I wasn't out of the deep end yet, I had no idea what time of day it was, what country I was in or even how to get out of this house. I sprinted up a flight of stairs, apparently having been kept in a basement. I turned down one corridor, and slowed to creep through the house silently. I felt no Strigoi nausea so it was empty of them, but that didn't mean it didn't contain other forces that wished me dead. I saw a window at the end of another corridor and I didn't hesitate; sprinting down the hallway and launched myself through the window. It shattered and I landed heavily, turning it into an army-style roll. I rose to my feet in one fluid motion and sprinted away. -_

I stopped talking, and Lissa's face was pale, so pale she almost looked borderline transparent. Tears rolled down her cheeks unattended and she sat still as a statue. I looked up and the sun was setting, I had been talking for hours and now the Moroi day was about to begin.

"What happened after that?" Lissa asked tentatively.

"I found a shelter and found out I was in Bismarck, North Dakota. I spent a further week there before setting off to Russia. To finish my hunt for Dimitri."

"Why didn't you return to me?" She asked shyly and I could feel her slight fear at my answer.

I look back at my hands, "Because I feared what I had become, and if I feared myself, how on Earth could you not be afraid. I had killed people Lissa. People over than Strigoi, I had done it in cold blood, in order to eat. How could I face you when I couldn't look at myself in the mirror?"

Lissa swallowed and paused before answering.

"You were ashamed. Not of me, but of yourself. You thought I wouldn't accept you back. Oh, Rose." And with that she grabbed me into a hug and I felt her feelings flood me. Huge amounts compassion, sympathy and love hit me like a tidal wave and I felt like I was drowning in it. I hugged her back, and we stayed like that until the sun was minutes from setting.

I wiped the tears from Lissa's face and stood, pulling her up with me.

"It's nearly morning. And I know you want to see Christian." I linked my fingers with hers and we walked back. I let Lissa lead because I wasn't actually sure of where to go; I hadn't been concentrating when I left the house.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

We walked back in silence, a companionable silence that neither of us felt the need to fill.

"Just out of curiosity, how many Strigoi have you killed?" Lissa broke the silence. I had expected the question as the bond had told me and I had used that warning as time to think whether I wanted her to know this. Yes, I decided; it was time I renewed our honest relationship and if she had heard the worst part of my story and still accepted me, then she could handle anything else.

"I'm not sure, but if Eddie kept my stake then I can tell you." Lissa looked at me, puzzled and I hastily explained. "I didn't have a tattooist for _molnija_ tattoos, so I scratched into the handle each time I killed one."

She nodded, and I felt her immediate curiosity to see how scratched up my stake was. She turned down a pathway and I realised we had arrived home. She paused and looked at me, trying to judge whether or not if I was ready to return; I smiled in encouragement and took the first step forward. Before we had even made it to the door, it flew open and Christian rushed out and grabbed a hold of Lissa. I released her hand and continued through the front door. I found the gang in the living room that had a window that looked out onto the footpath, which explained how Christian had known when to open the door. Oksana sat with Mark on a couch, Adrian in a lazy-boy and Eddie and Mia seated together on the other couch; they all glanced up at my entrance and an awkward silence ensued. I looked at Oksana, "Have you told them?" and she nodded gently. "How much?" She frowned, unsure how to answer.

"How much did you tell them, how much did you take from my mind?" I refined the question and her face expressed her understanding.

"I told them as much as I knew; which was your kidnapping and the confrontation with Dimitri." I nodded, Lissa already knew about Dimitri and the bridge and I had just told her about being kidnapped. Mark scrutinised my face and I wasn't surprised when he asked his next question.

"There's more isn't there?"

I shrugged, "I was gone for five years."

He narrowed his eyes in annoyance, "That isn't what I meant."

I sighed "Yes there is more, but nothing I am willing to tell you at the moment. To be honest I am exhausted and need to sleep. Where can I go?"

Mia hastily stood up and showed me a spare bedroom. I thanked her and then crashed on the bed. Emotionally and physically worn out.

I woke up later and had the familiar sensation of having slept for a long time, with little movement. My head was groggy and I swear there was a dribble spot on the pillow. I wandered into the bathroom and got a decent fright from my reflection. My eyes were puffy and I had a mean pillow wrinkle indent running from my ear to my chin. My hair was an absolute nightmare and I decided I desperately needed a shower after sniffing myself.

I think I tried to drown myself in the shower because I came out about half an hour later, with wrinkled feet. But I felt the cleanest I had been in a long time.

I came out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel and saw someone had kindly placed some clean clothes on my bed. I pulled them on and was pleasantly surprised to find they fit snugly.

I made my way to the kitchen, following the smell of bacon frying. I found Eddie on the stove and Lissa and Mia at the dining table, already eating. Lissa looked up at me and a funny feeling acute to relief came through the bond. I questioned her with a look and she blushed slightly. Guilt tipping me off; she had thought I had left, because I had slept for an entire day and night. Wow, it was Moroi day, human night. Huh, I must have been tired.

I sat next to her and smiled in greeting to Mia.

"Morning Rose, how are you feeling after what? 24 hours of sleep."

"Like I just slept 24 hours, without moving." I replied lightly.

I felt Lissa relax through the bond, but I shrugged it off. I deserved this behaviour, that they would be tense around me.

"So watcha cookin' Eddie?" I asked politely.

"Nothing for you if that's what you mean. I got guard duty today. I need as much as I can get and having seen you eat, I wouldn't trust sharing with you." He teased me lightly and I was pleased, at least he seemed to be the same old Eddie I knew.

"Well, who's gunna cook me breakfast then? You honestly can't expect me to do it myself?" I whined. It true, I couldn't actually cook toast without it burning. I had spent five years Strigoi hunting not learning to make dinner.

"Is that the illusive Rose I hear complaining?" Christian entered the room just then and I leapt on him (figuratively speaking)

"Ah, my favourite fire-chief-boy; what will you be cooking this morning? Because whatever it is, double, no, triple it. I'm starved." I only half-teased: I had tried his cooking before and it was actually really good.

He smiled and opened his mouth to retort when he paused and really looked at me. I looked down and couldn't understand what he was seeing.

"I think I will cook something for you Rose. You look like you haven't eaten a decent meal in a long while." He proclaimed seriously.

I blinked rapidly in surprise. Christian was rarely serious, and to be this serious about something as unimportant as the amount of food I had recently eaten I didn't know how to respond.

"When was the last time you ate anything Rose?"

I raised an eyebrow, "Probably that large pizza Eddie brought me... when I crashed at their apartment." I looked at Eddie, "When was that Eddie?"

He looked at me thoughtfully, "A good couple of days, maybe 4-5 days ago."

I widened my eyes in shock. "You mean I haven't eaten in possibly 5 days? Huh, that explains why I'm so hungry."

"You mean to tell me you haven't eaten anything for five days?" Christian asked, disbelieving.

I shrugged. "Guess so."

He shook his head in amazement, and then took Eddie's recently vacated spot in front of the stove.

I didn't know what he was cooking nor did I ask. Lissa stared at me like had grown a second head or something.

"What?" I asked her.

"You haven't eaten in five days Rose; I've never known you to go five hours without needing or wanting something to eat."

I laughed "Well trust me; I've gone longer than five days without food."

I immediately regretted saying that because the room went deadly quiet.

"It's no big deal. Seriously guys, chill." I told them and I felt Lissa's insane amount of worry and compassion for me and what I must have gone through. I placed my hand on her arm, comforting her.

"Seriously Lissa: It is _no _big deal. I'm alive and here now. Totally aye-okay."

Needing to change the subject I asked her what her plans were for today.

"I had been thinking about taking a sick day and spending it with you Rose." Lissa replied after a moment. "Maybe we could go to the spas or something."

I smiled "I'd love that," but frowned slightly, "What about you guardians?"

"Oh, I only have one when I'm in at Court due to the wards, and if I'm with you I don't need one at all."

She smiled widely and I felt a rush of excitement from her, it would be like old times or even how things were supposed to have turned out.

"Alrighty then, that sounds like a plan."

Christian had finished cooking by then and he presented a feast fit for a king: A fat king at that.

"Geez Christian, you could feed a village of starving children with this."

He smiled smugly, taking it as a compliment.

"Well, one starving village or a starving badass."

I would have retorted with something witty but I was preoccupied with stuffing my face.

The meal was exquisite and I ate the entire thing; in a matter of minutes. Sighing contently I leant back in my chair and noticed four pairs of eyes staring at me strangely.

"What? Never seen a starving badass eat before?"

"Apparently not." Christian responded and everyone laughed.

I stood up and cleaned the stacks of dished.

"Where are Mark and Oksana?" I asked after having realised I hadn't seen them yet. "And Adrian for that matter?"

Mia answered "Uh, Mark and Oksana went for a walk and Adrian left yesterday after you went to bed."

I felt a twinge of guilt about Adrian. I had been horrible to him. Lissa sensed my distress and suggested we make our way over to the spas. I invited Mia along and we decided to have a girl's day out.


	11. Chapter 11

**Okay here's chapter eleven, I just seem to popping chapter's out of nowhere! still got alot of material too. I think it's gone up to about 20 odd chapters now. Keep the reviews coming, I seriously love hearing from fans, infact I just love the fact I have fans! :P  
Disclaimer: Anything relating to Richelle Mead's VA material is her own, whereas the plot and Guardian Aden are my own... enjoy!**

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**Chapter 11**

"So Mia, how long you and Eddie been together?" I asked; I had been meaning to ask about their relationship but had never had the appropriate time to do so.

She smiled fondly at his mention. "Well technically since his graduation when he was assigned to me, but we didn't really start dating until a couple of years ago."

I smiled, pleased she had found happiness. I didn't need to ask Lissa about Christian since I had been in her head when they had gotten back together. Lissa seemed to notice that I didn't ask and wondered why.

"I was in your head when it happened Lissa." I answered her unasked question.

"But that was four years ago, about eight months after you had escaped Justin. I thought you had blocked the bond by then." She seemed genuinely confused by it.

"Lissa, I never blocked the bond entirely. I always checked up on you at regular intervals to make sure you were safe." I stopped walking and stepped in front of her, grasping her shoulders firmly I looked into her eyes. "I never stopped caring for you. Not once. I always took the darkness from you by my choice because I couldn't stand to see the effects it had on you."

"B-but you told Adrian that you didn't do it by choice, that it seeped into you, that it was out of your control." She stammered, unconvinced.

"Lissa, listen to me. I lied. I was scared to come back so I pushed you away by telling you I didn't want you or him anymore. I lied. I have ached to see you every day of the last five years. The separation got worse and worse the longer I stayed from you. So I did the only thing I could think of to keep you safe but also keep away. I took your darkness. By choice."

I stayed staring into her eyes for a long time, until I was convinced that she believed me. Then some jerk pulled me roughly aside and a second pair of hands clasped my arms behind my back. Apparently that jerk was worried about the Princess.

"Princess Vasilisa, are you hurt?"

Lissa was clearly more surprised than anything but she managed to shake her head.

"I'm fine Guardian Aden."

I realised the hands still restrained me and I addressed my keeper.

"Release me now or I'll break your hands and then your nose."

The person ignored me so I made my move. I spun suddenly on the spot ripping my hands free and slapping them aside in one motion, then I was just about to break their arms when I stopped.

"Mum?"

Holy crap it was Janine Hathaway.

She blinked in shock, jostled by my quick movements and I watched several expressive emotions cross through her face in rapid succession.

First surprise at having been nearly attacked, then shock at being called 'mum' by her would be attacker, then confusion over being called 'mum' by a stranger, and deeper confusion at sort of recognising the stranger calling her 'mum', recognition of the stranger and joy that turned to tears at seeing her "long-lost" daughter standing in front of her. She ripped me into a hug whimpering into my chest, "Oh Rose, my Rose."

"Hey mum," I greeted, feeling very awkward at her display of such strong emotion.

She pulled back and that joy morphed into annoyance and outrage. She hit me hard on the shoulder.

"How dare you Rose. Five years. You run away and then reappear one day after five years of nothing. You could have been dead for all we knew. Five god damned years."

She hit me again and I protested.

She attempted again but I had lost my patience and I grabbed her hand inches from my shoulder.

"Seriously Guardian Hathaway, compose yourself." I warned and she listened. The surprise at the speed of my block had a sobering effect on her.

"What are you doing back?" Her guardian mask was back and I preferred this to the grieving mother she had just been.

"Eddie and Mia found me and brought me back." I simplified.

She narrowed her eyes at me and opened her mouth but I raised a hand to quieten her. "Listen mum, I am currently spending the day with Lissa and Mia and my story is far too long to tell it now. Plus I'm sure you and dickhead over there -" I thrust my thumb at Guardian Aden, who protested with an indignant 'hey', "have something to do. Come over to Lissa and Christian's house tonight and we will catch up then."

Janine just blinked; it was probably mind-boggling for her to hear me sound so reasonable and my tone suggested no argument.

"Yes I suppose that is true. Just, oh Rose." And she pulled my back into a hug, "You can't imagine just how glad I am to see you again."

I smiled and bid her farewell, continuing on with Lissa and Mia. Lissa had told Aden that I was a competent fighter and she felt safe enough with me.

"Competent? That's just plain insulting Lissa." I complained, actually feeling rather insulted. "Hasn't Mia told you what a badass I am?" I flung my arm around Mia's shoulders and she giggled nervously.

"Uh Rose, we haven't told Lissa how we captured you, and what it involved." I raised my eyebrows in surprise.

"Oh, I thought you would that that would have been the first thing you told her when you brought me here."

I still couldn't call this place home as I wasn't entirely sure if I would stay. Lissa's curiosity bubbled over then.

"Oh, come one, tell me. How did they capture you Rose?"

I smirked. "Well basically, they tricked me into dinner, I escaped and returned, killed three Strigoi and they took advantage of my injuries." I summed up 6 days into a single sentence and I could feel Lissa's disappointment.

"Wait, you killed three Strigoi? Like with Eddie's help, right?"

I half-smiled again, "No, by myself. Two Strigoi were too much for poor old Eddie. He was down for the count."

I felt Lissa's amazement. "Holy, wow Rose. You truly are a badass. Three Strigoi, by yourself. Just, wow."

I decided to be kind so I told her the more in depth version, but still skipped over the details of my time at the hotel room. I didn't want Lissa to think I had broken down. I felt the need to appear strong around her. I knew Mia noticed this but I was thankful she didn't comment or say anything.

We had arrived at the spas building by then and I remembered I didn't have a suit. Lissa laughed but told me that there were spares in the changing room for people like me. I went in to find them and they made their way to the spa room. I picked out a blood red bikini and came out into the room.

Lissa and Mia had already picked a spa of in the corner and I wondered over. They both looked up at my approach and gasped simultaneously; I stopped, tensing automatically scanning the room for danger but it was empty. Confused I faced them again and their faces had paled, I then felt shock, horror and immense sympathy for me via the bond. I frowned.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

"I don't look that bad in a bikini do I?" I half joked, still not understanding their reaction.

"Rose... I... what happened?" Lissa struggled for a coherent sentence.

"What are you talking about?" I looked down and didn't see anything out of the ordinary.

"Rose... those... look at those scars!" Lissa exclaimed.

I finally understood, "Oh. That." I had forgotten about them. The most dominant scar was the one on my left hip, but I had others. Many others. I had a collection of bite marks decorating my neck, claw scratch marks on my arms and legs and glass cuts scattered around. So I basically looked like the life-size version of a kids voodoo doll, if voodoo dolls showed marks.

"What have you been doing to yourself?" Lissa's voice was panicky.

"Liss, calm down. They are nothing. Looks worse than it is. Since I didn't have you around to heal me I had to do it the old fashioned way. This..." I made a sweeping motion with my hands over my body, "comes with the territory of fighting with Strigoi." I climbed into the spa then and immediately sighed in contentment.

"Ahh, it's been a while since I've done this."

"I'll bet." Mia replied sarcastically.

I could feel Lissa's agitation and guilt over my body; she wished she could do something for me. I sat up and placed a hand gently on her forearm.

"Liss this isn't your fault, you can't do anything for me now. If it makes you uncomfortable I can go cover up." I offered my voice calm and soothing.

I felt her need to help me through the bond and the idea forming in her mind.

"No Lissa. Don't waste it on this." I pulled away quickly, keeping her from skin contact.

"But Rose, it doesn't even faze me anymore. Maybe I can help you for once."

"No Liss, these scars are a part of who I am. Of how far I have come."

Mia seemed confused, she could see the tension between us and kept glancing back and forth at us.

"Rose. Those scars are who you _used_ to be. They are just reminders," Her eyes narrowed, "They are your own form of _molnija_ marks aren't they. I'll bet each scar bears a different memory for a different Strigoi you have killed." She suddenly grabbed me so quickly that I was frozen in shock. Pulling my arm out of the water she examined the scars closely. "I knew it! Some of these aren't even battle scars. You've done these ones," she pointed to a few lining just below my wrist, "To yourself. Most likely because during these fights you hadn't been hurt enough to scar."

I ripped my hand from her and jolted to my feet. Surprised she had read me so thoroughly, but anger replaced the surprise almost instantaneously and I snapped at her.

"How the hell can you judge me Lissa? You have _no _idea what I have been through. You can't even begin to imagine the things I have seen, the things I've done. These scars are memorials to the men I have killed. Non-Strigoi men. To remind me of how close I had become to being just like a Strigoi without being one. And if I want to keep them then let me. This is what I have become and if you can't accept that then I guess I really don't belong here."

With that said I splashed out of the spa and stormed off. Ignoring them calling me back I exited the spa room and entered the changing room. I changed quickly and escaped, nearly running.

I passed Guardian Aden and hastily told him to go to Lissa. Even though I was pissed off with her, she was a Moroi and needed a guardian with her at all times.

I desperately needed to burn some of my anger off and I went in search for the guardians training gym.

I stole a pair of trackies and tank top and entered the gym heading straight for the punching bags. I picked one and let loose on it, punching and kicking it with ferocious intensity.

Eventually some cocky guardian approached me, "Hey little lady, got a bit of a grudge against that bag?"

I paused and turned to him.

"What do you want?"

I saw him checking me out and his gaze stopped at my neck; a disgusted look crossed his face and he turned away from me muttering.

"Fucking blood whore. What a pity."

"What did you say?" I asked him, my anger rising further. "Got something to say, be a man and say it to my face."

He turned back and bent down to my eye level.

"This gym is a place for serious guardians, not pissed off blood whores."

The room went silent and I eyed him.

"Call me that again and it will be the last thing you say."

"Fucking little blood -"

He was cut off as my fist connected with power into his jaw. As he staggered back I hit him again with my left fist and turned into a back kick into his abdomen. He fell on his arse.

"You little bitch."

"Bring it on you jack arse." I goaded. I needed a real fight; the punching bag just didn't do anything to vent my anger.

He leapt to his feet and lunged at me. I dodged easily to the side and kicked his knees out. He fell to the ground swearing. Pushing himself up again he charged at me and I punched him fully in the face. His nose broke and blood spurted everywhere. He backed off, clutching his nose roaring in anger and pain. But I wasn't done; I kicked forward and hit him in the side of the head. He was out cold before he hit the ground.

I turned away from him and glared at the room. "Anyone else? Anyone else got the balls to call me a fucking blood whore?" I challenged to the room. No one volunteered, "I thought so" I muttered to myself and left. My anger still not completely burned out.

I began running. I just ran at full speed with no real direction, just burning energy: I eventually ran out of steam and slowed to a walk. I had no idea where I was now but I didn't care. I could feel Lissa calling me through the bond but I ignored her, I didn't feel up to dealing with her at the moment.

I had never handled being referred to as a blood whore very well before, and I didn't handle it any better now apparently. It was a very touchy subject with me, considering I had actually reduced myself to that, with a Strigoi nonetheless. In a moment of weakness I had become Dimitri's blood whore and I could not forgive myself for it. I was disgusted by it and I knew the marks on my neck were a calling card for blood whores. It was an easy assumption to make and maybe I shouldn't have smashed that guy as hard as I had, but he needed an attitude adjustment.

I found a tree to sit under and I closed my eyes, but not getting absorbed in my thoughts this time. I didn't want anyone sneaking up on me so I kept an ear out for approaching footsteps.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

I wasn't sure how long I sat there, but I could feel Lissa's worry increasing as time went by. She had heard about what I did to the guardian, but thankfully she hadn't healed him. She figured I would only have done that much damage if he had deserved it, she just wanted to know if I was alright. She was in her house with Christian and Janine.

'_Shit, mum.'_ I had forgotten about mum coming tonight, so I reluctantly stood. The sun was just rising on the horizon so it was getting late. I wandered back slowly, eventually finding the house. No one greeted me at the door, but I knew they knew I had arrived.

I slowly entered and walked into the lounge where everyone was gathered, by everyone I meant Oksana and Mark, Eddie and Mia, Lissa and Christian and of course mum. Adrian was still avoiding me apparently.

"Hey." I greeted quietly, unsure of what to do, so I just sat cross-legged on the floor and waited for someone to start telling me off.

It didn't take Janine long before stepping up to the plate.

"Where have you been Rose? And what on earth were you thinking beating Guardian Hoseet up like that? I would have expected this kind of behaviour five years ago, but I thought you would have grown up by now."

I waited politely for her to finish before defending myself. I kept my voice level and under control. "I went for a run after beating the shit out of that arsehole who had the nerve to call me a blood whore." I stated simply and the room paled simultaneously, it was actually quite impressive. I would've laughed if I still wasn't worked up.

"Oh, well, you still didn't need to do _that_ much damage to him Rose." Janine half-attempted chastising me. But I wasn't having even half attempts at telling me off.

"I showed a remarkable amount of restraint in not doing _more_ damage to him Janine. And he deserved everything he got. I warned him not to call me a blood whore, but he was a cocky arse who thought I was beneath him, or at least belonged beneath him." I stood up, "I didn't come here to be told off for my behaviour. So if that's all you have to say to me, I'm leaving."

"Rose, calm down! Don't get over-emotional. I can accept where you are coming from, but in this instance you did the wrong thing by lashing out with violence and then running away." Janine used her motherly 'do as your told and don't argue' voice on me and I got hugely pissed off by it.

"Do not give me that motherly 'I give a damn' crap Janine. I haven't been your daughter in over five years, don't think because I'm back you can try behaving like my mother again. I did what I thought was necessary in the situation and I did _not _run away. I left because had I stayed I would have killed him. Yes, that's right, I'm a fucking murderer who doesn't blink twice at killing some bastard who gets in my way. So don't get in my way." I didn't yell and I think that made my voice that much scarier. Janine's jaw actually dropped and she stepped back from me in surprise and hurt. No one else spoke and I took a deep breath to calm myself.

"If that's everything, I think I might find somewhere else to stay tonight. I'm sure you won't feel safe with me in the house." I turned the way I had come in and left.

I had barely made it down the porch steps when I heard the front door open and close again. I turned to see my pursuer and it was Mark.

"What do you want Mark?" I turned back around and kept walking. He caught up with me easily and just walked beside me quietly.

If he wasn't going to talk I wasn't going to make him. He did eventually though as I had expected.

"How many people have you killed in cold blood Rose?"

I was stunned by the bluntness of his question, but he had always been one to avoid 'beating-around-the-bush'.

"Too many," I replied quietly.

"And how many of those people's ghosts do you see?"

"All of them."

He sighed sadly and turned to look at me. I hadn't even realised we had stopped walking. "I can understand what you are going through Rose. I know the effects the darkness can have upon the mind and body. I know the level of guilt you are suffering from, because I have been there before. Maybe not to the extent you are suffering from, but certainly I felt it all before I quit being a guardian and Oksana had figured out how to heal the darkness from me." he paused and looked at me quizzically, "You haven't been healed at all have you? The rings magic wore off long ago and you had been separated from Lissa for five years. My god Rose, you have suffered through five years with all that negative energy." He shook his head in disbelief. "I can't even begin to imagine the strain that must be. Why don't you let Lissa heal you? At least try healing you?"

I looked at the footpath, whatever rage I had been in replaced with sadness so strong my knees felt weak. "Because I deserve this."

Mark frowned in confusion. "Why on Earth would you think that?"

I looked at him then, "Because I have killed so many people, non-Strigoi people, who had no choice in what they were being forced to do. I killed to eat, to survive. But then I started killing for the fun of it. The thrill it gave me. To have that kind of power over life and death. Mark! I literally became a monster; I became what I had been sworn to kill! I became a Strigoi, without being one." I felt tears well and I was so ashamed of it.

He looked so sad, so distressed by what I had just told him. "Oh Rose" he pulled me into a hug. "Listen to me Rose that was the spirit's darkness controlling you. That isn't who you are. You are not a monster, you are shadow-kissed and it is a heavy burden, but not one you have to carry alone. Reconnect with your bond-mate and allow her to heal you."

I cried pitifully into his shoulder, overcome by the emotions. But what he said was true, I did need to reconnect with Lissa and I needed her to heal me.


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey thanks so much for the reviews, I love hearing from you all. I've hit a mean writers block at the moment, doing my best to get through it but don't worry too much, still got plenty of material to come :P enjoy.  
Disclaimer: None of the Vampire Academy characters are mine, only my plot and Guardian Aden so far are mine**

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**Chapter 14**

I let Mark lead me back to Lissa. He pulled me gently through the house and into my bedroom; I sat on my bed and stared out the window until I felt and heard Lissa enter the room quietly.

She sat down in front of me, silent, waiting for me to talk.

"I think you should see if you can heal my scars." I whispered, afraid that if I spoke louder I would break the magic of this moment.

She stared into my eyes, making sure I was serious then nodded slowly. She grasped my hands and seized hold of the magic, allowing it to flow free and into me.

I felt the familiar sensation of being hot, cold and hot washed through me: I had closed my eyes and kept them closed, afraid to see if it had worked; terrified to see if it hadn't.

"Rose. Open your eyes." Lissa called gently and I did. Slowly.

I stared at my arms: my clear, smooth, tanned arms. I felt my neck with my hand and found it smooth. Gone. The scars were gone. I lifted my top to reveal smooth dark skin, and awesomely toned; and although my hip had a very faint line, only noticeable if one knew it was there, the rest of my stomach was clear. I traced the mark lightly with my fingers, strangely pleased it had remained. Lissa moved towards it, to heal it completely, but I stopped her.

"This scar is a reminder to forever stay cautious. Never over-estimate your skills and to treasure the life you have. This was my first and I had nearly died when I received it. Let me keep it."

Lissa nodded and placed her hands in mine.

"Do you want to try healing the darkness?" She asked after a moment.

"No," I answered, "You shouldn't do too much, and besides, I don't think it would work just yet. We have to reconnect first. Learn to trust one another again. Find that balance Oksana and Mark were talking about."

Lissa frowned, "But I do trust you,"

"But I don't trust myself" I replied, more honest that I would normally have been.

She continued to frown, but didn't attempt to persuade me otherwise.

"Okay but Oksana has taught me to charm objects, so I've charmed this for you to wear." She held out a plain silver ring and I slipped it onto my finger. I didn't feel any immediate difference, but then I was calm at the moment.

"So will you show me your stake?" Lissa queried, genuinely curious to see my stake of five years. Eddie had indeed kept it and finally given it back when I had promised not to immediately disappear once it was in my possession again.

I nodded and stood, moving away from the bed. I crossed the room and grabbed the stake from the dresser; the stake had been cleaned and now nearly sparkled in the faint light. I gave it to her and she inspected the handle.

"My God Rose there must be over a hundred marks carved here." She half-yelled.

"Two hundred and forty-eight to be exact."

She looked at me sharply, "You knew the exact number? Why not just tell me?"

"Would you have believed me?" I retorted, my tone slightly sharper than it needed to be.

"Oh. Good point." She looked back at the stake, an expression of awe on her face, and ran her fingers gently over the engraved edges. "That is an incredible number..."

I yawned slightly, feeling the day's events. Lissa quietly stood and placed the stake back on the dresser. She turned to me.

"Guess I had best let you sleep."

I felt an unreasonable pang of fear at her saying that and I awkwardly asked,

"Liss... would you... do you think... could you stay with me tonight?"

Lissa looked surprised but quickly agreed.

"Of course Rose." I felt her quiet understanding; she felt a similar need to be close as I had.

After changing I crawled into bed and Lissa joined me. I lay on my side facing away from her, staring at the wall.

"Does it bother you?" I whispered into the darkness after a long moment.

I felt Lissa roll towards me.

"Does what bother me?" She whispered back.

"That I have killed so much. And not just Strigoi." I was partially afraid of her answer and she didn't reply for some time.

"No, it doesn't. I know you only killed to save yourself and later because you were under the influence of my spirit darkness. I know you have changed Rose, but I believe that we can get back to how we had once been."

I felt tears in my eyes and a sob caught in my throat; my chest felt tight and my breathing was harsh.

"Rose, roll over." Lissa commanded in a stern voice and I obeyed. I rolled into her open arm and she held me tight as the tears boiled over.

I eventually fell asleep and thankfully my dreams were my own.

I woke up in Lissa's arms, my head resting on her shoulder, sensing she was still deep asleep I quietly climbed from bed as not to wake her. I tiptoed to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror, shocked by the change.

My face was now softer, revitalised and kinder; it still held some of the old hardness and was weather-worn, but now it enforced my attractiveness instead of denting it. My eyes glowed with emotion and I noted the poor state of my hair, making a mental note to get it cut today. I also needed to go shopping as I changed into the same stolen work out gear I had been in yesterday and snuck from the house.

I jogged down the pathway, it was early enough that the sun was barely setting and I managed to enjoy some last minutes of natural light and heat before the Moroi day would begin.

I picked up the pace and decided to return to the gym for a decent workout.

It was empty except for... Guardian Aden. He was at the weights, pumping hard. He looked up at my entrance and immediately stopped to stand and approach me.

"Guardian Aden, you're up early." I greeted friendlily.

"As are you... Rose, I take it."

I raised an eyebrow, "How did you know that?"

"Lissa talks of you frequently and I had heard rumours of your return." He answered with a slight smile.

I looked up at him; I hadn't noticed before but he was rather attractive. Dark tamed hair cut short and well defined facial features. He looked to be mid-twenties and he had broad shoulders, a muscular frame and I felt an unfamiliar sensation stirring in my stomach. His eyes were a powerful green that caused a deepening in the stirring sensation in my stomach.  
"I've heard rumours about you. Apparently you are quite the established fighter. How about a spar?"

I smiled and accepted; both stepping into a fighting stance we faced off. He made the first move, stepping forward to strike. I lashed out with amazing speed with a kick at his knee and was slightly surprised at being blocked. He was fast. I twisted out of his grasp and circled him cautiously. Again he attacked first and I blocked both blows, hitting him back. We exchanged blows until he got through my guard; briefly. He attempted an upper cut into my chin but I limboed back and avoided it, then turned and hit him cleanly in the jaw with my left fist; I completed the turn and struck him with my right elbow into his ribs. He staggered to the side and I used it, ducking down, I swept my foot out: knocking his feet out from under him. He fell heavily and I pounced, grabbing a hold of his arm and twisted it into a submission hold. He struggled furtively then tapped out.

I hopped up and he rolled over to sit up; I gave him a hand up.

"Well, some rumours are apparently true."

I smiled, "Ready for round two?" I still had energy to burn and he nodded eagerly.

I was used to his fighting style now and again I got him into a submission hold.

"Wow, I swear you just got better. How many _molnija _marks have you got?"

I hesitated, and then told him the truth. "Two."

He raised an eyebrow in obvious disbelieve; I turned and showed him.

"No promise mark? Well that explains why you're not Lissa's guardian." He smiled at me and I again felt that peculiar stirring in my stomach. He stood back into a defensive stance but I felt Lissa calling for me through the bond.

"Sorry, uh, Lissa needs me. Maybe we can do this another time?" I told him, slightly regretful; I didn't bother analysing that, just said bye and left.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

I arrived at the house and entered the kitchen where Lissa was sitting at the table eating a bowl of cereal. She looked up at me as I sat down and I felt relief through the bond.

"What's up?"

"Where were you? I woke up and you were gone," Lissa queried, eyeing me. She must have seen something in my face because something close to suspicion was stirring in her feelings.

"I woke before you and decided to do a work out. Bumped into Guardian Aden and we sparred for a few rounds before you called for me." I answered confused by her feelings and my confusion deepened when some sort of emotion acute to understanding flowed through Lissa.

Lissa smiled fondly at me, "How about today we go shopping? I notice that you're wearing the same clothes you wore yesterday."

I was still unsure of what her previous emotions meant but shopping was an excellent way to distract myself, plus I desperately needed clothes.

"That sounds like an excellent idea, but first I need breakfast." I looked at Christian expectantly, but he shook his head.

"No way Hathaway, that was a onetime deal and you are far too much work to feed."

I pouted and grabbed his bowl of cereal and just to spite him, ate the entire box.

We set off to town; Lissa, Mia and I. I spent the entire time dragging the others into shop after shop buying ridiculous amounts of clothes, shoes and other essentials.

"My God Mia, I think we have let loose a monster." Lissa exclaimed after the twentieth shop I had made several purchases in. I laughed over my shoulder at them, "This was your idea Lissa."

I knew Lissa was just teasing me; she was actually exhilarated that I finally seemed to be behaving like myself. My old self that is. I was energetic and thrilled to be doing this: I hadn't done a lot of this since before the kidnapping and I was making the most of it.

By the end of the day Mia and Lissa were close to collapsing and when we made it to the house they both flopped onto the sofa's, exhausted.

"Never again!" Mia proclaimed to the air. I laughed.

"Oh come on, it wasn't that bad! Maybe we could go again tomorrow?" I asked excitedly, only half-kidding.

"NO!" Lissa and Mia cried together and I laughed harder.

"God, go for a run or something Rose; just looking at you makes me want a nap."

"Hey that's an excellent idea!" and I bounded off to my room to change into my brand new black trackies ad blood red muscle top. I bounced down the stairs, yelled a goodbye and half-ran out of the house; I heard Lissa and Mia's laughter as I closed the front door behind me.

I was on my second lap of the gym track when Guardian Aden joined me, I looked at him in surprise and he smiled in greeting. "I saw you from my quarters and decided to join you."

He kept pace with me easily and I wasn't running slow either. Conversation was minimal, but I didn't mind – it was nice enough just being in his company.

On the end of the seventh lap Aden slowed and so did I.

"Too much for you?" I teased and he smiled.

"No, I just thought with that warm up out of the way we could have that rematch Lissa so rudely interrupted this morning."

"Bring it." And I leapt on him: he hadn't anticipated that and we tumbled to the ground. He manoeuvred us so we rolled with him on top, pinning me down with his body.

"Ah so I finally have you pinned." He purred and I laughed evilly. _That was what he thought. _I thrust my hips up and twisted my shoulders, getting back on top and straddling him.

I had not been this close to a male in a non-threatening manner in a long time and I felt my heart begin to respond. Guardian Aden _was _a damn good looking guy.

I smiled at him then pushed myself up and pulled him with me. We both stood back into fighting stances and began sparring. We were an even match until I cranked it up a notch and leapt into a spinning back kick that hit him hard across the head. Too hard. He fell to the ground out cold.

"Shit." I swore and crouched down beside him, he wasn't bleeding, but he wasn't responding. I checked his breathing and pulse, both were fine so I rolled him into the recovery position. It was times like these I wished the bond with Lissa worked both ways.

He slowly regained consciousness and swore rubbing his head.

"You okay Guardian Aden?"

He looked at me then blushed in embarrassment.

"God, I just got knocked out by a girl."

I hit him on the shoulder, "I'm not just any girl, but I am sorry; I shouldn't have kicked you so hard, I should have had more control."

I bent down, cupped his head in my hands and leant in to look into his eyes; checking for dilation of his pupils.

I realised how close he was and my breathing hitched. He looked deep into my eyes, and then closed the small distance between our lips. He kissed me gently, but urgently and I responded. My head felt light and blood coursed through my dormant veins; he lifted a hand to hold the back of my neck and deepen the kiss.

'_What are you doing?' _A sharp voice of reason cried in my head and I pulled back abruptly; pushing him away and standing. I stepped back and he looked at me in confusion.

"I-I can't do this." I stammered and hurried away.


	16. Chapter 16

**Okay so I'm very happy because I broke through my writer's block and the material is flying down as fast as I can type!!!  
Disclaimer: None of the Vampire Academy shiz is owned by me.**

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**Chapter 16**

The sun was rising as I rushed through the door and ran straight to my room. I heard Lissa call me but I ignored her, shutting the door and pressing my back to it I slid to the floor. Hugging my knees to my chest I lay my head on my knees and concentrated on deep breathing to calm myself.

"Rose what's wrong?" I heard Lissa ask me gently through the door.

"N-nothing." I called back, hating the break in my voice. I needed to get myself together.

"Rose, please let me in." I felt her push on the door but I didn't want to see her.

"Don't worry about me Liss, I'm just tired. I'm going to bed." I kept my voice composed this time, hoping Lissa would believe me... but she didn't.

"Rose, don't lie to me. Let me in, talk to me." She raised her voice in annoyance. "We promised each other." She added quietly.

I battled with myself, between the need to figure this out for myself and the need to reconnect with Lissa: the latter won and I opened the door for her.

She entered cautiously, watching me carefully. Whatever she saw make her concerned and she pulled me to the bed.

"Rose what is it? What's happened?"

"I'm not sure. I'm just a little confused at the moment and I did something I really shouldn't have done." I looked away, slightly embarrassed. Lissa waited patiently for me to continue.

"I went for a run and ran into Guardian Aden," and I suddenly felt an understanding from her. I raised an eyebrow in confusion and she smiled; gesturing for me to continue. "Anyway, I ran into him and we ran together and eventually decided to spar. He wanted a rematch from the last time. I knocked him out and..." I paused too embarrassed to continue, Lissa widened her eyes, "You knocked him out?"

"Yeah, I kicked him a little too hard, but he's fine. _More than fine._"

Lissa picked up on the tone at the end, "What happened Rose?"

"He kissed me... And I kissed him back."

I felt a rush of excitement from her and shook my head. "No Lissa, it's not like that. I'm not even sure if it's like that. I'm not even sure I want it to be like that... I kind of freaked out and ran off." I admitted sheepishly.

"You freaked and ran? My God Rose." Lissa couldn't believe it anymore than I could.

"I can't do this Liss. He's your guardian for one, and..." I couldn't finish.

"You're still not completely over Dimitri are you?" She asked quietly, sadness flooded the bond. I nodded, unwilling to say his name out loud.

"Oh, Rose I'm sorry. But it doesn't matter if he's my guardian."

"It does, it would be exactly the same situation I had with Dimitri. I'm not even sure what place I have here anymore. I can't be your guardian and society isn't going to let me be a guardian. And I'm not even sure if I'll be staying." My voiced trembled and I looked away; I couldn't handle the look on Lissa's face combined with her feelings. She stayed quiet for a long time, in deep thought. Eventually she spoke, "I could talk with Queen Tatiana about giving you a promise mark. You have certainly proven yourself capable of protecting Moroi from Strigoi. I could even try convincing her to allow you to guard me, instead of Guardian Aden."

I shook my head, "No I wouldn't take him from you. He is an efficient guardian and seems happy to be guarding you. And I don't want to be anyone else's guardian."

"And I can't expect you to make a repeat of what happened with Dimitri."

I stood up angrily "God, why did I come back? This is exactly the same position I had been in five years ago." I paced the room in frustration.

_Breathe Rose, _I heard through the bond along with calming thoughts. I hadn't realised how angry I was getting: I stopped and ran my hand through my hair.

"Sorry Liss. I guess I haven't got as much control over the darkness as I thought I had."

"It's okay... Maybe we should try a healing?"

I considered that seriously. "Yeah, I think that that would be a good idea. I need to get as much control as I can."

I sat back on the bed in front of her and she grasped my hands gently.

"Do you know what to do?" I asked.

"Only in theory. Mark and Oksana kind of explained it to me." She answered a bit nervous.

We both went quiet as she concentrated on grasping the magic and sending it through me. I didn't feel anything at first but the suddenly my head felt faint. I closed my eyes as a wave of dizziness passed through me.

I must have passed out because I woke up to Lissa calling my name; opening my eyes I saw her leaning over me, worried.

"What happened?" I asked once I found my voice. I rubbed a hand over my face.

"I'm not sure, I felt like I was healing you and then you kind of blacked out. Did I hurt you? How do you feel?"

I shook my head to clear it.

"I'm not sure. No you didn't hurt me. It was a weird sensation. Not the same as a 'normal' healing... How does my aura look?"

She concentrated for a bit and frowned, then looked disappointed.

"The same. I guess we aren't quite ready for this kind of healing yet."

I nodded and my eyes drooped close. I was exhausted. Lissa sensed this and without asking lay down beside me.

I fell asleep quickly, but before I did I ensured my blocks were up. I wasn't in the mood for Adrian tonight.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

I once again woke before Lissa and repeated the process of sneaking out. This time, however, I didn't run in the direction of the track and guardians gymnasium, instead turned right and ran towards the Court gates.

I was stretching when I heard approaching footsteps; I looked up sharply and cursed under my breath, it was Guardian Aden.

I stood up as he got within speaking distance.

"Guardian Aden, up early again I see." I kept my tone professional and polite.

"I always get up at this time. Why are you running this way? Or at the gym?" He replied, using the same tone.

I shrugged, "Change of scenery."

His eyes narrowed, "Or change of company. If I didn't know any better I'd say you were avoiding Me." he crossed his arms in front of his chest.

I snorted, "Oh please, don't flatter yourself." And I began to leave but he grabbed a hold of my arm.

"Rose, come on." He didn't release me and I looked back at glaring.

"Release me be-"

"-before you break my hand." He finished my sentence for me snidely, "Yeah just go ahead and try it."

I shifted to move but he swept my feet and threw me to the ground, landing on top of me he pinned me down with the weight of his body.

"Get off me." I grunted through clenched teeth and shoved him. He didn't budge much.

"Not until you explain what I did wrong."

"You kissed me!" and I shoved him harder, this time he moved but pulled himself back.

He nearly laughed. "So? If I recall you kissed back. And seemed to enjoying it."

"Arrogant jerk." I spat at him, this time shoving him with all my strength and, for good measure, punched him in the face. He rolled enough for me to escape.

"Since when have you ever said no to a good make-out session? From what I've heard you're as easy as a blood whore."

I saw red and I stormed at him, poking my finger into his chest I spoke with a dangerously low and cold voice.

"You know what I did to the last person to call me a blood whore? Well, I was easy on him. Call me that again and I won't show so much restraint."

He actually smirked at me, "Oh please, I've fought with you. I know your moves and they aren't that impressive. Besides I am Lissa's guardian. You wouldn't leave her unprotected would you?"

It was my turn to smirk, "I haven't even broken a sweat in our 'sparring sessions'; you haven't seen anything. And Lissa wouldn't be unprotected, she has another guardian and she has me." his face dropped as realisation set in. "so touch me again or say _anything _disrespectful and it _will _be the last thing you do or say."

Showing incredible self-control I turned and walked away from him. My anger was too pent up to return to Lissa even though I could feel she was awake and calling for me; I decided I needed an escape and the Court was too crowded. I walked out of the gates, and after the guardians realised who I was, let me leave.

Once out of the wards the familiar ghost headache came, but I pushed it away. It was Moroi day now so the sun had set entirely and the Moon was rising on the horizon.

I'm not even sure where I was going but I just kept walking. Then out of nowhere I felt the Strigoi nausea and it was strong.

I ducked behind a tree and heard approaching footsteps, they were quiet and gentle placements, indicating they were sneaking around. I swore at myself for having not brought my stake. _'How stupid can you get?' _I chastised myself: I knew I wouldn't be able to escape them now and I had no weapon on me.

One of the Strigoi passed me and I leapt out at him, breaking his neck to temporarily stun him. I ducked as a fist flew over my head and I spun, kicking her in the gut. She snarled at me and lunged, tackling me to the ground; I rolled back and kicked her, throwing her off me as I continued the roll and stood back on my feet. Thank god there seemed to only be two of them, but still that was two too many for one without a weapon.

The first Strigoi cracked his neck back in place and charged at me, he punched me in the chest with insane strength and I was launched off my feet. I flew several metres back and landed heavily onto my back, the air forced from my lungs. I rolled quickly to the side and pushed myself to my feet.

Both Strigoi were charging towards me and I cursed, I had no choice but to call forth the ghosts and release the spirit rage within. I needed it.

With that thought I ripped the ring from my finger, the blocks dropped and my world exploded. Hundreds of ghosts materialised and immediately attacked at the Strigoi. This worked as an effective enough distraction for me to pick up a rock that a reasonably sharp edge. I broke the neck of the male Strigoi and hacked away at his neck. My head was exploding in pain and I felt close to blacking out, but I concentrated on my rage and felt the animalistic wrath fill me and I ripped the head from his shoulders.

The female was faring better with the distracting ghosts and screamed in outrage as she saw the head of her partner roll across the earth: she launched herself at me but I dodged last minute and stabbed the rock into her back. It wouldn't kill her like a stake would but I'd bet it hurt like a bitch because she howled; using her distraction I snapped her neck and again ripped her head from her shoulders. As she died the nausea died too, so I replaced the blocks in my mind and staggered back towards the gates. I was surprised at how far I had gone from them, but still, Strigoi shouldn't even be remotely close to this area let alone this close to the gates.

My head was throbbing, I'm sure I had broken my ribs again and my ankle was most likely broken too, but I needed to get back inside the wards. Eventually I made it back to the gates and I limped through. The guards rushed over to me as I collapsed just inside.

"Take me to Lissa." Was the only thing I could say before I passed out.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

Typically though, they hadn't listened and I woke up in the Court hospital.

"Oh for God's sake, doesn't anyone listen to me anymore?" I muttered and pulled myself into a sitting position. _Shit I'm in a hospital gown. _I looked around and thankfully saw my clothes were folded in a pile. I flung my legs over the edge and hissed at the pain in my ribs and wooziness in my head.

I slowly applied weight to my ankle and it seethed in pain. I swore again and slowly, painfully, got dressed. Just as I had pulled my tattered tank top down a nurse walked in. She glanced at me in shock.

"Miss you shouldn't be out of bed."

I scoffed, "I don't need to be here. I just need to find Lissa."

She looked at me in confusion.

"Oh right, Princess Vasilisa."

She appeared to understand and then recognition filled her face.

"Oh my God, you're Rose Hathaway. Oh, I'm so sorry I didn't realise. But you are in no condition to be moving. I can get a message sent to the Princess to come here."

I sighed in defeat and sat back on the bed. "Fine."

Now that I was awake I allowed Lissa's feelings to flow into me; they were worried for me and slightly annoyed. She had called for me and expected me to come or at least get in touch with her. I felt my own irritation then at her attitude, she still expected me to put her first; the treatment she received at the Royal Court had made her spoilt and I began to resent her. I didn't slide into her head because I could feel my emotions becoming darker and I needed to deal with that before I took anymore from her. "Shit" I swore when I realised I had left the ring back with the Strigoi corpses; well atleast that explained my darkening mood.

Just then someone walked into my room and I looked up at them.

"Hey little Dhampir."

"Adrian." I responded, bringing forth my polite voice.

He didn't say anything and I felt no need to fill the silence.

"What's wrong little Dhampir? Got no smart arse comments or insults for me?"

I shook my head and Adrian frowned. "Something is wrong."

I didn't want to deal with him at the moment, so I just shrugged. Then winced.

"Your aura is as black as I've ever seen. Did the healing work?"

"Obviously not Adrian if my aura is as black as ever."

"What's got you so blue?"

"I thought I was black? And besides how did you know I was here?" I hedged asking him a question instead. He smiled knowingly.

"It's kind of big news when bad ass Rose Hathaway leaves the Court only to return beaten and bruised. So who did this to you?"

"Apparently gossip about me travels just as fast as it always has. As to who did this-" I stopped as I sensed Lissa was close; next second she burst through the door, paused to look at me, then rushed forward and threw her arms around me.

"Ow, easy there Lissa."

She pulled away hastily, "You're hurt?! How bad?"

I shrugged and flinched, _I should stop doing that_, "Not bad. Few broken ribs, fractured skull, shattered ankle and a few bruises here and there." I answered like it was no big deal.

She gasped, "What?! How did this happen?" She asked as she healed me and my pain instantly vanished. I sighed in relief.

"So what happened Rose?" Lissa persisted.

"I was attacked by a couple of Strigoi." I answered briefly; I didn't want to go into the details, as they were a little graphic for Lissa. I looked down and saw my shirt was splattered in mine and Strigoi blood.

Adrian narrowed his eyes, "You had no stake on you, so how did you survive?" His voice was suspecting.

Lissa looked from him to me. "Is that true?"

"Unfortunately, yes."

"So how did you survive?" Adrian repeated.

I blinked, "I killed them, obviously."

"How did you manage that without a stake or anything?" Lissa's voice had jumped an octave.

I sighed, "By decapitating them."

"With no knife or sharp edge?" Adrian asked sceptically.

"Yes. I ripped their heads off with my bare hands." They both paled, "I would have left that out, but you were persistent in knowing the deals. I have done it before so it's no big deal."

I stood up to leave but Liss blocked me.

"Everything's no big deal to you now. But regardless, what were you doing outside the wards to begin with?"

"None of your concern. Either of you. "I said looking between them, my voice sharp and I felt Lissa mentally flinch, and sense her hurt but I just couldn't be bothered caring as I left them in the hospital room.

I walked the pathways of the Court, aware of someone following me but not quite caring enough to do anything about it; yet.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

After about forty minutes I was getting annoyed by having someone follow me so I slipped down an obscured alleyway and hoisted myself up the narrow walls, a bit like Spiderman. They followed me in and looked around confused by my disappearance, so I dropped and landed behind them; before they could react I slammed them into the wall and held them.

"Why are you following me?" I questioned, my voice menacing. Their hood fell back and I realised, with a shock, it was Oksana. I released her quickly and stepped away.

"Oksana, what are you doing? Why are you following me?" I made my voice friendlier but couldn't help the annoyance completely hidden.

Oksana didn't answer straight away and dusted down her shirt.

"I was worried for you Rose. When I entered your mind that night I saw things no one should ever have to have seen, or done. Your aura and mind-set are dangerously dark. And at the moment you won't be able to be healed by Lissa."

I narrowed my eyes in annoyance; I still hadn't forgiven her for the invasion of my mind. "Yeah, we figured that out the other night. But how would you know she couldn't have healed me?"

"Because you won't allow her to Rose, you don't want to be healed. I'm not sure why, but that is what your feelings told me. But I think I can figure it out." She paused and looked directly at me; I refused to look away; staring her down. "You feel enormous guilt over Dimitri; that you failed to save him from himself. Also over those men you were forced into killing. You don't want to be healed because you feel you don't deserve to be. This darkness is your punishment, those scars you had were a punishment and a banner, marking you for what you had done and become."

I felt like I had been slapped in the face. How on earth had she guessed so much about me? But I kept my face composed and my blocks in place in case she attempted to read my mind again; I smile coldly at her, "You don't know what you are talking about. The healing failing has nothing to do with how I feel about myself; it has to do with the lack of trust in our relationship. I abandoned her five years ago and only came back because I was forced to." I took a step forward and up close to her face I spoke in a quiet but threatening tone. "You know nothing about me or what I feel, so don't try come to me all understanding. If I find out you have spoken to Lissa about this then you'll really be meeting the dark side of my temper. Understand?"

Oksana just nodded sadly at me and I turned away from her. Adding over my shoulder "And don't try following me again."

I stayed away from Lissa the entire day, my anger pent up the entire time. I couldn't believe Oksana had had the nerve to first; try following me, and second; talk to me like that. She had entered my mind without my permission this time and then thought to tell me my own feelings, as if I didn't know them already! _'God the nerve of that woman.' _Just kept running through my mind, I felt Lissa's increasing worry through the bond the longer I stayed out but I continued to ignore it. She still expected me to do as she said, still expected me to put her first, still expected me to be the same Rose I was five years ago. But I realised now that I could never be that Rose again; I had seen too much, done too much to ever go back to the careless way I once was. Because when I was careless people got hurt, I got hurt: today was an excellent example of this; I had left my stake at Lissa's, I had allowed my emotions to dictate my actions and I had nearly been killed by two Strigoi. _I don't belong here anymore_ I realised. Bringing me back had been a mistake, Christian had thought that in order to help Lissa he needed to bring me back but he had made it worse. He along with everyone else had thought when they brought me back I would be the same Rose who had left, sure they probably expected me to be a little beat up but it had been obvious by their reactions that they hadn't anticipated a hardened, scarred and serious Rose. Maybe those scars weren't there anymore, but I was more than scarred physically, my heart was scarred and that was something Lissa couldn't heal with her magic. It was something no one could heal.

I had made my mind up when I arrived back at the house. As I entered I went straight to my room and began packing into the small duffel bag I had bought the other day. I only packed the necessities and swung it over my shoulder. This time I would get to say goodbye to Lissa, but unlike last time I was going by choice and seriously would not be returning. Lissa intercepted me on the stairs and saw the bag.

"You're leaving?" She asked quietly. I felt all the hurt and rejection through the bond.

"Yes Lissa, it's not my place to be here. I don't belong anymore."

Lissa's eyes teared up and she opened her mouth to protest, but I held a hand up.

"Please Liss; there isn't anything for you to say that could make me stay. I can no longer live in this kind of environment, being your guardian was once all I ever wanted to do, but now... now I don't think so." I took a deep breath to control myself and passed her.

"Rose, please don't do this to me again." Her voice broke and I turned to watch the tears flow down her cheeks freely. "Please Rose, I'm begging you, don't. Let's talk about it, about what's wrong and what can be done. I'm sorry for whatever I have done wrong but I couldn't stand to lose you again." She came down the few stairs I had made it down and took hold of my sleeve.

I looked away from her pleading eyes, not because I was afraid she would compel me, but because I couldn't stand the look in her eyes.

"You lost me a long time ago Liss. I'm not that Rose anymore."

She frowned at me, "I know that Rose, I knew if you returned you wouldn't be the same. I knew that Dimitri had changed you and to have lost him would change you further. But I don't care about any of that; I want you whichever way you come. Scarred and emotionless, bruised and hurt, cold and indifferent, angry and violent. I don't care Rose, I just want you."

I clenched my fists and bit my bottom lip, I couldn't stand this.

"But I'm a monster. I have killed ruthlessly, in cold blood. I let you down, I failed Dimitri, I failed myself. You can't honestly tell me you weren't disgusted by me after I told you what I had done to escape Justin and how I had killed those Strigoi earlier."

I felt a powerful enough burst of emotion through Lissa that I was pulled into her head and I saw what she saw: Me, standing on the step below her struggling to hold myself together. My shoulders were shaking, my fists clenched so tight that the knuckles were turning white. But it was my expression that was the most painful for Lissa to see, my eyes were desperate, and she could see that I was truly disgusted by myself, that I was looking for anyway to punish myself. I could see now that Lissa had figured out why the healing had failed, and what Oksana had said was true. I had blocked Lissa's healing attempt and that was why I had blacked out, subconsciously I hadn't anticipated Lissa's strength but I had fought regardless and it had caused me to exhaust myself.

I drew myself back into my head and turned my back on her. I couldn't let her see me, I hurried down the stairs but Lissa called out to Eddie and Mark to stop me. I had quickened my pace down the hallway when Eddie tackled me into the wall, pinning me there with his body.

"Let me go" I screamed at him and thrashed against him, only to have another pair of hands pin my hands to the wall.

"Rose you need to calm down, the darkness has you..." Mark paused, "Where's your ring? Christ Lissa, she hasn't got the ring on. You need to heal her now before she gets anymore out of control."

I thrashed again violently but Eddie was too strong, I kicked him in the shin and he swore but didn't move away. I felt another hand on me, touching my face gently and I tried pulling away, but it gripped my face and wouldn't release me.

I vaguely felt Lissa use magic through the bond but my rage was to powerful for me to acknowledge it.

Then slowly, steadily I felt the calming effects of the magic, healing the darkness. Eventually I stopped struggling, but Eddie refused to release me until Lissa suddenly collapsed onto the floor beside me. He let go off me and I slumped against the wall, all the fight had left me and I was exhausted; but everyone ignored me as I slid down the wall and fell sideways, they were all seeing to Lissa. I was worried but too exhausted to do anything, so I fell asleep where I lay.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

I looked around me, I was apparently on a bridge and with a jolt I realised I knew this bridge. It was the bridge I had failed to kill Dimitri on; walking to the rail I peered over and looked down at the rushing water below.

"You realise you can't really die in dreams so don't even think about jumping."

I jumped at the voice and spun on my heels to see the speaker walking slowly towards me.

"What are we doing here? I didn't even know you knew of this place."

Lissa smiled gently, "I didn't really pick the scenery this time. It was you."

I nodded slightly in understanding and looked back over the railing.

"This is where I killed, or failed to kill, Dimitri. The last place I saw him." I explained quietly and Lissa grabbed my hand, squeezing gently in comfort. I looked up at her into her beautiful green eyes.

"Would you like to go someplace else?" She offered but I shook my head.

"This place is somewhat peaceful for me now." _Would he have said he loved me?_

That question still plagued me every now and then as an annoying reminder of what could have been.

"Rose, don't you want to know why I'm here, in your dreams?" Lissa asked.

I smiled sadly, "No. I know why you're here. Just because I'm unconscious doesn't mean I'm not aware. I can still get into your head."

"So why haven't you woken yet? The doctor says you should have woken by now."

I looked out at the river flowing away from me, "Because it's easier here." I answered truthfully.

Lissa frowned, "How can it be easier here? There's nothing here."

"Exactly."

"Rose it's been three days. Why are you still here? We are all worried sick."

I clasped my hands together and looked at them. I had been unconscious for three days since Lissa had healed my darkness and I couldn't face them. Truthfully, I was ashamed. Deeply ashamed of how I had behaved, so much so I didn't want to face their scrutiny; I was amazed at my cowardice, I mean I have killed countless Strigoi and not once felt afraid, and here I was unable to face my friends because I was afraid of what they would think.

"You're afraid. But what are you afraid of Rose?"

I jumped in shock and stared at Lissa. "How the hell did you know that?"

She smiled gently, "Because I'm finally able to read you somewhat Rose. After that healing it's like I can get a small tingling of how you feel."

"The bond works both ways now?"

"No, well sort of I guess. You can do that whole crazy be in my head thing, where as I can only get a small jist of how you are feeling, and even then it's only if it's really strong. So I can tell you feel seriously afraid about something, but I have no idea what it could be about. Nothing scares you." She stepped closer to me and placed a hand gently on my shoulder.

"I'm afraid of what I have become. Of what you will think of me. I lost it back there Liss, completely and utterly out of control and it scares me. Seriously scares me that I could hurt you, or anyone for that matter."

Lissa pulled me into a hug, "Don't Rose. No one thinks anything bad of you; in fact we are all thoroughly impressed and somewhat intimidated by you. You have killed over two-hundred Strigoi and fought my darkness for five years by yourself. You're twenty-three and have see and done more than people twice your age can not even imagine. I don't believe that you could hurt me, even with how bad you got, you didn't once lash out at me. You contained yourself with Aden and Hoseet when the old you, minus the shadows, would have beaten the shit out of them."

I think I was more surprised by the fact that Lissa swore than by what she was telling me. I was just about to tell her I would wake when the dream faded and I opened my eyes.

I was in the hospital again, attached to an IV and heart monitor; everyone appeared to be watching Lissa instead of me, who was still in what appeared to be a mediation sitting position.

"Geez Liss, next thing you'll be humming a mantra." I teased and everyone spun towards me in surprise.

"Rose! You're awake!" They all exclaimed in unison and I burst out laughing, "Did you guys practice that or something because, seriously, that was in perfect sync."

Lissa opened her eyes and stood up; she sat on the end of the bed and smiled at me. Relief was the strongest emotion I felt from her, but there were traces of concern and worry that I would still try leave. I held her hand and squeezed it in reassurance; I wouldn't leave, I needed to be with her too much.

"Okay, so, now I'm awake can I leave?" I asked the room.

Mia looked at me, "You really don't like hospitals do you?"

I half-smiled, "No I don't. So can we go?"

Eddie walked to the door and called for a nurse. I looked round at all the faces who had waited for me to wake; Eddie and Mia, Lissa and Christian, Adrian, and even Janine had been here they told me. And although I wanted Dimitri to have been here so badly, he wasn't; it was unlikely I would ever see him and I realised I had finally come to accept that. I would always have a place in my heart for him, but I knew now that I could move forwards, that he would have wanted me to. Cheesy, I know, but it was true.

The nurse entered and I recognised her as being the same nurse from last time; she gave me the routine check then pronounced me fit to be discharged. I hoped from the bed and eagerly left.

Lissa walked with me as we made our way back to her house, no one was really talking but I knew that I would be getting the full bombardment from them once we arrived. I sat down wearily into one of the sofas in the lounge and everyone else followed suit.

I crossed my legs and waited for someone to start.

"Before anyone bombards Rose with questions, you need to remember that her actions since she has gotten back have been under the heavy influence of five years of having taken my shadows, which are a negative side effect of my using Spirit, so keep that it in mind that she was actually quite controlled considering." Lissa was the one to speak up and I was surprised that she would defend me straight off.

_I will always defend you Rose, you're my bond-mate. _She spoke to me through the bond and I couldn't help but smile in return, it would take some time to get used to her reading my emotions.


	21. Chapter 21

**Thanks for the reviews guys! Love hearing from ya'll, I will tell you that yes Abe makes an appearance, but remember I have NO idea how long this is going to end up being. I got material in my head that makes up about 20 more chapters, so I'm going to have to start making these chapters longer... enjoy!**

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**Chapter 21**

"Rose, why did you leave the Court?" Janine asked and I flinched, I hadn't really wanted to explain this.

"I got into a confrontation with Guardian Aden and I needed to cool off. The Court felt too crowded so I went for a walk outside the wards. I hadn't gotten far when I stumbled upon two Strigoi, having no weapon I fought them and decapitated them with my bare hands. I know I made a huge mistake by leaving the protection of the wards without a stake but I... I wasn't thinking clearly." I explained, finishing lamely. But it was the only way I could explain that day, I hadn't been thinking at all truth-be-told and it was below a novice mistake to make.

Janine nodded, "Yes I know about the Strigoi and the confrontation, but what was it about?"

I looked out the window, "He implied I was a blood whore, so instead of hitting him I walked away."

Janine looked more shocked by the fact I had walked away then than the fact I'd decapitated two Strigoi with my bare hands.

"You seriously walked away without even punching him?" Christian asked, his tone sceptical. I nodded and he let out a breath of disbelieve. "You seriously have changed, and even under that much shadow influence you still walked away? Geez."

"Yeah after five years people tend to change Christian. Well most people anyway." He blinked and then laughed as he realised I had just made fun of him.

I looked up as Oksana and Mark entered the room, they both looked surprised to see me actually home. I stood and approached Oksana, "Oksana, I'm sorry for what I did and said to you. You were right and I shouldn't have acted the way I did."

The whole room went silent in astonishment; you'd think this was the first time I had ever apologized or something... actually... I think it was the first time I had ever apologized in front of them.

Oksana smiled kindly and took my offered hand, "Thank you Rose but it wasn't necessary, I knew that you were under an immense amount of stress and the spirits darkness wouldn't have helped. I am glad that Lissa did manage to heal you and that you two have moved past this."

I smiled in thanks and sat back down, "What?" I asked the room who were all looking at me like I was someone else, "I can be all mature and stuff."

"How come you never say sorry to me?" Christian mock-complained

"Because that would mean I would be lying and lairs don't go to heaven." I spoke like I would to a dim-witted child.

"Yeah, well, neither do murderers." He retorted and I flinched like I had been slapped. I stood up and Christian paled, "Rose, I didn't mean it like that." I left the room in a hurry. It wasn't that I was angry, I was hurt, deeply so and I couldn't let him see that. I stood in the kitchen with my forefinger and thumb pinching the bridge of my nose, my eyes closed, breathing deeply. I heard rather than felt Lissa enter the room, my emotions were too strong for me to feel hers and so I knew she would be able to feel mine.

She put an arm around me, "Rose he didn't mean that. Sometimes his mouth shoots off without his brain."

I took a calming breath, "I know he didn't mean it but I can't help but think it's true. I am a murderer Liss, I _have _killed people and I can't ever forget it. Whether it's people reminding me or me reminding myself."

"I've requested a replacement Guardian for Aden, and I asked for you." She told me and I turned to her in shock, my arms dropping to my side.

"But I'm not a guardian; the Queen would never allow it."

"You're more than a guardian; you're my best friend and my bond-mate. You also have the largest kill rate of Strigoi amongst all Dhampir, if the Queen doesn't allow you to be my guardian I'm leaving Court and going with you. You promised me five years ago you would take me on your next crazy adventure, I'll let the five year adventure slide because you didn't really have a choice in the matter, but next time I _am _going to go with you."

I could only stare at her in surprise, the old Lissa; the forceful Lissa was speaking to me. My friend was telling me she would leave Court to come with me, that she would be helping me this time. I was so shocked I actually burst into tears. I had wanted this Lissa since I came back, but been stuck with the selfish and self-centred Lissa the Moroi royals had morphed her into. Apparently her healing me had healed her as well. If Lissa was stunned by my sudden tears she didn't show it, she just pulled me into a tight hug and reassured me. I got a hold of myself quickly and wiped my face with my hand and pulled from Lissa's embrace.

"Don't do that Lissa; I can't have you sacrifice your life here for me. But I guess you could _politely_ ask the Queen for my promise mark." Lissa just smirked at me, getting a kick out of what I had said.

"Who would have thought you would be giving me advice on how to behave around the Queen?" She laughed.

I smiled back, appreciating the irony of the moment. "Five years ago? No one."

I was silent, thinking seriously. If I was allowed to become Lissa's guardian it would mean so much, I still wanted to be her guardian even after all this time.

"Okay Liss. You can ask Queen Tatiana for my guardianship. But it's not necessary for you to get rid of Aden, he is a competent guardian."

"I already applied for reassignment of him. I won't have any guardian who wants to use you. And I have arranged a meeting with the Queen that's in about two hours and since you're awake now, you can come too."

I gaped at her, my mouth wide open.

"Since when did you get so pushy?" I asked, she just smiled.

"Since I figured out it's the most effective way of getting you to do what I want."

I sighed dramatically and exaggerated annoyance as I stomped up the stairs to shower and change for the apparent meeting with the Queen. Lissa just laughed at my theatrics.


	22. Chapter 22

**Hey, haha I'll tell you something; I hadn't actually planned on turning Aden into a jerk, infact he was meant to hook up with Rose. But, seriously, I was just writing and it ended up that way :P. In regards to Adrian, eventually he'll come in more but at the moment I'm focussing on Lissa and Rose 'rebonding' or whatever. About three or four times I've had to change the outcome of my story cause I wasn't happy. Thanks for the comment on my nearly errorless writing, nothing irritates me more than gramma or spelling errors in stories so I, like, reread each chapter about 3 times before publishing it. But I am aware there are still some errors that even I miss, Nobody's perfect, but I do try :).  
Thanks sooo much for the reviews, seriously I can't stress enough how much I love reading them, it just inspires me to keep writing.  
Disclaimer (I probably don't do this enough, but surely by now it's gotten the message through): I don't own any of the copyrighted Vampire Academy material, that's all Richelle Mead right there.**

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**Chapter 22**

A good hour and a half later I stepped out of my room dressed in simple attire, close to that of the guardian uniform. I thought it was the best move to appear professional in front of the Queen so I put on my metaphorical mask and met Lissa in the lounge.

"Wow Rose, you look way serious. Where's the colour at?" Christian said, sweeping his eyes over my body. I could see in his face that he was sorry for what he had said, but I didn't ask for, or really want, an apology. I simply smiled politely and ignored him; as all good guardians should. Lissa laughed and pulled me from the room and out the door.

"You know, you don't need to do this." She told me, but I disagreed.

"Actually I do. My appearance and behaviour could very well jeopardise my already slim chances. I need Queen Tatiana to see I am dead serious about becoming your guardian and that I'm no longer that irresponsible, smart arse I once was."

"But..." Lissa began to argue but I held up a hand stopping her.

"I am serious Liss. The Queen has never liked me and my five year disappearance is a serious mark against me, she will be looking for any chance to deny me my promise mark."

Lissa sighed in resignation, accepting my decision and we made our way to the Queen's chambers in silence.

She spoke to the guard at the door; he told us the Queen had been expecting us and ushered us in.

Queen Tatiana was sitting on her chair at the far end of the room talking to someone; she looked up at our entrance and waved the girl away. Her eyes narrowed as she recognized me.

"So the rumours are indeed true. Rose Hathaway has returned," she scrutinised my outfit, not at all amused, "And apparently has quite a changed taste in clothes, can't say the same for your temper though. Hoseet was kind enough to report how you had broken his nose." She smirked at me but I remained expressionless, not showing her anything - although it was tempting to comment on the fact that I was impressed he could talk at all, after what I had done to his jaw.

"Your Majesty, you most likely know why I am here. I have requested Guardian Aden be removed and I come to ask you to assign Rose as my new guardian." Lissa spoke clearly, confident but also polite. She did not reveal how much she wanted me in her voice and I felt proud of her.

Tatiana on the other hand did not, her smile slipped and she narrowed her eyes further.

"Why are you not happy with Guardian Aden? He has been fine the last five years. I find it extremely suspicious of the timing; and as far as Rose becoming your guardian, it is impossible. She did not graduate and so did not receive a promise mark. No mark, no guardianship."

She watched me carefully for a reaction but I remained calm and composed. I had expected this so I was prepared.

"Regardless of Rose becoming my guardian Your Majesty, I want Guardian Aden reassigned. He behaved inappropriately towards a friend of mine and I won't accept that behaviour from my guardians."

Tatiana raised an eyebrow, "Would that 'friend' happen to be Miss Hathaway by chance?"

Lissa stiffened slightly but nodded in confirmation.

"Well then, Miss Hathaway, tell me then what happened. How exactly did he behave inappropriately towards you?"

I knew she was baiting me but I refused to bite; I had had many years of composure practice and so I replied politely.

"He insulted me after sexually assaulting me Your Majesty. He implied I was a blood whore and sort to use me as such."

She raised an eyebrow, "The last one to call you a blood whore currently has a broken nose. Why does Guardian Aden not?"

"I lost my temper with Hoseet which I do regret. I had better control with Aden, and so I walked away Your Majesty."

Again I saw that surprised look on her face that had been on everyone elses face when I had told them I had walked away.

"You expect me to believe that you did not lead him on? That you didn't set him up for this so you could steal his position? It is old news that you are well known as a flirt and no one really knows why you ran away. For all I know you went and joined the blood whore communities."

Lissa tensed in outrage and I felt her burning with it through the bond; I calmed her with a hand on her shoulder and remained unaffected by Tatiana's insinuations.

"I know what my record is like Your Majesty. I have tarnished it myself but I will not accept you subtly calling me a blood whore. Five years ago I did not run, I was kidnapped by a Strigoi going by the name Justin. I escaped and since then have been killing Strigoi. I knew I had not graduated and thus had no chance of becoming Lissa's guardian, so I resolved to killing Strigoi that would have harmed her.  
"The only reason I am back is because Eddie and a group of guardians under the instruction of Mr Ozera caught me and brought me back.  
"I have already accepted that I will not become a guardian, but the Princess has requested I stay; and although I may not be her official guardian, I will be her protector as I am her bondmate and friend."

Tatiana just stared at me in shock, complete and utter disbelieve.

"You expect me to believe this? I know all about you Miss Hathaway, you tried to steal my nephew with you flirtatious charms and when that failed you ran away in disgrace."

I kept my poker face on, for all appearances I was completely unaffected by her insults. Lissa, however, was not.

"If you don't believe that she has not spent the last five years killing Strigoi, test her You Majesty. If she has in truth spent five years in a Dhampir community she will be out-matched and be easily defeated."

The Queen seemed to be considering this and I'll bet she liked the idea of seeing her best guardians wipe the floor with me.

"Very well, we will test you Miss Hathaway and should you prove yourself I will consider giving you a chance at proving your ability to be Princess Vasilisa's guardian."

She clicked her fingers and about eight guardians seemed to materialise. I pushed Lissa away as they enclosed around me.


	23. Chapter 23

**Just for Kessafan, who reviewed me while I was still at the computer I have here chapter 23 :P  
It pays to review me xD**

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**Chapter 23**

They came at me individually; as soon as I took one down, another took his place. I took several hard hits but none that would faze me, they were nothing compared to Strigoi hits. After I had made it through them individually they attacked as a group, I dodged and ducked, weaving through the group, never stopping long enough for anyone to get a decent grip on me or punch at me. I spun in to a crescent kick and the last guardian was knocked out cold, slumping to the fall.

My breathing was only slightly uneven as I turned to face the Queen again. She looked almost impressed, but more pissed off, by my achievement.

"Very well Hathaway, I will allow you to do a mock field experience. You will guard the Princess as you did Mr Ozera at the Academy, with differing guardians attacking as fake Strigoi. Each Strigoi will be dressed in black robes. Fail at even one test and you will be dismissed. You will get a practice stake tomorrow, when the attacks will begin."

I nodded, "Thank you Your Majesty," bowed in respect and turned to leave, but Lissa stopped me.

"Your Majesty, you did not say what your decision was about Guardian Aden's dismissal."

"Ah yes, well I think you are over-reacting Princess, he is one of the best guardians we have, I see no need to reassign him until Hathaway has completed her testing."

She dismissed us with a wave and we left quickly. We had managed to get out of the building before Lissa exploded.

"How can she talk to you like that? I mean, who the hell does she think she is? You just bet all eight of her best guardians and she still thinks that you need to prove yourself? And where does she get off calling you a blood whore?"

She rambled on for a bit and I let her get it out of her system.

"Lissa, she is the Queen. She can say whatever she wants and we can't do anything about without it being treason. And having fighting skills isn't all that is involved in being a guardian. I need to prove I can _guard _you from attacks, by anticipating them. If I can't do that then you are as good as dead.  
"All the fighting ability in the world will mean nothing if you can't anticipate an attack." I explained to her and she frowned; I felt her annoyance at the Queen and even some at me for being so sensible. I also sensed that darkness in her, so I took it and immediately blocked it so she wouldn't notice a change in me. I felt her calm down and I relaxed.

"Since when have you ever been the reasonable one? You have always been the one to punch first ask later and yet here you are, calming me down -" She glanced at me sharply then, "You just took the darkness, didn't you?"

I shrugged, "It's what I'm here for."

"But you didn't like lose your temper or anything. I wouldn't even have noticed if I hadn't realised I was calming down." A look of revelation came over her face, "Every time I got emotional only to calm down sharply, that's been you hasn't it?" She frowned and looked at the ground, "I never even noticed before, never even considered you were behind it."

I smiled at her, "I did tell you I never truly left you. I always worried about you and so I always took your shadows." She continued staring at the ground and I wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

I wasn't really sure what alerted me, but suddenly the hair on the back of my neck stood on end and I tensed; just as a guardian leapt at Lissa. He was dressed in a black robe so I knew he was a pretend Strigoi and I didn't hesitate. I pulled Lissa away from him and attacked, hoping to catch him off guard; no such luck, he anticipated my attack and easily deflected me. We fought, testing each other and I realised his technique was familiar; I had fought with him before – many times in fact. I feinted a punch and instead crescent kicked him in the head, it connected hard and his hood fell back. Eddie. I didn't react or hesitate as I used his stumble to dash forward and place my stake over his heart. The stake was real so I didn't do anything more than position it over his heart, he raised his hands in defeat and backed away, but I knew better than to think it was over; half slipping into Lissa I used her eyes and saw someone stealth-fully approach me from behind, I turned and ducked, then flipped the stake in my hand and drove the blunt handle into his chest. He stumbled back from the blow and raised his hands to proclaim his death.

I stepped back beside Lissa, still tensed ready for anything, and scanned the area carefully looking for anything out of the ordinary.

Content there was nothing, I turned to Eddie and the other guardian I didn't recognise. Eddie smiled at me with pride.

"Congratulations Rose, good job. I could have sworn I had you caught by surprise. What gave me away?"

"I actually don't know Eddie, something just didn't feel right I guess and I trusted my instincts." My instincts had kept me alive thus far. Eddie nodded but appeared to be unconvinced I was telling him everything.

"Seriously Eddie, very Strigoi-like attack, but you should remember I've been fighting Strigoi for years. I basically know every technique they use for an attack. Even distractions."

I turned sharply then and punched the next guardian in the face, she hadn't expected me and I easily manoeuvred my stake over her heart. Lissa shrieked in fright and jumped nearly a metre in the air, causing Eddie to burst into laughter.

"Geez Rose that was incredible. How did you know?"

"You glanced over my shoulder."

He raised his eyebrows in surprise, "Seriously? That was it?" He turned, "Wow."

I heard applause and looked over to see Guardian Aden in the doorway of the gym. He approached us still clapping.

"Well done Rose, very impressive. But that 'Strigoi' got far too close to the Princess. Had she been a real Strigoi, you wouldn't have caught her by surprise and the Princess would already have been dead."

"Had she been a real Strigoi, I would have known of her presence long before she would have been in an attacking distance." I retorted, but kept my temper under reign. I still had the adrenalin rush from the fight and I knew I was more susceptible to losing my temper when my blood was pumping like this.

"And how on Earth could you possibly 'sense' Strigoi?"

"I'm shadow-kissed; it's one of the perks. Now if you'll excuse us, the Princess and I have business to attend."

As I moved to pass him he grabbed my arm in a vice-like grip.

"What did I tell you about touching me Guardian Aden?" I warned in a dangerous tone. He didn't seem bothered by the underlining threat.

"You can't touch me without ruining your chances at taking _my _job. I know that you had Princess Vasilisa ask to reassign me so you could become her guardian. But let me tell you Rose, I won't go down without a fight. I will _ruin _you, be sure of that." His voice was barely a whisper and I wrenched my arm free. Just as I was about to respond, Lissa socked him in the face. He staggered back as blood spurted from his nose.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

Lissa stepped forward, fists clenched and I was scared she would hit him again.

"Rose may not be able to touch you Mitchell, but I _can _and if I ever hear you talk to her like that again I will ruin your credibility as a guardian. You will never again guard Royal or even work at the Courts; I will ensure that you end up unable to guard anyone but the lowest of the low."

I was as equally shocked as Mitchell; I had never seen Lissa so worked up, except under the influence of spirit darkness – which she had none of; this was purely Lissa's rage. Guardian Aden clutched his nose to stop the bleeding and backed away from her, apparently frightened. Had I not been so baffled I would have laughed at him. He walked away and I just continued to stare at Lissa, she looked at me and shrugged, shaking her hand slightly.

"I can't believe I thought he was a nice guy... And why are you still looking at me like that? You're not the only one who can throw a punch nowadays." She pulled my hand and we began walking again; my mind was too stunned to say anything.

"Rose, say something!" Lissa eventually said.

"Liss, you just punched your guardian in the face. Like your _guardian..._ _in the face_." I separated each word adding empathise to the fact. "This is more shocking than when you broke Reed's nose, since that time it had been self-defence."

She laughed and shrugged again, "He insulted and threatened you. I couldn't let him get away with it."

"But you _hit _him. You don't hit people. _I _hit people. What's gotten into you Liss? This isn't like you."

She smiled sweetly, "Nothing Rose, I was just so pissed that he spoke to you like that, that I needed to do something more than just telling him off. I guess you're rubbing off on me."

"That isn't a good thing."

She laughed and eventually I joined in. We were still laughing when again I sensed something, I stopped and shifted; I didn't tense obviously but enough to enable me to move quickly. Lissa sensed the change in my mood and she immediately cut off too, we didn't need to say anything as we both scanned opposite parts of the landscape, I sensed through Lissa that she saw one 'Strigoi' and I swore as I spotted two. Lissa's Strigoi/Guardian was closest and so I did something dangerous but necessary.

I told her to duck and I threw my handheld stake so fast and with such precision it hit the guardian square in the chest, handle first. I flicked my smaller stake out from my sleeve and faced off the two 'Strigoi' in front of me.

One of them paused in caution, and then fanned out, trying to get me away from the Princess. I didn't allow it and backed Lissa up, who was still behaving as a second pair of eyes, her back to me.

The two of them had been close before they decided to separate, so I took a risk; I dashed forward and preformed an amazing helicopter-like kick, whirling through the air and kicking the shorter of the two in the face, they stumbled backwards and fell and I leapt forward, tackling the other to the ground.

His hood fell back as he hit the ground and we wrestled until I had my stake over his heart. He immediately stilled and I bounced to my feet. The shorter 'Strigoi', who I recognised now to be my mother, was getting to her feet and rushing towards Lissa. I wouldn't allow it so I grabbed a rock from the ground while I ran forward and threw it with all my strength at her. I only hit her shoulder but it was enough to make her falter and I pounced at her. She dodged back and we faced off at each other. She was smaller and incredibly fast, and we exchanged many hard blows until I broke through her guard and swept her legs out from under her; she hit the ground hard on her back and I thrust the stake towards her chest, she rolled and it hit her shoulder hard. She cried out and I didn't hesitate in placing the stake over her heart. She conceded and rolled back onto her back, hissing in pain.

I stood up and inspected the surroundings while Lissa kindly healed my victims, mum included.

I gave mum a hand up and she smiled; proud of me.

"Five years ago you would never have gotten the best of me Rose. Good clean job."

I smiled finitely, "Five years ago I hadn't killed so many Strigoi, in tighter situations." I replied cynically.

Her smile faltered at the look in my eyes and I felt Lissa's concern for me. I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder and I snapped out of the images before my eyes of the masses of dead Strigoi. I looked up to see Lissa studying me intently; my emotions weren't strong enough for her to feel, but my face was apparently reason enough for concern.

I smiled hastily and shook her off, "Sorry, I'm fine." I turned to mum, "That was a clever technique to separate and surround me, as coming at us from different angles ensures I have to separate from my charge. Too bad I have already fought in that situation; otherwise you would have had me."

I looked at my stake then, "I think it's about time I get a practice one, otherwise I will end up hurting one of you."

Janine frowned, "You mean those are real stakes? The Queen had instructed us to attack you today, assuring us you knew and had been given practice stakes."

I remained passive, but Lissa gasped in horror.

"Why on Earth would Queen Tatiana do such a thing? We were told her testing would begin tomorrow."

I already knew the answer and Janine looked at me; seeing that I had already figured it out.

"Because if I do injure or even kill a guardian it is a major strike against me and I'll most likely fail the testing and even end up imprisoned." She was playing dirty but I wouldn't be caught in her net, I would fight her fairly and overcome whatever obstacle she sends my way.

I felt the return of Lissa's outrage at the treatment of the Queen and I quickly pulled the darkness away; and although she did calm some, she still burned with anger.

"Lissa let her do what she wants to me, if I surpass all of her trails then it just proves how much more worthy I am of being your guardian."

I felt the resistance to my logic, but eventually she accepted that I was right and she let go of her annoyance.


	25. Chapter 25

**Ironically Alanna-Banana1987 in this chapter we have a flashback :P, thanks for all the reviews  
Disclaimer: Vampire Academy is all Richelle Meads, as much as I want it I can't claim it.****Chapter 25**

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I looked away from Lissa to see my mother staring at me intensely.

"What?"

She pondered her words carefully before replying.

"It's just that, I can't believe how much you have changed and not just physically. You are no longer hot-headed; you were controlled during our fight, precise and to the point. Just now you cooled Lissa down and from what I've put together you must have held your temper during the meeting. Never in a million years could I have imagined you would change this drastically. I am astounded but so proud."

I smiled carefully; I hadn't had much choice in the matter of learning self-control because had I not learnt it, my smart mouth would have gotten me killed not to long ago.

My stomach rumbled just then and I remembered I hadn't eaten since before I woke up; Lissa looked at me and realised the same thing.

"Geez Rose, you need to tell me when you haven't eaten for a while, I'm actually betting if I hadn't heard your stomach now you wouldn't have mentioned it till the day was over."

I smiled and gave a one shoulder shrug, "I hadn't realised I was hungry until now. Besides I had more important things to do; like say, protecting you."

"Well then I guess I'll have to take it upon myself to protect you from starvation. Come on, let's go get some lunch."

I glanced at mum, "Want to join us, I'm sure you most likely have heard some gossip that you want to ask me about."

She thought about it, and then nodded.

Lissa lead us to a nice little cafe and we each ordered, typically I ordered the largest meal.

I looked at mum, "Did you guys recover the Strigoi bodies?"

She shook her head, "By the time we were allowed to leave the premises, the sun had already fried their bodies; however we did find this ring." She held out my ring, "Do you think this means anything?"

I nodded, "Yeah, that's my ring. It's just proof that I fought and killed them."

Janine kept her composure and gave me the ring. I slipped it on and saw that there was something she wanted to say.

"What is it mum?"

"I was talking to Abe the other day, to tell him the news you had returned and he said it was about time. Does that mean you were in contact with him?"

I shook my head, "No I only bumped into him once and he told me I was to return. I, of course, refused..."

_I knew I was being followed by some experts. I had escaped Justin about a year ago but I couldn't help the paranoia that his people would track me down to either recapture me and turn me Strigoi, or kill me. I preferred the latter as I doubted I would escape a second time._

_I grew tired of knowing I was being followed but not knowing by whom. It was possible Lissa had sent some new men but I doubted that, thoughts of me would have plagued her constantly, but they only did so occasionally, she was preoccupied by having gotten back with Christian. He had been comforting her over the loss of me and typically one thing lead to another..._

_I decided to trap my tracker so I walked through the alleyways of the city I was in, this wasn't a break in my 'routine' that my tailer no doubt believed I had formed, so they wouldn't think this was unusual._

_I cut through them quickly and found a dead end. I jumped up the wall and grabbed a hold of the fire escape ladder then pulled myself up. The tailers wouldn't actually enter the alleyway; they would simply watch the exits. If I was quick enough I could climb the staircase to the roof and get back to the ground on the other side of the apartment building, thus catching them from behind and even getting the chance to interrogate them. It was dark so I knew there was the risk of Strigoi lurking the alleys, but I needed to take the chance. This would be my only opportunity to get them._

_I made it to the roof in record time, but swore when I realised there wasn't a staircase on the other side, there was however a gutter piping system. I ended up half abseiling, half sliding down the pipe until I was close enough to the ground to jump without breaking something. I landed heaver than I anticipated but thankfully quietly._

_Keeping to the shadows I peeked around the corner and celebrated in my head when I saw one man watching the alley I had just been in, he was watching it far to intensely to be anything other than my man. I snuck up on him as his back was to me and grabbed him from behind, my knife to his throat._

_"Who sent you?" I questioned in a threatening voice. I've got to hand it to him, he reacted as any good guardian should; he tensed but I shoved him away before he could grab me and over power me. he turned and I kicked him in the head, and followed through with a kick in the gut. He hit the ground and swore, attempting to get up but I jumped and pressed my foot into his throat._

_"Who sent you?" I asked again, and again he moved t o grab me but I jumped away and stomped on his arm, most likely breaking it. He yelped in pain and I pressed my foot onto his biceps where I had just probably broken his humerus. He howled this time and I pressed harder._

_"Who sent you?"_

_I sensed movement behind me and I whipped round and hit the second Dhampir in the head with the handle of my knife, knocking him out cold. I turned back and saw the first guy trying to get up so I kicked his ribs and heard a nasty crack._

_"This is the last time I'll ask nicely. Who sent you?"_

_Finally he looked at me and I vaguely recognised him, but I couldn't place him._

_"Abe Mazur." He spat out and I clicked him into place. He was the guardian who Abe had told to give me his cloak._

_"Why?" I snapped._

_"He wants to know why you are here. He had thought you had returned to Montana." He grunted._

_"It's not his business why I am here. Tell him that and also to leave me alone. If he sends anymore followers I won't return them next time."_

_With that said I turned to leave, but I felt the nausea of Strigoi and I swore violently in Russian, just my luck._

_I saw the Strigoi at the end of the alley standing alone. He was tall, over 6 feet and staring at me. I couldn't make out any of his features except for the red glint of his eyes. I placed my knife back into the hilt, flicked out my stake from my sleeve and shifted into a defensive stance, but he didn't move. He just continued to stare; I didn't move just stared back, wishing I could see his face. But as good as my Dhampir sight was, it couldn't see in shadows as dark as the ones tonight._

_I was shocked to see the Strigoi leave, so shocked I didn't move even after the nausea had faded. I knew then that I couldn't leave the two incapacitated guardians when there was a Strigoi lurking, so I ruffled through the unconscious guardian's pockets and pulled out a walkie-talkie._

_"Mazur, if you are there you have two guardians incapacitated and at least one Strigoi in the immediate vicinity."_

_I didn't wait for a response, just left and blended in with the shadows. I didn't actually leave, just stayed out of sight of the two guardians until Abe's reinforcements arrived._

_They did after a good five minutes and I was surprised to see Abe himself amongst the group. While the other guardians assisted the two guardians I had beaten Abe scanned the alley._

_"Rose, I'm fairly sure you're still here. Come out, I need to talk with you."_

_I half-smiled, of course he would know I wouldn't have left. I stepped from my hiding spot behind him, but stayed in the shadows so he couldn't see my face._

_"What do you want Mazur?"_

_He turned at the sound of my voice and I saw the familiar smile he wore only for me._

_"Rose I'd say it was good to see you, but under the circumstances and the fact I can't actually see you, I won't"_

_"Quit the small talk Mazur. What do you want?" My voice was sharp, implying my impatience._

_"Why aren't you in Montana? Why are you back in Russia? And why are you not with you bondmate, Vasilisa?"_

_"It isn't any of your business what I am doing here." I replied curtly._

_He narrowed his eyes in annoyance, his face hardened in anger. I knew he didn't like not knowing things and since I was his daughter the lack of knowledge would be all that more frustrating._

_"We have been here before Rose, I always get what I want and you are aware of everything I have done for you."_

_"I never asked for your help, I hadn't wanted it then and I don't want it now. Leave me alone or so help me next time I won't be so lenient on your guardians." I said coldly._

_"Don't you threaten me, I have been kind so far so do not test my patience."_

_"And don't test mine either."_

_"I know you didn't leave Vasilisa by choice this time. But why haven't you returned to her now that you are able?"_

_"Again it's none of your business," I was losing patience with this; "You won't get your answers Mazur, leave me alone." I backed into the shadows and walked away._

_I heard him curse in frustration and bark orders to his guardians. They didn't involve capturing me so I didn't care what they were..._


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

Janine looked at me, "I have never known Abe to allow anyone to speak to him like that. I'm amazed he gave up so quickly."

I laughed slightly, "Oh, he didn't quit. I left Russia the next night, but he attempted tracking me down. I eventually lost him in Rome."

She looked genuinely impressed, but then Abe Mazur was a hard person to evade.

"Do you think that that Strigoi may have been Dimitri?" Lissa suddenly asked. She hadn't thought about the question so I had had no time to prepare myself and I flinched violently, as if she had slapped me.

I looked at my plate, struggling to hold back my tears and keep my breathing even. She must have felt my blast of wild emotion since she held my hand and stroked it in comfort.

"Yes, I had thought that initially. But later on discovered it wasn't him at all."

I gave her a weak smile and stood. Lissa looked at me in confusion.

"I'm meant to be guarding you Liss not having lunch. If the Queen were to see me now, I'd be dropped as a candidate so fast both our heads would spin."

She sighed in annoyance but didn't argue.

Since we had finished eating and I couldn't risk sitting around any longer, we left the cafe.

"Rose, I need to be in a meeting with the Queen in twenty, thank you for the lunch. I would like to continue our discussion, but not now." She told me in a very business-like manner. I nodded in agreement, "I can't really risk sitting with you while in the public eye, so maybe come over tonight to Lissa's." She agreed and hurried away.

I kind of found it amusing that I was inviting people over to Lissa home without their involvement, but as long as Liss didn't complain I would continue to do it. We walked in silence for a long time, both of us deep in thought. I knew what Lissa was thinking without even being in her head, she had been given a deeper insight to my past and I knew it was bothering her more than she wanted to admit.

"Liss what is it?"

She looked at me and smiled slightly, "I guess I'm still not entirely used to the idea of you being so..." She struggled for the right word, "Ruthless?" I filled in for her. She grimaced but nodded.

"I know you had always been impulsive and the first to fight with your fists, but everything you've told me so far just reinforces the fact that you have changed a huge amount. You aren't really impulsive anymore, and the damage you dished out to those guardians seemed almost unnecessary."

I shook my head, "No Liss, it wasn't, I could easily have killed them."

"That's my point right there!" She exclaimed in exasperation, "You talk about that so lightly. You just told me that beating them senseless, breaking that guys arm and ribs was merciful! The Rose I knew would never have talked like that! She would've been horrified at the thought of doing that at all."

I couldn't help but feel a twinge of annoyance at her, "How many times do I have to tell you that I've changed for you to understand? I spent the last five years fighting for my life, fighting for survival. Of course it is going to change me, are you honestly that naive that you think I wouldn't come out of that unscathed? That I would be the same old impulsive and immature Rose?" I could feel my temper getting the better of me and I fought to rein it in before this turned into a full scale fight. I felt Lissa do something similar.

"I know that Rose, I really do but it is still so hard for me to accept."

I raised an eyebrow at that, "What's so hard about it? I've changed. It's not a huge deal, if anything it's a good thing, the old Rose wouldn't have been able to guard you with as much efficiency. And besides, hadn't you told me that my past didn't bother you?"

A surprised look crossed her face and then she looked slightly ashamed.

"I know I said that, and in a way it doesn't bother me, but I'm struggling to imagine the Rose I knew doing all those things...." She trailed off and didn't finish.

"Well, that's because I'm not that Rose. We've been through this, I have changed and when are you going to accept that? I would like to see anyone go through what I went through with Justin and come out unscathed."

"Why is it so hard for you Rose to comprehend where I'm coming from? I haven't seen or heard from you in five years, so how would I have known how drastically you had changed? The bond is only one-way. I can't know what you're thinking, what you're experiencing so how would I have known what you went through? Maybe if you... I don't know... talked to me instead of keeping it to yourself I could understand better..."

I didn't respond for a while, surprised at myself for not having thought about it in that way. "I... Liss, I'm sorry... but the reason I didn't want to come back after Justin was because... was because I was afraid. I knew then how much I had changed just from those few months, and I was afraid that once you heard what I had done to those men you would reject me... it was easier for me to just not go back, not run the risk of you fearing me for the monster I had become." I had never had so much trouble with composing a sentence before. Liss didn't respond and I suddenly felt an immense wave of emotion from her, an accumulation of grief, sympathy, sadness, slight anger, regret and most powerful compassion. I almost felt dizzy from the influx of emotion.

"Oh, Rose I'm sorry too. I've been selfish, only thinking of myself and how I felt, this time apart has changed me too, and I can't say I like it." I couldn't really say anything to that so we lapsed into silence.

We didn't speak after that and a lot of unspoken words hung in the silence between us. As uncomfortable I was I couldn't leave her, it was my job to protect her from the 'Strigoi' attacks.

'Why did I even come back? Or at least, why did I stay? I had known she wouldn't be able to completely accept me, not with everything I've done. She doesn't even know the half of it and she is already struggling. _You may have known, but you couldn't help that tiny bit of hope, _an annoyingly sensible small voice in my head answered. And it was the truth, as much as my doubts had plagued me I had still had that small portion of hope that she would accept and forgive me burning inside. As much as I tried to smoother it, it had burned on, which was why this fight with Lissa hurt so much.

We returned to Lissa's home and I immediately locked myself in my room. She didn't need a guardian in her house and if I couldn't leave the house without her, I would get as much privacy as possible in the circumstances by locking myself in my room.

I stayed in there for the entire evening, not even coming out to eat. I wasn't hungry nor in the mood for any company. I briefly heard my mother come and go after Liss kindly explained what had happened. I fell asleep after tossing about my bed awhile: my dreams were normal, meaningless shapes and colours until I found myself in a strange room. I recognised it as the lounge of Justin's house he had kept me prisoner in; I had seen it briefly when I made my escape. I looked around casually and noted the antique sword hanging over the Victorian styled fireplace. A fire was flickering but I felt no heat from it. There was only a single rocking chair placed in front of the fire.

I was surprised to see a figure in it; said figure stood up just then, his back to me.

"Rose, you have disappointed me. I trained you, feed you and yet you have failed."

The voice belonged to a man, but it was broken and sounded cold and like death. He turned and fear struck through me. Justin smiled coldly, his face was in partial shadow but his eyes gleamed red.

"You may have killed me and so many more Strigoi, but not the one who matters."

The room was suddenly filled with the ghosts of dead Strigoi and men I had killed. Every face I recognised and remembered how I had killed them, they hovered and faced me.

"Come now Rose, you aren't afraid of some harmless ghosts are you?" Justin taunted me from the shadows and the ghosts crept forward, hands outstretched reaching for me. "Ah, but here's something you should know. We _can _hurt you."

Suddenly they started grabbing at me and I screamed, trying to fight them off but my strength was failing faster than normal. They tore at my hair and clothes, scratched at my face and limbs. I screamed again and they faded away.

I now found myself alone in the room, standing in front of a full length mirror. Naked. I gasped in horror as I saw my reflection. My face was pale and Strigoi-like, minus the red eyes; instead my eyes were a hollow and lifeless black. The scars Lissa had healed were back, but now they were disfiguring and eating at my flesh. I sobbed and looked up and saw movement behind my reflection. Turning I cried out again as this time I saw Dimitri, with his pale face and gleaming red eyes. He looked down at me in disgust, "Roza, you have missed your chance and now... _I don't want you._" With that he plunged my stake into my abdomen and I screamed in pain.


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

I jolted awake and sat up in bed, coated in sweat. My breath was heavy and I was unable to catch it. I felt a sob rise in my throat and I choked on it. Stumbling out of bed blindly I made my way to the bathroom. I flicked on the light and stared at my reflection in the mirror. My skin was slick with sweat, my hair damp and clinging to my forehead and face. I looked a mess, but I searched frantically for any scars or bite marks; nothing was there; they were gone as Lissa had healed them away. But I couldn't believe it; I could still feel the bumps and Dimitri's driving my stake into my abdomen. I hastily lifted my shirt but of course, there was nothing there - Just the clear, smooth, tanned and toned skin of my stomach.

I turned the tap on and splashed my face with water; I stared at my reflection and breathed deeply. It was only then I realised I was shaking, my hands trembling uncontrollably. That nightmare brought out the worst of my fears and doubts and I was really struggling to contain my panic. Eventually, though, I managed to calm down and was able to leave the bathroom, glancing at the clock on the dresser told me it was 4:15 in the morning, so the sun would still be in the sky. I knew I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep so I quickly showered, changed in my workout clothes and went for a run. I didn't care enough that I shouldn't leave the house without her, I needed to escape. I sprinted as fast as I could, running from the demons of my past and my dream. But I could only run so fast, they always caught up with me and you can't outrun your own past.

By the time I returned to the house, it was around 7, and Christian was in the kitchen making breakfast. He looked up at my entrance and frowned, "What are you doing up so early? Have you been for a run?"

"Yeah, went for an early morning jog to start my day off."

"By the looks of you, you've been 'jogging' for a while." His tone was sceptical, he sounded like he didn't believe me. I got irritated and I snapped at him.

"What's it to you what I do?"

He narrowed his eyes in annoyance, "Geez Rose, take a chill pill, I just asked a simple question and you bite my head off."

I glared at him and opened my mouth to retort when I sensed Lissa's presence. I turned round to her as she entered. We locked eyes and she scrutinized me.

"Where have you been?"

"Running."

My breathing was still heavier than usual and I'm sure my face was flushed, plus I could feel the sweat drip down my forehead.

"How long have you been running?" Lissa asked. I felt my eyebrows furrow in impatience.

"What does it matter how long? I went for a jog like I do every other morning. What's the big deal?"

And I heard my answer via the bond. Lissa remembered thinking she had heard screaming last night, to be precise; she thought she heard me screaming last night; plus she had felt a twinge of terror through the bond. It was completely unrelated to her own mood so she suspected it had been from me. I so did not want her knowing it had been me screaming so I played dumb. She continued to study me and I let my impatience show.

"What?! Why are you looking at me like that?" I heard her trying to construct her next question, "I thought... did you hear screaming last night?"

I raised an eyebrow at her quizzically, "Nope." Popping on the 'p', "I was asleep last night, like most normal people are."

I saw that my pretending had worked as Liss looked slightly embarrassed, she put that feeling of terror to a nightmare she must've had but not remembered. I feigned understanding, "Oh, you thought I might have been screaming? Ha! What would I be screaming for?" I forced as much Rose bravado and indignation as I could into my tone and watched it convince her. I glanced at Christian and was kind of surprised to see he didn't completely accept my story, but I didn't try convincing him.

"Anyway, I'm going to shower and you, fire-boy, best save me some breakfast." Christian snorted in response.

Over the next week or so I guarded Lissa while she went about her duties. There were only a handful of attacks, all of which I anticipated and easily 'staked' the 'Strigoi.' My nightmares persisted, though, to the point that I wasn't sleeping the entire night anymore. Deep shadows had formed under my eyes and my face had a drawn look to it, but it was nothing a bunch of concealer and foundation couldn't cover up. I felt sluggish and lethargic, and was relying heavily on several cups of coffee to keep me going.

"Rose, are you okay?"

I looked up to see Lissa looking at me in concern. We had been walking... actually, I wasn't entirely sure where we had been heading I had been so deep in thought.

"Huh? Oh, um, yeah I'm fine."

"Why don't I believe you?"

I gritted my teeth in annoyance, "Seriously Liss, I'm fine."

She lifted her eyebrows, "Just like you were fine with broken ribs and a fractured skull?"

I growled under my breath, "No, I'm fine like there's nothing wrong with me."

She stopped walking and grabbed my hand to stop me.

"Rose, come on, talk to me."

I lifted my hands in exasperation, "Liss, there isn't anything to talk about."

She crossed her arms, "Then why haven't you talked for the last hour we have been walking? We have literally circled this building six times and you haven't even noticed."

I opened my mouth but nothing came out, she had me.

"I – alright, fine. I'm nervous about the Queen's decision on whether or not I can be your guardian." It was true, but only partially. I had been thinking about my recurring nightmare, the one that ends with Dimitri stabbing me with my own stake. The horror of that nightmare still got me every night but I was able to contain myself from screaming when I woke.

I felt a touch of understanding from the bond and I sighed internally in relief.

"Don't worry about it Rose, you have this thing in the bag." I smiled slightly at her complete confidence in me; I had opened my mouth to say something when something hit me in the head from behind. Hard. I staggered forward into Lissa and saw stars. She screeched in fright and I turned as a fist punched me in the face.

"Urg," I grunted as my head snapped back. I stepped back again, shielding Lissa from my attacker and shook my head to clear it.

I looked up in time to see another fist heading my was; I only just managed to block it and I kicked out instinctively. My attacker grunted and stumbled back, leaving himself open for me to strike. I hit fast and true; getting him in the abdomen, sternum and finished with an uppercut into his chin.

I whipped out my stake to 'kill' him when I realised he wasn't dressed like a guardian playing Strigoi. He was in black camouflage gear and was wearing a balaclava.

"Rose!" I turned round to see Lissa in the hold of another man dressed in black and wearing a balaclava.

"Drop the stake girl, or Princess here gets it."

I saw then the glint of a steel knife pressed at her throat.


	28. Chapter 28

**Thanks for all the reviews, cool to hear you all like my story. I'm thinking from here chapters going to get longer and longer since it's nearly upto 30 and I ain't anywhere near finished... I guess I could always cut the story into two parts... hmmm maybe...  
Disclaimer: None of the Vampire Academy characters are mine, but the new guys are (although can't say I want to claim Hoseet and Aden too much, they both jerks).  
Enjoy Chapter 28!!!**

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**Chapter 28**

"Alright," I crouched down and slowly placed my stake on the ground.

"Kick it over here." He commanded, his speech was slightly slurred as if he had a swollen tongue or something. I did as he said.

"Liss, remember Jesse?" I asked, trying to hint at her. She frowned in confusion and I raised my eyebrows, widening my eyes purposefully. Two hands grabbed me from behind and restrained me roughly. I watched Liss make eye contact with my keeper and I felt the magic burn through the bond. Just like with Jesse, this magic felt wrong, and the darkness of it was worse than usual. I dragged it into me and fought to contain myself so as to not make her keeper aware of a change in his partner. I felt the change though, his finger's relaxed slightly, not enough to let me go entirely, but enough that I could almost pull him forward with me. I did that, making it seem as though he were pushing me by stumbling.

Lissa's restrainer seemed to relax the pressure of the knife applied to her neck and once I was within striking distance I struck out with surprising speed. I grabbed a hold of his wrist with the knife, pulled the wrist away from her neck and ordered Lissa to duck, twisting his wrist at such an angle caused him to gasp in pain and release his grip on the knife. But he managed to punch me in the ribs. I hissed and back fisted him in the jaw and he roared in pain, then I kicked him in the groin and as he bent over in agony I grabbed his head and slammed it into my upcoming knee. He jerked back and fell over backwards unconscious.

I turned towards Liss and my previous attacker and told her to release him from her compulsion hold. I pulled the darkness from her and experienced that sickening nausea for a second time, and I couldn't help shuddering. It felt worse than before.

I grabbed a hold of the guy's balaclava and ripped it off, and was shocked to recognise him. Guardian Aden. I literally saw red then; rage so intense flooded me and I leapt at him and beat him with animalistic fury. Like with Jesse there was no precision to my punchs, I just hit him was closed fist over and over again.

Distantly I heard Liss calling me to stop and I slowly, slowly gained control. I sprung up and stepped back, horrified by the damage I had done.

Aden's face was unrecognisable, it was just a red and black swollen mess, his eyes were swollen shut and his nose was engorged and bleeding profusely. Liss bent down and healed him. I watched in fascination as his face shrunk to its normal size. She only healed the worst of the injuries so as to not get me in trouble, but he needed to live and not die from blood loose.

"Are you okay?" I asked Lissa as she was trembling. I crouched down next to her and stared into her eyes.

She nodded feebly, "I'm sorry, it's just that using... using Spirit in that way feels so... wrong and unnatural. After Jesse I had hoped never to use it like that again. The side effects are by far worse than normal."

I placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. "I know, and I'm sorry that I made you do it. I shouldn't have been caught by surprise like that and I shouldn't have lost such control just then. I hadn't really anticipated how bad it would be. It felt worse than last time."

"But that is one of the things I hate. I use Spirit and you end up dealing with its effects. It's not fair for you."

"Liss, it's okay, I can handle it. I'm used to it by now. You need me now, like I needed you then; when you saved my life."

She smiled sadly and hugged me.

"What on Earth is going on here?" We both looked up to see Janine and a few other guardians walking towards us. I stood up and my head swam; Liss grabbed my arm to steady me.

"What happened here?" Janine repeated her question.

"Guardian Aden and his partner attacked us." Liss answered, and then removed the balaclava of the second man. It was Hoseet, the guy whose jaw I had broken on my first day back.

"What?!" Janine exclaimed.

"We were talking when Aden suddenly attacked Rose and when she knocked him down; Hoseet grabbed me and threatened me with a knife. Aden restrained Rose, but she managed to throw him off, disarm Hoseet and knock him out."

Janine looked at me, noting my bleeding nose, eyebrow and slightly glazed eyes.

"You took a bit of a beating. How did they manage to sneak up on you? None of us guardians have managed to do that yet."

I dropped my eyes in shame.

"I'm not sure. I was... distracted I guess."

Janine frowned, her lips pursed. "You got distracted? How?"

I rubbed my face with my hand and felt the slick stickiness of blood.

"Uh, Liss? Think you could... patch me up?"

Lissa looked at me, "Oh, yeah, of course."

I felt the hot, cold, hot sensation and immense happiness through the bond that came with wielding Spirit. Liss frowned and her hand stayed on my cheek; her thumb rubbed my cheek, just under my eye._ Shit, my concealer._ I jerked my head away and stepped back, but it was too late; Liss looked at her thumb and studied the clump of concealer. I turned away and looked at Janine.

"Look mum, these guys attacked us, just arrest and question them or whatever it is you guys do. I need to go... now... so... talk to you later. Bye."

I waved and pulled Liss with me as once again I was stuck with having to guard her. I basically pushed Liss into her house; thankfully no one was home and I moved to go to my room, but she blocked my way.

"Rose, what's going on? Why have you got such a ridiculous amount of concealer on? And don't tell me it's nothing; there are four words I am sick to death of hearing from you and they are 'I'm fine' and 'It's nothing'."

She crossed her arms and the look on her face was almost like she was daring me to say 'I'm fine'. I ran my hand through my sticky hair and sighed.

"So what? Wearing concealer immediately means something is wrong with me? I used wear makeup all the time and it's never bothered you before."

Her nostrils flared, "Don't give me that crap Rose, the amount of concealer you're wearing is ridiculous. What are you hiding?" She suddenly grabbed my arm with one hand and the other wiped my cheeks furiously.

"Lissa!" I cried out in surprise and struggled away, "What are you doing?"

"Ohmigod Rose! This is what you've been hiding? When was the last time you sleep?"

I knew then that she had wiped the concealer off and could see my black shadows under my eyes. I scoffed.

"Last night."

"For how long?"

I threw my arms up into the air, "God Liss what's with the twenty questions? You sound like I'm being interrogated. I haven't done anything wrong."

She stepped closer and lowered her voice in frustration.

"Except fail to mention you're not sleeping. Or eating for that matter. I've noticed you skipping meals or simply moving food about your plate. Plus that ridiculous amount of coffee you're drinking. And today, you're so tired you failed in guarding me efficiently. I mean come on Rose, no one has ever snuck up on you before and now two guys managed to not only catch you unawares, they managed to get a knife pressed to your charges throat."

I put my face inches from hers, and her eyes flashed in fear.

"How dare you Liss. How dare you accuse me of failing in my duty? I made _one_ mistake, I missed _one _thing and you have the nerve to say I _failed? _You speak as if guarding you is all I was made to do.  
"In the five years I've been gone, I have realised how unfair us Dhampirs have it. From the day we are born we are taught that '_They come first", _that you Moroi are more important than us. We are just lowly Dhampirs, there only to lay down our lives for you. We are trained to put our lives on the line, we aren't given the freedom to do anything else but guard you because, so help us, if we don't become a guardian we are denounced as blood whores and banished from society. We aren't given the freedom to even love who we choose. And here you are speaking exactly like the rest of them.  
"You expect me to put my life on the line for you day in and day out and then you accuse me of failing. How _dare_ you."

I was basically spitting by now and I was on the verge of tears. I was shaking with anger and so, before I could do her any physical damage, I stormed up the hallway and stairs and slammed my bedroom door.

There was no doubt in my mind she could feel my rage, it was explosive.

My hands trembled, so I clenched them into fists and then punched the wall. It didn't help much so I punched it again and again. Eventually my fist began to bleed and a hole had formed in the wall. But still I needed more of an outlet so I screamed and roared at the room. I collapsed onto the bed and sobbed myself to sleep; and once again I felt the beginning of my dream.

Only this time, instead of Dimitri standing behind my reflection, it was Lissa. She wasn't Strigoi or anything, but she watched me with cold, hard eyes. Disappointment obvious in those green eyes and she watched me sadly.

"You disappoint me Rose, you failed at killing Dimitri," Suddenly her eyes flashed red, "And you failed to protect me. You had promised Rose, you promised that you would always be there for me." She stepped closer, "But you weren't."

She stabbed me then and I jerked awake, screaming and sobbing.

I had cradled my face in my hands when Lissa burst through my bedroom door. I jumped out of the bed in fright, "No, get away!" I cried out. I backed up against the wall and pressed my back into it, as if trying to push through it. I was in a state of pure panic and Lissa felt this, as she had felt my earlier terror from my nightmare, so she approached me slowly and cautiously.

"Rose, it's okay. It's me, Lissa."

I pressed my knuckles against my eyes, "I'm sorry Lissa, I'm sorry I couldn't... didn't... protect you." I croaked out and hiccupped a sob.

Lissa tenderly held my shoulder, "Rose, Rose it's okay. You did protect me. You saved me."

"NO! I didn't, I couldn't save you from _him._ I – I couldn't."

I heard her breathing hitch, and I slid down the wall, "What – what do you mean Rose?"

I dropped my fists and opened my eyes, staring up at Lissa, remorsefully. "I failed Dimitri and I failed you. I couldn't protect you. I let you down, you – I – you died, I failed, I -" I dropped my head and covered it with my hands again.

"Rose is this why you're not sleeping? Because of nightmares?"

I hugged my knees then and rocked; Lissa crouched down and wrapped me in her arms, hugging me to her.

"I'm sorry for what I said Rose. I didn't mean it. You have always protected me, please Rose, you haven't failed me. I'm so sorry."

She held me until my sobs subsided and I regained my composure.

"How long Rose? How long have you been having nightmares?"

I glanced up into her eyes and I couldn't lie. "A few days."

"What are they about?"

I looked away and bit my lip.

"Rose, talk to me."

"It's only ever one. I'm in a house, a lounge..." I brokenly tell her, my voice catching every once in a while. Lissa listened in silence, her face horrified and I feel sympathy from her through our bond. "... only, this time it was you who stabbed me. You told me I had failed and then you killed me as punishment."

She didn't respond, just hugged me tighter.


	29. Chapter 29

**Okay so I know I said my chapters would be getting longer, but I promise this is the last shortish one. And it's taken longer then usual for me to update but I got a seriously pain-in-the-ass persitant virus that slowed EVERYTHING on my computer, pretty sure I've killed it and now I've two chapters for ya'll. Please review and tell me what you think, seriously can't stress enough how much I love reading my reviews. Makes me all tingly inside :P  
Disclaimer: I think we should have established by now that I am not Richelle Mead and thus I do not own Vampire Academy **

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**Chapter 29**

Morning eventually came and I wearily stood up. Last night had completely drained me; emotionally and physically.

"No Rose, you need to sleep."

I shook my head, "No, I can't – if I do I'll have that nightmare."

She placed a soothing hand on my cheek and brushed my dried tears with her thumb.

"I'll dreamwalk for you then, that way you'll sleep and not have that nightmare."

I tried to argue, but she shushed me.

"Rose, just do it and let me help you for a change."

Too tired to resist I sat on my bed and lay down. As soon as my eyes shut I was asleep. Immediately I felt the blackness change and watched in fascination as the Academy grounds spread out before me. I turned to see Lissa walking slowly to me, dressed in a simple green dress that matched the colour of her eyes. I looked down and saw I was wearing my usual attire, baggy black cargo pants and a clingy red skivvy. In fact it was what I had been wearing the night I rescued Eddie and Mia.

"Why have you chosen the Academy gates again?" I asked her, genuinely curious. She shrugged, "I guess this is the place where everything changed between us. Your decision to leave me to hunt down Dimitri changed everything between us."

I nodded in understanding. That day I had made one of the toughest decisions of my life, and it had set everything that would lead up until now into motion, but I would not have done it any differently. I still believed I had made the right choice.

I sighed, "God I am so screwed up."

Lissa smiled slightly, "Well that is kind of expected after everything you've been through," she tilted her head to the side, "Maybe one of these days you'll tell me everything. I am well aware that you have left a large amount of stuff out: Considering you've only told me about being kidnapped, rescuing Eddie and Mia, and meeting Abe. That's what? Four Strigoi out of over two hundred."

I smiled slightly, she was right of course; there was a huge amount I had not said. I crinkled my nose, "Uh please remind me to shower once I wake up, I can smell myself now and, ew."

Lissa blinked and burst out laughing, "You've been having none stop nightmares, beaten up and completely lost it, and you're worried about smelling?" She continued laughing and I eventually joined in.

We sat down in silence for a while, not really sure what to say. There were still unresolved issues between us and I knew we both were responsible for them. Even though I had chosen not to return, I had built up resentment towards Liss and her freedom, and she had built some up towards me for not returning, having felt abandoned.

I grabbed her hand and squeezed it, "Look Liss, I know I've said this before, but I am sorry for not returning. For behaving cowardly, and I'm sorry for what I said earlier; I said it in anger. But I stand by what I said. You do have an easier life, you get to love whomever you choose and lead whatever life you choose." I looked down at the grass beneath us, "I know that this is how our society works and it's not going to change really, but I just needed to tell you. Over the years I have built up resentment at you and the life I felt I had been forced into. So part of the reason I didn't come back was because for the first time in my life I felt freedom. Freedom to choose, to not have to put someone else's life ahead of mine. I know it was selfish, but I wanted to feel that for once I was free."

Liss stared at me for a long time and I felt understanding and forgiveness through the bond. She half-smiled at me finally being completely honest with her.

"It's okay Rose, and I am sorry for talking to you like someone beneath me, like a servant instead of a friend. I told you once that you didn't have to guard me unless you wanted to and I realise now that I went back on that. I know I have behaved like a spoilt brat and been expectant of things you should only give me should you want to. You aren't the only one to have changed in these five years. And I can't say I like how I have changed."

I smiled fondly at her; we had made a lot of errors in our reunion. She had expected me to be someone similar to the person who had left and when she realised I wasn't, she had tried to force me back in that persona. I hadn't wanted to be here and fought to drive her back, afraid of how she would react if she found out about the things I was most ashamed of and then resented her for not understanding the pain I felt.

I watched the world around me flicker and lose focus.

"You're waking up." Lissa observed.

I smiled and then opened my eyes in the real world. I sat up and rubbed my face. Ew, it was still sticky with dried blood.

I kicked back my blankets and stood up, unsure of how long I had been asleep for. I felt refreshed apart from the icky feeling of needing a shower. Lissa was sitting on the floor in that meditation position again, so I crouched beside her and hummed, "Ohmmm" into her ear. She shrieked in fright and jumped to her feet. I cracked up laughing at her expression; she scowled and shoved me into the bathroom, plugging her nose in mock disgust.

After I had showered I inspected my face in the mirror, the shadows were still there but not as dark. I didn't look like I had two blacks eyes anymore but I still needed a touch of concealer.

I exited the bathroom and Lissa was sitting on my bed, watching me.

"Feeling better?"

I nodded, "Yeah. A lot."

My stomach growled loud enough for Liss to hear and she lifted an eyebrow.

"How long has it been since you've eaten this time?"

I frowned in concentration, "Not entirely sure. How long have I been asleep?"

She looked at the clock, "Hmmm, about ten hours I'd say, the suns coming up so you've slept today away." She smiled at me and hopped off the bed, "I'll get Christian to make us something."

Except that Christian wasn't in the kitchen, or anywhere in the house.

"Huh, wonder where everyone is." I pondered aloud. Liss shrugged and pulled out a box of cereal, "He'll be back."

He did come back at about 8. We were in the lounge talking about my chances of being her guardian when he came through the front door.

"Christian!" Lissa smiled and stood. He smiled back fondly and swept her up in a hug.

"Where have you been all day?" He kissed her cheek affectionately and I felt Lissa's joy and love bubble up. I tried not to think too much about that fact that I didn't have anyone.

"Oh, we've been here. Took a nap..." She didn't elaborate and for that I was thankful. I was still highly embarrassed about last night and the last thing I needed was for Christian to know about my sleep deprivation caused by nightmares. He nodded in understanding, "Oh, uh Rose I bumped into Adrian earlier today. He was looking for you, saying something about the Queen and your guardianship."

"What?!" I shot up from my chair in excitement and Liss jumped back from Christian. "When did you see him? Where was he? What else did he say?" We both bombarded him with questions and he raised his hands and backed up in fright.

"Easy, easy, one at a time please."

"When did you see him? Exactly when." I asked, restraining myself from bombarding him again. He pursed his lips in thought, "Uh, would have been around lunch I guess. Yeah, I saw him at the feeders."

"What exactly did he say?" I felt like I was extracting information from a child, having to pronounce each individual word.

"Uh, that he says 'hi' and that the Queen wants to see you tomorrow round, uh, nine in the morning... Or was it eight?"

"CHRISTIAN!" Lissa and I yelled at him.

"Eight, it was definitely eight."

"Okay. Thanks." I felt a flutter of nerves jump around in my stomach. _The Queen has finally made her decision._ Lissa and I exchanged excited looks and I felt the rush through the bond, doubling my own excitement. _Tomorrow I will find out my future. _I hadn't felt this nervous about anything in a long time and my nervousness was so great Lissa picked up on it through our sort of two-way bond. She smiled confidently at me, "Rose she is sure to give you a promise mark and assign you as my new guardian. I mean there is no way that Guardian Aden is going to guard me after yesterday."

Christian looked at Liss then, "What did Mitchell do to you?"

I was mildly surprised that Lissa hadn't told him, but then we both had been very preoccupied.

"Uh, he and that Hoseet guy that I punched over attacked us last night."

The look on Christian's face was murderous to say the least; his cheeks even flushed red in outrage. "They what?! You're telling me that your own guardian attacked you and Rose last night, and you failed to mention it?"

Lissa blushed with embarrassment, and opened her mouth to defend herself but I got there first.

"Christian, are your observation skills are so bad that you failed to notice last night she had been preoccupied with having had a fight with me? Because we did have a fight last night and she was most likely fuming as much as me, or close to it." I corrected myself, remembering the hole in my wall. He had the decency to look partially embarrassed and apologised to Liss, "Sorry babe, it's just that I'm shocked that he would do that. I mean he seemed like a good guy, intent on protecting you and all."

She nodded and smiled forgivingly, "It's okay Chris I probably should have mentioned it, but between having to tell Rose's mum that Rose wasn't feeling too good and trying not to go punch a wall I was a little busy." She gave me a knowing look just then and I blushed, my emotions must have been strong enough to influence her behaviour. Christian went into the kitchen to make us some dinner and Lissa looked at me, a question forming in her mind.

"Did you ever find out who that Strigoi was in the alley that night in Russia?"

"No I really didn't find out who he was, but I did come across him again."


	30. Chapter 30

So this entire chapter is a flashback, its rather long but I needed to get the scene over in one chapter... Enjoy and review please :P

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Chapter 30

_I had been in Rome in the city of Marino for a few weeks after finally having lost Abe and his guardians. No Strigoi I found here really knew anything about Dimitri but I wasn't really that surprised, since the last time I had seen Dimitri had been in Russia. He was most likely still there building his empire of Strigoi up for an invasion of the Academy or even the Courts if he still figured I was with Lissa... but that was unlikely. I had built a name for myself in Vampire society as quite the efficient slayer in the short year of my freedom from Justin._

_I was tired and my left knee was swollen and aching. That last Strigoi had been a fiery red head who had had a smart mouth and enjoyed playing with me. But like every other Strigoi that under estimated me I had staked her in the end; however, not before she kicked me viciously in the knee and broke my nose._

_I grumbled about that since I knew I'd need to go see a medical practitioner in case my nose healed crooked. My right eyebrow was bleeding down my face and I tasted blood in my mouth. I limped to my apartment building and slowly made my way up the stairs._

_I flinched at the sight of my face in the mirror, washed myself down and changed clothes before I left again to see a local doctor who had gotten to know me quite well. Best thing about him was he didn't ask prying questions, he was clean, experienced and didn't cost an arm and a leg._

_"Ah Alla you're back." He greeted me with a sad smile._

_I had a range of different aliases I used, but only two which I had fake passports for. Alla Petrov was one, telling anyone who read it that I was a 21-year-old from Russia and the other was Kate Winslow a 23-year-old Australian._

_I had learnt a fair amount of Russian by now and was becoming more fluent by the weeks, plus my accent was getting better as well. It was difficult learning a language to be sure, but very necessary for my survival and cover. I mean, what Russian born citizen wouldn't know their own language?_

_I smiled at him, "Yip walked into another door."_

_He laughed quietly at that, it had become my excuse for all the injuries I came in with, even though you would have to be highly skilled to manage to dislocate you shoulder and twist your ankle in one go from one door. He didn't believe me but I had kept to that story and he had eventually given up trying to find out what really happened. He probably thought I was in an abusive relationship and was too ashamed to admit it, so he stopped digging since he figured I would leave and he was one of those nice kind of doctors that genuinely cared about his patients and should I leave him he wouldn't know if I was getting treatment or not._

_  
It was a week before my nose fully healed, thanks to my Dhampir healing and thanks to the doctor it healed straight. I no longer limped when I walked and my knee didn't bother me at all._

_I had avoided going out at night due to my injuries but since I was all good now, that night I was walking home. I felt the familiar nausea and turned to see that same Strigoi from a month ago behind me. I couldn't believe he had followed me from Russia. Hastily I drew my larger stake form my belt and faced him. He didn't move or make any threatening movements._

_"Rose Hathaway." He greeted, his voice was deeply laced with an American accent._

_"How do you know that?" I answered. I went by Alla in Rome so there was no way he could have associated me with that name unless he knew me before. "Who the hell are you?"_

_He smiled coldly and stepped forward, "You have made yourself quite well known in Strigoi society everyone knows your name and description. For young Strigoi your name even invokes fear."_

_I shuffled my foot back, "Is that so?"_

_"Yes, but I am not newly awakened, I am not afraid of you. In fact I am going to be the Strigoi to turn you, even if he wants to do it himself, you have become far too bothersome for me to allow you to live any longer. You will be greatly feared and honoured in the Strigoi community."_

_"Community?" I was shocked by this, Strigoi barely co-operate with each other; it had been a huge deal for them to have made that joint attack on the Academy years ago since they betray each other without a second thought. And yet this Strigoi was telling me there was an actual community of them, living together. A few richer curse words ran through my mind at this revelation, Strigoi living and working together._

_The Strigoi smiled again, apparently enjoying taking me by such obvious surprise. He shot forwards then, impossibly fast, knocked my stake from my hand with ease and grabbed my shoulders. Wasting no time he lowered his mouth to my neck and bit me. The pain was intense and I couldn't help gasp in pain and then pleasure as the endorphins kicked in. Bliss, pure bliss washed through my body, but a vague small voice in my head was yelling at me, 'It's a Strigoi that wants to kill you...! He's going to turn you...! It's not Dimitri this time.' At that I felt like I'd been splashed with cold water, and in the brief instance of having a clear head I slipped my smaller stake from my sleeve and although I couldn't get his heart, I stabbed him in the gut._

_He immediately broke from the bite as the magic of the silver stake burned him. He bellowed in pain and rage and back-handed me across the face: I spun and hit the ground roughly; the air was knocked from my lungs and my vision blurred. I felt myself losing consciousness but just before I blacked out entirely though I heard footsteps and the Strigoi screeched. That screeching was the last thing I heard before I completely lost consciousness.___

"She's coming round."

_"Marcus get Maia, she's waking."_

_I heard voices speaking in foreign accents and then a blur of foreign language, defiantly not . I opened my eyes slowly and blinked a face into focus. It was a pale orb, with pink lips, an overly large nose that seemed to have been broken a few times, an impressive scar running from the corner of a brown eye to the chin, with wavy brown eyebrow length hair. The pink lips seemed to be moving, but my ears had an uncomfortable ringing in them and I closed my eyes again._

_When I opened them there was no pale orb floating above me, in fact there wasn't anything floating above me, just blackness. Memories flooded my mind and I sat up in panic. Two hands grabbed my shoulders then and I reacted on instinct, I knocked the hands away and punched out where my fist made contact with a face._

_"Jesus H. Christ!" Someone swore and I allowed my eyes to focus then. I was in what appeared to be a tent of some sorts, lying - well sitting now - on an army bunker. I had just punched someone and I stared at them, and leapt to my feet defensively._

_"Who the hell are you?" I felt dizzy and disorientated but I didn't know these people and I couldn't allow myself to show weakness. Part of my non-spinning mind rationally reminded me that I have just woken in this person's tent so they probably don't mean me any harm. But I wasn't being rational._

_The person continued clutching their nose and eyed me warily._

_"I'm Marcus Isky, and I mean you no harm."_

_I recognised him then, he had been the floating pale orb from my dream... or had that been a dream? I studied him more; he was tall, maybe not quite 6 feet but close to it with broad shoulders and a muscular frame. That scar that ran from his right eye to his chin wasn't disfiguring, in fact it served to give his face character. He screamed Dhampir from his stance to his face, stony and carefully expressionless except for the slight scowl he was giving me while clutching his nose._

_I felt a breeze and looked round him to see another tall male enter the tent. He was roughly Marcus's height with black army cropped hair; his eyes were a disconcerting shade of black that reminded me of coals. But he was clean shaven with sharp masculine features from the square jaw to the brooding eyes._

_He saw me eyeing him and smiled; this had the effect of relaxing his features and even giving them a boyish charm._

_"Ah, you are awake good to see. I am Julius Krusiewski."_

_'Krusi – what? What the heck kinda name was that?' Ran through my mind but I didn't voice it, just eyed them both cautiously. I didn't know where I was or who these people were. The last thing I remembered was stabbing that Strigoi and getting smashed other the head... which would explain my headache. They appeared to be both waiting for me to speak, "Uh, where am I?"_

_Julius continued smiling, "In our secret headquarters. After you fell unconscious we felt it was necessary to bring you back since that Strigoi had dealt you some serious damage and you appeared to have lost a lot of blood."_

_I looked at him like he was insane, 'Headquarters? For what?' _

_He seemed to read my mind and sighed slightly._

_"I was joking; we are in the outskirts of Marino."_

_I nodded and examined the tent, searching for my stakes. "Where are my stakes?"_

_Marcus answered me this time, "They are both safe for the time being. Who are you and why were you fighting that Strigoi alone?"_

_Without missing a beat I answered, "Alla Petrov and I was walking home when I was attacked by one."_

_I spoke with a Russian accent to make it that much more believable._

_Marcus studied me and I stared him down. He was still clutching his nose. Julius looked at him, "Hey, what happened to your nose?"_

_"Alla happened to it."_

_I blushed slightly, "He caught me by surprise..." As a way for explanation, Julius looked between me and Marcus then burst out laughing._

_"Dude, you got beat up by a girl."_

_"Shut up Julius, she caught me by surprise is all."_

_I found their bantering amusing and I didn't bother feeling insulted by the fact they called me a girl. I knew I would be able to take them both out, but didn't mean I wanted them to know this. It would be easier for me to escape if they underestimated me._

_I watched in amusement as the banter turned to throwing insults at each other, they were oblivious to me sitting on my cot, but both noticed when a breeze blew through the tent and I saw a girl enter. She was older than me, maybe 24, with dark brown hair and intense brown eyes. She was obviously Marcus's sister, since she had all of his facial features just feminised, she was beautiful but with the typical weather worn look that all guardians got._

_"Are you boys bickering again? My god I feel more like your babysitters than anything else. Ah, our guest is awake. Hi I'm Maia, Marcus's older sister."_

_"Alla Petrov." I replied and shook the hand she offered._

_"I imagine you've meet Marcus and Julius? Both immature brats when stuck together. How are you feeling?"_

_"Fine I guess. Where are my stakes?" I wanted them so I could leave, but she just smiled politely._

_"All in good time Alla. Want to tell us why you have two stakes and out late at night being attacked by a Strigoi?"_

_"Not really." I replied and she just smiled wider, not at all put off but my cold demeanour, "But thanks for saving me and all... now if I could have my stakes..."_

_"In such a hurry? You must be starving considering you've been out for the entire day and it is dinner time."_

_I was surprised by that, I hadn't felt like I'd been out for that long. I had a feeling she wasn't the kind to take no for an answer so I gave in, I mean I was really hungry now that I was aware of it. She smiled again and told Julius and Marcus to go get dinner._

_"Now, do you want to tell me what you're doing with two stakes that clearly don't belong to you?"_

_I narrowed my eyes in annoyance, "Of course they belong to me."_

_She widened her eyes in mock surprise, "Then why weren't you able to use them? I mean, if you have two stakes with that many markings on them then how was it you got beaten by a single Strigoi?"_

_I was mildly surprised that she had figured out my mock-molnija marking system but clenched my jaw and took a deep breath. "I hadn't anticipated his attack. He caught me unawares. Now give me the stake."_

_She didn't stop smiling and it was really starting to rub me the wrong way. "Well I'm sorry if I don't believe your story. I'm not going to return them until I believe they are yours."_

_"And how am I meant to prove it? Beat the crap outta you?"_

_She outright laughed at that, "Like you could do that. But if you want to give it a go..." She trailed off and stood up. I bounced to my feet and followed her outside. We weaved through a cluster of tents and crates; once we had hit a clearing she suddenly spun with a kick at my head. I hastily ducked and swept her grounded foot, knocking her to the ground._

_She smiled and rolled back to her feet swiftly, "Good reflexes." She complimented and lunged forwards again._

_By now Marcus and Julius had returned with food but had stopped to watch us fight. I blocked several of her hits and then broke through her guard, and before she could do anything about it I grabbed her throat, swept her feet and pinned her on the ground, effectively choking her. She attempted to kick me in the back of the head but I released her throat, rotated my torso to dodge the foot then wrapped my arm around the leg and grabbed her throat again. It was so swiftly completely her leg hadn't stopped in its movement. The position I had her in demonstrated just how flexible she was, but she could buck under me._

_"Concede." I commanded, and she thrashed again so I applied more pressure and grabbed one of her hands, twisting it into a very painful grapple. She gasped and choked in pain._

_"Concede." I commanded again and to enforce my point I twisted harder._

_"Concede!" She cried out and I immediately released her. Standing up I offered her my hand, she took it and I pulled her up._

_"Now do I get my stakes?"_

_She coughed and rubbed her throat, "God I haven't seen anyone fight like that in a long time. Even Marcus struggles to beat me some days and you did it in less than ten minutes. Yeah, you can have your stakes back, just after dinner."_

_Marcus smiled at me in and offered me a plate, I took it smiling back. I hadn't had a good sparring match in a while - sure I'd fought a lot of Strigoi but it isn't a lot of fun when you have to kill or be killed._

_"Very impressive moves Alla, haven't seen anyone beat Maia in a while. Maybe you'll give me a match before you depart." He added hopefully. I smiled again but didn't answer. I wasn't going to make any promises._

_Conversation round dinner varied from topic to topic and I learnt a lot about the group of three. Maia had graduated high school and gotten her promise mark, but when her charge was killed by a massive Strigoi attack on her homestay, not unlike the one at St. Vladimir's, she had been taken along with a few others. Julius and Marcus had been friends in high school, and when Marcus learnt the news of his sister's kidnap he dropped out from high school to find her. Together they had found her and since then had been wandering from city to city killing Strigoi. I was actually surprised by the similarity between our stories, not that I really told them mine and they didn't really press for details. In accordance with my back story of being Alla Petrov a Russian citizen, I simply told them I had graduated, but opted not to get a promise mark after a massive falling out with my friend who I had always expected to guard. It was sort of the truth, just in a twisted and rather distorted version. They accepted it and didn't push me for any details about it._

_I noticed Marcus watching me during the evening but since he made no advances I didn't mind so much. Julius was the youngest of the groups at 20, Marcus was 22 and Maia was 24. I told them I was 21 when in actual fact I was maybe 19 and a half, but my face was marked up enough you couldn't really tell the difference. I felt I could've pulled off 40 and not been questioned._

_I helped Marcus clean up and he badgered me for a sparring match, and since I felt so well feed and slightly energetic I agreed. Maia and Julius both came out to watch as we first began circling each other. Marcus had the advantage here having already seen me fight; well, he thought he had the advantage. I hadn't felt like mentioning to Maia I hadn't been fighting to my full potential due to the cracking headache I had had._

_I decided to make the first move this time and lunged forward with a right hook. He easily blocked me and went for a left upper cut to counter; I took the blow in my stomach and felt the air rush from my lungs. He was strong and not really holding anything back. I stepped back and moved to get a kick in, but he stepped forwards, being greedy with his punches. I twisted my torso and grabbed his wrist and in one motion twisted his wrist and punched him with a powerful blow into his jaw. I didn't release the grip I had on his wrist and continued to twist it, his knees buckled and I thumped his collarbone with the heel of my palm. It wasn't hard enough to break it, but it sure as hell hurt him as he snarled through his teeth. I released him and jumped back allowing him time to get back on his feet._

_"You got some moves girl." He commented and charged forwards. I had gotten him angry, not like enraged or anything, but angry enough to effect his judgement. He wasn't fighting like a guardian anymore; he was being primitive in his attacks, using his strength versus his skill. I couldn't match his strength, but I could counter it with my speed as I got three good jabs into his chest before I ducked under his arms and kicked the back of his knees. He dropped and I leapt on his back, grabbed his arm and wrenched it into a submission hold. He bucked and thrashed around but I didn't budge, just applied more pressure until the pain became too much and it got to the point that I would end up dislocated his shoulder._

_He cried out in pain, "Alright, alright! I give, I give."_

_I held him a moment longer then released him. However before I could get up, he struck like a viper, rolling over and grabbing me then rolling back over, pinning me beneath him._

_"Hey!" I cried out in surprise and mock fury, "That's cheating."_

_He chuckled, "Never said I wasn't a cheater."_

_I pursed my lips, then bucked and twisted my torso, rolling him so that he was beneath me again and I was straddling him._

_"Then you had best learn I don't lose... Even to cheaters."_

_He smiled devilishly and chuckled. I smiled a smile I hadn't used in a long time. It was slightly seductive and sexy. I pushed myself off him and walked away, leaving him on the ground._

_"Hey! Aren't you going to help me up after you just beat me up?"_

_"Nope." I replied, popping the 'p'._

_Maia gave me a high five and I found myself genuinely smiling for the first time since Justin. I hadn't had that sort of fun for a while and it felt good to finally relax some._

_"Good job Alla, he needed to be taken down a notch, his ego was getting to big to handle since he hasn't been beaten since high school 6 odd years ago."_

_I didn't end up leaving them; I found there company enjoyable and even began flirting with Marcus. He was fun and reminded me of a little of Adrian, with his persistent pursuing of me. To begin with I resisted him, didn't encourage him, but then I realised how much fun and how much I had missed this sort of attention. Before Dimitri I had been known as a flirtatious party-girl, always up for a good make-out session. I know it had been damaging for my reputation but it had been fun and back then I hadn't really thought a lot about that sort of thing. Dimitri had become my mentor after bringing us back and under his mentorship I had grown and matured a lot._

_I had developed a close friendship with Maia as well. She had obviously been missing contact with females and we really hit it off after that first match when I kicked her arse. We didn't really spar with each other, only every now and then, instead preferring to talk and go on runs together. She reminded me strongly of Mia actually, in the fiery temper sort of similarity. She had told me more about her friend Antonia, who had died in the Strigoi attack; they had met the second year into High School, Antonia had been in a fight with another Moroi and Maia had apparently hated the girl as well so she defended Antonia. The girl had been accusing her of having stolen her boyfriend (which Maia later found out to have been true) and threatened her with burnt off eyebrows. Maia had stood up against her and threatened her with a broken nose, noting to her that eyebrows grew back, but noses didn't always heal straight. They had become fast friends and over the years Maia had agreed to become her guardian once she had graduated._

_When Maia spoke of the Strigoi attack she had broken into tears, Antonia had had her neck broken by a Strigoi. They had been surrounded and vastly outnumbered, Maia had killed two of the six Strigoi but once she had seen Antonia's neck break and her body fall to the ground limp, she had broken. The Strigoi overpowered her and dragged her off. She hadn't spoken of her time as a captive, just told me it had been horrible and she still suffered nightmares. At that point I had nearly confessed to her that I had been through a similar experience with Justin, but I knew that I couldn't, not if I wanted to keep my cover as being Alla._

_"So, ready for another sparring session? I think I might get you today!" Marcus was asking me. After three months of daily matches he had yet to pin me down and get me to concede._

_"Oh please, you can't get me pinned for longer than ten seconds tops. How on Earth do you hope to get me to concede?" I shot back as I stood and walked towards the dirt ring. He laughed and jumped at me._

_"By using dirty tactics!"_

_He had me pinned underneath him and I had to admit I couldn't move._

_"That is totally unfair!" I told him as I pushed at his chest, trying to ignore the part of my brain taking note on the muscular density of it. He just smiled cockily, "I did tell you on our very first match I don't play fair."_

_I bucked but it didn't move him, he laughed throatily, "Honey I would be one hellova slow learner if I got beaten by that again." His voice had dropped slightly and had a husky tone to it. I felt a shiver run down my spine. I pouted and decided then that he wasn't the only one who could play dirty. I ran one of my hands that were on his chest up and round the curve of his shoulder. I barely made contact and was pleased to note the change in his expression; it had been light and teasing, then changed suddenly to serious and distracted, lust driven and his eyes clouded over. My other hand ran down his waist and rested lightly on his hip. I lifted my head from the ground and parted my lips slightly, his eyes drifted close and that's when I struck. I didn't even need to buck; he was light putty in my hands. I pulled on his right shoulder and pushed his left hip rolling him over onto his back so that I was straddling him again. The hand on his shoulder trailed down his arm and wrapped round his wrist then brought it above his head, the other hand did the same. All the while I brought my face closer and closer until I was within an inch of his lips, then I said, "Pinned ya." And pulled back. His eyes snapped open in surprise and slight disappoint and he let out a groan._

_"That is totally unfair."_

_I copied his previous smile and tone, "Never did say I played fair."_

_I heard applause and looked up to see Maia and Julius had been watching, Maia was laughing and appeared to be on the verge of collapsing._

_"That has got to be the best technique I've ever seen. You totally had him Alla."_

_Julius was just grinning broadly, nodding in agreement._

_"I should hope you don't use that on every opponent that gets you pinned." Marcus commented, his voice still very husky and attractive. I smiled down at him, "No one ever gets me pinned."_

_I moved to push myself off him when he grabbed my wrists and flung me under him._

_"Haven't we been through this?" I asked slightly breathless._

_"Yeah, but like I said, I wanted to win one."_

_I sighed and simply played possum, didn't even try get him off just relaxed completely and that small part of me that enjoyed having him so close became a slightly bigger apart. He frowned, unsure of what to do in this situation, he hadn't seen this technique before. His grip relaxed enough for me to twist my wrists from his grip and then I gave him a head butt. Not hard but enough to daze him. He grunted and I twisted back on top them pushed myself off him quickly. It was a total mood killer but I had realised if I stayed under him for too much longer I would do something I may regret later. Like, say, kiss him._

_He groaned and rubbed his head, "That was totally uncool." He complained as he sat up._

_"You wanted a sparring match, so I gave you one." I replied as I walked away, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. The air had become too tense between us and I needed to breath. I entered the tent that had basically become mine and sat on the cot staring at the wall. Maia entered a few minutes later, a concerned look on her face._

_"What's the matter Alla?"_

_I looked up at her and shook my head, "It's complicated..."_

_"Do you want to talk about it?"_

_What was I supposed to say? 'I'm developing feelings for your brother but I think I'm still in love with another man, not to mention that he's now a Strigoi and I'm meant to be out hunting him down to kill him. Plus I can't really be completely honest with you since you think my name's Alla, when in actual fact I'm Rose and I have a past you won't want to know about.' _

_Instead I gave her half the truth, "I'm – I, look Maia, I like your brother a lot but before I graduated I... fell in love with someone. That guy, he..." I took a deep breath to control myself, "Got turned into a Strigoi. That's why I didn't get the promise mark, why I had been hunting Strigoi. To find him and kill him. I couldn't kill him the first time I found him, and I haven't been able to find him since." I looked at my feet fighting to contain the tears that always built up when I thought about Dimitri on the bridge, "I need to kill him Maia, I made a promise to him, to myself, that I would do it."_

_She nodded in understanding and hugged me to her. No tears fell but I sobbed quietly._

_"He would understand Alla, he would wait. I know him, and I've seen the way he has changed since you've been here. He will wait for you."_

_The next day we went Strigoi hunting; we had heard rumours about several unexplained disappearances in the area and the circumstances screaming Strigoi involvement. They had finally given me back my stakes once they had been sure I wouldn't leave once I had them back so I had one on my belt and the other up my sleeve. Marcus had been impressed but that strategy; if I lost one I had an easily accessed backup._

_We tracked down the Strigoi responsible for the disappearances easily, but we hadn't anticipated that he wouldn't be working alone. I had just finished what we had assumed to be the only one when I noticed my nausea hadn't faded with its death._

_"There are more!" I called out in warning as about five of them leapt from surrounding rooftops. It was the perfect place for an ambush and we had arrogantly walked right into it. I swore and readied myself for the ensuring fight. It ended up that I had to fight two male Strigoi that had to have been Dhampirs before they were turned because they beat me round. I staked one of them without much trouble, but the other slashed me across the face and I hit the ground, dropping my stake. He picked me up and seemed to pause, apparently recognising me._

_"I would've expected more of a fight from Rose Hathaway, but I suppose the saying is that you shouldn't believe everything you hear. I will enjoy killing you though, I imagine your blood is delicious." He threw me against the wall and my head cracked against the brick wall, my vision blurred and blackened. I felt him pick me up again by my shirt front and hold me against the wall. He lowered his mouth to my neck and I panicked, adrenaline coursed through my veins and with new strength I stabbed my trusty sleeve-hidden stake into the side of his neck. He gasped and snarled in pain. Dropping me he backed away and I saw Marcus, having finished off his Strigoi, grab a hold of my stake, still lodged in the Strigoi's neck, and rip it down, decapitating him. I slid down the wall and struggled to stay conscience..._

_"Alla?" Someone called to me._

_"Uh," I tried to respond but my tongue felt swollen and I was entirely disorientated, unsure of where exactly I was._

_"Alla, hold in there"_

_I felt like I was weightless and flying. In fact this sensation was vaguely familiar._

_"mmm... okay Dimitri..." I whispered and fell into oblivion._

_I woke up later and sat up slowly rubbing my head._

_"Uh, wow that Strigoi packs a punch." I muttered, and then became aware of a presence in my tent._

_Marcus was sitting on a crate, watching me. I rubbed my face and eyes._

_"How long was I out this time?"_

_"Only a few hours. You took a hard hit, but I don't think there's any permanent damage and that scratch shouldn't scar."_

_I coughed and he handed me a bottle of water, "Thanks." I croaked and sat up entirely._

_"How are Maia and Julius?"_

_"Fine. Maia took a rather nasty hit in the shoulder, possibly broken it, but Julius is fine. You were the only one to lose consciousness."_

_I smiled slightly, "Seems to be the way I do things lately, stab the Strigoi and then let you kill it."_

_He leant forwards then and rested his elbows on his knees, his face sombre and very serious._

_"Alla, that Strigoi spoke to you. I heard him talk to you. I heard him say he would enjoy killing you. He is the second Strigoi to speak with you before attacking. What is going on? You are more than a simple unpromised Dhampir who has killed a few Strigoi. They knew you. They spoke to you. Who are you?"_

_I was frozen, unsure of what to do._

_"I... what exactly did you hear?"_

_He took a deep breath and closed his eyes._

_"It is irrelevant what I heard. You are keeping something from us. From me."_

_I bit my lip and looked away from him. It hurt me to lie to him, his sister and Julius, but I had needed to break away from the name and identity of Rose Hathaway. Not just that my name had become so well known but I had wanted to separate myself from the bonds and ties that came with her. I had learnt to block my bond with Lissa entirely now, I did occasionally check in on her but only to get an update on her spirit darkness levels._

_"My name isn't Alla Petrov."_

_"Then what is it?"_

_I took a deep breath, "Rose Hathaway."_

_He pulled back from me, in complete shock._

_"Rose Hathaway? As in the uprising vampire slayer, both feared and awed by Guardians and Moroi alike Rose Hathaway?"_

_"Yeah... Her."_

_He didn't speak for a few long moments. Then he stood and turned his back to me, fists clenched and shoulders taut._

_"You lied to us. To me. You told us you were someone else. You gave us a false history with stories of a lover you were chasing, a charge you had left behind. I know the rumours of Rose Hathaway. You ran from St. Vladimir the day before your graduation because the Queens nephew rejected you. You abandoned your best friend.  
__"Not long along you wanted to leave but I hadn't wanted you to. I felt you were lonely, hurting and needed friends so I ensured you would stay. But now... now I want you gone."_

_"Marcus please -"_

_"Don't Alla-Rose." He ran his hands through his hair, something he did when he got agitated, "God, I don't even know what to call you. I don't even know who you are." He looked over his shoulder at me, his face a mask of pain and betrayal. "Just leave. I will tell Maia and Julius... that you decided it was time to leave."_

_I got up and grabbed his arm; he ripped it from my grasp as though it burned him. "Please Marcus; I didn't lie about my past. I am hunting down the man I fell in love with, my mentor from the Academy. Dimitri Belikov. I loved him and during a rescue mission after the attack on the school he was turned. I didn't abandon my charge; I was kidnapped by a Strigoi called Justin. The only thing I lied about was my name because I needed to become someone else. I needed to leave Rose behind. I needed to start fresh. Please Marcus, believe me." I was basically begging by the end but he just looked at me in what I could only determine to be disgust. He turned away._

_"Just leave us." And walked out the 'door'._

_I felt as though a piece of my heart was ripped from me; it wasn't as brutal and painful as Dimitri's 'death' but it still hurt. I turned and quickly packed my few possessions into a duffel bag and snuck from the campsite like a thief in the night._


	31. Chapter 31

**Thanks for the reviews, really appreciate your constructive critism and enthusiastic interest in my fic. I try my best to get the characters as accurate as possible. Sorry it's taken longer than usual for me to update, but I've had a heptic week. Viruses on the computer, starting a new job and writer's block to boot, but here is chapter 31! please read and review it just makes my day reading reviews!!!  
Disclaimer; seriously if we haven't established by now that I'm not Richelle Mead then I just don't no what else to do :P**

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**Chapter 31**

"...I left the city that day. Within the week I was out of Rome entirely."

Lissa was silent; she had been throughout the entire retelling. I never saw any of them after that and my biggest regret was that I never got to say goodbye to Maia. She would feel betrayed, more so than even Marcus. She had been like a sister to me and once Marcus told her I had lied to them she would feel the same as him. That I wasn't who they thought I had been, that my affections had been as false as my name.

Lissa held my hand sympathetically and just comforted me. Dinner had been served sometime halfway through my story and Christian had been kind enough to leave us alone. He came back in then with mugs of Milo and biscuits and set them on the table.

It was getting late and even though I had slept most of the day, I was tired, emotionally drained. Lissa noted my weariness and suggested she and Christian should retire for the night considering she wanted to be up early tomorrow in time for the meeting with the Queen.

I slowly made my way to my room, nervous about having nightmares and I couldn't expect Liss to stay up all night dreamwalking. She had been drained from the earlier session and I felt the negative effects. I was tempted to drug myself, but I knocked that idea, I didn't do sleeping pills.

I lay my head on the pillow and willed myself to sleep. It took awhile since my mind just wouldn't shut off, thoughts of Marcus circled, what could have been, where he could be now. Things I would never know, so it shouldn't have come as a surprise when my dreams featured him.

It started out as usual, in the lounge with the cool fire and the figure in the rocking chair. Except this time the figure turned out to be Marcus. He faced me, his face showing sadness and heartbreak.

"Alla, Rose. Who are you? What do I call you?" He stepped towards me and I felt myself drawn in without having moved. His hand curved round and cupped my cheek, "It doesn't matter. I don't care. I just want to be with you." He tilted his head down and brought my face closer, but before our lips met he spoke again. "Ah yes, but it does matter so much. You lied to me, you couldn't even tell me who you really were, so I can't really tell you how I feel. I fell for Alla, but you aren't her. Alla is no murdering, disfigured inhuman monster." His lips were at my ear, "But Rose is. And I can't love someone like you."

He pushed me away into the full length mirror; it shattered, cutting my body. My hands were dripping with my blood and I looked up at him to see Dimitri appear behind him. In horror I watched Dimitri rip Marcus's throat with his teeth, and mouth oozing with blood he smiled at me.

"Come now Roza my love. No one will have you but me."

I woke screaming and Lissa caught me as I jolted up. She had felt my terror and come running.

"Ssh Rose it's okay, it was just a dream. Ssh." She soothed me, holding me close and stroking my hair.

Once she had calmed me down I felt a strange phenomenon in the bond. She was thinking of how she had been pulled into my head during the dream. My terror had been so great she had been sucked in like I had been into her head so often.

"The bond is getting stronger." I commented as a way of a distraction. A very poor attempt at distraction.

"Yeah, I was actually in your head during some of that, in fact it interrupted a nice dream I had been having... involving Christian."

I laughed cynically, remembering the days when her nightmares would interrupt my night-time fantasises.

"What time is it?" I asked as I wiped my face with a clammy hand.

"Uh just past 4." She answered.

I lay back down exhausted. Nightmares did nothing to rejuvenate me.

"I could dreamwalk with you for the last couple of hours if you'd like?"

"I can't keep you from your sleep Liss."

She smiled gently, "You already have, and besides it's about time I start paying you back for all the times I pulled you from sleep. You're exhausted and you need to look your best for the Queen."

I couldn't argue with such logic, besides my eyelids were already closing...

"Rose!"

"Uh, go away."

"Rose, get up. We're gunna be late!"

"Ten more minutes."

Suddenly the bed sheets were ripped from me.

"Hey! It's cold!"

"Get up, shower, get dressed and we'll go to the Queen."

At the mention of the Queen I leapt from bed and rushed round my room like a mad hatter.

"Why didn't you wake me earlier?" I cried to Liss, who raised her brow.

"Like I've been trying to do for the last ten minutes? God Rose you slept like the dead." She responded, tone reproachful but I felt the relief she had that I had slept that well.

I showered like a mad woman; soap, shampoo and conditioner and water flying everywhere. Actually rather surprising any of it actually got on my body.

I had just rushed downstairs pulling on my coat when I heard Christian and Lissa in hysterics in the kitchen. I frowned and backtracked, popping my head in, "Uh Liss, don't we have to, like, run?"

They stopped long enough to hear me then set of again.

"Rose... we have... an hour..." She managed to get out between gasps.

"So you got me up because?"

"I figured you would be difficult to wake on an important morning. And besides it's great early morning entertainment. Sit down, Christian made pancakes."

I grumbled incoherently and sat down. Had to admit it though, the pancakes were excellent.

"Rose Hathaway, you have proven yourself to be an able and competent guardian. You have defeated all the challenges sent your way, including some... unexpected ones. You have been highly commended by fellow guardians and I have been told of many of your successes over the past five years when you defeated Strigoi in the most pervious of situations.

"Although you have proven your ability at fighting and protecting the Princess in battle that is not all that is required. A guardian must be a shadow, not seen nor heard. They appear only when duty calls for it. I have had you watched Rose and throughout these past weeks my reports read that you have behaved as a guardian of your close age with their charge should. You were nothing more than a girlfriend in the company of your charge to the viewing public. But when the attacks occurred you not only defeated the attackers, you anticipated and prevented any close distance between the 'Strigoi' and your charge. This is text book perfect work." Queen Tatiana paused, taking a breath and locking eyes with me. "So it is with the power I possess as Queen that I award you the Guardians Promise Mark and your assignment, as a replacement for recently disgraced Guardian Aden, to Princess Vasilisa Dragomir."

She finished and silence rang through the hall we were in. I was in a state of shock, paralyzed by this insanely surreal moment. The Queen watched me carefully but there wouldn't have been anything on my face. Someone cleared there throat and I found my voice.

"Thank you Your Majesty. I will not make you regret this gift you have presented me with. I will guard the Dragomir Princess with my life."

I bowed respectively and fought to keep my face straight. Tatiana actually smiled, it was a cross between being genuine and amused.

"Your Mark Celebration will be held in three night's time. Before then consider yourself a civilian."

She dismissed me and I left the room rigidly. Lissa hadn't been allowed in for the judgement and now that I removed the blocks I could feel her nervous energy bordering on agitation. She was sitting on a bench outside in one of the many 'in building' gardens. I hurried to her and fought to contain my emotions, I didn't want them to give me away.

She looked up as I stepped out into the false sunlight and she immediately ran to me.

"So?" She asked timidly completely oblivious.

I swallowed and stepped back, grabbed her hand and bowed over it like a gentlemen or servant would.

"My lady, I am in your service."

I looked up, her eyes were wide as saucers and her jaw dropped open. Then she screamed in elation and grabbed me into a tight bear hug, jumping and screaming.

"You're my guardian Rose!"

She bounced around me screaming like a little kid whose just been told they were allowed all the candy in the world. She stopped in front of me and I smiled broadly, reading her mind.

"I guess I'm not your guardian until Thursday..." And I began screaming and jumping for joy with her.

"What on God's green Earth is going on here?"

We both stopped to see Adrian watching us in amused amazement. "Little Dhampir, since when have you been a screamer?"

I smiled, "That's Guardian Hathaway to you good sir."

"Nah, you'll always be Little Dhampir to me. I'm guessing my Aunt announced her decision to you then."

I couldn't get the grin off my face, "She did indeed."

"I'm happy for you Rose." And gave me a hug that I returned without hesitation.

"Ah, how I've missed you Little Dhampir."

He studied me seriously and I had a feeling he wasn't simply checking me out.

"You're looking better and your aura's the best I've ever seen it. The healing worked I presume."

I nodded and he smiled widely, "Well, I heard that Mark and Oksana are leaving in a few days so I've organised a sort of farewell dinner for them. It will be on Wednesday, six' o'clock sharp in the guests dining hall. I pulled a few favours from Aunt and she has given us the entire hall for the evening. So I'll be expecting you both to be there, looking exquisite in dresses, and since you Rose will be a guest no stakes. This is a purely social occasion with none of your usual guardian attitude."

I opened my mouth to object, I never went anywhere without at least one stake but Lissa cut me off.

"He is right Rose; you won't be my official guardian so you don't need to act as one until Thursday so from now until then you need to loosen up and have some real fun. None of that always watching, always on guard stuff that you usually do. We'll be having some real fun for once."

I was being ganged up on, and as much as I hated to admit it, I actually did want to have a little fun. It was tiresome work constantly being on guard and I had yet to relax completely since I had gotten back. Lissa sensed my defeat and grinned triumphantly, wrapping her arm around mine and Adrian's she led us off to get some lunch.

"...and so I was just sitting down when I heard from the kitchen a huge explosion and some explicit language... I jumped up and rushed in to see Lissa several feet from the stove with a black face and nearly no eyebrows. She apparently been trying to cook and left it on too long, so tried putting the fire out with water. Naturally it resulted in an explosion of flames and dinner that night had to be ordered out." Adrian was retelling a story of one night when Lissa got a little drunk and then got the munchies so decided to cook some hash browns which had disastrous results. I saw a figure approach him from behind stealthfully and so I reacted by instinct, leaping from my chair and with my steak knife in hand intercepted the stranger. She shrieked in fright and backed away from me. Adrian had seen my movements and heard the squeal and stood in surprise.

"Wow Rose it's okay, this is Melanie." He immediately understood the situation and embarrassed I lowered my makeshift weapon and cleared my throat.

"Ahem, sorry about that." I coughed, and held out my hand, "Rose Hathaway."

I saw recognition in my name and she clasped my hand with a surprisingly firm grip, "Melanie Drozdov."

She was a pretty Moroi, obviously a royal, taller than me with the usual Moroi petite frame. Her eyes were a milk chocolate brown and she had long black hair that shone like silk. Her facial features were young but well portioned, full red lips, a small nose and defined cheekbones. It was her eyes that were the most powerful feature; they sparkled and gave her a beauty I hadn't really seen before. She smiled kindly at me then turned to Adrian and gave him a quick peck on the lips, "I saw you through the window and thought maybe I could join you." It was more of a statement than a question and she pulled over a seat to join us.

I was rather taken back by her behaviour, if not a little bit irritated.

"Adrian's told me a lot about you Rose. I feel as though I already know you."

"Everything he's said about me is a lie." I responded in an attempt to make light humour. She laughed quietly, "Oh I'm sure not all of it would be lies. I've been hearing through the grapevine you're quite the established vampire slayer. Some exaggerations like you've made over two hundred kills most of them by yourself when you were outnumbered."

I smiled politely, and slipped into my guardian's mask. She already was rubbing me the wrong way. I for a fact knew there weren't any rumours about my kill number, and so the only way she could have heard even an estimate of my number it would've come from Adrian. And since Lissa was the only one who I had told the exact number, and Eddie wouldn't have understood the scratches on my stake Liss had been gossiping about me.

I felt Lissa embarrassment as she realised that I would have just figured out who exactly was responsible for Melanie's 'grapevine' Intel. _'Sorry Rose, I hadn't thought Adrian would tell her'_ she thought through the bond. She could see my guardians mask on and she worried about how I would behave now.

"Actually that number is far from exaggerated. I have killed two hundred and fifty Strigoi. So I guessed you could say I'm quite the established slayer."

Melanie paled considerably at my icy tone and demeanour, fear became the most dominate expression on her face. "Oh, well wow that is quite an impressive number... Do you have the _molnija_ marks?"

"No. I don't."

She raised her eyebrows, "So how can you prove you actually killed them? We only have your word for it."

Adrian and Lissa both stopped breathing, waiting from my response. Melanie eyed me up; smug that she had said something apparently out of bounds, she watched me carefully trying to see if she had made a crack. I kept composed and unaffected by her words and insinuation. There was an underlining meaning behind her words, an implication that I was not someone to be trusted. I stared her down and replied passively, "I honestly don't care if you believe me or not, I don't have the _molnija _marks not only because I was unable to receive them but because I didn't kill them for the marks, or to have people gawking at me and asking questions I would rather not answer."

I stared Melanie down and she looked away. Standing I addressed Adrian, "It was nice to finally have a decent catch up with you, but I had best be going. I have things to attend to." I felt Lissa about to follow me and I turned to her adding, "Things I had best do alone."

She seemed slightly upset but I smiled and left them. Melanie didn't even bid me farewell. I had a feeling she didn't like me one bit, she had judged me before she had even met me. One look at me and I had seen the distaste and dislike. It was most likely juvenile jealousy over Adrian's old feelings for me.

After I had come back from Russia, having staked Dimitri and thought him dead I had given Adrian a serious go. Can't say it worked out though, I was still heartbroken over Dimitri and grieving for him. Even though he had sent the note and stake, he hadn't returned to get me in the two months I had been at the Academy. But it was the possibility of an attack that drove me crazy, I was constantly paranoid and admittedly a bit of a nervous wreck, not the kind of dating material although I did really try Adrian eventually conceded that I wasn't ready for anything. We had been on a few dates and lots of talking had been involved. Not much on the physical side really happened, got some intense make out sessions and that was about it. He accepted that I wasn't ready and we agreed to be friends, and maybe once I was ready we might try again. A few days after that I was kidnapped.

Apparently he had moved on with Melanie, they had seemed cosy together and analyzing myself, I found out I wasn't in the least bit worried or concerned. Not even remotely jealous of any kind. Whatever feelings I had felt building towards him in the romantic sense had been crushed and destroyed by Justin's torture, and since Marcus I hadn't felt any interest in that department. Except maybe Aden if I admitted my initial attraction to him before I found out what a arrogant psychopathic jerk he turned out to be.

I hadn't really had any place to be, but I just couldn't be bothered battling with Melanie, she didn't like me and I couldn't be screwed fighting and trying to prove myself to her. I had bigger things on my plate than paranoid jealous girlfriends. On Thursday I would become, after a five year delay, Lissa's official guardian and after having been through the last five years I wasn't entirely sure how much I wanted that life. I had felt freedom, felt how it was to live in the spotlight by not being a living shadow. I had grown up with the dream and ambition to become Lissa's guardian and it had seemed everything that could prevent me from being it had been thrown at me. The Queen's dislike, my love for Dimitri and his being 'awakened', my mission to kill him and then my kidnapping. Now that I had finally overcome all those obstacles I was actually unsure if this was what I really wanted to do. It began drizzling but I didn't bother finding cover, just continued walking through the rain. It was nice, the cool wetness of it soothing almost.

"Rose what are you doing out in the rain?" I heard someone call to me, recognising the voice to be my mother. I looked over my shoulder to see a mass of red hair walking towards me and I waited for her.

"I'm walking." I replied.

"You'll catch a cold out in this weather." I'll admit the rain was not really drizzling anymore, more of an onslaught of water now. I hadn't even really noticed the change.

"I'm a Dhampir, never had a cold in my life." I told her matter of factually.

"That's not the point. Why are you doing out here? Where's Lissa?" She was half directing me, half pushing me under a veranda, effectively getting us out of the pouring rain.

"I was walking and Lissa's is..." I took a moment to check the bond, "Still with Adrian and Melanie at her place."

She gave me a curious look, "I see."

That just confused me, "What do you see exactly?"

"You've met Melanie I presume, Adrian's fiancée." That took me by surprise, I hadn't noticed an engagement ring on her finger, but then we shook with our right hands, and I wasn't really looking at her hands during our brief encounter.

I frowned as I heard her tone, implying something...

"Wait? You think I have a problem with Melanie, other than her rudeness? You think I'm jealous?" I couldn't contain my brief laugh. I was actually surprised Janine thought I would still have feelings for him. In fact I was surprised she had figured out I had had feelings for him at all. Our affair had been brief and not really public knowledge.

"I know you had had a relationship with him Rose, even if it wasn't as... explicit as the rumours circulating would have people think I know you had felt something towards him. And it's not a huge leap to figure that you still do."

I shook my head, "No I don't Mum. I haven't felt anything more than friendship towards him for a long time and I don't feel any more for him now."

She nodded that she believed me, "So why are you out here then?"

I looked up at the black sky, "I was thinking of my future. I spent five years killing Strigoi as a means of protecting basically all Moroi in general. That involved fights regularly, sometimes four or five a day, and now I'd be lucky, or unlucky depending on your perspective, to have a Strigoi attack once a month, even a year. Some guardians go entire years at a time without a single attack or even threat. How am I supposed to adjust to that? I don't want to admit it, but I got a thrill from killing them Mum. A Strigoi attack, even one-on-one, got my blood flowing, my adrenalin pumping and it gave me an almost God-complex. I became near enough addicted to the thrill of the kill." I turned to her, locking eyes, "How am I supposed to happily settle down after that? I'm so confused by this, my entire life I have wanted nothing more than to guard Lissa, to be her protector and now I've finally gotten it. After years and years of struggling for it, I have it and I can't even be sure I want it!"

I was completely shocked when she hugged me and whispered, "I know. I understand."

"Uh, huh?"

She smiled slightly, "When I was in school all I had ever wanted to be was a guardian, it was my passion, my drive and even though I may have acted irresponsibly and tarnished my reputation somewhat with my party behaviour, but I was dead set on being a guardian. But when graduation came I, guess you could say, panicked about it. The responsibility involved, the limited life of having to be a shadow instead of the spotlight. I actually briefly flirted with the thought of not getting assigned straight away, of taking a lax year. But then I remembered my passion for protecting my friends, the Moroi, and my responsibility to protecting the race that would further ours." She placed a hand on my shoulder, "So Rose, I completely understand and can empathise with you. I won't tell you what to do, what path to choose, but I will give you the advice to listen to your own heart."

I nodded and she smiled again. We didn't hug or anything again but it was still a bonding moment for us. I actually struggled to imagine my mother, seriously badass guardian, as some flirtatious party girl... or should I say the old me.

She walked with me back to Lissa's but didn't come in, saying she had some guardian duties to attend, and that her charge would be leaving soon. I told her to keep in touch and to be sure to say 'Hooray' before she left.

I walked up the stairs to the front door and opened it slowly, hoping to sneak in without anyone realising. No such luck though.

"Rose, you're home!" Lissa came into the hall from the lounge and appraised me, taking in the sopping wetness of my state, "And you're soaked through. What did you do, dance in the rain or something?"

"Or something." I muttered in reply and passed her, heading for my room.

"You dry off and I'll make you a hot chocolate, it'll be waiting for you in the lounge."

"Thanks." I mumbled back darkly, there was no escaping Adrian and Melanie now.


	32. Chapter 32

**Okay yay I finally got this chapter written!!! It has to have been the most difficult to write so far. I totally know where I want to go with this fic and I've a thousand ideas for things to happen but for the mean time I'm struggling to get there :P.  
Please read and review, it just inspires me to write more :P  
Enjoy chapter 32!**

**

* * *

****Chapter 32**

I came back down half an hour later hoping they were gone, but the laughter coming from the lounge told me otherwise.

"Wow, you finally came out. We figured you were trying to drown yourself in the shower." Adrian was smiling up at me, sitting on the two-seater sofa, his arm draped lazily over Melanie's shoulders; who I swear inched closer to him at my entrance. I smiled at them, "No, I already drowned myself in the rain. Was just seeing how much of Christian's hot water I could use in one sitting."

"That's no problem Rose; I don't have a heating bill - the bonuses to having specialised in fire. No gas, heating and, sometimes even, lighting bills."

Everyone laughed in response and I sat down in the lazy boy. Melanie was still eyeing me up, as though challenging me to try my notorious charm on Adrian. I ignored her, but then she spoke to me directly, "So Rose, do share with us some of your adventures abroad."

I glanced at her sharply, "I don't really want to thanks. Why not tell me about yourself? Can't really say I've heard much about you."

She smiled nastily, "Oh no, I'm not really that interesting. Nothing compared to you and having killing masses of Strigoi... and humans I hear."

I clenched my jaw, and narrowed my eyes. Adrian looked horrified at what she was doing and I felt Lissa astonished anger. I leant forward and clasped my hands tightly together on my lap.

"What I did is none of your business Melanie. And if I don't wish to discuss it, I won't and you will respect my wishes or you can leave." I didn't care that technically I was just as much a guest here as she was, but I was fairly confident Lissa would back me.

She tilted her jaw in defiance, but then must have realised she was pushing all the wrong buttons. She turned to Adrian and snuggled up to him, but he pulled his arm back and shifted away. I felt no victory at this; I knew it would just cause me more grief later, so I stood.

"I think it's about time I turn in for the night. Goodnight all."

I left them to it and changed into pyjamas then crawled into bed, not remotely tired but needing to rest my eyes. I must've eventually fallen asleep because my dreams took shape; for once it wasn't that nightmare that had haunted me every night. It was just a meaningless blur of shapes and colours, people floating in and out until it suddenly took shape. I was on a porch; overlooking the mountains of the resort we had been to back in my senior year, the same porch where I first meet Adrian. And sure enough...

"Hey Little Dhampir."

I turned to see him leaning against the porch in the exact same position he had been the first time he ever dreamwalked with me. I smiled and nodded, "Adrian."

He stood up straight and looked at me, dead serious, more serious than I'd ever seen him.

"I would like to apologise on Melanie's behalf for her behaviour today."

I shrugged, "No biggy. I've dealt with girls like her my entire life, I'm not about to let them start bothering me now."

He sighed and looked out at the view, the snow was glistening in the sun and was quite a spectacular sight.

"I had so hoped maybe you two could get along..."

"She's the one with the problem Adrian. Maybe you need to reassure her that I no longer have any feelings for you."

He cringed and grabbed at his chest where his heart was, "Ow, I think my heart just broke then Little Dhampir. You have absolutely no feelings for me at all?"

I smiled at his antics and shook my head, "Not in the romantic sense of the word."

He watched me sadly, "You were broken long ago weren't you? And I couldn't fix you. I thought if I were patient and charming I could heal you, but I couldn't. But tell me, did I make it worse?" His expression was concerned and hopeful.

I shook my head, "No, you didn't make it worse."

He sighed in relief, "But I didn't make it better..."

"No you didn't." I agreed.

He looked back at the view and we shared a few moments of peaceful silence.

"You do need to assure her that I feel nothing towards you. Other than that of friendship. And please, don't discuss anymore of my life with her, at least not while she still resents me."

He nodded, "Yeah, I'm terribly sorry about that, I never imagined she would get so jealous and callous towards you. I don't think she fully comprehends the horrors of your past..."

I shrugged and he must have sensed my reluctance to discuss this any further. He stepped forwards and kissed my forehead. "I'll let you sleep with your own dreams now Little Dhampir. Goodnight."

The landscape faded away and I felt the blackness of sleep take me once more.

I woke up feeling more refreshed than ever, I had not dreamed at all and for that I was hugely relieved. As I made my way into the kitchen Lissa was sitting at the table, she smiled at me then frowned, "What are you wearing that for?"

I looked at my outfit; I was wearing my usual guardian-like uniform I had been wearing for the last few weeks. "What? I always wear this."

She put her hands on her hips in obvious disappointment, "God Rose, you have two days of being a civilian before you are required to wear that get-up. You're seriously telling me you aren't going to wear something a little more... you?"

I blinked and didn't really understand where she was going with this. She sighed in exasperation, "Do I have to spell it out for you? Or better yet, pick your clothes for you? We went shopping not too long ago and all you've worn since then is... well that." Grabbing my hand she pulled me back to my room, "Come on, I'll pick you out something more appropriate for me to be seen with you in public."

I went to sit on the bed but Lissa shot me a look, so I stood while she rushed around my room and through my drawers and closet finding different combos of clothes. Eventually she was satisfied with putting me in a black and red dress, it was silky that clung to my figure. I really felt overdressed in it and told her so.

"Don't be ridiculous. You look fantastic." She frowned and raised an eyebrow, "When was the last time you wore a dress of any kind?"

I opened my mouth but she cut me off, "On second thought, don't tell me."

I smiled, I wasn't actually sure when I last wore a dress of any kind. Since Lissa was busy today, I had the day off by myself and I had absolutely no idea how to spend it. It was actually really sad that I didn't know what to do with myself without the guidance of Lissa. But determined not to admit to her I needed help in finding a decent activity I wondered the Courts alone. It had been the first opportunity for me to really explore since I came back and I wanted to enjoy it.

The Courts hadn't changed at all since I had last been here so admittedly there wasn't a hellova lot for me to really explore, but I enjoyed the walk regardless.

I noticed a lot of glances and guys blatantly checking me out, and I was flattered by the attention. After my overwhelming amount of scars and disfiguring marks I had become very self-conscience about how I had looked - Although my typical Rose attitude would never have let on to it. So having guys stare openly was one hellova confidence boaster and I was extremely pleased now that Lissa had insisted on making me wear this dress.

"Rose Hathaway?"

I turned round in response to someone calling my name. It was a man, tall and I swear was basically male perfection. I smiled in recognition, it had been nearly six years since I'd seen him, but Ambrose looked exactly the same, if not a little aged and more muscular – if that were possible. His curly black hair was longer than when I'd last seen him, but his golden skin was the same and his dark eyes were as alert as ever. He gave me a wide, white smile as he came closer and I returned the smile.

"Hey Ambrose, long time no see."

He shook my hand affectionately and loped his arm over my shoulders in a one-armed-hug of sorts. "Where you been Rose? I heard you were back, but haven't seen you round."

"Uh... I've been around. Pretty busy with Lissa and... stuff."

He smiled and we walked for a bit, he was directing us and I just followed his lead.

"My Aunt has been asking after you. Unfortunately I hadn't seen you until now." He looked me up and down, "And since it seems you're not really doing anything how about visiting her?"

I hesitated. I had never really thought much about Rhonda, the Romanian fortune-teller, but now that Ambrose had brought her up the fortune I had received last time centralised and circled in my thoughts. _'You will destroy that which is undead.'_

I had disregarded it then, since I was going to be a guardian and that was kinda part of the job description. It wasn't until Dimitri's fortune came true that I started to believe in it, _'You will lose what you value most.' _He had thought it could be me, I had considered maybe it could've been his life. But he had lost his soul.

I wondered if Rhonda had known my fortune would be so literal, as in I had done nothing more than kill Strigoi, basically since I was told it.

"Yeah, I'd like to see her." But I sure if I wanted another fortune. My last one had been true enough for my liking.

Ambrose smiled and lead the way confidently. The receptionist wasn't at the desk this time and the door was open. He knocked gently and entered.

The room was exactly as I remembered. Red. Sitting in the same place she had been last time was Rhonda. She meets my gaze and frowned slightly before smiling broadly in recognition.

"Ah, Rose Hathaway. It is nice to see you again; I had been wondering when Ambrose would bring you by."

I smiled, "Shouldn't you have seen me coming?" Her smile widened and she laughed gently, "Ah, I had forgotten your dry wit." She gestured for us to sit, "So, may I ask how you've been?"

"Fulfilling my destiny I guess you could say," I replied dryly. Rhonda didn't even smile at my poor attempt at humour.

"And I can see the toll it has taken on you."

I was shocked to say the least. Not many people could even tell I was any different until I spoke, and considering the physical scars were gone, I didn't really know how she could have guessed. As if she read my mind she continued, "It's all in your eyes. You have obviously seen a lot of death in your absence and it has hardened your eyes. You have changed considerably from the young lady who came to see me so long ago.

"So tell me, how is Lissa? She doesn't really visit me often."

I paused before replying, "Guess you could say she's living out her destiny too. You had been right that she would become powerful and that she'd ultimately illuminate the world. Her political ideas have changed the way Moroi think and organise. They've already changed the way Dhampir Guardians are dished out and I'm sure at some point it will be approved for Moroi to fight alongside their Guardians if they so wish."

"Yes, I'm well aware of her accomplishments, but _how _is she?"

From her question I felt as though we were in a therapy session or something and she wasn't really asking about Lissa, more that she was asking how I was with being back here... Or maybe I was looking too much into it.

"I guess she's fine. She and Christian are happy together and now that I'm back she's ecstatic, no more worrying about me and she can concentrate on her political career." I think I must've had a rather bitter undertone because Rhonda and Ambrose both raised their eyebrows at me. Uncomfortable I shrugged and shifted in my cushion.

"Would you like another reading?"

I didn't actually know. It felt as though I was torn between the curiosity to know what lay in front of me and the fear that I wouldn't actually like knowing what was to come. I seriously thought about it before nodding, speaking in a quiet voice.

"Yes, I want another reading."

Rhonda nodding, and handed me the deck to cut; she dealt out three cards again then flipped them. All three were turned up the right way this time round. The first was Strength, a picture of a woman in a white gown, with an infinity sign floating above her head, she was feeding a lion. The next was The Star, a naked woman kneeling at a pond, pouring two vases on the ground and into the pond. The last was The Eight of Cups that displayed a man in a red cloak walking away from eight cups staked in a pile.

Rhonda studied the cards seriously before speaking, "Your courage and virtue will bring you fresh hope and a healing of wounds, but not before your past confronts you. Your choices will have great consequences for you and others. You are coming up to a crossroad in your life, one that will change things forever for you."

I sat in silence, absorbing this.

"Well... at least I got more detail this time." I tried joking. Nobody really spoke and I lapsed into silence again, I had known this would happen - that I would end up obsessing over what my future could hold...

I sighed loudly and stood, "Thanks for the reading, but I'd better go. Lissa is heading home and I'll see if I can catch her before she gets home."

Both Ambrose and Rhonda nodded and bid me farewell, telling me to visit more often.

"Liss." I called to her. She stopped and turned, a tingle of joy at seeing me earlier than expected flowed through the bond. She smiled widely and swept her eyes over me.

"I am so glad I made you wear that dress. You look stunning."

I grinned at the compliment, "'spose it is time I dressed like a lady. How've you been?"

Her smile faltered and slipped a little, "It's been a rough day. Tatiana is still fighting Tasha and I tooth and nail about Moroi fighting with our guardians. I don't really understand why she is so dead set against it, I mean, sure it's tradition and we have done this for centuries, but there was a time when Moroi did fight, when we made use of our magic." She growled under her breath and I raised both my hands in defence, "You're preaching to the converted. I still remember how much damage Christian and I dealt to the Strigoi during that attack on the school. We could have lost a lot more that night if Christian had listened to me and gone back to the church and waited it out."

Memories from that night flooded my mind and consequently they lead to thoughts of Dimitri. The pain of my loss was still there but it wasn't nearly as all-consuming as it once had been.

Lissa stroked my arm in comfort and I held her hand and began walking again.

"So Oksana and Mark's farewell dinner is tonight, we ort to get ready but I figured we have more than enough time for a massage and manicure."

I quickly nodded and Liss took the lead, basically dragging me to the building.

"Uhn, last time I had one of these I only got half way through it..."

I was lying face down on a table, with a masseuse massaging my back. Apparently I had a rather knotted back that was giving the masseur a run for his money.

"Why, what happened?" I heard Liss ask after I had trailed off; distracted by the odd feeling of painful pleasure.

"Uhhh, turned out my masseur was working for Adrian, who wanted me back here. In fact you were the one who tipped me off funnily enough."

"What do you mean?"

I laughed slightly, my shoulders shaking.

"Well about two months after I had escaped Justin I had been in a great deal of discomfort from an encounter with a group of Strigoi, having pulled a few muscles here and there and I came across a massage palour. The girl I got was doing my claves when I realised it had been a few days since I'd checked in on you so I slipped into your head. You were with Christian and Adrian talking about Spirit I'm pretty sure. I think you had finally got the hang of dreamwalking and were discussing the possibilities of how far away you could be from one another and still talk in your dreams. Adrian told you that when I had been in Russia he had entered my dreams. That brought up another discussion about me, where I could be, if I were still alive, when Adrian said with certainty I was alive. You didn't understand how he could know and he told you he had found me. as soon as I heard that I removed myself from your head and realised the masseuse wasn't in the room anymore. I leapt from the table and pulled my clothes on. The girl came back accompanied by two men that I immediately recognised to be Dhampirs. They were both surprised to find me on my feet and moved to restrain me. I knocked them out and ran from the building. Had I been a few moments longer in your head I would've been caught.  
"Huh, that was... lucky for you I guess." I could feel her slight annoyance that I had gotten away that long ago. I laughed quietly and fully relaxed into the massage that was making me sleepy...

-~-

"Oh Rose you have to wear this!" Lissa called from my closet as I sat on the bed studying my nails. I hadn't had painted nails since last time I had been with Lissa at the Courts and met Ambrose for the first time. I had them painted silver that must've had glitter embedded in the liquid since they sparkled in the right angle of light.

"Rose, are you even listening to me?"

"Huh?" I looked up, my mouth open a little as Lissa placed a hand on her hip and gave me a sharp look. She held up a gorgeous black dress, which seemed to be made of silk as it glistened slightly in the light. I rubbed the material between my thumb and forefinger and nodded, "Yeah this dress will do."

I pulled it on and stared at my reflection. The dress was a backless halter neck that clung in all the right places and really extenuated my curves.

"Wow Rose, it's beautiful." Lissa breathed as she took in my dress.

"I still feel overdressed." I complained and she snorted, "I don't think I'm ever going to get used to you complaining about wearing dresses. It just goes against everything I know about you."

I didn't reply, just twirled in front of the mirror. Since the dress was backless, I was more pleased than ever that Lissa had managed to heal my scars so that now the exposed flesh was smooth and clear.

After we had gotten ready we walked down the stairs to see Christian, Mia and Eddie waiting in the lounge. Both boys wolf-whistled at me and I twirled for them, laughing lightly. Mia playfully swatted Eddie on the shoulder and grinned broadly at me.

Oksana, Mark, Adrian, Melanie and Janine were already in the hall when we arrived. Mark and Janine seemed to be in deep discussion whilst Adrian and Oksana were seated on one side of the table and Mel appeared to have just exited the bathroom. She saw us first and I swear as soon as she saw me in my dress she bee lined straight for Adrian and basically threw herself at him. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and instead smiled at Mark and my Mum.

"Wow Rose you look stunning." Mark complimented and I smiled in thanks. Looking down I tugged slightly at the material.

"Yeah thanks, Liss picked it out for me."

I waited for Janine to say something, since the last time she'd seen me in a dress she had basically told me I looked like a whore and was damaging my reputation by making a spectacle of myself.  
Instead she smiled, "It's a lovely dress Rose," and laughed at my expression, "You're old enough to know what's appropriate to wear and besides, this is the first time I have ever seen you so uncomfortable in a dress. And the first time since you've been back that you've dressed up at all, I was beginning to wonder if you'd ever do it again. Plus you do look absolutely stunning tonight."

I cleared my throat awkwardly and smiled again.

The evening was going well until Melanie cornered me in the bathroom.

"I know what you're trying to do and I'm not going to let you get away with it." She hissed as she shoved me into the basin.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

She got right up in my face and some spittle sprayed my face.

"You're trying to steal Adrian from me. Coming here wearing that poor excuse for a dress, flaunting yourself at him. Flirting like the whore that I know you are." She poked a finger into my chest and it took all my self control not to snap it off. "Let me tell you this right now _Rose_, Adrian is _mine_ and has been for three years. You won't take him from me. I'll ruin and get rid of you before you even get close to accomplishing that."

I resisted the urge to laugh in her face at how pathetic she was. She was obsessively jealous over my relationship with Adrian, and I'm sure the fact that I was single was driving her over the edge.

"Look Melanie, I have no interest in Adrian other than friendship. Yes we tried dating a few years ago but it didn't work out and we agreed to stay friends. I don't know what your problem with me is. I've tried to be polite and friendly with you but you're _really_ starting to piss me off. The only reason I haven't broken your finger and messed up your pretty face is _because_ of Adrian. He loves you and I tolerate you because of it. Just because you are incredibly insecure of yourself doesn't give you any right to come in here and try threatening me.  
"I have been polite but no more. Ever try pull a stunt like this again and I will show you exactly with I'm so feared in the vampire world.  
"Do not get in my way again."

With that said I shoved her away from me and left the bathroom; the only display of my anger was my clenched fists.  
I was way too emotional just then to handle anymore socialising so I walked out to the balcony overlooking a fountain by one of the Courts gates.

I hadn't been out long when I felt Lissa's presence. She stood next to me, leaning her left hip on the banister and studying my face.

"What's wrong? I've never felt your emotions this clearly, except for that one night..." I knew what night she was referring to: When she had found out about my recurring nightmares. I let out a long breath and closed my eyes, enjoying the light breeze blowing on my face.

"Just had a long overdue confrontation with Melanie; unfortunately though, I lost my temper."

Just then Adrian burst through the door; I turned to him and was surprised to see that he was furious.

"What the hell Rose? Melanie just told me you threatened her." He stepped forwards and poked my shoulder in the exact place Melanie had before, "She's in the bathroom in hysterics over the fact that you threatened to bash her face in if she got in your way again. What the hell is your problem with her? You are always cold and rude to her, ever since those offhand comments she said to you a few nights ago. She told me she apologised to you about that but you didn't accept it and have been rude and intimidating ever since.  
"God Rose, I had thought you would've grown up by now, but apparently not. You told _me _you couldn't handle a relationship and I respected that. I moved on and after five years absence you have the nerve to get jealous over me being with someone else. After _you _told _me_ it would be better for us to be _just friends_. You're possessive and manipulative and if you can't grow up then I want nothing more to do with you. You have only ever used me for your own advantage, you came to me asking for money to hunt down the man you loved, and you used my attraction to you for profit. You're selfish and uncaring and I _never_ want to see you again."

He poked me sharply then turned on his heel and stormed back inside.

To say I was shocked would be the understatement of the year. I was frozen where I stood and I think my jaw was nearly touching the floor. I'm pretty sure Lissa was nearly as surprised as me by Adrian's outburst. She stayed staring at the door he had just stormed through and her mouth was gaping, opening and closing like a fish.

Janine came out onto the balcony having heard the commotion Adrian had made.

"What happened?"

Defrosting I groaned and ran my hand over my face.

"God why me?" I exclaimed to no one in particular. "I had a little run in with Mel in the bathroom, and she completely twisted my words and basically manipulated Adrian into believing I'm the one at fault here.  
"So basically he no longer wants to have anything to do with me." I explained then groaned again.  
I seriously couldn't have a normal, boring day without drama, could I? Why is it ever since I came back all I've done is cause rifts in my friends relationships? It was as if I were staring in a Soap Opera, nothing but more drama each day.

"God damn it!" I swore loudly, "Why does this shit always happen to me?! Why can't I just have a normal, quiet life without the dramatics!"

"Because then you'd complain about having such a boring life." Janine replied sarcastically and I very nearly punched her in the face.

I felt Liss place a soothing hand on my shoulder and heard calming thoughts through the bond. I took a deep breath and turned towards the hall where Oksana and Mark appeared to be preparing to leave for the night. I would apologise for the fanatics of tonight and then try sort myself out, then maybe try talking to Adrian tomorrow...


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter 33**

A loud beeping interrupted my sleep and I rolled over reluctantly before slamming my hand down onto it. It stopped immediately but it was too late for me to be able to roll back over and sleep, besides today was the day I would get my _promise mark_ and I was ridiculously excited about it. A rush of more excitement flooded my head as Lissa burst into my room, just as ecstatic as I was.

"Ohmigod Rose you get your _promise mark_ today! You'll _finally _be my guardian, it's so exciting." She was a ball of bouncing energy as I laughed at her. She squealed and jumped on the bed, efficiently kicking me to the floor.

"Hey! It's only like 7, way too early for the amount of bouncing around you're doing." I exclaimed, trying to reprimand her but failing miserably as my face broke into a huge grin and I burst into laughter.

She giggled like a school girl and pushed me into the bathroom, eager for me to get this day started. Her theory being that the sooner I start the day the sooner I will become her official guardian.

I laughed and purposely took as long a shower as I could and dressed as painfully slow as humanly possible.

By the time I made it down into the kitchen Lissa was giving me the death glare, sulking at the far end of the table. I laughed again and deliberately moved in slow motion towards the fridge and opened it. I stared into it until Lissa caved and pushed me aside, hastily pulling out milk and cereal.

"What no pancakes?" I asked feigning surprised hurt.

"No, you took so long they got cold so we threw them out." She shot back and I laughed harder.

"Uh come on Liss, this is my last day of being allowed to act immature and irresponsible. Give me a little lee-way."

She huffed, but again gave in with a broad smile. Once I had finished my breakfast Lissa whipped away my plate and banished me to the bathroom to brush my teeth.

I was still laughing when I came back down, but stopped when I saw both Mia and Lissa grinning rather evilly at me. I froze at the foot of the stairs like a deer caught in headlights and they rushed forwards and grabbed an arm each, tugging me out the door.

We spent the day doing various activities, shopping, swimming, went to the spas again and had an expensive lunch.

"God, I don't think I'm going to be able to stay awake for the entire ceremony, you guys have exhausted me."

Lissa laughed, "Hardly, I'm pretty sure the excitement will keep you up, if not the stabbing needle in your neck."

I cringed, "Gee, thanks for the reminder. But I suppose it could be worse, I mean imagine if I had to get the _molnija_ marks for all my Strigoi kills." I shivered at the thought and noticed that Lissa and Mia had gone quiet. I frowned, "What are you not telling me?" I asked them.

They exchanged looks and both bit their lips in discomfort. I searched Lissa's head for whatever it was but she was concentrating hard on reciting the Dragomir family tree and it was consuming all her thoughts. I turned to Mia, "Mia what are you hiding?" Her eyes widened slightly but she shook her head, "I'm not allowed to say... Let's just – go get ready, it's beginning in a few hours." She hastily barged through the door and when Liss moved to do the same I grabbed her arm.

"Liss what aren't you telling me?"

"Please Rose, just let this one go." She pleaded and I clenched my jaw in annoyance.

"Fine." I spat and entered the house. I could fell Lissa's guilt at keeping something from me but she remained stubborn.

Getting ready was a quiet occurrence, each of us deep in our own thoughts. I was adjusting my hair in my room when someone knocked on the door.

"Come in." I called and turned to see my mother open it and step in. She smiled gently and hugged me tightly.

"Rose I am so proud of you. I know how hard you have worked for this and you really do deserve it." She pulled back and looked up at me. She brushed her hair back from her face and I saw tears glisten in her eyes.

"I'm sorry Adrian won't be there tonight."

I widened my eyes in surprise, "He won't? I thought he was required to be there since he's the Queen's nephew and all."

She shook her head sadly, "He requested that he not attend. I'm very sorry."

I bit my lip and looked away.

Adrian was still refusing to talk to me. I had tried to reach out the day after that night but he didn't even answer the door after I'd been knocking on it for a good half-hour. Melanie had him wrapped round her little finger and I couldn't really believe he was being so ridiculous. He was avoiding my and now he wasn't even coming to my 'graduation' or _promise mark_ ceremony; the most important event of my life and one of my best friends was letting a squabble come between us. I had felt saddened and upset by our fight but now I was angry and betrayed. He was putting some girl between years of friendship.

'_But how much friendship have you ever shown him? What he said about you was true; you used his attraction to get money, you didn't even try that hard to have a real relationship with him, you abandoned him as much as Lissa for five years. What right do you have to his trust over that of the woman he loves? The woman he is getting married too.'_ That voice taunted me and I couldn't argue. To Adrian I was just a girl who used him and left him, whereas Melanie was the girl that had been there when I hadn't, she had stolen his heart and not abused it as I had. She may be manipulative with him now, but that was due to her paranoia and jealousy over me.

"Don't worry Rose, he will come around." She tried soothing me but I shook my head.

"No. I don't think he will. I shouldn't have snapped at her, but I swear she just knew exactly how to push my buttons. Knew exactly where to hit so it would rile me."

I turned back to my reflection and finished fixing my hair before leaving my room with Janine in toe. I had picked the dress this time; it was a full length, deep purple, v-neck that was very formal. Just as I wanted.

"Rose you look fantastic!" Lissa cried and Christian nodded in agreement.

I smiled and we left. My hands began to shake slightly from nervous excitement and Lissa wrapped her arm round mine and smiled at me in support.

The night went well, we had dinner then the Queen said a nice speech about me and I was seated on the stage while a tattooist, Nicolas I think his name was, drew the _promise mark_ into the back of my neck, just below my hairline behind my right ear. He wiped my neck clean and bandaged it.

I was about to stand when he held me down with a hand on my shoulder. I twisted to look at him in question.

"What's wrong?"

I was surprised then to have Tatiana take the stage again.

"In the five years that Guardian Hathaway has been away she has killed a total number of two-hundred and fifty Strigoi." She paused for the collective gasp that rang round the hall. I clenched my fists and grimaced, guessing where this was heading. "Guardian Hathaway has not spoken of her achievements, but I was informed of her kill status and tonight she will be given the first batch of her _molnija_ marks." She finished and everyone burst into applause. Nicolas bent down over my back and began tattooing the small lightning bolt marks.

The entire process would commence over three or four nights since I wouldn't be able to handle getting over two-hundred tattoos in one sitting so he only marked in ten tonight, in respect of the guests and me.

I winced as I turned to Lissa who approached me timidly; my neck and right shoulder was incredibly tender after getting my final batch of _molnija_ marks.

After that first batch I had ripped into Lissa for a) not telling me I would be getting them and b) for telling the Queen about them at all. I had wanted it kept quiet, I hadn't wanted much more of a reminder than my scratched stake and now I was getting a constant influx of questions from complete strangers. 'How many Strigoi did you kill? Did you really kill _that_ many Strigoi? Can I see your _molnija_ marks?' The latter question was the most common and I was completely and utterly over the attention. I had predicted this would happen and now that it was I was getting rather pissed off about it.

She lightly touched the base of my neck and I felt the healing's effects; the intensely euphoric emotions from the bond, and my temperate swinging from hot to cold. Instantly the throbbing of the cut skin from the tattoos ceased and I sighed, "Thanks."

Lissa's expression remained neutral and I couldn't get a distinct reading on her feelings. I stood up from my chair and faced her. I took a deep breath and opened my mouth, "Look Lissa, I need to apologise. I'm sorry for behaving as I have for the past few days but..." I took another breath, but didn't break my eye connect, "I hadn't wanted these marks, I hadn't wanted the extra reminders of what I've spent my time doing. My past is nothing more than killing and more killing, and these marks are now permanent proof and reminders of it.

"But I shouldn't have behaved so immaturely. I should have talked to you before this, told you I hadn't wanted this. But I didn't and you thought you were giving me a nice surprise, two-hundred and fifty _molnija _marks, official recordings of my incredible _achievements_..." I spat the last word out like a curse, the tone completely contradicting the words meaning. "But I never wanted them, maybe in the past I thought it would be a great honour, a completely blissful sensation of being a legend." I looked away then, "But it's not. Because the _one molnija _mark I wanted, the _one _that was far more important than anything else is the _one _I couldn't - can't - get. I failed Lissa, and the fact is, is that now I have two-hundred and fifty _failures_. For every kill, every _molnija_ mark I now have, I failed to find him, to kill _him_." By now tears were flowing freely down my cheeks and my voice broke. Lissa grabbed me into a rough embrace and held me tight. I was the one to pull back and I laughed humourlessly, "I need to stop that." I muttered and turned away.

"It's okay Rose. It's okay to show emotions and cry sometimes. God knows you have enough reasons to cry, I'm surprised you don't do it more often."

"Usually I lash out with fists versus tears." She laughed at that and we both sighed quietly.

We walked in silence and rounded a building's corner when I saw a figure on a collision course with Lissa – both of which weren't paying attention. I reacted instinctively, jumping in front of Lissa and grabbing the figures shoulders to stop him. By the height of the stranger I figured it was a male, and that was confirmed when he grabbed a hold of my biceps in an aggressive manner. I didn't hesitate to defend myself as I let go of his arms, wind-milled them and knocked his grip from me. I was in the process of striking him when his hand flashed from nowhere and caught my wrist, inches from his face. A face I noticed then had a large scar stretching from his brown eye to his chin.

"Marcus?"

"Marcus?" I repeated in disbelieve. The man gasped and released me, taking a long step back, his eyes wide in shock.

Marcus Isky was standing right in front of me. In America. In the Courts. In front of me. He blinked and frowned as though I were someone who reminded him of someone else.

"Alla – I mean - Rose?" He corrected himself and I nodded, speechless. "I... uh... hello."

"H-hi." I responded, completely and utterly at a loss for words. Lissa sensed my unease and speechlessness. "Hi I'm Lissa Dragomir, Rose's friend and charge." She held out her hand and Marcus came to his senses enough to shake her hand and introduce himself. His eyes didn't leave mine, though, and I saw a brief flicker of something cross his face. Like recognition of her last name and slight confusion at the indication that I was now a guardian.

"I've heard a lot about you. What are you doing in the States? Where is Maia and... Julius is it?" Lissa was asking all the questions I wanted to, but my tongue was stuck in my mouth and my mind just kept replaying the image of his face before he walked away.

"Alla hasn't told me much about you." He realised his mistake and blushed slightly, "I mean Rose. I apologise but I still get a little confused. You probably know that Rose was known to us as Alla and sometimes I forget this.

"I am here on business, I came to find Rose because... Maia... insisted. Once we heard the rumours of Rose's return to the Courts, and sometimes from death, she was very determined to... visit. It has been nearly four years and she... misses you... to say the least." He was awkward in his speech but his gruff voice brought back many memories and I finally found the ability to speak.

"Okay, where are you staying?" Not much of an expression of my joy and elation at seeing him again, and the possibility to see Maia and Julius again, but it was all I could muster at the moment.

He cleared his throat, "In the main guests building. We haven't been here for nearly a decade but we remembered where it was." I nodded and there was no doubt in my mind that Lissa could feel the turmoil of my emotions. I had never felt this flustered before and if Liss and I were alone I would imagine she would get quite the kick from it.

"I - we – Liss was just going to..." I couldn't actually remember where we were going and now I had trailed off like an idiot. "Ahem, would you, Maia and Julius like to join us for dinner at Lissa's house tonight? I would really love to catch up with you all." I had flicked on my guardian attitude and spoken to him formally. It was the only way I could speak to him at all.

He smiled, I felt my stomach flip at the sight, and nodded. "I'm sure she is just as anxious to 'catch up' with you as well. We will be there tonight at..."

"Six if that suits you?" Lissa interjected for me, much to my appreciation.

He smiled wider and nodded. Lissa gave him the address and some directions and we parted ways; me feeling like an incompetent imbecile.

Once we were out of hearing distance Lissa turned on me, "What on Earth was that all about? I have never in my life seen you so... flustered. You could barely string two words together at one point."

I covered my face in chagrin, blushing like a school-girl caught crushing on a guy.

"I have no idea; it was a complete shock to the system seeing him. I never expected to see him again and then he just pops out of the blue like that. God I made a fool of myself."

Lissa patted my arm in sympathy but I could feel she was on the verge of laughter; I had to admit, from anyone else's view point this would've been pretty hilarious. The great flirt Rose Hathaway gets completely tongue-tied by one boy. I felt ridiculous and if I wished a hole would appear so I could crawl into it and die.

I puzzled over his brief moment of having to identify me and I felt kind of confused by it, until I remembered that Lissa had healed me. When I had been with him my face and neck had been decorated with scars and marks, but now I was back to being clear faced. His reaction both complimented me and made me feel insecure, as I no longer was scarred and felt beautiful that he was speechless but also it meant I was further from the person he had come to know. Alla Petrov was fading away fast and I worried that maybe he had come back to see her instead of me.

"You really like him don't you?" Lissa asked me and I jerked my head round.

"What?"

She smiled, "I said, you really like him huh?"

"Uh, yeah he was a great friend, helped me out in a few tight situations."

She rolled her eyes, "That's not what I mean and you know it. It's kind of pointless trying to play dumb with me Rose, or even lie to me about this since I've gotten a pretty good feel of your feelings for him."

I swallowed and couldn't really answer her. I wasn't entirely sure how I felt about Marcus, or even if I had the right to feel anything for him. I had lied to him from the beginning and whenever I had the chance to tell him the truth I didn't take it. I continued misleading him and it wasn't until I was backed into a corner that I actually told him the truth. Whatever feelings he had developed for me had been destroyed by that fact, I couldn't build any kind of relationship with him when he didn't trust me.

"I'm not entirely sure how I feel about him. He doesn't trust me and whatever chances I may have had with him were when he thought I was Alla."

Lissa wrapped her arm around me in sympathy. We walked home in silence, I guessed that Lissa could feel my overpowering confusion above all my emotions and she respected my silence.

I shook my head again in disbelieve at how I had behaved in front of him. I had been a complete idiot, even as Alla I had been able to at least talk with him, even flirt and now suddenly after nearly four years, I'm speechless like a... I don't even have a good analogy for how speechless I was. I sighed internally and promised myself that I would make a better go at it tonight, since I knew how much fun Christian would get outta seeing me so... flustered. There really wasn't another word for it, Marcus had rendered me speechless. I do blame some of my speechlessness on the huge surprise at seeing him so suddenly and out of the blue like that.


	34. Chapter 34

**Yay chapter 34! Wow these chapters are getting rather hard to write, but so much fun!!! Thanks so much for all your reviews guys, can't believe I've nearly reached 100 reviews!!! Makes me grin like an idiot :D  
Disclaimer: I ain't Richelle Mead and I don't own Vampire Academy (cries self to sleep at night)  
Oh someone alerted me to a paragraph repeat, oops! that'll teach me for not re-reading my content :P haha **

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**Chapter 34**

Lissa basically had to lead me to our house since I was not operating by myself. Marcus's appearance had blown my mind and I just couldn't get past seeing him after so many years. Yes I hadn't seen Lissa for a longer span of time, but with Lissa I was constantly aware of her, able to literally get into her head and with Marcus, Maia and Julius I had had a completely different bond with them. They had been my friends when I had been isolated and alone. Marcus had been right when he had told me he had thought I was lonely and needed a friend. He didn't know just how right he was, I hadn't realised how right he was. I thought I was strong enough to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders, alone, to handle the responsibility of trying to kill as many Strigoi as possible, alone. But I had been so wrong. So, so wrong and then when I had begun to get attached to them, I had continued lying. Trying to distance myself when they just undermined all of my attempts to remain elusive, they had wormed their way into my affections and when I was forced into revealing the truth it had broke my heart. For all my efforts to remain distant because I knew what would happen if I did fall for them, did learn to love them. Something would cause our separation. That something had been my own fault, but it had still been inevitable. Something someway would have torn me from them and I constantly lied to myself that lying to them would make the separation easier. The truth came out as it always does and I ended up more hurt than if I had told them from the beginning because now I was plagued with 'what ifs'.

"I can't read your mind Rose, but I know you're torturing yourself. Don't." Lissa broke through my vicious, endless cycle of self crimination. She must've felt my darkening mood because she immediately touched my arm and reached for the magic of Spirit. Before she could though I pulled away, "It's not that bad. Don't tire yourself needlessly." I told her when a hurt expression crossed her soft features at my hasty retreat.

She sighed, reluctantly giving in and pulled me up the few stairs that led to her front door. I hadn't really realised we were back so I blinked several times to compose myself before facing the onslaught that would be Christian Ozera.

He eyed me up and eyed the arm Lissa had wrapped round mine.

"So I guess you two have 'kissed and made-up'?"

"Well, we've yet to kiss..." Liss trailed off suggestively and I quickly escaped.

"I'll leave the kissing up to you Christian. I need a shower." I hurried to my room as I heard Christian respond, "Happy to oblige." And felt Lissa's burst of emotion.

'_Urg, you'd think after five years of being together they'd get tired of passionate embraces.' _I thought before blocking the bond.

I showered quickly; scrubbing my flesh till it glowed pink, ensuring I was clean. While I was scrutinising myself in the mirror Lissa knocked on the door and entered. She smiled knowingly, "I had figured you may have required help in picking something to wear."

I laughed, slightly embarrassed, "Man I feel like a child, unable to even pick what to wear. I'm not even sure what impression I want to make. Do I primp myself or dress in usual guardian uniform? Do I wear my hair up or down? Down." I answered my own question, remembering my severely tattooed neck. I didn't really want to draw attention to it on the first reunion with the Romans.

Eventually we settled on skinny jeans and a gorgeous blood red silky singlet, with a light jacket. My hair was wavy and down, it dropped down to just above my hips. I didn't really cut it often; just let it grow until the split ends were so bad when I'd get a trim.

Christian was in the kitchen cooking, Liss had told him guests were coming tonight. She hadn't told him who though and as I entered the kitchen I could see he had made a real effort tonight. The dinner was extravagant and there was an alarming amount of food. I whistled softly, "Wow Christian you really out did yourself tonight."

He grinned and shrugged nonchalantly, "It's no big deal. But will you tell me who I'm slaving away for?"

"Uh, a few old friends of mine." I replied vaguely, he raised his brow in question, "On my travels I did meet people Christian and it just so happens one of the groups are here, so Lissa invited them to dinner."

He nodded and thankfully didn't continue questioning me. I couldn't relax after that and when there was a knock on the door I practically ran to it. I took two deep, calming breathes behind the door before opening it slowly.

"ALLA!" Maia squealed and threw her arms around me into a tight, bordering violent, hug. She clung to me and I heard a sob in her throat, and then a sob in my own.

"Maia I've missed you so much." I croaked out and clung to her right back. We must've stood together for a good ten minutes before someone cleared their throat and we both pulled back slightly embarrassed. I grinned at Julius as he laughed throatily, "It's just that I want to hug you too." He announced as he wrapped me into a bear hug. Another ten minutes passed before again a cough disturbed the silence; we both laughed as I turned to Marcus and the thought of hugging _him_ for ten straight minutes sent my heart pounding in my chest. For some reason it had to have been the most awkward hug ever. Marcus moved his head to the right as I moved mine to the left, then we both switched and ended up nearly bumping heads. I grabbed his shoulders pushed him to the right as I pulled myself to the left. We held each other lightly, my hands resting on his shoulder blades and his as my bra line. The hug didn't last a minute and disappointment washed through me.

"So you guys all done hugging? Can I've some introductions now?" Christian's sarcasm rang out and we laughed awkwardly, slightly embarrassed. I cleared my throat and gestured towards each person, "Christian this is Maia, Julius and Marcus. Maia and Marcus are siblings, Julius is a friend. Guys this is Christian Ozera, Lissa's boyfriend." I threw an arm round Liss, "And this is Liss. My best friend, bondmate and charge."

Typically all three looked rather confused at the term 'bondmate' but they were polite enough to not ask yet, figuring I'd explain later.

I invited them in and Christian told us dinner would be ready in a few minutes and told us to wait in the lounge. I plopped myself down in the middle of the three-seater sofa, with Maia on my left and Julius on my right. Marcus sat himself down in the lazy-boy and Liss sat on the loveseat.

Maia pulled me into another hug, "Oh Alla I've have missed you sooo much and you have a lot of explaining to do."

Christian had a look of confusion, "Why do you keep calling Rose Alla, Maia?"

Maia widened her eyes in surprise and a slight flush crept into her cheeks in embarrassment. "Oh I'm sorry R-Rose, I completely forgot. I mean Marcus had briefly explained but... I forgot." She looked at the floor in further embarrassment.

I hugged her in understanding and looked to Christian, who had sat next to Lissa.

"When I met them in Rome, I went by the alias Alla Petrov, to avoid identification. By then my name had become well known, and I knew word would quickly spread of where I was if I kept my name. I actually had another identify, Kate Winslow whom I never really used. I kind of grew into Alla and that's who these three knew me as." I turned back to Maia, "I don't mind if you call me Alla, I am as much her to you as I am Rose to Lissa and Christian. Besides, I think it's a very cool and original nickname." I joked and the tension in the air lessened.

I laughed nervously, "But I have missed you too. You can't imagine how much. And yes, I do have _a lot _of explaining to do." I paused and took a deep breath, "First off, my name is Rosemarie Hathaway. I never graduated from St. Vladimir, but I earned my _promise mark_ earlier this week.

"You three meet me after I had recently escaped a Strigoi who had kidnapped me straight from the Academy itself. But before I get into that part of my life I should tell you that when I was about 14 I was in a car accident. I died. But my friend Lissa, Princess Vasilisa Dragomir - the last of the Dragomirs, is a Spirit user. Spirit is an almost unheard of fifth elemental magic. She healed me, literally brought me back from the dead and in doing so I became what is known as 'shadow-kissed'. Apart of being shadow-kissed is that I have basically a psychic bond with her; I can read her thoughts, feel her emotions and experience her experiences." I paused, letting them absorb this. They were all looking at me in what could only be described as complete astonishment and awe. "That is what I meant by her being my 'bondmate', we are bonded. Anyway I eventually escaped the Strigoi and decided not to return to Lissa or the Academy. I had already missed out on graduation and to be honest, I didn't think I belonged with her again." As I said that Lissa sent a wave of sympathy, forgiveness and love for me via the bond and I smiled meekly at her. We had been through this already but she always felt the need to assure me that my past actions were forgiven and she still wanted me with her. "So I didn't go back, instead I ventured off to finish what I had thought I had achieved, but later found out I had failed - To kill my old mentor and lover; Dimitri Belikov. During the attack on St. Vladimir he had been turned into a Strigoi and I felt it was my responsibility to kill him due to an unspoken agreement that we would rather die than 'live' like that. As monsters.

"I failed the first time, and since I no longer belonged in my old life I decided to finish what I started. I spent that time hunting him, killing Strigoi on my way but I never found him. You guys instead found me." I finished there and the room lapsed into airy silence. It was deafening.

Maia hugged me tighter and I noticed her eyes were glistening with tears yet to fall.

"Oh Rose I'm so sorry. I had had no idea." I laughed humourlessly, "How could you have? I told you my name was Alla Petrov, that I was some Russian _unpromised_ Dhampir vampire slayer." She smiled sadly, "Yes but once Marcus had told me who you really were I had started listening to the rumours about you, never really guessing that some of them were true."

"There were rumours about Rose in... where are you guys from?"

"Rome." Julius answered Christian, "And yes, don't you realise you have a legend sitting in your living room," He looked pointedly at Lissa, "A legend who is now your Guardian?"

Lissa gaped, and I felt intense embarrassment, pride and a strange tingle of envious jealousy from was up with that? I could understand the former emotions but not the envy or jealousy. What could she possibly be jealous of?

I didn't really think much more about that as Maia started talking again, directing her speech at me.

"After you left that, or should I say snuck away like a thieve in the night, we didn't really do a lot, simply tracked down a few Strigoi and killed them. I heard a lot of circulating rumours; mostly ones about how you'd died then reappeared and killed groups of Strigoi by yourself. But then one came round, saying a Strigoi was looking for you, I never found out its name but it was a constant rumour, never changing. Just that he was looking for you and wanted you _pretty _badly." I froze at that news. _'Dimitri'_ ran through my mind in circles. It must've been him. So he still wanted me... "Then all rumours of you just stopped. We thought something had happened, and then a few weeks ago we heard one that truly amazed us. You were back in America, in the Courts. I just had to find out if it was true or not so I basically demanded that Marcus and Julius come, I told them I was coming here with or without them."

I laughed and hugged her tightly, pulling back when Christian told us dinner was ready.

I sat at the end of the table, Maia on my left and Lissa on my right, with Christian on her right, Julius on Maia's left and Marcus opposite me. I couldn't help stealing glances at him throughout the night, but if he ever did the same for me I never caught him which gave me a disappointing feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Dinner was pleasant, with the conversation revolving around me the main participants being myself and Maia, with Julius getting words in whenever he had the chances. I noticed as the night progressed so did Lissa's dark stirrings of resentment, but I had no idea who they were directed too. I didn't sense any real Spirit shadow in her mind so I didn't really bother focussing on her emotions. I would ask her about it afterwards.

"Well it's getting late and I personally need to get my beauty sleep." Christian announced halfway through one of Maia's jokes and I frowned at him, "Okay, well goodnight then." I told him shortly and turned back to Maia. Christian cleared his throat and stood, clearing the dishes from the table, even though Julius was still eating.

I clenched my fists in annoyance at his blatant rudeness and smiled at them, "Uh, well I do suppose Christian needs as much beauty sleep as he can get all things considered, how about I walk you home? I've been wanting to see where you're staying." I stood with the rest of them as they laughed, excluding Christian and Lissa the former glaring at me. I ignored them and grabbed my cloak from the hanger. Maia nodded enthusiastically, "Oh, if you're not busy tomorrow you should give us a tour of the Courts, since we only just arrived the other night and haven't had the opportunity to explore." I agreed and without saying anything to Liss or Christian I closed the door behind us.

Marcus, Julius and Maia had been polite enough to remember their manners, but I was annoyed at Christian's behaviour and Lissa attitude. She had barely said a word all night, and it was completely unlike her to be so anti-social.

I pushed the darkening thoughts from my mind as I picked up a conversation with Marcus.

"So have you been keeping in shape then? I haven't had a decent sparring match in, like, forever..." I hinted and he smiled, his eyes lightening in mischief.

"Well it's not like I have been doing nothing _but _training, but I'll admit I have a few new moves that are _sure_ to get you pinned this time."

I laughed and slapped his arm playfully, "Oh please, you couldn't get me pinned if I were blindfolded and had my hands tied behind my back. Remember? We tried the tied hands before and I just ended up kicking your ass, literally." We burst into harder laughter and Maia exclaimed, "Hey I remember that, Marcus couldn't sit for days afterwards."

The sun was actually higher in the sky than I would've thought and I basked in its warmth. It had been a while since I'd been in it and I missed it. I opened my eyes to see Marcus studying me intently, "You haven't been in the sun for a while have you Alla?" He widened his eyes in shock but I cut him off before he could apologise.

"It's fine Marcus, like I told Maia I don't mind being called Alla. I respond to it as much as I do Rose and besides," I placed my palm on his chest; absentmindedly noting the muscular texture of it through his shirts, "I am as much Alla as I am Rose. Sure I don't have the scars anymore, but I'm more her than I am me... if that makes any sense." I frowned at my babble and Marcus laughed lightly. He placed his hand over mine and I thought he was about to remove it, but instead held it.

"Don't worry Rose, I do understand what you mean. Your time apart from Lissa changed you; your time with us changed you. But not in the way I know that you think. You think that Alla and Rose are two _different_ parts of you when in actual fact they are what makes you, _you._"

I felt tears well in my eyes and I leaned forwards, trying to see a reaction to my actions. His face turned serious and he leaned down to my height, a more accessible height for my lips. Anticipation had my body tensing and just as we were about to meet... "You guys coming or not?"

The moment broken we both pulled back; chagrined I withdrew my hand from his and very nearly tore Julius's head off. As it was Maia hit him in the back of the head and hissed something I didn't hear.

We walked in silence after that and I couldn't help drifting off into a little daydream where we did finish – or start – that kiss.

"Rose?"

"Mmm?" I was pulled from my daydream to see we in front of what could only be their building. It was exactly the same as every other building situated in the Courts and Maia was watching me expectantly. "Huh, did you say something?"

She giggled; a knowing look on her face, "Yes I asked if you had tomorrow off, or if you were guarding Lissa."

I pursed my lips in thought, "I have the day off." I answered, not explaining why since it was due to the fact that I was supposedly healing from the final tattooing session. I hadn't told them about my _molnija_ marks and felt no desire to do so now. Maia didn't ask for a reason why I had the day off just smiled and told me we would be spending the day exploring. I laughed, she had always been very dictating, deciding what we would spend the day doing and I found I actually didn't have a problem with it at all. It was entertaining seeing the things she came up with for us to spend our day doing.

I hugged her again, knowing it was time to leave as reluctant as I was, "It was so nice seeing you again; I'll do my morning training tomorrow and meet you after that. Round 9?" I half asked, half told her. She nodded in agreement and I hugged both Julius and Marcus tightly – Marcus longer this time – and bid them all 'goodnight'.

I walked back to Lissa's in a sort of daze, running through my mind the nights events and I remembered the peculiar emotions I had been reading in Lissa.

Sighing happily despite it, I close the front door and turned to see Lissa basically glaring at me in the hallway.


	35. Chapter 35

**I do hope you like this chapter! It was difficult for me to get right, so I spent a lot of time taking things out or adding other things  
Disclaimer: seriously do I even need to say it? Do I need to say I don't own Vampire Academy but Richelle Mead does? Well I have anyway  
Enjoy Chapter 35! **

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**Chapter 35**

"What Liss?"

"Nothing." She huffed grumpily and I was in too good of a mood to bother with her attitude tonight.

"Okay, whatever, I'm going to bed then.  
"Oh, and I'll be with Maia tomorrow if you need me." I told her as an afterthought and was surprised to feel a fresh wave of resentment, jealousy and near anger flow into me. Suddenly exhausted, I ignored it and continued up the stairs.

I woke the next morning in a sweat, but I hadn't screamed out. The nightmare had been the same, Dimitri killing Marcus at the end. I controlled my breathing and checked the time, _quarter past six. _It wasn't that early and I decided to shower and get to the gym a little earlier than usual this morning. I wore my tracksuit jacket since it was a little chillier this morning than normal.

As I entered the gym I was pleased I had decided on the jacket as I saw Marcus at the punching bags. I stood admiring him for a few minutes before clearing my throat to announce my presence. He stopped mid-punch and turned to me, giving me one hell of an opportunity to ogle at his much toned physique. He had tanned, defined and glistening chest that made me seriously want to jump him.

Containing myself I smiled in greeting, "I was just about to go for a run to warm up, and then maybe I can test out those... new moves you were boasting about last night."

"I wouldn't mind a run. I was just finishing up here anyway."

I started lightly jogging for the first few laps until I caught Marcus's eyes, he raised both his eyebrows and I understood. I picked up the pace, each lap getting faster until by the tenth we were close to sprinting.

Marcus's chest was heaving by the time I slowed to a stop and began stretching; I knew this because I had returned to ogling it.

He straightened and circled me while I was still on the ground.

"So you haven't given up your cheating was I see." I smirked and hopped into a crouch and spun my foot out, lashing at his ankles. He jumped back and I bounced to my feet laughing. His slightly stunned face was amusing as I began circling him.

"You've gotten quicker." I commented.

"As have you." He replied then struck forwards, punching at my face. I twisted my torso to the right, narrowly avoiding his fist and kicked his ribs with my right heel. He grunted and staggered to the side, all the air forced from his lungs. I moved to take advantage of his lapse in defensive but he moved like a viper, hitting me in the abdomen then a follow through punch just above my left breast, hitting my heart.

I hissed and stepped back a few paces, regaining my balance and breath. He had improved _a lot_ in the four year since we had done this. But then, so had I.

I performed a jumping front kick, that was both predictable and easily avoided, but he didn't anticipate or manage to dodge my follow through reverse-hook kick. As I had landed on my feet from the jumping front kick, he had stepped to my left so I pivoted on my right foot and lashed out with my left heel, into his back. He grunted harshly from the blow and fell to his knees. I wasted no time in grabbing his bare shoulders, pulling him so he landed on his back, still trying to recover from my kick and moving with little effort from me. I straddled him and forced his arms above his head.

"Well now this feels familiar, do you like being on the bottom or something?" I teased, and throwing in an innuendo for fun. This entire situation felt familiar and comfortable. I realised then just how easy it was being with Marcus, flirting with him and just being in his presence. I hadn't felt this kind of connection with a male since Dimitri and as much as that thought scared me, it also thrilled and excited me. I was still laughing when Marcus suddenly, in a remarkable display of pure strength and power, literally lifted me off him. He had grabbed my hand, wrapping his fingers round mine, palms to palms, and lifted me straight up. I had tensed my arms to hold his down, but now the tension in my arms was holding _me _up. He threw me to the side and stood, laughing at my face, I imagined it was some mixture of astonishment, shock and admittedly attraction. That display of pure masculine strength was just, wow.

I quickly recovered and rolled to my feet, he was still laughing when I faced off with him. Evidently laughter is contagious as I snorted, which set him off more, then burst into hysterics.

We didn't actually finish the match since we were too busy laughing our heads off.

"Okay, I'll admit that is a cool move." I finally managed to say and it set us off again. I hadn't laughed this hard in a long time and it felt so good, so freeing.

I happened to glance at the clock on the wall then and realised I was running late for Maia, plus I needed a shower.

"Oh, _yebat! _I'm meant to be meeting Maia in five minutes, I've got to go."

"You know cursing in Russian to disguise the fact that you're cursing doesn't work when the person you're swearing in front of knows the language."

I looked at him in shock, he smiled, "I learnt it a few years back..." He looked down, suddenly fascinated by the floor.

I smiled then waved hastily as I rushed from the gym, sprinting regardless of the fact that I had just spent an hour running.

Bursting through the front door I rushed upstairs, yelling 'morning' to Lissa and Christian not even knowing if they were in the house or not. I flew back down the stairs after the world's fastest shower. I had nearly made it back out the door when I heard Christian call from the kitchen, "Where's the fire?"

I turned back to him, smiling like an idiot, "Dunno, you're the pyro. I've got to go anyway, I'm late."

"Rose, wait a second." He came towards me, face stern.

"What?" I asked, a little impatiently.

"I... look Rose I really think you need to talk to Lissa. She's upset about something, that's why I behaved so rudely last night. I could see she was getting uncomfortable or something with your... friends. I personally don't have anything against them; in fact I really like them. But Lissa has a problem with them, and before you ask I don't know what it is, she won't talk to me. So please do me a favour and talk with her, please?"

I didn't really have a response, so I nodded numbly and turned to leave. Frowning to myself I headed off to meet Maia, deep in thought.

After considering Lissa's ever growing... resentment last night I was pretty certain she was jealous. Of Maia. In hindsight I realised that I hadn't spoken to Liss the entire night, I had almost ignored her in my over-enthusiasm in reuniting with them. I remembered feeling jealous of Avery after Lissa had befriended her, and I had left her and been in another country. She had been in the same room as me; _of course_ she would get jealous of Maia. No doubt Lissa was feeling insecure in her status with me, considering all the fights and reconciliations we've had and had to have in my time back, and on the first night Maia's back I'm gushing over her. I had been loud, open and laughing freely with tehm, something I hadn't really done with Liss due to my own insecurities. _'God we need to talk, badly'_ I thought to myself as I looked up to see Maia sitting on the stairs in front of her building.

She looked up, probably having heard my approach and a wide smile spread her lips, she stood and very nearly skipped over to me.

"Good morning, what took you so long?"

"Uh, lost track of time in the gym." I answered; she smirked knowingly.

"Would Marcus have had anything to do with that?"

I failed to keep the blush from rising then and I couldn't remember the last time I'd actually blushed. I coughed and turned away, "Yeah, he might've had a little something to do with it... so anyway... what are we going to do first?"

Maia laughed at my obvious change in subject and wrapped her arm round mine and dragging me away.

"You're taking me on a tour and I guess we'll go from there!" Her excitement and energy was catching and I smiled widely.

We spent the entire day exploring the Courts and talking about everything, from the trivial gossip to the important things. I even told her about my nightmares and darkest fears. I had always felt I could trust Maia; she gave off a vibe that screamed trustworthy and even when I'd been just Alla to her, I'd trusted her with my past. At least parts of my past that wouldn't give away who I was.

"You've had it rough Alla, really rough. And I'm so sorry."

I hugged her and was flooded with complete outrage and I was so surprised by it I very nearly hit Maia as I pulled back. Turning I saw Lissa standing a few metres away, literally glaring at Maia. I had never seen such a hateful look in her eye, and, to be honest, I was a little scared by it.

"Uh Maia I think you'd better go. It was nice seeing you today, but I need to talk to Lissa. I'll see you tomorrow."

"No you won't, you're on Guardian duty. You'll be with me all day." Lissa answered frostily and Maia looked at her confused, but that was replaced by annoyance at Lissa's attitude. It was in Maia's nature to pick fights easily and I knew she wasn't above hitting a Moroi, even if said Moroi were my charge, so I stepped towards Lissa and apologised to Maia.

"Sorry but I need to go. I'll see you _tomorrow._" I emphasised, looking at Lissa my eyes telling her to be quiet. Thankfully she heeded it and turned on her heel in a huff and I looked at Maia, telling her with my eyes I'll explain later. She nodded and left to her place.

We walked back to Lissa's place in silence. I wasn't sure why I still referred to it as Lissa's place since I'd been there ever since I came back, so I basically lived there. I think it was because I wasn't ready to call anything _'home'_ just yet.

I didn't want our inevitable argument that would ensue to be viewable by the public so I didn't speak. But I could feel her boiling emotions and I knew she would feel mine.

I closed the front door behind me as Lissa turned and sat down on the love seat, me in the lazy boy.

I broke the tense atmosphere, "I'm sorry Liss."

Whatever she had been expecting it wasn't for me to apologise to her. She stared at me in undeniable shock, her mouth slightly open, "W-what?" She stammered out.

I leant forwards, my elbows on my knees, my hands clasped together.

"I'm sorry Liss. I didn't take in account how you would feel about meeting my friends." She continued looking at me in astonishment, "What are you talking about?" She eventually managed to say.

"Don't play dumb with me Liss, I can read your mind and to a certain degree you can read mine. I _know_ how you began feeling that night. I was to all extents of the word, ignoring you. I focussed all my attention on Maia, Marcus and Julius and it wasn't fair to me. You have every reason to be jealous, I mean, when I was in Russia after I'd left you I became jealous of Avery. Even though she turned out to be a manipulative, power hungry bitch, I was still initially jealous of the connection you seemed to be bonding with her when I couldn't. Our bond makes our relationship... more complicated and complex than other friendships. We are more than best friends, more than sisters. We are _bondmates._ And I didn't even consider that fact when I was with Maia, in fact, honestly, I didn't even factor you in at all and that is what I'm apologising for. We are bondmates and our reunion has been nothing short of rocky. Since I've come back we've swayed between fighting and having teary eyed reconciliations, and then with Maia I'm suddenly more open and free round her than I am with you." I stood up and walked towards her, then got down on my knees; grasping her hands between my own I stared into her green eyes. "But Liss that's because with you I'm always fighting with my own shame and regret over my choices. I'm fighting the insecurities of you not being able to forgive me. I know it sounds ridiculous considering I can literally _feel_ your forgiveness and love, but I can't deny the fact that I have made some terrible mistakes that cost us both."

Lissa was staring back in my eyes, the intensity of the moment was causing incredible tension in the room and I realised we had both stopped breathing. Then in an abrupt motion she threw her arms around me and enveloped me in a giant hug.

"God I feel so _stupid _getting jealous over my best friends other friends. It's rather possessive of me actually."

I laughed at that, "Don't forget I got the same with Avery, it's just that you didn't know about it." She pulled back and looked at me seriously.

"You really got jealous over _her?_ I mean, I wasn't really that friendly with her was I?"

I smirked, "Yeah, you were. You were completely different with her, I mean the drinking and partying and scheming you two got up too? Very friendly with her; well I was very jealous of her until I realised she wanted to kill you..." We both cringed at that, she had come exceedingly close to jumping out a window of one the Academy's dorms. Had I not been with Oksana at the time I don't think I would've been able to help her fight Avery's compulsion. Lissa sighed then, "I guess I _should_ go apologise to Maia, I was a bit rude to her wasn't I?"

I raised my eyebrows at that, "Okay, I was a bitch. Happy?" She conceded and we both laughed.

"You know, I think you two could actually be really good friends. So long as neither of you get jealous over me." I brushed off some imaginary dust on my shoulder, "I mean I know I'm just that great but there's no reason to fight over me. There's enough of me for everyone."

"Including Marcus." Lissa tagged on and my jaw dropped in surprise, she burst into laughter. "You honestly think I missed all those quick glances in his direction, those small smiles you gave him? And you honestly think I couldn't _feel_ the way you felt when you did make eye contact or addressed him? I mean sure you were bubbly with Maia and Julius but you were completely different with Marcus, I can't really explain it but whenever you two spoke it was like a charge of electricity zapped through the air between you. I've never seen anything like it."

I was in a state of disbelief, Lissa had missed all of my small interactions with Dimitri, all those tense little moments I had with him. She hadn't even really known we had anything going until I basically told her, and now after one evening she immediately picks up on it? I guess having our bond strengthen has increased her intuition with me, or maybe she's just focussing more on me than she used to. She no longer really takes me for granted, in the 'always be with her' and the 'always tell her the truth' sense so she's paying far more attention to me than she used to. In a way I loved it, but in the other way it meant I couldn't really keep any secrets from her, which, in hindsight, I shouldn't anyway, but still it can be annoying having another know everything about you.

"Huh." Was all I managed to say; Lissa giggled in response.

We talked for hours after that, I confessed that I was still having nightmares but not as often. We broke all the barriers that had been between us since I came back, I told her more of my past and we talked about the new possibilities our strengthening bond could have. I finally began to forgive myself for leaving her, for not coming back earlier. There was a knock on the door; breaking the silence that had grown between us after we'd run out of words.

I stood up to answer it and was pleasantly surprised to see Marcus standing on the second stair. I took a moment to just look at him, his tall muscular build, the way he held himself with relaxed confidence.

"Hi Marcus." I greeted and he smiled shyly.

"Hello Rose. I was wondering if you'd like to have dinner with me tonight. I was exploring today and found a nice restaurant..." He trailed off slightly embarrassed and I tried to keep myself composed and not jump up and down like a little girl.

"I'd love that, um I just need a few minutes to get ready..."

He blinked, "But you look fine? Uh, I guess it's a girl thing."

I swallowed and smiled, inviting him inside.

Lissa smiled at him warmly and gave me a knowing wink; I dashed up the stairs to get ready.

I came back down after half-an-hour to find Marcus in the lounge with Lissa, I hadn't eavesdropped on them out of politeness so I didn't know what they had been talking about, but I was pretty sure it was about me. They both looked up and Marcus looked visibly shell-shocked by my appearance. I was in a knee-length red silk dress that was just to die for. No woman without my curves could have pulled it off and I smiled at his speechlessness, taking it as a compliment.

"Wow Rose you look... just wow." Lissa wasn't much better than Marcus with her literary skills. He cleared his throat, "Yes you look stunning."

I smiled and gave him a twirl, "So where are you taking me?" I asked, genuinely curious. I hadn't been out to dinner here so I didn't really know of any of the restaurants.

"Just a little restaurant by the fountains, it will provide a beautiful view of the rising sun."

I smiled and said 'goodnight' to Liss who just smiled and again winked at me.

We strolled at a leisurely pace towards the fountains. It was still 'early' so the sun wouldn't be up for hours but I didn't mind. All the more time with him.

"You do look beautiful tonight Alla. You take my breath away." Marcus told me, his voice husky and it sent shivers down my spine.

"You scrub up pretty nicely yourself." I replied and he offered me his arm. It was a very old-fashioned gesture but I found it sweet.

I realised my strap of my heel was loose so I bent down to tie it back, and in doing so my hair fell forwards revealing parts of my neck and shoulder. Parts that were tattooed. As soon as I heard Marcus gasp I realised my mistake, I should've worn a coat or something to cover my shoulders.

"Alla what is on your neck?" But I knew he knew. I stood back up slowly and flicked my hair back over to cover them, "Nothing." I mumbled and he narrowed his eyes.

Stepping forwards his finger combed through my hair, his thumb brushing my ear lobe causing a shiver to run over my skin. He gently turned me and moved my hair to the side, revealing the marks.

"When did you get these?" He breathed.

"My last set I got the day before yesterday." I answered honestly. He ran his fingertips lightly over the skin and again I shivered at the sensation.

"There are so many." He was barely whispering, but I heard him just fine in the silence of the night.

"I've been very busy." I replied, trying to keep my tone nonchalant but he didn't believe me. He didn't speak again but continued to stroke the skin, light as a feather. I continued to shiver and eventually he pulled away.

"I realise now exactly how you've been spending the four years since I've seen you. Hunting Dimitri and killing Strigoi on the way."

"I had already told you that."

"Yes, but hearing it and seeing the result are two different things." He replied softly and I looked away, not wanting to talk about it anymore. Dimitri was the one topic I didn't think I could discuss with him. Ever. He seemed to sense this so dropped it and began walking again.

The dinner went well, we talked and flirted. I noticed throughout the night we were both leaning forwards slowly, until by the time we had finished our faces were inches apart. The waiter appeared with the bill and I jerked back in surprise, it was as though we had been in our own little world that consisted of just us. Slightly irritated with the interruption I might've been a little short with the waiter but Marcus was polite, well-mannered.

Walking back I was surprised by the fact that the sun still hadn't risen, even though we had been out for hours. I looked up and noticed that in fact it had risen, but the clouds were so entirely thick in the sky that no real light broke through. It was a phenomenon I had never seen before and Marcus noticed to.

"Interesting, the sun should have risen by now..."

"It has, but the clouds are so thick the sunlight can't seem to penetrate through. I've never seen anything like it, but I'm pretty sure it will be raining soon."

I looked down in time to see movement to my left. I turned to see Melanie apparently sneaking around, I glanced in the direction of where she had come from and it appeared to be the building where Mitchell and Hoseet were being kept until their trail in two days time. The Moroi justice system was impossibly slow to deal with its lawbreaking citizens so they had been held in a holding cell awaiting trial. Curious as to what she was up to, but not really wanting to bother Marcus I told him goodnight, that I remembered I had something to tell my mother whose living quarters were nearby. If he didn't buy my excuse he didn't show it and didn't argue.

He gave me a quick peck on my cheek and I yearned for it to have been on my lips but was settled, for now, to have been kissed at all.

I watched Marcus until he was out of sight then followed Melanie. I found her by the fountains with Adrian, they seemed to be arguing over something and I stormed over to them. Melanie had no business being in the area of where Aden and Hoseet were being held and my gut was telling me she was up to something. I intended to confront her about it and they noticed me. Adrian appeared wary but Melanie actually paled. I opened my mouth to yell at her when a bout of nausea, so strong it made me keel over, hit me.

Strigoi.

I didn't even bother wondering what they were doing here, in the Courts, I immediately drew my stake and screamed at Adrian.

"Run Adrian!"

I straightened up to face the incoming onslaught of Strigoi...

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**Oh I feel so mean :P but I needed to finish the chapter here, and you'll see why next chapter! Which will be up soonish... no more than a few days I promise!**


	36. Chapter 36

**Wow I'm so nice to ya'll. Updating ahead of schedule!!! I'm not sure how you'll react to this chapter so I'm biting my fingernails in nervousness, please read and review or I'll cry, and kill everyone!!! But not actually :P  
Disclaimer: It's not mine and never will be **

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**Chapter 36**

"Run Adrian!" I cried at him again, ducking under a swinging arm and driving my stake into his open chest. Adrian didn't move and opened his mouth to protest. "Get out of here." I commanded and staggered back from a kick in the stomach, "GO!" I shouted and from my peripheral vision I saw him hesitated then grab Melanie's arm and run.

I ducked again and lashed out, cutting deeply into another Strigoi's arm. I was vastly outnumbered and I swear whenever I killed one Strigoi, two more joined the ranks. I was tiring fast but I keep fighting, keep killing. I had pulled my stake from another chest and turned to deflect a blow when a pair of unbreakable cold arms grabbed me from behind. I struggled futilely, and received a vicious back-hand from my previous target. Blood dripped down my cheek that was now open and I blinked rapidly, fighting to stay conscious.

I was used as a punching bag then, each Strigoi getting a fairly decent blow in; not enough to actually kill me but by the fifth or sixth hit I was fading fast.

That was when I felt a breath in my ear and a voice I never ever expected to hear again spoke one word before I passed out.

"_Roza."_

-~-

I shot up in bed, hugely disorientated as I looked around my pitch black room. _'A dream,' _I thought, desperately hoping it was true but knowing it wasn't.

"What's wrong babe?" A deep voice asked from beside me.

"I just had a horrible nightmare... It was so vivid... I..." I trailed off.

I felt a pair of warm arms wrap around my shoulders.

"It's okay, it was just a dream."

I was struck by a horrid thought and I leapt from his embrace and ran out the door; not really caring about the amount of noise I made. I smashed into her bedroom door and saw the empty undisturbed bed. She hadn't come home.

I swore and ran down the stairs, and out the door. There were lights on in the Ivashkov's building and a lot of activity for this late at night. The sun was up but it was still dark as night, due to ominous clouds that threatened rain. I had planned to stay up waiting for her but eventually been too exhausted to stay awake. I ran towards the thong of persons gathered at the entrance to one of the door.

"Adrian?!" I called out, searching for him.

I heard him call to me and I barged my way through the crowd.

"What happened? Where's Mel? Where'd the Strigoi come from? What were they doing in the Courts? How did they get past the wards? What were you doing out this late?"

I ignored his surprised look and he didn't bother asking how I knew about it.

"I – we – Mel – she – Rose – told us to run – she fought them – got here as quick as we could – Strigoi – she fought – out numbered -"

I cut him off by slapping some sense into him, "Talk in sentences Adrian." I said sharply.

Before he could recover, I heard shouts from behind me and recognised Marcus, Maia and Julius rushing towards us.

"What is the meaning of this?" Marcus demanded, he appeared to be wide awake, still in the suit I'd seen him in earlier, apparently not having gone to bed yet. Maia and Julius were a little more disorderly but appeared to be alert and watchful. "Where is Rose Lissa?"

That was an excellent question, one I wasn't able to answer.

"Adrian, tell us what happened." I commanded him.

He took a deep, calming breath before speaking, "We were at the fountain, Mel and I, when Rose rushed up, apparently furious. She was about to lay into Mel when she keeled over and turned slightly green. Then, in the scariest voice I've ever heard, told us to run. I had no idea what was happening when she screamed to run and drew a stake from nowhere as a bunch of Strigoi appeared. She killed several, but for every one she killed two more replaced them. It was chaos. She screamed at me to get away.  
"But, Lissa, the weird thing was, was that they didn't even bother with us. They targeted her solely. They had come for her."

I felt panic rise in my chest, "Dimitri." I whispered and Adrian gasped in understanding and horror, and then swore.

"Dimitri? As in that Dhampir she had loved, who had turned Strigoi? The Dimitri that she had spent the last four years searching for?" Maia asked her voice fearful and horrified. The lump that had been growing in my throat just grew and it blocked my throat so I just nodded. Marcus said something in Greek that had to be a curse judging by his tone and expression. I was actually scared of him; his face was contorted in the most hateful expression I had ever seen.

"But she didn't have a stake with her." Marcus noted, his expression horrified as he realised that he could be at fault, he had taken her to dinner tonight, she had worn a dress and he hadn't seen anywhere she could have held a stake. I placed a hand on his arm.

"Rose _always_ has a stake on her - Even when I tell her not to. She had it strapped to her inner thigh." I comforted him and he relaxed minimally. Turning to Adrian his voice was hard again.

"Ivashkov, take me to the last place you saw her."

Adrian nodded fearfully and led the way. I followed numbly, my emotions in turmoil. I couldn't make sense of them and at the moment I think I was just numb in shock.

The fountain area was like a war zone, Strigoi corpses lay scattered about and blood was drying on the bricked landscape.

Marcus carefully stepped over the bodies, surveying the immediate area.

"Rose fought here." He stated, standing approximately in the centre of the now apparent circle of Strigoi. It was a circle of clear ground, and Strigoi bodies bordered the circumference at a radius of no more than three metres.

"She was wounded, severely. This blood here," He pointed to a frightening large puddle of still wet blood, and then followed a dotted line, heading away from where we were standing, "Is hers." He stepped around, choreographing the fight; it looked like an interpretive dance, his movements graceful but direct and deadly.

"She stopped, most likely restrained and beaten." He stood above the biggest puddle of blood, that wasn't entirely dried. Nausea built up in my stomach and I fought down the urge to throw-up. "Then was carried away, see this trail of blood drops? These are hers." He crouched down and pointed to a dotted line of blood; leading off to the wards. He stood up looking off in the direction the blood lead to, "Whoever managed to restrain her must've studied her fighting style intimately. Known exactly how to get her."

"He would, considering Dimitri taught Rose everything she knows." All three of the Romans eyes focussed on me, "I was... in her head when she was fighting. Dimitri caught her from behind and then they used her like a punching bag. Dimitri's going to kill her, but not before he tortures her. She has become too dangerous for him to turn her now, she has made far too many enemies amongst the Strigoi, even if Dimitri is a leader of sorts amongst the Strigoi now too many Strigoi want Rose dead. And I'm pretty sure as a Strigoi not even Dimitri will be able to control Rose; she will become lethal, deadly and the biggest threat Moroi have even known." As sick as that sounded, in my heart I knew it was true. Dimitri wouldn't keep Rose alive, he would have his fun with her while she is weak, while she is vulnerable and then he will kill her. The nausea increased and I couldn't stop. I ran to a bush and threw up violently; my guts heaving. No one comforted me, no one whispered comforting and supportive things into my ear, and no one embraced me. Everyone just stood like statues and I knew my words were sinking in, the realisation that if Rose were to become a Strigoi there was little chance that a Dhampir, Guardian or not, would be able to stop her.

"I will find her." Marcus announced, breaking the deafening silence that had grown and begun crushing us. I looked at him, studying his brown eyes, his scar that wasn't disfiguring as much as it was adding to his appearance – much like Tasha Ozera's, his jaw was clenched in determination and I could see his mind was set.

"We will come with you Marcus." Maia spoke for herself and Julius who nodded grimly.

"I wan -" Adrian began but was interrupted by Marcus.

"No. You are a Moroi, a liability that we cannot have tagging along, slowing us down." His voice was harsh and I could see Adrian beginning to fume.

"Do you have any idea who you're speaking to?" He demanded, with the authority only a Royal could portray. Marcus didn't react, just towered over Adrian; even though they were basically the same height, the anger in Marcus came off him in waves, making Adrian shrink back.

"I know _exactly_ who I am speaking to _Ivashkov_. But I've no time for arguing with a spoilt Moroi, we will hunt for Alla and you will not be accompanying us. I do not take commands from Moroi, nor do I serve the Queen, so _do not_ speak to me as though I am on for you to order around." Although his voice was low it was so full of rage that Adrian took a step back. I felt afraid of Marcus for the first time, when I had first met him he had seemed nice, kind and harmless but now I saw the warrior within. What made him so dangerous and what made Rose so respectful of him.

Maia stepped forwards and placed a hand on his shoulder and they shared a few moments of silent communication.

"Marcus, before you go allow me to try get into her head again." I spoke up timidly. Everyone turned to me and I closed my eyes in concentration. I was completely unsure of how to actually do this, Rose had never really explained to me how she did this; she simply told me she could do it after that first time. I regretted now not asking her but I remembered her mentioning that her defences were down when she was asleep, and being asleep meant you were relaxed and thinking of nothing imparticular, so I tried relaxing and thinking of nothing.

It was an odd sensation, thinking of nothing, but I did it and found what felt like a leak or something. A leak of emotions that were not my own. I concentrated on the leak and felt a pull towards it; allowing myself to be pulled I got sucked in... Only to be hit by, what felt like, a brick wall. It was like a solid brick wall that kept everything about Rose from me, that leak had been a crack in the wall. I wasn't able to get into her head as much as I could barely feel her emotions. They were faint, but undeniable feelings of pure, unadulterated terror. Rose was afraid, terrified even. But if she was terrified that meant she was alive, every cloud has a silver lining after all, no matter how faint said lining was.

I opened my eyes to see four pairs of expectant eyes watching me. I shook my head sadly, slowly and they all breathed a sigh of disappointment and dread.

"I can't get into her head; she's either blocking me or unconscious and drugged."

Adrian looked at me sharply, "How do you know that?"

"Because when Rose was too exhausted to block me out when she was with Mia she asked for sleeping pills to knock her out, I couldn't access her dreams then. But I know she's not dead or Strigoi because I _can_ still feel a trickle of her emotions. She's afraid, absolutely terrified and I don't know what to do."

Marcus stepped forwards and handed me a card, "This is my cell phone number. Call me, but only if you have vital information about Alla. We leave within the hour."

I nodded grimly and watched Rose's three friends who had been with her when I hadn't, been there for her when she had feared me.

Thinking about it now I thought it was so ridiculous, I couldn't completely understand why Rose would feel as if I wouldn't forgive her, or be afraid of her. She was still Rose to me and no matter what she has done she will always be my Rose. My bondmate and sister.

Once they were out of sight Adrian came up to me and hugged me tightly. I clung to him in desperation; the severity of the situation finally hitting me. My bondmates life was in serious jeopardy and there was nothing I could really do. I couldn't even get into her mind to even get an inkling of where she was, where she could be.

I didn't have huge hope of Marcus finding her, even with his obvious skill at tracking we had no idea how far ahead they were, or even where they were heading. Doubt plagued my mind causing it to think up the worst possible scenarios.

"They will find her Lissa. I'll organise a group of Guardians to aid the Romans." Adrian assured me gruffly, "But we will get Rose back. We will."

I wasn't sure who he was trying to convince; me or himself.

"Lissa!"

I let go of Adrian to see Christian running towards me. He reached me and pulled me into a tight hug; having seen how upset I was.

"What's wrong? I couldn't find Rose anywhere and you just ran out."

I broke into tears then, "She – Rose – gone – Adrian – Strigoi -" He patted and rubbed my back rhythmically, soothing and calming me.

"Ssh Lissa, babe, take a deep breath. Breathe and try again."

I breathed deeply, avoiding hyperventilating, and managed to regain some small amount of composure.

"Rose has been taken by Strigoi. Strigoi led by Dimitri."

Christian gasped at his name, all his muscles tensed and his body stiffened as rage and horror alike spread through him.

"Oh god! No! We only just got her back." He pulled back and I saw how effected he was. I saw a blast of magic explode throughout his aura and the air around us heated. It got to the point that it felt as though we were in a furnace.

"Christian calm down!" Adrian shouted, alerted by his spectacularly bright aura.

I could see the strain on Christian as he concentrated on calming himself. He inhaled deep breaths in his nose and exhaled through his mouth. I felt the air around me cool and moisten so I could breathe without my throat burning.

I stroked his arm and noticed the tears glistening.

"How soon can you get a team together Adrian?" I asked my voice hoarse with emotion. He was frowning, deep in thought.

"Within two hours max, but I need to start now. I need to speak with my Aunt."

He hurried away and I looked at Christian who had a look in his eye I hadn't seen in years. He wanted to fight.

"Christian don't."

He looked into my eyes and his ice blue ones were hard with steel determination.

"I need to Liss. I didn't look for her last time and she ended up gone for five years! I refuse to wait another five years before _finally_ doing something about it. I accepted the rumours of her desertion and later death. It wasn't until the darkness began changing you and then you were suddenly 'normal' again that I believed she was alive. That she cared. I'm so ashamed of that Lissa. I'm so full of shame in the way I disregarded her, believed the worst of her because I was _jealous._

"She spent her entire life training to be your shadow, your guardian. She had a bond with you, you two were closer than sisters and I was jealous of her. I was envious of the relationship she shared with you, a relationship I could never have with you. I was selfish enough to have wanted you all to myself and so when she was kidnapped the first time, I simply believed the worst of the speculations. That she abandoned you and I reasoned she did so to find Dimitri. That she choose Dimitri over you.

"It was so easy for me to hide behind my jealousy of her and believe the worst. So easy. And so Liss I _need_ to do this. I _have_ to do this."

I didn't know what to say. Christian's confession left me speechless. I hadn't had any idea he felt this way, this guilty and shamed over his treatment of Rose. I had known those two had had their differences in the past, but fighting together against the Strigoi had formed a connection between them. Sure they hadn't been the best of friends, they bickered and sniped at each other, but beneath that, there had always been a mutual respect for each other.

I hugged him tightly and I both heard and felt the sob that racked through him. As selfish as I was, I knew how much this meant to him.

"Okay Christian. If the group Adrian assembles allows it you can help find Rose. But be sure to come back to me. I cannot lose you both. I just can't"

He lowered his head and I met his lips with mine in a passionate kiss. But it was lined with fear and desperation and I clung to him.

The waiting for Adrian to come back was the worst; it was only an hour but an hour that dragged. For each minute we waited Rose got further and further away; there was no doubt in my mind that Dimitri would take her as far away as possible and hide her. He was too smart to allow the opportunity of the sun's obstruction go to waste.

"Vasilisa what is the meaning of this?"

I looked up in horror to see Janine Hathaway rushing towards me, a worried expression on her face.

My mouth opened but nothing came out.

"It's Rose. She's been attacked and taken by Dimitri." Christian answered for me and I flinched at the sound of the awful news.

I watched Janine's expression slip into one of neutrality; if I were anyone else I would've presumed her to be unaffected by the horrific news of one's daughter having been taken by Strigoi but I knew Janine, I knew this was her defending herself. She was a highly trained and disciplined Guardian and her emotions right now would get in the way. I knew for a fact that once she was in her room the mask would slip and raw emotions would burst from her. Be it violent rage, or a torrent of tears.

"How? When? What is happening about it?" Her voice was carefully controlled, not an ounce of emotion detectable.

"We don't know how, the wards must have broken or been breached. Maybe an hour ago tops. The Roman's have already left to track her down and Adrian is currently organising a group of Guardians to form a search group." Christian answered mechanically since I still couldn't find my voice.

Janine nodded then without a word hurried away, in the direction where Adrian had left. I suddenly found use of my limps and hastily followed her; she would know where to find Adrian and the Queen.

As we approached a doorway yelling could be heard. It sounded like Adrian and he was apparently very upset; I only caught the end of the sentence.

"... won't help Rose?!"

We barged in without knocking and Janine was nearly glowing with the rage she was in, even without me seeing her aura.

"If I understood that correctly _Your Majesty_, you mean to not help recover the most valuable Guardian we have? Rose may be young, but she is the best Guardian our world has seen in centuries. Her Strigoi kill record is beyond belief and she is undefeated thus far by any of your Guardians under your ruling. If I am hearing correctly you are telling us you will not lift a finger to help us find _my daughter_, Princess Vasilisa's Guardian and bondmate and the best Guardian around?

"Let me tell you something, if Rose is to become a Strigoi, who the hell on this planet is going to be able to slay her? She has killed hoards of Strigoi already while she was smaller, weaker and slower than one. If she becomes a Strigoi, a vampire that _feeds_ off of Moroi like you and everyone else us Dhampirs protect you are doomed. There is no doubt in my mind that she will become invisible and she'll be _immortal._ Unless we can kill her ourselves, she will never.

"Your Majesty, she is too much of a risk for us to _not_ attempt to find and rescue."

It was obvious Tatiana hadn't considered this viewpoint, she had most likely been expecting Rose to just be killed and was refusing to give permission to organise a team out of spite. But what Janine had just announced forced her to rethink, reconsider her harsh actions.

"You have a valid point Guardian Hathaway. Ms Hathaway is too much of a threat to us as a Strigoi. Fine, I will organise a search party and they will have the orders that if she cannot be saved, then they are to kill her."

I grimaced and flinched into Christian's arms as he tensed at her harsh and blunt words. I noticed Janine remained expressionless; it was as if she knew the Queen would order this.

"I would like to be on the squad Your Majesty." Janine spoke and Tatiana raised an eyebrow in question.

"Do you now? And what would your charge say about you risking your life, thus leaving him defenceless?"

Janine stiffened, "He would accept my decision and allow me to go after my only daughter."

Tatiana appeared to think about it before inclining her head in permission.

"I too would like to accompany the squad Your Majesty. I believe my offensive fire magic would be constructive in fighting Strigoi."

Her eyes narrowed at Christian and I could see the gears churning in her mind.

"It's your life Ozera, do with it what you want." She eventually conceded and I felt Christians joy.

We eventually made it back home, having nowhere else to go. Janine had gone to begin packing and organising the squad. Christian led me to our bedroom and I paused outside the spare room that had become Rose's. It was exactly as she had left it this morning, clothes lay on the floor where she had kicked them off over the week. She wasn't one for picking up her washing each day instead accumulating them until she ran out of things to wear and then she'd do about four loads worth in one go. The tidiest part of the room was her hastily made bed, where she'd simply throw the duvet over so it was lumpy and looked as though a small body were in it. A body too small to be Rose.

Christian gently pulled me away from the doorway, "Babe, it's late and you haven't slept. You must be exhausted."

I was too tired to argue the point and allowed him to lead me to our bed where he undressed me lovingly and gently placed me on the bed. He crawled in bedside me and spooned his body with mine. I lay awake for hours, my mind unable to shut down until eventually it became too much and I drifted off...

The room was dark, musty and I could hear water dripping from a tap somewhere. The silence was deafening, pounding in my head and I shook it. Blood was dried in my hair and cracking on my face. I knew it was swollen as my lips felt puffy and I could barely see out my left eye; it was going to be a wicked black eye in the morning... unless it's morning now. I didn't know, time was meaningless in this hell hole that was windowless and the only light came from under the crack of the single door adjacent to me.

I tugged at my arms again, futilely trying to pulled the chains from the wall. My wrists were shackled and didn't allow more movement than to barely get my finger tips to scratch my face if I were to get an itch or drink water.

Water. I needed water, my mouth was dry even though I'd drunken plenty at the restaurant I was dehydrated from blood loss; from the wounds those bastard Strigoi had given me after using me like a punching bag.

My sides ached, my left arm was surely broken and I had a deep laceration in my thigh. None were fatal unfortunately... no that had been a rule, they could beat me as they pleased but were not allowed to cause a life-threatening injury.

I wasn't sure why he kept me alive. Why he continued to torture and degrade me. I couldn't comprehend why he would do this now, when last time he had been kind and coercing in his attempts to persuade me into 'awakening'. _Because he doesn't want to awaken you this time; he wants to kill you. You have killed many of his men, and are too much of a threat to him as a Strigoi so he is having his fun with you until he gets bored or you die from one of the injuries inflicted. Then he can get more pleasure out of punishing whoever was fool enough to disobey his orders._

The voice was right, Dimitri no longer wanted me by his side since he knew I was more powerful than he. I was a threat both as a Dhampir and a Strigoi. He couldn't let me live so he was punishing me first before he would kill me. Most likely by drinking from me. _At least that way I'll be blessed out on endorphins to notice I'm slowly dying._

The door suddenly opened and light flooded the room, _'oh god, he's early.'_ I thought panicking.

"Roza, you're not looking so hot." He smirked down at me, and looking at him now I couldn't see any of the Dimitri I had once known, once loved. This was pure evil, completely corrupted by the monster that Strigoi are. He crouched down in front of me and his cold hand stroked my inflamed cheek. It was a pleasant sensation as it momentarily dulled the hot pain, until he tapped it lightly. I clenched my jaw and bit my lips to keep myself from crying out.

"Your blood smells divine, I wonder if it tastes as good as I remember." He lent forwards and placed his cold lips to the pulse point in my neck. I took a sharp intake of breath and then felt his sharp fangs bite deep. Intense pain momentarily hit me before complete and total blissful oblivion...

"No!" I screamed as I jolted up in my bed. Christian woke a second later from my outcry and held me as tears flooded my eyes and fell down my cheeks like waterfalls.

"Oh god Christian, he's torturing her."


	37. Chapter 37

**I'm so happy you guys liked the change in POV, I wasn't sure if I wanted to go that way but I thought it'd been cool to see through Lissa's eyes for some time. Thanks _so_ much for your reviews, I've said this before but they just make my day and give me the motivation to keep writing. This chapter is shorter than what I wanted it to be, but it's difficult for me to get perfect.  
So read and review please!!! I love hearing from you all!!! **

* * *

**Chapter 37**

I looked round the room, noting the packed duffel bag in the corner.

"How long have I been asleep?" I croaked out.

"Not even half-an-hour, I had only just gotten back in with you when you woke." He answered.

"But it felt like so much longer. I – it was like I was in a nightmare, a nightmare so vivid and realistic - God Christian, I'm struggling right now to differentiate from her experience and feelings and mine. I was in a basement or cellar; it was dark except for a ray of light from under the door. My wrists were shackled and I felt so weak, in so much pain.  
"That's why I can't get into her head forcefully or dreamwalk with her. Dimitri is keeping her strung out on endorphins. I'm pretty sure I only just got in now because she was coming down from the initial high." In fact I was feeling a little loopy just from the leaking emotions. "He is a monster Christian; he has turned into a complete, heartless monster."

"Liss, I called Eddie and Mia. Eddie will be joining the search and I asked Mia to come here. I don't want you to be alone." Christian hurriedly told me and I knew it was because it was time for him to leave.

I nodded slowly to show him I understood and he kissed me briefly, but I could feel the underlying grief, desire and urge to stay with me.

"I'm not going to say goodbye because I _will_ be back Liss. I _will_ find her." He urged me, trying to make me believe him.

I stood and followed him silently.

Eddie and Mia were outside waiting, they had apparently already said their goodbyes because Eddie nodded to me and he left with Christian. No words were exchanged, as there were no words to be spoken.

I led Mia inside and we both sat in the lounge, both in our own worlds.

"I can't believe this has happened again." Mia breathed, sounding as though she had spoken more to herself than to me.

"I know, god, I'm so scared for her Mia. I honestly don't know how she's going to cope with this again. Last time she had run away for five years. What if she does it again? What if she dies? I only just got my best friend back and some bastard Strigoi stole her away again." Finally the tears that had been threatening to flow burst free and fell down my cheeks and I gasped as a gut-wrenching sob racked through my body.

Mia didn't say anything; there wasn't anything _to_ say, so she just came to me and hugged me tight.

We must have sat like that for a long time because by the time we finally pulled back my back was stiff.  
A loud thunderous roar echoed throughout the room and I looked out the window to see the rain that had been threatening to fall had finally done so. In bucket loads. As I was staring out the window I saw two flashes of white and then a banging on the door. Opening it quickly I saw a drenched couple standing on my porch. Melanie smiled at me widely while Adrian barely managed a nod of his head.

I stood back to let them in and quickly got them some towels and lit the fire.

"Have you managed to get hold of Rose?" Adrian asked me quietly. I didn't really know why, but I shook my head.

Melanie's face caught my eye; her expression didn't match the situation. Although I had known she and Rose had had a beef with each other I had never really understood why. Melanie hadn't known Rose from Eve and yet when she first laid eyes on her in the restaurant it was like she immediately hated her. Her expression was speculative and guilty, mixed with anger and hatred. I thought maybe she felt bad about having been in the fountains at the time of the attack, and maybe for having been so cruel to her. But then why the hatred?

"What is your problem with Rose, Mel?" I decided then and there I was tired of 'beating round the bush' with her over this so I just outright asked her. Mel widened her eyes and blushed at the blunt and accusing question.

"I, uh, don't have a problem with her." She lied unconvincingly, considering that she was both stuttering for the first time ever and _everyone_ knew she was responsible for the falling-out between Adrian and Rose.

"Don't give me that. Tell me the truth." I was angry for no reason, it was as though I was _blaming_ her for Rose's kidnapping. I guess I just needed someone to blame and her dislike, borderline hatred, for Rose made her the perfect candidate.

"I, don't know what you're talking about." She stammered out and stepped back from me. Adrian raised a mocking eyebrow at her and it was clear from his expression he didn't believe her in the slightest.

"We all know you caused the fight between Adrian and her, we all know you've had some beef with her. From the day you two met you have stabbed and made jibes at her and I want to know why."

Melanie blushed a vivid red and looked to Adrian for an escape that he did not provide. He stared pointedly at her, silently telling her to answer.

"I just get bad vibes from her is all." She mumbled pathetically and I opened my mouth to tell her to stop lying when Mia cut me off.

"Oh please Mel, don't give us that crap. You and I both know you're pathetically jealous of Rose. Before she came back you were the centre of Adrian's attention, sure he spent time with us but we both had boyfriends and then suddenly Rose is back, single and looking as hot as ever, and Adrian's no longer paying attention solely to you.  
"You got jealous, so from the beginning strived to drive a wedge between yourself and her, and then when Adrian _still_ talked with her, you decided to drive a wedge between _them._ And now Rose is missing and the last thing Adrian said to her was he wanted nothing to do with her! How the hell do you think he feels about that? And it's _your_ fault." Mia was nearly yelling by the end of her rant and Melanie was visibly pale, even for a Moroi. Adrian looked positively furious now, "Is that true Mel? You set it up? You deliberately picked a fight with Rose and put her in bad light so I'd stop talking to her?"

Melanie gulped and couldn't answer, which Adrian took for confirmation and he flushed in anger.

"_Get out."_ He told her in a stern, low and cold voice. Melanie opened her mouth to plead with him but he thrust a finger in the direction of the door and she hurried out. I told her to keep the towel, I didn't want it anymore.

After the door slammed behind her Adrian appeared to deflate where he stood; it was as if all the fight had left him, so I pulled him to the chair and he dropped in it. Mia left to make us some hot chocolates and I sat adjacent to him and placed my hand comfortingly on his thigh.

"It's not your fault Adrian." I soothed him but he shook his head.

"It is Liss. Mia was right, I said some horrible things to her, I told her I never wanted to see her again, that I wanted nothing to do with her. I let Mel manipulate me and it cost me a friendship with her. And even after I'd said those atrocious things she _still_ defended me. She saved my life Liss; she didn't even hesitate once she knew Strigoi were attacking. She told me to run as she fought." He bent forwards and covered his face in his hands as sobs quaked through his body. "God I'm a fool and I may never see her again. Never get to tell her how sorry I am."

"Rose knows Adrian. She knows how much you care, she told me she was sorry that she'd let Melanie get to her. She told me should've had better self-control."

I could tell my words were doing little to comfort him so I settled for stroking his shoulders and back. Mia came back in with three mugs of steaming cocoa and sat in the two-seater opposite us watching Adrian cautiously.

"Oh, I just remembered... I overheard a Guard speaking with Tatiana; apparently Hoseet and Aden have escaped their holding cell." Adrian announced suddenly and Mia and I both turned on him, "WHAT?!" We yelled together.

"Yeah, a rotating guard found his replacement unconscious and their cells were empty. Someone let them out."

It didn't make sense but for some reason I saw a connection between their escape and the Strigoi attack. "Do you know when they escaped? Even an estimate?"

He thought seriously and replied speaking slowly, "Yes, the guard regained consciousness and said he was attacked maybe within an hour of the Strigoi attack."

And like that the pieces fell in place, "They let the Strigoi in." I whispered and Mia gasped.

"What are you talking about? They wouldn't help Strigoi."

"It makes sense, the timing at least, but how did they escape? Or should I say who helped them?" I muttered more to myself, thinking aloud.

Adrian was frowning, very much disturbed by the thought of _anyone_ helping Strigoi, but more so by the fact that by helping them Rose's life was now in grave danger.

"I never would have expected this from Mitchell; I mean I know he had a grudge or something against Rose but to go as far as to help Strigoi? The very things he has sworn to protect Moroi from, it's just unbelievable."

"How were the wards broken Adrian?" Mia asked; tears glistened in her eyes and her expression had become one of disgust.

"I don't know, but I'm willing to place money on them being broken by a stake." He answered.

Suddenly I felt my world spin and my eyes lost focus on the scene in front of me, instead I found myself seeing through eyes I had no control over. Rose!

I was in her head again and I realised soon enough why. I was hit with terror and hatred rolled in one, the emotions so powerful they had broken through the endorphin haze that had kept our bond blocked. I was seeing a dark figure standing ominously in front of me and I realised it wasn't due to lack of light the figure was blurred, one of my eyes was closed over and the other had something dripping into it. Blood - Rose's blood was flowing freely into her eye.

"I want to hear you beg. I want you to plead for me to spare your miserable life, I want you on your knees begging for me to end your life quickly. It's the only escape from this. There is no way I'll be making the same mistake as that fool _Justin."_

That name invoked a fresh batch of fear in me, in Rose, as her body seized and shook.

"Yes, you remember Justin don't you? The arrogant fool that thought he could disobey my direct orders to bring you to me upon your capture. He thought it would be fun to toy with you and had you not killed him yourself I would have." Dimitri bent over so his face was inches from hers; his breathe cold on her enflamed face. "So tell me _Roza_ are you going to beg for me to finally kill you." It was then I noticed the silent urging for Rose to do it, to ask him to kill her. _Compulsion_. I realised with a shock; Dimitri was compulsing her to do it. But it didn't make sense, why would he do that? I got my answer when she spat in his face.

"Never you bastard."

He had been testing her resistance to compulsion and it was incredible. Pulling back slowly he smirked as he wiped the blood and spittle from his face.

"As fiery as always _Roza_, you never change. But you're resistance to my compulsion is impressive I will admit, no one has been able to resist as you just did. I've always known you were special, that you would become powerful but even _I_ never expected you to become this powerful, this legendary.

"It is really a shame I will have to kill you. But at least I can make it a pleasurable experience for you." His breath was in her eye again and she shivered. Her eyelid dropped and her head drooped as exhaustion pulled her into sleep.

"Ah ah none of that now. Can't have you sleeping with as much coherency as you have now. I'm not stupid Roza, I know about Lissa's ability to dreamwalk now and I imagine you'll take the opportunity to tell her where you are. We can't have the Guardian squad or those pesky Romans finding you, can we?"

Panic shot through me as a new endorphin rush flooded her body and her mind lost the ability of rational thought I was pushed from her mind.

"Lissa are you alright?" I heard Adrian and Mia calling to me and I blinked rapidly; trying to separate myself from Rose. It was difficult and had to be the strangest sensation I had ever felt. For that brief moment I had thought I _was_ Rose, we weren't separate minds - we were one and the same. 'How has Rose done this for so long? It's horribly disorientating.' I thought myself before focussing on Adrian.

"What did you say?" I asked him and the worried expression he had didn't relax.

"I've been talking to you for the last five minutes. It wasn't like you weren't listening to me; it was if you weren't even here. You had the exact same vacant look on your face Rose does when she's in your head.

"Lissa were you in Rose's head?"

I wasn't sure if I should tell him the truth or not, Dimitri's words had told me he had a spy. He had someone in the Courts feeding him information, but it was someone who didn't know about the latest phenomenon in our bond. His informant didn't know the bond was working two-ways, didn't know I could be in her mind as she could be in mine. Adrian obviously didn't know, so I could trust him. But I didn't know if I could trust him not to tell Melanie, since he had already shared plenty of information with her about Rose and I.

"Adrian, you mustn't speak of this to _anyone._ You too Mia. Dimitri has spies here in the Courts. Informants feeding him information. He already knows about Marcus, Julius and Maia searching for her, as well as the tracking squad sent earlier today."

Both of them nodded and I took a shaky breath.

"Yes I was in Rose's head. I was in her head when she was taken, and earlier today, before Christian left. Just now was the first time I was awake and in her head, I had starting thinking I needed to be asleep to get in her head but her emotions were so wild just now I was just 'pulled' in. That's the only way I can explain it, she overpowered me so much so I couldn't differentiate between us. It was as though I _was_ her, not just sharing her experience.

"Anyway, Dimitri's torturing her. He's feeding off her to keep her buzzed so we can't enter her dreams and he's beating her. Letting his minions loose on her, their only restrictions is that the damage they do can't be fatal." Tears dropped down my cheeks and neither Adrian nor Mia moved; both too shocked and horrified by my announcement. Mia looked green and stood, rushing to the bathroom. Adrian clenched his fists until the smell of blood assaulted my nostrils; his nails had broken the skin of his palms.

"You need to tell Marcus this, it may not be a location but he needs to know how much more urgent this search has become. They are on a timeline that we don't know what the limit is." I nodded and stood; walking shakily to the phone.

Marcus answered on the third ring, "Lissa." His voice gruff and I could hear a hush fall on his end of the connection

I hesitated, taken back that he knew I had called, "Uh, I – Marcus I don't know _where_ Rose is; only the Dimitri is going to kill her. He's torturing her and I don't know how much more she can take. Also he knows about the searches, he has an informant in the Courts and -" He cut me off before I could continue.

"I don't need to know that Lissa, we will get to Rose before he kills her. Only contact me again if you get a location."

He hung up without a word and I stared at the phone in surprise. Marcus had never been so short with me before, _'Don't take it personally, he is in a rush to find Rose and he probably doesn't want to run the risk of the line being tapped. Plus information of a possible spy in the Courts doesn't help him find Rose.'_ A logical voice told me but I couldn't help but feel a little annoyed at his rudeness.

"What did he say?" Mia had come back, her face a little pale and looked as though she'd splashed it with water.

"Not much, in fact he was a little rude. Told me they'd get her before she's killed and only to call him if I've gotten her location."

We all lapsed into silence then and I felt the exhaustion and lack of sleep catch me as I drifted into an uneasy slumber.


	38. Chapter 38

**Okay, so first things first I'm _so_ very sorry for taking so long to update :P I went away to the beach for a week and did nothing more than swim and get sunburnt! And when I came back, god I got stuck with some awful writer's block. I mean I know what I wanted to happen but the words just would not flow and this chapter just wouldn't turn out how I wanted it too. In fact it's still not exactly how I wanted it to be, but I'm afraid it's the best I'm going to get.  
So read and review please, and chapter 39 (omg 39?!) will be up asap.  
Disclaimer: It's not mine, it's a horrible fact but alas, it is true. Richelle Mead owns Vampire Academy but I do love it that I own Marcus :P **

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**Chapter 38**

Waiting was the worst. Time dragged and my nerves were shot. I jumped at the slightest things, paranoia encased me and I was constantly looking over my shoulder. That is; when I left the house, which wasn't often. I barely ate any food, and I hadn't feed in days. I was gaunt, translucently pale and deep bruise-like shadows hung under my eyes. To summarise, I was a mess.

It has been a week and Rose still hasn't been found. I haven't been in her mind since that first day - when I'd found out about Dimitri's mole. Emotions trickled through to me and I often found myself wearing a goofy smile, even though I had nothing to smile about. It was the Strigoi bites, the endorphin rush side effects leaking through our bond. But it was the only way for me to know Rose was still alive.  
But what kind of life was it? She was strung out, unable to string together a single coherent thought.  
I knew she must still be fighting him, still refusing to give in to his compulsion since he kept feeding off of her. But she was so weak now, I could sense it. She was weakening steadily and there had been no word from either Marcus or Janine.

I had picked up the habit of biting my nails and there was nothing left of them now. I was biting them when the phone suddenly rang throughout the house and I hastily jumped up to answer it.

"Lissa, its Adrian. Have you seen Melanie? I can't find her and she's not returning my phone calls."

"Uh, no sorry, I haven't." I croaked out, my voice raw from lack of use. "If I see her I'll let you know. Bye." I moved to hang up but he called through the phone loudly.

"Wait Liss, we're all worried about you. Mia was telling me she hasn't seen you in days. That you barely come out of your room anymore."

"I fine Adrian, you don't need to worry. Like I said I'll call you if I see Mel or find anything new about Rose." My voice broke on her name and I quickly hung up.

I took several deep breathes to get myself under control and I knew I needed to feed. It had been three or four days and my skin was paler than it had ever been.

Sighing I walked downstairs and Mia intercepted me in the hallway. She had taken to staying with me while both our men were searching for Rose.

"You're going to the feeders?" She asked, concern laced through her voice. I must really look bad.

"Yeah, it's been too long." I answered my voice monotonous, lifeless. Mia nodded and pulled on her own cloak.

"I haven't feed today either, so I might as well come with you."

I didn't have the energy to object so I allowed her to open the door and lead me out.

~ * ~

"You deliberately mislead and used me! How could you be in league with Strigoi? You told me if I helped with your escape you'd help me get rid of her, you didn't tell me you'd have her killed by Strigoi!"

I heard shouting from around the corner of the building we had just left. It sounded like Melanie and what she had to say was unbelievable. Beside me Mia gasped in horror and I realised with horror that what I had heard was correct, and it was in fact Melanie the one screaming. Enraged I stormed round and was horrified to see her confronting Mitchell; he heard my gasp and turned to me, his face contorting into an evil smirk of malicious intent.

"Ah Princess, how nice of you to join us."

I backed away, alarmed by the wicked glint in his eye. His smirk intensified and he stepped forwards.

"You know something Princess? I never did get to finish what I started the other night, even though we'd only been after Rose we had planned on having a little... _fun_ with you. I mean what better prize than really _being_ with the Moroi Princess Dragomir? And since Hoseet isn't here now, I guess I get you all to myself."

I gulped in dread, realising exactly what he was implying. As he got closer to me Melanie grabbed his elbow, "What are you doing? You can't do this Mitchell." He ripped his hand from her and back handed her with a sickening crack.

"Bitch can't tell me what I can and can't do." He turned back to me, leaving Melanie lying on the ground, unconscious and her face bleeding. "Can't you see Princess? I'm going to get everything I've ever wanted. Immortality, power beyond your wildest dreams; Dimitri made me a deal, I give him Rose and he'll awaken me. I will become a part of the most powerful beings this world has ever known. With that bitch Rose Hathaway out of the way, there is nothing any of you pathetically weak Moroi can do about it. Dimitri has plans that will bring the Moroi to their knees, and I will be with him."

Nausea surged through my stomach and I fought to keep the bile that was threatening to rise down. He was volunteering to join Strigoi; he was betraying his own people, his own race to the Strigoi. The very monsters that caused the need for Dhampirs to be trained from young ages, that caused Moroi to live in fear.

Fear gripped me as I backed further away from him. The evil glint in his eyes transformed his face and I no longer recognised the man that had protected me for the past five years. He stalked me with deliberate slowness, herding me with expertise.

I glanced behind him and saw Melanie was still out cold, and Mia was out of sight, hopefully running for help. Suddenly he lunged forwards and struck me across the cheek; I felt it tear and blood dripped down to my chin. I gasped and fell back, landing heavily on my butt, jarring my spine. He loomed over me menacingly and I inhaled to let out a shriek but he kicked him roughly in the stomach and pain like I've never known shot through my abdomen. I began panicking at the increasing pain and my inability to catch my breath again.

"Who's going to save you now _Princess? _I don't see your precious Rose anywhere. But then, she is in a fairly worse place now, and I guess I could always be kind enough to let you join her. However I want my fun first." He stepped closer and bent over me.

Just as his hand wrapped around my throat a powerful blast of water struck him and he staggered to the side; momentarily disorientated. Relying on pure instinct I tapped into that darker side of Spirit, _super-compulsion_, Rose and I had called it so long ago. I gave him a vision of being completely covered in vicious, poisonous black scorpions and snakes. Like Jesse his mouth opened in a silent scream, his eyes glazed over; stuck in a place of his own personal horror and I calmly told Mia to get some Guardians.

I held him there until about three Guardians came back with Mia and even then I waited until he was restrained. Grudgingly I released him; causing my head to spin and my stomach to churn as the heavy amounts of spirit darkness drowned me in its flood. I saw one of the Guardians helping Melanie up and that fresh batch of darkness transformed into rage as I stormed over.

Mia cried out for me to stop but I shook her off and slapped and punched Melanie in the face continuously until the Guardian that had been attending her was forced to restrain me.

"You fucking _bitch_. You did this, you betrayed us, betrayed Rose, betrayed Adrian. How could you?" I struggled, desperately trying to break from the Guardians grasp, but he was a Dhampir, a male Dhampir and I was a mere female Moroi. I didn't stand a chance; however he spoke, his voice gruff.

"You're responsible for Rosemarie's kidnapping?" The Guardian asked.

I nodded and thrashed again, futilely. Melanie looked up at me in fear, regret and guilt. And so she should, the bitch has cost me the life of my best friend, of my bondmate.

"Yes, she sold Rose out to Mitchell. She helped him escape in exchange for him and Hoseet to get rid of her." I answered him and a growl rumbled from his chest. Trying to use this to my advantage I jerked again, to no avail unfortunately.

"I – I didn't know what he was going to do. I – he lied to me, he told me – he said he was only going to scare her. He – they never said anything about Strigoi." Melanie cried, her speech broken with sobs. My hatred for her right then was so strong it left me speechless and I resorted to glowering; construing all my hatred and rage into my expression. I was pleased to see her shy away in fright.

The Guardian continued to hold me until I'd calmed down enough to not attack Melanie and released me. Mia came over and held me while he took the bitch away for questioning along with Mitchell. Hoseet had yet to be found, but I presumed he had already left. Mitchell had only stayed to extract some more revenge on us and get a little more information from Melanie. That's what he had been trying to do when Melanie, instead of supplying him with anything new, had starting screaming bloody-murder at him; and then I had interrupted that.

~ * ~

Starring out the window, watching Moroi and Dhampirs alike continue with their lives, I came to the realisation that even when tragedy happens, life carries on. Just because someone so vital to my life goes missing, possibly even dies, doesn't mean time stands still, that the world stops rotating and everyone in the world knows something awful happens. No, that doesn't happen, life isn't like in the movies. Good things don't follow bad things. Bad things happen to good people and when they do happen time doesn't stop, doesn't even slow down. In fact life and time just continues as it normally would.

"Come on Lissa, it's time to go." Mia's voice broke through my thoughts and I looked at her as she leant against the doorway.

I nodded and stood slowly, trying to drag this out as long as possible.

We were going to the interrogation of Melanie and Mitchell; I had called Adrian as soon as the Guardian had released me and demanded he get Tatiana to let us be there while they are interrogated. He had worked his charm, and I suspected a little bit of compulsion, on her and she reluctantly allowed us to be in the room behind the one-way mirror.

"Where is Dimitri holding Rose?" The Guardian, whose name was Derek, growled at Mitchell. This was the twelve time he had tried and Mitchell just continued grinning mockingly, confident as he sat chained to the chair.

"This is going nowhere. I can get him to tell us what we need to know. Hell even Adrian could do it." I grumbled as I continued pacing, "We're wasting precious time. I don't know how much longer Rose can hold out; in fact I can't even tell if she is _still_ holding out." I threw my hands up in annoyance.

"You do have a legitimate point Lissa, but that's not how the system works and you know it."

"When has the system ever worked? I mean Rose is dying and we're wasting time acting menacingly when Mitchell is mocking us. He _knows_ we can't do anything more than threaten. Just give me five minutes and I'll have him broken."

Adrian actually considered it, and then I saw a light bulb go off in his head. He looked at me and then our guard. Making eye contact with the guard he spoke in a calm and confident tone. "You will give us five minute alone with Mr. Aden without comment. You will order Derek out for a coffee run and let Lissa in by herself."

The Guardian nodded dumbly, appearing desperate to please us. He called through the intercom, telling a rather confused Derek to get him some coffee. Derek didn't argue the direct order but I could see his confusion and doubt.

As soon as he had left I hurried through the door, closing it behind me. Mitchell looked at me in surprise and raised his brow.

"Princess, I wasn't expecting you."

I grabbed a hold of the magic flowing within me and kept eye contact with him. His eyes glazed over and I knew I had him.

"You are going to tell me where Dimitri is holding Rose and afterwards you will forget I was ever here. Understand?"

He nodded quickly, and stammered out, "Yes Princess, of course. Dimitri never told me where exactly he had Rose, but whenever I needed to get information to him I would meet one of his cronies just outside the wards, in the forest near where Rose killed those two Strigoi. I swear that's all I know."

I released him and darted from the room while he shook his head; coming out of the daze compulsion had put him in. Adrian met me outside the door and I told him I needed a phone to tell Marcus.

"Lissa" Marcus's deep voice spoke my name gruffly. It had been a week since I'd heard it and I couldn't help feel a little comfort, since Marcus was another link to Rose.

"Marcus I found out how to get to Rose. You need to come back to the Courts. A Strigoi is out in the forest outside the wards, who constantly waits on Guardian Aden to supply him with new Intel. I'm fairly sure if you get to him, he can lead you to Rose." I hastily told him, barely pausing for breath.

Marcus didn't respond, taking in this vital information. "Thank you Lissa. Thank you very much."

He hung up and this time I felt no irritation at his attitude, he wanted to waste no time in finding Rose.

And now it was back to waiting. God, waiting, it was bad enough when we had absolutely no idea where Rose was, but now we had a hint, a solid clue and way to find her and I was stuck waiting. I twitched, I fidgeted, I paced, I sat and I stood, I cleaned and messed things up. I did everything I could think of to distract myself, to make time move forwards. I laughed inwardly at that, how ironic. I had hated the fact that time continued to move and all of a sudden I wanted it to fly by. Because the fastest time moved, the faster Marcus moved and consequently the faster Rose was to being rescued.

"Geez Lissa, sit still! You're wearing a hole into the carpet with your constant pacing. Take a nap or something." Mia eventually complained after my thirtieth lap of the lounge floor. I was a bundle of nerves and sleep was most defiantly not the smartest move for me. Reluctantly I sat down and immediately my knee began bouncing, up and down, and up and down; ticking away the seconds, minutes, hours.

Mia's hand clamped down on my knee and she caught my eye, "Seriously. Stop it."

I growled softly in my chest, "I just need to know if Rose is safe. I haven't gotten anything from her in so long. God, it's been a freaking week! And _nothing._ What am I supposed to do?"

Mia looked at me sympathetically and rubbed my knee soothingly.

"I know Liss, I do. But bouncing around the house isn't going to do anything except drive me crazy."

I huffed and stood again, rubbing my hands together. _'God I need something to do.'_

That something came in the form of sleep evidently. I had exhausted myself with the constant pacing and as I lay down the familiarity of dreams engulfed me.

I sat on the cold hard ground of a small room, leaning against an equally cold, hard wall. My entire body ached, my head throbbed and my blood tasted of metallic blood. My lips were dry and cracked. My left eye was closed from swelling and my skin was coated in dry blood.  
Desperately I tried to lick my lips to moisten them, but alas there was no moisture, no saliva in my mouth with which to do so. _'God I'm so weak, I can barely twitch my fingers...' _and as I tried to do so pain flared up my arm and I hissed through clenched teeth. I scanned the environment I had been entrapped in for so many hours I had lost count. I had no idea, no inkling of how many days, if not months, I had been held captive down here. It had been hours I could only guess since my last visitor, so I figured it must be nearing night time, or day time. I wasn't entirely sure what clock they worked to, but after endless hours of torture they would leave me long enough to recover some. I had yet to be watered today and the new cut on my forehead had only just now stopped bleeding into my eye.

A loud thud was heard upstairs and I turned my neck slowly towards the door, anticipating a new Strigoi to barge through. Only, no one came, only a second thud followed by three consecutive thuds were heard. Something was off, something was wrong and I couldn't decide how to react. My mind was sluggish, still fighting the withdrawal symptoms of not having had a Strigoi bite today. I tried desperately to think of what it could be, what this could mean but nothing came.

Footsteps were heard on the staircase then, and the familiar fear paralyzed my aching limps. My heart hammered against my chest and I mentally prepared myself for the next round, one of which had come sooner than usual.

The door opened ominously and I looked up to see a dark figure enter slowly, cautiously.

"Rose." The figure whispered. I tried to concentrate on it, tried to focus on the reason it sounded so familiar, and yet so unreal. It crouched down in front of me, a hand reached out to touch my cheek and I flinched away in terror.

"Rose, it's okay. It's me, Maia."

The name was familiar; the figure was too, but exhaustion and blood loss made it far too difficult to focus and I lost my fight for consciousness.

I shot up as I always did after coming back from Rose's mind.

"Mia!" I cried, leaping from the couch I had fallen asleep in.

"Mia!"

Mia fell from the bed she was dozing in. She stared at me wide eyed and in fright. "What?"

"Mia! They found Rose! Maia and Marcus found Rose!" I cried, tears of pure joy pouring from my eyes.

Rose has been rescued.


	39. Chapter 39

**Okay, first off if you didn't re-read my edited chapter 38, it was Maia who found Rose not Melanie lmao that was an awfully bad typo on my behalf. Sorry to have confused anyone... (although it would've been fun trying to explain how Melanie managed to not only escape prison but also track Rose down) ... but yeah, it was _Maia_ not _Melanie_. Just to make that clear...  
And so Chapter 39! wow this story is getting long :P...  
Disclaimer: Tis Richelle Mead whom owns Vampire Academy not little old me :'( **

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**  
Chapter 39**

'_Rose has been found.'_ That thought echoed through my head as Mia sat up, and appeared to be trying to find something coherent to say.

"Lissa are you sure?" Was what she came up with.

"Yes, of course I'm sure. I was in her head when Maia found her." I frowned as a thought occurred to me, "But I'm not entirely sure Rose had actually recognised her... God Mia, she was in so much pain, so much confusion." I sat back down and cradled my head in my hands.

Just then the phone rang and I dashed to it, answering it on its second ring.

"Lissa, you need to meet me in the Court hospital. Rose is in a bad state and you need to heal her. Go there now." The voice was deep, but not Marcus's, which could only mean it was Julius.

"Yeah I'm on my way now. Hurry please." I urged and hung up, turning to Mia I spoke hurriedly.

"We need to go. Now. They're bringing Rose to the hospital -" I didn't get to finish my sentence as Mia leapt up and grabbed her coat. We were out of the house in under a minute, sprinting towards the hospital.

I barged through the doors into the waiting room, they weren't here yet so I paced and proceeded to bite my nails again. Waiting and waiting. Before five minutes had passed Marcus knocked the doors open. He was worn, unshaved and looking ragged. His hair was unkempt, coated in dirt, mud and grease, but his eyes were shining with determination. His face was marked and scratched, bruises and dried blood decorated it. He had a bandaged hand and walked with a slight limp.

In his arms was a limp, bloodied body. Nausea rose in my stomach, and I bit back bile as I could barely recognise the face of my friend, my Rose.

Time slowed down as Marcus yelled for a nurse, a doctor and a room. I felt Maia pulling me in the direction the others were moving. Marcus lay Rose down and Maia pushed me forwards, urging me to heal Rose.

And at those words I felt the overflow of magic, the rush and _need_ to help her. I grabbed hold of it and forced it into the crippled body of my bondmate.

The room was silent; no one dared to even breathe as we watched the swelling come down, the cuts and gashes mend themselves together, and under the surface; bones mending themselves, internal bleeding stopping.

Only, when I no longer 'sensed' with my magic anything more to heal, Rose did not wake. She didn't open her eyes and smile at me; she didn't even stir as I slid my hands down to hold hers. Nothing happened as I had imagined, as I had fantasised about.

She did not wake and I had no idea why not.

"Why isn't she waking?" Mia croaked out, asking the question we were all thinking.

Marcus had the answer, "She has lost a lot of blood. No doubt she'll need transfusions. You can heal wounds, broken bones and internal injuries, but you can't replace blood. Only the body can do that at its own pace, not artificially through magic. But you can trick the body into thinking blood via a transfusion is its own." He turned away to call a nurse in and talked quietly with her about getting pints of blood to give Rose.

My eyes found her face again and even though it was no longer mutilated with injuries it didn't look like Rose. She was pale, gaunt and haunted, even in unconsciousness. _'God what did they do to you Rose?'_ Normally when one was asleep they had a peaceful look about them, all their features relaxed as their bodies took the chance to recover but Rose... Rose was stiff, rigid and anything but relaxed. Even though her face was expressionless it could have been contorted in pain. I couldn't describe it exactly, but watching her now, I knew she had changed from the Rose I had just come to known.

'_Damn it, no. I only just broken through her walls, I only just began building the relationship we once had and now it's almost as if I'm going to have to start all over again. Damn it, no.'_

I didn't know how Rose was going to be after this. Dimitri had tortured her senseless, done things to her I couldn't begin to imagine. She had always been so strong, always fought for us, for me but even I knew her limits. She had first been broken the day Dimitri had been turned, then come back to me. She hadn't been exactly the same then, she had taken a much more dark and serious view on the world. Gone by then was the party girl, immature smart arse of a friend that I loved.

But that had all been before she'd been kidnapped by Justin, and after that, and the five years following, Rose had been brought back to me a shell. She protected herself with walls, keeping others out and isolating herself. I had broken them, via healing and assurance that I still loved her no matter what. And now... now I just didn't know, I just didn't know if she could handle this. Tortured, beaten senseless and feed off by her first love. How does one even begin to recover from something as traumatic as that? How many times can a person be broken and still expect to heal? She was already scarred on her return, but now? Now I had no idea what to expect, I could only hope for the best.

For all the questions circling my mind, I had no answers and I continued to stare at Rose. Watching, waiting for anything, a twitch or hitch in her steady but shallow breathing.

By now the nurses and doctors had hooked her up with IV's, one for her blood and one for fluids. She had an oxygen mask attached to her face, and a heartbeat monitor; the steady beeping in the room telling us her heart was at least beating.

~*~

"Any change?" Adrian asks, breaking the silence that had grown to be almost suffocating over the last few hours.

I shake my head; words are at a lost on me. For two days I have sat by Rose's side whilst she has lain still, unmoving. The IV drips still in her arms, the heart monitor still beeping away.

Adrian sighed and placed a hand on my shoulder, "There's nothing you can do Lissa, you need to rest. When was the last time you slept?"

I shook him off, "I'm not leaving until she wakes up. I'm not leaving her when she needs me."

I looked over Rose's limp body to see Marcus still sitting by her side. He hadn't left since he laid her down, except when I needed to wash her, and that was only for Rose's modesty. He had a full grown beard now, and his hair hung in his eyes, deep shadows intensified the darkness of his brown eyes. He looked like hell... but I imagined I didn't look a whole lot better. Rose was probably the cleanest out of the three of us.

Maia entered then with Julius in tow. They hadn't been here nonstop like Marcus and I had been, but they had been a close second. Maia took her normal seat while Julius leant against the door frame, staring out the window above Rose's head.

I shifted my position and looked to Maia, "I think it's time you tell me how you found her. Tell me everything up until two days ago." My voice was quiet, but strong in my conviction of wanting to hear it.

Marcus looked up from Rose and nodded stiffly.

"After we had left you, we began hunting down Strigoi for answers. Unfortunately each Strigoi we captured and... got information from none, of them knew where Rose was, or even knew where to find Dimitri. I'm fairly certain now that they had been lying, I mean if Dimitri had as much control as we later found out he did, then every Strigoi should have had at least a general idea of where to find him. But at that time we didn't know that so we settled for hunting Strigoi and killing them if they didn't have the information we required.

"This continued until your first phone call, telling us that there was a mole, so I figured that the Strigoi would know to watch out for three Romans searching for Rose. So we changed tactics, only Julius and I would go hunting while Maia would keep watch. Doing things that way didn't really get us a lot more information other than the fact that Dimitri was behind it all and that he was a very powerful and highly regarded Strigoi feared and obeyed by the 'lesser' Strigoi.

"For a week we hunted down Strigoi and all the information we managed to get was how he had managed to get to Rose. Dimitri had sent Justin five years earlier to get Rose, to take her from the Academy; he had done as such but he had decided to play around with Rose, during which Rose had killed the bastard and escaped. Dimitri had then figured, by Rose's thirtieth or so kill that he wouldn't be able to capture her whilst she was on the run, by herself. So he set it up that Mitchell would be your Guardian and would feed information both to you and to Dimitri; Dimitri had known that the only way Rose would ever be taken back to you would be if you, or her friends took her back.

God, he knew Rose so well... But yes, that had been his plan, and once Rose was back in the Courts and feeling relatively safe amongst you all, he had Mitchell break the wards with a stake and they would capture her.

"The entire plan was flawless until that Moroi Melanie got involved, and Mitchell's temper got the better of him. He hadn't meant to get arrested but Rose knows exactly how to bring out the worst in people that hate her and he got himself and Hoseet arrested after attacking you two. Then Melanie's jealousy got the best of her and Mitchell managed to manipulate her into releasing himself and Hoseet so that they could break the wards on the correct night. It was pure coincidence that Rose had been by the fountain when they broke in, but the plan to use the cover of the clouds against the sun was deliberate. They had noticed the darkening weather with each day and planned for the attack for that day. Rose having been where she was saved a lot of lives, yours included Princess.

"Anyway, we pieced this together from a variety of different Strigoi but it wasn't until your phone call we had actually gotten any solid clues about Rose's whereabouts. Naturally we set out straight away and just like you'd told us there were two Strigoi in the forest. It was a difficult task to sneak up on them, so Julius acted as the bait to distract them while Maia and I circled round the back and killed one, and tortured the other until he gave up the information on where to find Dimitri. Even from then it was difficult, we couldn't be sure if the information we had been given was correct so we approached the house with caution. We watched it for hours, watched humans and Strigoi even a few Dhampirs enter and exit it. It wasn't until I saw who could have only have been Dimitri enter that I knew we had the right place. The Strigoi was over 6 feet tall, shoulder length brown hair and had an aura of power I've never felt before. He moved with confident grace and his entire manner demanded your respect and fear. Just looking at him I felt apprehensive about fighting him, and the other beings in the house bowed when they saw him.

"My gut told me and we waited for sun rise to raid the house." Marcus paused then and looked at both Maia and Julius, silently communicated with them. "Initially all went well; we killed humans and Strigoi alike. Anyone who attacked us, we separated to cover different sections of the house..." He trailed off and nodded at Maia. Apparently they were each going to tell us what happened to them.

Maia was silent, deep in thought, watching Rose before she took a calming breath and spoke.

"As Marcus said, we separated and I was the one to find Rose. There was a basement on the ground floor, guarded by two Strigoi and two humans. I easily killed the humans but the Strigoi typically proved more of a challenge. They wounded me a few times but I staked one and managed to decapitate the other. As I made my way down the stairs I saw the metal door. It was bolted shut but I managed to unlock it with some serious force. I entered hesitantly and when I saw Rose..." She closed her eyes and covered her mouth, a sob was muffled by her hand and she took a deeper breath, recollecting herself. "God, Rose was chained up, beaten and bloody. I tried to touch her but she flinched away. She didn't even recognise me, not even when I spoke and told her my name. She was so weak that the shackles on her wrist were what were holding her up and as soon as I cut her down she flopped to the ground. I guarded her until Marcus and Julius came down..." She finished and waved her hand at Julius, gesturing him to tell his side.

He swallowed and tapped his foot, still staring out the window.

"I swept the ground floor, killing Strigoi and a few traitorous Dhampirs before meeting up with Marcus after he had done upstairs. It wasn't difficult but I went down to see Rose and god, I've never seen something as heartbreaking as seeing her lying on the cold, hard ground unconscious, nothing more than skin and bone."

He kept his story brief and factual, not delving into any details about his battles. His gaze left the window to stare pointedly at Marcus.

"I went upstairs, in the hopes of finding Dimitri. And after facing about six or seven Strigoi I found him in the main room. He was standing cockily behind a desk and appeared to have been expecting me." He gritted his teeth then, his jaw taunt and fists clenched until the knuckles whitened. "We exchanged a few... pleasantries -" He spat out the word 'pleasantries' but didn't elucidate, just left us to our imaginations. "And then had a rather bloody fight; never before have I fought a Strigoi with as much skill as him, I actually feared for my life. But the thought of what he had done to Rose fuelled the fire burning within me and I gained the upper hand." He looked away from Rose then and shook his head, his hands began trembling. "Only, just as I was about to stab the fiend, he smashed a glass in my face and escaped the room. I can only imagine he had a car waiting in the garage or something, because next thing I hear is a car tearing out of the driveway." He slammed his fist on the bedside table, causing it to collapse and its crash echoed around the room. "I god damned failed. I didn't kill the bastard and now he's only going to try this again."

I was moved by his outburst and startled to see a few tears glisten in his eyes and roll down his cheeks.

Mia, whom I hadn't noticed had entered the room, approached Marcus and placed a hand on his shoulder. "It's not your fault Marcus. Dimitri was a badass Dhampir, it's not real surprise he's even more deadly as a Strigoi. I'm impressed you even got to get the upper hand on him. He is an incredibly dangerous fighter and I'm not even entirely sure if Rose can kill him. She's already tried once." I nodded in agreement with her words. Dimitri was a god, a badass Russian god and I doubted there was a more powerful fighter out there. I looked down at Rose and she still hadn't moved.

'_Come on Rose, wake up please. We need you. I need you.'_ I sat, willing her to wake up.

~*~

I felt a slight pressure on my finger, unsure if it had actually happened I kept my eyes closed, my head rested on the edge of the bed by Rose's shoulder. Again there was that slight pressure and once it was applied again I figured it wasn't imagined. Lifting my head slightly, my eyes opened and I had to rub the sleep from them. The blurred blobs came into focus and the first thing I noticed was a pair of familiar brown eyes staring at me.

I jolted up in my chair and furiously rubbed my eyes, unbelieving. Again I lifted my eyelids and what I had seen before was before me again. Brown eyes staring back at me.

"Rose?" I croaked out and the eyes blinked.

"Rose!" I cried and Marcus jerked awake. Rose slowly, weakly lifted a hand to tug at the oxygen mask over her face.

"Nurse! Somebody get a nurse!" Marcus cried while I stared dumbfounded at my best friend's feeble attempts to pull her mask off. Waking up from my stupor I helped her lift it off and she immediately coughed weakly. Everything about her was weak and it broke my heart to see it. But at least she was awake.

"Oh, god Rose. You're awake."

I grabbed her hand and squeezed it gently, elation flooding my system.

She blinked slowly, "H-how long have I been here?" She wheezed out, her throat obviously dry. I quickly grabbed a cup of water from the table and carefully helped her drink from it.

"Um, maybe four or five days now. I lost count." I answered and caressed the back of her hand with my thumb.

She nodded slowly, exhausted evident, and let out a long sigh before her breathing evened out and her heartbeat steadied. She had fallen asleep again, but at least this time we _knew_ she'd wake up again.

I pulled out my phone and texted everyone telling them she'd woken but fallen back asleep like straight away. Janine arrived about five minutes after my text and sat at the end of the bed.

"When did she wake?"

"Um, maybe ten minutes ago. She was too tired to talk, but did manage to ask how long she'd been here and then fell asleep again."

Janine nodded, and I took the time to study her. She looked terrible, and that was being polite. Her hair was tired in a messy bun and her face was sunken, gaunt and her exhaustion was apparent. Her eyes were dull, the usual ferocious glow gone. She looked old and tired, years past her age.

After Marcus had brought Rose home, Mia had been kind enough to tell Adrian who in turn informed the squad the Queen had sent. They had arrived back at the Courts a day or two later and Janine had immediately come to Rose. It was only because of her Guardian duties she actually left Rose's side at all.

I returned my gaze to Rose's face and the room lapsed into its tense silence once again.

I was back to waiting.


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter 40 hath arrived! Sorry it took longer than I expected, these chapters are seriously getting more difficult to write and the end result isn't exactly how I want them to be... but oh well. Enjoy!  
Disclaimer: It's not mine now, won't be mine tomorrow... it's all Richelle Mead, well the original VA characters are at least. **

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**Chapter 40**

Those familiar brown eyes focussed on me and I smiled minutely. Rose was awake, and had been for a few hours now.

Over the last couple of days she had woken and fallen asleep routinely, never staying awake for more than ten minutes. So the fact that her eyes were still awake after nearly four hours was a confirmation that she was recovering, slowly.

She hadn't spoken though much and it was concerning for me.

"How are you feeling?" I finally asked, after the silence in the room became unbearable.

"Tired." She answered softly, her voice no louder than a bare whisper. "And I have a wicked headache." She added.  
I immediately moved to heal her but she shook her head, "It's not that kind of headache Liss."

I didn't believe her for a second, but I respected her wishes and instead held her hand. She squeezed it weakly and that broke my heart; that even a simply squeeze of her hand took so much effort.

"You had us all worried Rose." I told her gently.

"Sorry about that." She replied and blinked slowly, watching Marcus beside her.

"Marcus," She called lightly and he looked up, brown eyes met brown eyes, "Thank you." She breathed and that was all she said but those two words help such sincerity and gratitude I doubted a full-blown speech could have portrayed her feelings any better.

He didn't response but slowly reached for her hand.

I watched in amazement as she actually took it and squeezed gently. Since she had first woken Rose had shied away from any contact even mine, initially. The first time she had woken to see Marcus gently caressing her arm she had panicked violently and very nearly ripped the IV's from her arm; it had been heart-breaking to watch. She was terrified and I'd barely managed to settle her - Marcus had even had to leave the room before she began to calm down.

The moment was incredibly sweet, and for a second I felt as though I were intruding.

Rose snorted then and I realised she could hear my thoughts again; _'Crap I forgot she could do that.'_ It had always been more annoying than helpful, disregarding the moments when I had needed her.

"You always end up needing me Liss." Rose joked and I couldn't stop the smile that pulled the corner of my lips up. It was refreshing to see her actually joking around now, though her jokes needed some improvement.

"You try think up good material after sleeping for five days straight." She retorted and Marcus just looked completely lost.

Adrian laughed at his expression, "Don't worry Marcus, you'll get used to their half-private conversations. No doubt if Lissa can get the bond working two-ways completely those two will be quiet for once, all their conversations being in their heads."."

"Yeah but that just makes plotting some diabolical schemes to mess with you that much easier Adrian." I replied nonchalantly and he scrunches his nose in displeasure.

I felt a tingle of discomfort through our bond and I knew Rose needed to sleep again. Standing up I ushered everyone from the room, minus Marcus. I had tried doing that to him a few days ago and he just gave me a look so cold that I had actually shivered.

Rose hummed in gratitude and slipped into an uneasy slumber.

Marcus looked up from her face and regarded me with a serious expression, "She seems better... But I'm unsure how much of it is pretence; there's no way she can come out of this unscathed. Next time she wakes I'll leave you to talk with her..." He sounded so concerned for her I couldn't help but reach out to him.

"You love her don't you?" I asked quietly, minding the eavesdroppers outside.

He didn't answer, just nodded solemnly watching me intently, trying to gauge my reaction. I broke out into a huge grin and rushed round the bed to hug him.

"I never did thank you probably for finding Rose."

He grunted and I could tell he hadn't expected such a display of emotion from me as he awkwardly returned my embrace.

~*~

"Easy does it Rose." I told her, but being her typical stubborn self she ignored me and took several more strides.

It had been a week since she started staying awake for hours on end and she had finally lost the patience for residing in bed. Even though the doctors advised her to take another week of bed-rest she was spending her time trying to walk again. She only ever managed a few minutes on her feet at a time, but today she'd managed to walk to the door and was trying to make it down the hall. 'Trying' being the optimum word.

"I'm fine." She grunted and lifted her foot to take another step but both Marcus and I saw her sway and begin to topple. Marcus was quick, dashing forwards to steady her and I watched Rose lean into him for support. The look in her eyes as she looked into his was mostly embarrassment at her display of what she deemed weakness, but I noticed a gleam I hadn't seen in weeks. It warmed my heart that finally she was displaying some sort of emotion. During the past week she'd seemed... Void. Emotionless. Blank. Empty. Broken. Whichever word you wanted to use to describe it.

Marcus had been persistent in his presence, never leaving for longer than half-an-hour and just constantly being there for her. I had seen them once, not talking just sitting silently, but Rose had kept eye contact with him and it had been as though they were in their own world, having a conversation that I couldn't hear. It was eerie to have witnessed but I figured maybe that was how others felt when Rose and I had our "private conversations" that involved only Rose speaking. And now that our bond was even stronger, that I was getting stray thoughts from her, those little conversations involved even less speaking.

"Come on Rose, it's time to get you back to your bed." Marcus spoke quietly into her ear and it was obvious that she was too exhausted to even begin to argue. She nodded feebly and allowed him to half carry her back to her room and bed.

I sat back down in my chair that had a permanent indent shaped just for me and held her hand. Her eyes were closed, but her breathing was uneven so I knew she was still awake and possibly listening to my thoughts as I thought them.

Her lips twitched, confirming my suspicions, and I squeezed her hand lightly.

"You can't expect to be running a marathon so soon after your comatose state." I answered the irritation I felt from her. "The doctors are amazed that you're able to stand at all. But Rose, seriously, you need to take it easier. If you continue like this you'll just wear yourself out."

She sighed and huffed in annoyed compliance and I smiled; though she couldn't see it.

Eventually her breathing evened out again and I flirted with the idea of dreamwalking with her.

"Are you going to try dreamwalking again?" Marcus asked me, and I looked up in surprise. He had an amazing and other surprising ability at reading my thoughts and intentions. It often caught me and others by surprise; Marcus wasn't the kind of man you'd expect to have such refined intuition for another's emotions or thoughts. He was quiet, pensive and preferred to communicate with gestures or brief spurts of words, but his muscular and intimidating conduct often coursed strangers to judge him as the thick-headed bully type. The scar on his face only added to that persona and I imagined he actually enjoyed shocking people with his intelligent analysis of their thoughts. And the gleam I often saw in his eye confirmed my theories.

"Yeah, I'd been thinking about it. But I'm not sure if she's continuing to block me or not. I mean today I got a fair view of her thoughts and feelings, but it's completely different with her dreams. So far she's blocked me every night, even her thoughts and such."

Marcus nodded in understanding and gently stroked a stray hair from her face. It was times like now that the hard man exterior he has disintegrates and his compassionate side is revealed. He was tender and affectionate towards Rose when she was asleep and oblivious of him.

I closed my eyes in concentration and focused on the bond. It was easier to find now, due to its gradual strengthening over the past weeks. I was surprised to find it wasn't blocked and just as I 'poked' at it, I was pulled into Rose's dreams. Or should I say nightmare.

It was as though I was watching her dream like a movie; instead of this happening to me personally I was watching it happen to Rose. Except for the fact that I could _feel_ everything, smell everything, even taste blood in my mouth.

Rose sat in the corner of a concrete, brick room. Water dripped continuously from a leaking tap somewhere I couldn't see, the room was damp and musky. I could taste the dampness in the air; it lay heavy on my skin. Her arms were shackled and they lay limp by her sides, her left one at an awkward angle. My own arm throbbed dully and I immediately looked down but it was unharmed, the flesh was its usual pale white and clean. And yet it throbbed painfully, and as Rose shifted her position I shared her hiss of pain. I leaned closer, but I couldn't see closer. The further I moved towards her, the further she got from me; I just couldn't go in for a close examination even though, in my gut, I knew what I'd see. The same sight I'd seen when Marcus carried her into the hospital. Puffy, swollen, bloodied and black and blue, her left eye swollen shut, her right cheek appearing as though a tennis ball was shoved in under the skin. I realised she was not only having a nightmare, but she was reliving a memory. And that in itself was nightmarish.

A door opened off the screen I was watching, and I couldn't make out the figure that entered. However instinct told me it was Dimitri. Rose lifted her head slowly, painfully and flinched away instinctively.

Dimitri laughed coldly, a laugh I'd never heard from him, a laugh that sent shivers down my spine and left me cold and frozen in fear. He proceeded to crouch down in front of Rose's broken and crippled body, reaching out he gently cupped her face and tipped her head up further so that she had no choice but to look him in the eye.

"Now, now Roza, don't be like that. You know as well as I do why I can't keep you alive, why I can't simply awaken you." He leant closer, staying inches from her face so that she could feel his cold breath on her burning face. It was unnerving that I also felt the breeze his breath caused. "You are simply too dangerous, too much of a threat to me. As a Dhampir or Strigoi. Because I'm well aware that should I actually awaken you, you will kill me out of spite. I took your choice away, I admittedly tortured you and if I awakened you now... well you'd have all the skill and power necessary to have your revenge." He sighed dramatically and jerked her face away as he stood and began pacing. "So you see, I'm going to have my own revenge, for not only all the potential help, meaning those Strigoi, you have dispatched over the years, but the little thing I like to call stabbing me through the heart. In the literal and metaphorical sense too. You tried to have me killed, so it only really makes sense for me to return the favour." Suddenly his form change, his eyes burned brighter than usual, his skin paled and visibly hardened as he leant back over Rose. "Besides, you're meant to be dead anyway. That car crash, all those years ago. You died in it and Lissa did quite the selfish and improper thing by bringing you back. So really, all I'm doing is righting a wrong." He laughed then and the room burst into flames. Dimitri was engulfed in the flames with an evil cackle. I cringed away from the intensity of the heat, I could smell burning flesh, and feel my own burning. Rose screamed in agony as the flames died down and a new Strigoi appeared, holding a flaming touch as he placed it onto her forearm.

"This is for all those Strigoi you burned." He cried as he stabbed it down into her stomach, burning through both the material of her shirt and her skin; effectively melting the two together. She shrieked in pure, unadulterated agony and I joined her as I shared the experience. The scene blurs as I hear someone calling to me, my world shakes and I realise it's because someone is shaking me.

I force my eyes open and they focus on Marcus, who is at an impossibly high angle... or it only seems that way because I'm on the floor. I sit up quickly and cradle my head in my hands desperately trying to catch my breath, desperately trying to even my racing heart and I fear I may hyperventilate. Marcus rubs my back soothingly, mumbling nonsensical words in my ear. Eventually I regain some small portion of my composure and search my forearms and stomach for any markings. Any burn marks or scars. But there are none and that further confirms that it was a dream... or a horrific memory.

I stagger to my feet and turn to Rose, who is still asleep. Her stillness a contradiction to the horrendous nightmares she was trapped in.

"Lissa, what happened?" He asks quietly once I've gotten my breathing evened out.

I hiccup and answer, stuttering violently, "I-I was i-in R-R-Rose's dreams-" I take a deep breath, trying to even out the sobs wreaking havoc on my speech, "It was nightmarish, horrific and, Marcus, I'm confident in the conclusion that it was a memory. She's reliving her time as Dimitri's captive, over and over, every time she falls asleep."

He looked up at her still, almost peaceful sleeping form. His brow furrowed in confusion and worry, "Are you certain? She seems... peaceful."

I nodded, "I did not imagine that dream. How can she hope to recover when she is tormented by these memories every night? It's no wonder she is always so silent every morning." I shake my head gravely. I didn't know what I could do for her; I didn't know how to even begin to help her through this.

I stood up off the floor and ran a clammy hand through my tousled hair.

"I think I'm going to get a coffee, you want anything?"

Marcus nodded and asked for a coffee and cream bun from the hospitals cafeteria. I took my time getting there since I was trapped deep in thought. I thought of Rose – but then that had been all I'd been thinking about over the past weeks. Now that our bond was stronger, and I was finally getting a reasonably steady influx of her emotions, said influx was disturbing for me. When I spoke with her, when anyone spoke with her, she didn't look us in the face. She spoke rarely, and even though she had gained whatever weight she'd lost, the light was still missing in her eyes. Her eyes were what told me, apart from the tenor I got from the bond, that she was suffering. Still suffering and broken and in more pain than I could ever imagine. A stray tear fell down my cheek and a callused thumb that was not my own wiped it away.

I looked up to see Christian smiling down at me, his expression sombre and the shadows under his eyes told me he hadn't had a lot more sleep than me.

He caressed my cheek tenderly, and no words were required for what he wanted to tell me. His eyes shone with the affection and love he felt for me. I placed my hand over his and turned my face into his hand, my nose brushing his wrist.

"It's just so hard Christian. It's like I'm watching from the outside, watching a movie play and there is nothing I can do about what's happening. I can see her hurting, suffering and I don't know if I can help her. I don't know what to do." The tears came then, slipping down my cheeks as he pulled me into a rough embrace. I clung to the front of his shirt and the material dampened.

"Ssh, Lissa, it's okay. Just be there for her babe, just be there for her." He murmured into my ear and rubbed my back soothingly.

Once my tears had dried up I pull away from him and laugh dryly.

"I think the coffees are cold now." I turn back and buy two new ones.

Christian walks me back to her room and I'm surprised to see Rose is sitting up, wide awake.

"Oh, Rose I thought you'd be out for a few more hours at least."

She gave me a coy smile as I gave Marcus his coffee and bun.

"I just needed a light nap." I knew she wasn't telling me something and I deduced that she'd probably woken from that nightmare.

At that thought she gave me a sharp look and the smile slipped as her brow wrinkled. She was apparently unimpressed with my knowledge of her gruesome nightmare; her jaw clenched, thus confirming my theory.

I sat by her side and reached for her hand, and was pleased when she gave it to me. She leant back, closing her eyes and sighing.

"God I'm sick of this place. When do I get to go home?"

At the word 'home' I perked up; it was the first time she'd referred to it as that and I was immensely pleased.

"I was talking with your Doctor just before, he said he wants to keep you here for a couple more days and then you'll be discharged." Christian answered and I was as excited by the news as Rose was relieved. Or was I the one relieved and Rose was excited? This two-way bond sometimes made differentiating my emotions form Rose's difficult; especially when they were strong ones.

Rose sniggered in agreement and I realised she must have had this problem for years. I vaguely wondered if this was how people with multiple personality disorders, or even schizophrenics, feel like – experiencing feels or emotions that aren't your own, or completely unrelated to your thoughts.

Again Rose sniggered and I squeezed her hand in amusement.

~*~

I watched Rose adjust herself on her bed, that I had hurriedly changed the sheets and made for her.

"Great... from one bed to another."

I smiled, "At least this one had nice cosy sheets, and comes with eatable room service food."

She laughed lightly and for the first time I saw a genuine smile on her face. It was small, nothing like she used to have, but it was still a smile that touched her eyes.

I sat down next to her and held her hand, staring into her eyes. We stayed like that for an age neither of us speaking. We didn't need words to communicate with each other; our bond told us more about each other than words ever could.

I caressed the back of her hand with my thumb in comfort, telling her I was here if ever she needed or wanted to talk.

"Not yet Liss," She whispered and I nodded in understanding. She would need to organise and work through everything by herself before she was ready to ask for help, or even talk about it. Rose had always been one to keep things to herself, to work through her problems by herself. I understood, but it didn't mean I liked it; I wanted her to talk to me, to open up.

I pulled her into a gentle hug just as Christian called that dinner was ready.

"Think you can make it down the stairs by yourself? Because Marcus could always carry you down." I asked, smirking as she swatted me on the arm.

"I'm capable of walking." She replied shortly, and proceeded to display her ability to do so.


	41. Chapter 41

**First things first, I'm terribly sorry for the delay in this new update. Life just suddenly got terribly busy, I started two jobs and University, not to mention I had to fight writer's block... seem to be getting that a lot lately... but here is chapter 41! And a forewarning, my next update may take just as long as this story is beginning to wrap up and I'm working hard at trying to get it to do so in a good way, both in writing and material.  
So chapter 41, enjoy and please review! -this chapter's a little short but yeah, there's only so much I can put in here without it seeming as though I'm babbling or dragging it out...  
Disclaimer: Vampire Academy is still not owned by me :( as sad as that is, it's true.**

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**  
Chapter 41**

"You can't be serious Rose." I chastised her and she glared at me defiantly.

"Of course I'm serious. I can't stay cooped up in this house anymore, lying in bed while you and Marcus play nurse. The best thing for me right now is to get back on my feet and try recovering whatever fitness I've lost from two weeks of bed rest." She argued, stubborn and stern.

We stood in her bedroom; I had sat down from the shock of what she was proposing and she stood by her bathroom door, dressed in her workout gear.

"That's exactly my point Rose; it's only been two weeks. You can't honestly tell me you're ready for training?"

She narrowed her eyes at the double meaning behind that question. Crossing her arms she tilted her chin in defiance.

"I don't need to be told me what I need Lissa. I am my own judge for my body and I know damn well that lounging round this place isn't a hellova lot better for me. Like I've told you, I'm _fine."_

I looked at her incredulously and stood, crossing my arms to match her defensive pose.

"Don't give me that crap Rose. You're far from fine. Stop lying to me, stop lying to Marcus, and, most of all, stop lying to yourself. You can lie to yourself, you can lie to Marcus but you _can't_ lie to me. I _know _you Rose. I can _feel_ your emotions; I know _exactly_ what happened with Dimitri. I can even hear your thoughts sometimes." I stepped towards her and poked her in the shoulder, "So don't give me that crap that your fine. Because, Rose, you're _not_. You're not fine and you're not okay. You went through something none of us can imagine. Hell I shared some of it with you and I still can't imagine it. So for once Rose, stop hiding, stop running, stop building those godforsaken walls and let me in. Talk to me and let me help.  
"You're hurting, you're suffering. But you don't need to get through this alone. I'm your _bondmate_. For once let me be the one helping you. For as long as we've been friends you have always been there for me, and I took it for granted. Please, for once Rose, let me be there for you. You can't get through this alone, so stop pushing us, your friends and family, away. Stop pushing _me_ away."

I stopped there, out of breath and out of words. Tears glistened in my eyes as the frustration, anger, hurt, compassion and every other emotion under the sun boiled within me. Rose's jaw was clenched and the knuckles of her hands, curled into fists, were white. I watched her battle her feelings and it broke my heart to see her struggle.

Eventually she dropped her head, and her shoulders sagged in defeat. Seeing this I pulled her into a tight embrace and was pleased to feel her finally return the hug. She didn't cry, but she held onto me as though her life depended on it. Her chaotic thoughts flooded mine and I felt dizzy at the overload of feelings, memories and thoughts from her.

"Ssh, it's alright Rose. I'm here." I pulled back slightly and took notice of her aura. It was blackened by my spirit darkness. Without even thinking about it I reached for the magic that flowed within me and forced it into Rose. This kind of healing felt a lot different to 'normal' healing. Instead of knowing exactly what I was healing, like a physical injury I could see, I had to rely more on 'touch', for lack of a better word, I had to feel for the sickness within her. Within her mind. It was tiring and wore me out faster than the other way, but I didn't care. This helped Rose to keep her sanity, so I didn't care that all it did was tire me.

~*~

"Hey, did you hear that Melanie and Mitchell are going on trial for treason?" Adrian was saying.

I didn't really know what to say. I hadn't heard anything about them since I last 'spoke' with Mitchell and that was only to get vital information from him. Information he wouldn't have given otherwise.

Rose had been genuinely impressed when I told her how we'd found her. She'd been so doped up on endorphins that she hadn't known what was going on in her own head, let alone mine, so, once she'd been ready to talk about it, I'd told her my half of the story. How I'd managed to get the information of her whereabouts to Marcus. Compulsion was a great thing, even if it was morally questionable.

"Uh, no I hadn't. Does Melanie really deserve a charge of treason though?" I couldn't help feeling a little compassion for her, even though the jealous bitch had been partially responsible for Rose's kidnapping and torture.

Adrian didn't answer and I regretted my tactlessness. He was still heartbroken over her betrayal. He'd called the engagement off of course, but that didn't mean his feelings would just disappear. He'd been in love with her, so naturally that wasn't something you get over quickly.

"Oh, I'm sorry Adrian that was tactless of me." I immediately apologised but he waved me off.

"No, it's fine. Maybe treason is a little harsh, but she did knowingly help two prisoners escape with the intention to bring harm to Rose and for that she needs to be punished." He voice was emotionless, but strained as I watched him fight the crippling grip I knew he felt. Sympathy engulfed me and I reached out to hug him tightly. His shoulders shook as dry sobs racked through his body.

Regaining his composure he pulled away and sniffed just as Marcus entered Rose's bedroom, where we were situated, and began talking before he realised we were in here.

"Alla, I was -" He cut himself off and blinked in surprise, "Oh, I'm sorry I didn't realise you had company."

Rose waved him off impatiently, "You were saying?"

Clearing his throat he addressed her seriously, "I was thinking since you're so stubborn in wanting to get out of this house, you would like to take a walk with me?"

Rose beamed at the idea and leapt to her feet, "I'd love to. Anything to get out of here." She exclaimed with more enthusiasm than I'd seen in a while. Shooing us from the room to change she shut the door and I could hear her rummaging through her draws for something to wear.

Even though she'd been stuck in her room for the past three weeks she hadn't done anything about tidying up the mess she lived in. It was a wonder she ever found anything in that clutter.

Marcus smiled shyly at me and rubbed the back of his neck, something he did when he was in a situation he'd rather not be in. Such as standing outside the door of the girl he had just asked out on a date with said girl's ex-boyfriend and best friend/bondmate and having no decent topic to discuss.

Thankfully Adrian rescued us from the awkward silence, "Oh, yeah, so why do you call Rose Alla anyway? I noticed it the other day but didn't get around to asking about it." I had forgotten he hadn't heard of Rose's time in Rome and Marcus looked slightly embarrassed; even though Rose had told him she likes the nickname, that it has more meaning that a lot of nicknames, he still gets a little embarrassed that he'd made the mistake to begin with. Not that any of us blame him for it.

"When Rose was in Rome, avoiding Abe and you lot, she met us and was going by the alias Alla Petrov. She stayed with us for about two, maybe three, months before circumstances forced her to reveal herself. I got to know her as Alla and I guess she'll always be Alla to me."

Adrian nodded and appeared thoughtful.

"And I thought she was complicated five years ago..." He mused and trailed off into thought.

The door opened then to reveal the centre of our conversation in all her shining glory. She was in a simple attire of jeans and t-shirt, but like everything she ever wore, she wore it with style and beauty. Her hair was down, the length past her waist and it had its shine back for the time in weeks, her complexion was good, and she had her tan back.

Overall she looked healthy and radiate and it was a huge relief for me to see. My Rose was back, at least in the physical looks department.

She smiled brilliantly when she caught Marcus's eye and took his offered hand as they made their way down the stairs without a word.

"Bye, Liss. Adrian." She called as a last thought and closed the front door behind them.

"It's good to see she's almost back to normal." Adrian commented and I agreed.

"Yeah, Marcus is good for her. I'm not sure she'd be where she is now without him."

Adrian nodded and moved to the kitchen to make some tea. Christian was due home from the feeders soon, and I was fairly sure he was bringing Mia, Eddie and Janine with him.

~*~

Chatter was heard outside and I got up and looked out the lounge window to see Christian and the group with him. He saw me and waved. I smiled and waved back and went to the front door to open it for them.

"Where's Rose?" Was the first thing he said to me. Putting my hand on my hip I gave him a disapproving look.

"Not even a 'hello, how was your day honey?'? That's pretty slack you know."

He smirked and kissed my cheek, "Hello honey, how was your day? Where's Rose?"

I hit him lightly on the shoulder and laughed, "I'm fine and she's out walking with Marcus. He decided she's been kept indoors for long enough and I agreed with him. I think she was beginning to plot an escape."

He laughed, "Yeah, no doubt she was. You can't tell Rose to do anything she doesn't agree to."

Janine laughed, "Don't I know it. That child has got to be one of the most stubborn person I've ever met." She shook her head.

"Well, she's your child. And she's learnt from the best." Eddie laughed and Janine shot him a look but couldn't hide the pride and amusement.

I was laughing along with them when a dizzy spell hit me and I lost my sense of balance, toppling over into Christian who caught me out of reflex.

"Liss?" He cried and lowered me to the floor. I leant against his strong arms and fought to stay conscious as my head got lighter.

Janine crouched down in front of me and checked my pulse; her guardian training kicking in.

"Lissa can you hear me?" She called and it was as if her voice was coming from a long distance.

Blinking rapidly I tried to get my bearings but my vision was blurring in and out of focus, and sometimes I was seeing a courtyard instead of my living room. I couldn't understand that, why would I see a courtyard? And through the fog in my mind I couldn't figure it out. I had the answer within my grasp but I couldn't quite reach it.

Christian laid me back and I closed my eyes in a slow blink. Only, when I opened them, I wasn't seeing Christian I was seeing Marcus's concerned expression. His face was inches from mine, his deep brown eyes flickering in apprehension.

"Rose?" He called gently and I felt a light hand stroke my cheek. It was callused but smooth. My vision went black again as my lids cut off my eyesight and when they opened I was back in my living room with Christian and Janine looming over me, faces in identical masks of concern.

"Liss, love?" Christian asked and I opened my mouth.

"Huh?" Was about all I could manage.

"Are you alright?" He asked gently, his smoother, non-callused fingers tenderly caressed my cheek and I moved to sit up. Cradling my head in my hands I shook my head to get my bearings.

"I'm not sure. Where am I?"

He hadn't expected that, "In our living room. You fainted... I think."

"Riiight... I think... oh, Rose!" I came to the realisation that something was wrong with her. I stood up too quickly and stumbled into Eddie. "Sorry, I think there's something wrong with Rose." To be honest, I couldn't really tell. I was too disorientated to be sure of anything.

"Have you got Marcus's number?" Mia asked and I pointed to the phone. His number was next to it. She read it quickly and dialled his number.

"Hello? Marcus? ... Oh, sorry Julius, have you heard from him? ... No? Oh, well Liss thinks something happened with Rose ... Yeah, she's not entirely sure but she fainted and such ... No, she's fine now ... Uh, sure that'll be fine ... Ok, see you soon." She hung up and looked at us.

"Um, Marcus didn't have his phone with him and so Julius and Maia will be coming over, after they do a quick sweep of the Court where Maia thinks they may have gone."

Everyone nodded and I sat on the couch, oddly exhausted.

The room was silent as we waited for Maia and Julius to arrive. No one really knew what to think, or say so we all remained in our own thoughts.

My head was still spinning, but it was slowing down and I found I was able to concentrate on some small details, such as the carpet and people's shoes. Mia had brought me a glass of water and I was sipping it slowly.

The front door opened and we all jumped from our seat to watch Maia and Julius enter, Marcus half-carrying, half-supporting a weary looking Rose. He sat her down on the seat and she leant back, breathing heavily.

I rushed over and sat beside her, "Rose? Are you alright?"

She closed her eyes, "Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little tired."

"She over-exerted herself and refused to tell me until she fainted." Marcus spoke gruffly, the concerned annoyance directed at Rose whom he only had eyes for.

She waved him off, "I just didn't drink enough." Dismissing him and his concern.

"That doesn't explain why Lissa fainted too." Christian spoke up and her eyes snapped open and she sat up.

"You fainted?"

I nodded, "Yeah, about the time you did I guess. There was a weird moment when I was in your head and everything. Except I didn't really feel pulled or anything."

She frowned and I heard a fleeting thought and memory from her.

"I had the same thing happen actually, like, for a moment I was seeing through your eyes instead. I actually couldn't be sure if it had happened or not, since I didn't feel the tug or choose to open the bond."

I didn't know what this meant. Was the bond getting stronger between us or was it merely because we were both in a weak and weary state of mind? I looked up at her, an errant thought ran through my mind and she had picked it up.

"I think we need to talk with Oksana and Mark. They are the only bonded persons we know; maybe they know something about this." I spoke quietly and she nodded in agreement.

"Rose, you're not fit for travel so how about I call them and ask them to come back here?" Adrian spoke and we both turned to him. Marcus was nodding in agreement to his idea.

"It's true Rose, as much as you don't want to admit it you're in no condition for a nearly 40 hour flight to Russia."

She gritted her teeth but could tell that there was no point in arguing since she was vastly outnumbered.

"Fine." She conceded and I patted her hand.

"It's about time you rest Rose. It's been a long day."

She scrunched her nose up in displeasure but again had enough sense not to argue, just sighed loudly and stood.

"Thanks Marcus, for getting me out and... all that. Will see you tomorrow." She gave us a nod and walked off to her bedroom.

Janine sighed in relief at having her back, attitude and all.


	42. Chapter 42

**A/N: Okay, I know it's been a while, nearly two weeks? But I hope this giant over 6,000 word chapter makes up for that! OMG and seriously this has got to be the toughest chapter of them all for me to write!!!  
Disclaimer: VA ain't mine, can't be mine and won't ever be mine (how depressed am I?) **

* * *

**Chapter 42**

As irritating and irksome as being on house arrest was, all the time spent in my room, lying on my bed, it gave me the chance to do some serious thinking. Not just that general overview of your situation and how best to do things from now, but a thorough inspection of past, present and possible future. And that was precisely what I did; lying on my bed, staring aimlessly at the roof, thinking deeply.

If someone had told me at the Academy, before the car accident that started it all (because, it did start it all. I died that day. I died and was brought back by the magic of Spirit. Without Spirit I would still be dead and none of what had happened to me now, wouldn't have come to pass. Lissa may never have had a bondmate to help her with the Spirit's darkness and been driven crazy by it; like Ms. Karp.), that in a few years I would die, be healed and brought back, run away from the Academy I had grown up in, get brought back two years later, fall in love with my mentor only to have him turn Strigoi and try to turn me and then later kill me, get kidnapped from the Academy by some crazed Strigoi, then spend a further five years avoiding my friends and family only to be brought back and then again kidnapped by my crazed ex-lover who would torture me. I would have, without a doubt, laughed in their face and probably threatened to beat the crap out of them for saying something so stupid.

And yet, all that had happened and I was still alive and kicking.  
I deserved a vacation. A long, relaxing vacation at the beach where I could spend all my time sun-bathing and being waited on by staff and have Marcus rub suntan lotion all over me... _wait? Marcus rubbing sun-tan lotion on me? Where the hell did that come from?_

I woke myself from my daydream with a jolt and looked around the room. Thankfully no one was actually in there to see my full blown tomato blush I had going on.

I lay back on my bed smiling. Marcus had really been there for me in a way I had never expected, nor known I had needed. Although Lissa was my bondmate, and best friend, she couldn't support me the way he could. He filled something in my heart, blocked up the void Dimitri's 'death' had created. As cheesy and corny as that sounded, I needed him and he was there for me.

Sighing I decided it was time to get up. I had been here for a few hours now and I could feel Lissa beginning to get impatient for me; she was planning on coming up soon to force me out of bed.

I snorted at that, after so many weeks of forcing me _into_ bed, now she was forcing me _out of_ it.

Rolling over I landed on the balls of my feet and moved swiftly towards the bathroom. Knowing Lissa she'd be back in to check on me in less than five minutes. _'Got that right'_ I heard in my head.

Since our synchronised fainting, our bond had gotten a lot stronger and now we often found ourselves in the other's head or hearing their stray thoughts. Sometimes it was useful and fun, other times it was just plain annoying, so we both had to concentrate on blocking the other out.

Oksana and Mark had told us that they had shared something similar after he'd had a traumatic experience, during a sparring lesson his partner had been too forceful in his neck hold and broken his neck. Luckily for him and Oksana, Oksana had been on her way to seeing him and felt a jolt, or shudder, sort of like a break in her connection with him and immediately run to his rescue, healing him before he actually died. Again. That moment had been what convinced Mark to retire from Guardianship, but for several weeks afterwards they had accidentally found themselves in each other's heads.

It explained a lot, but they didn't really have any advice on keeping it from happening, so on random occasions I'd suddenly be seeing through Lissa's eyes while she sat in Court, or she'd see through mine as I went for a jog or walks with Marcus.

She always made sure to tease me about those walks afterwards, but I could tell how excited she was that I was finally making some more... noticeable progress in my relationship with him. We had always interacted with each other easily, but now things were more relaxed and comfortable with a slight tension that hadn't been there before, the good kind of tension. I could spend hours just sitting with him, in complete silence and not feel the need to speak. We understood each other on a level only Lissa could top, since she now had access to my thoughts and feelings.

Smiling I shook my hair out and stepped into the steam created by the hot water from the shower.

~*~

Marcus approached me slowly, cautiously and on the defence. I circled him, hands ready, feet spread for balance.

He made the first strike, lunging forwards with a right hook. I blocked it with a sweeping forearm and countered it with a left hook.

This continued for minutes while I got back into the rhythm of sparring. After over four weeks of not doing this I had wanted to get back into the routine of training. Predictably my friends had initially refused to allow me to, so I told them, not so nicely, that it's my life and while I respect them and their opinions, I can do whatever the hell I want. Marcus had eventually agreed to spar me, once he saw I was able to handle doing seven laps of the track without pausing. I did ten.

Blocking another punch, I grabbed his wrist, twisted it and swept his foot in a pristine take down. Marcus hit the mat hard on his back, the air forced from his lungs with a loud 'oomph'. He didn't stay down though. Rolling to his side he kicked my ankles out from under me and I fell, twisting mid air to catch myself.

Marcus flipped to a cat-like position (hands and feet on the ground) and pounced, attempting to pin me. I bucked my hips, but his weight didn't move much so I jabbed him in the top of his Pecs, just above his heart, stunning him slightly. Bucking again had more of an effect and I rolled, switching our positions. Grabbing Marcus's wrists I pinned them above his head, resulting in my face being inches from his. His warm breath caressed my face and I fought to control myself. We locked eyes and his twinkled knowingly before he bucked. All that that did was lurch me forwards, my face now millimetres away, my nose brushing his slightly. We stayed in that position for a few moments, breathing heavily.

Without warning, or so I perceived, he lifted his head and our lips met. After the initial shock wore off, fire burned beneath my lips and I responded, releasing his wrists to trail down his arms and cup his face, pulling him infinitely, impossibly closer. Now freed, Marcus's hands lifted to stroke over my shoulders and back, his fingers digging in, gripping me and closing whatever small portion of space between our bodies.

I hadn't been kissed in a long time, years even if you didn't count Aden's assault, and I had forgotten how it felt. How lips nearly merged with each others, how it created a fire in my veins, how it was like an explosion of fireworks behind my closed eyelids. Kissing Marcus was unlike anything I'd imagined, better than I'd remembered with any others. All those moments we had nearly, but not quite, had simply built up tension, resulting in an explosion of passion. Marcus slowly rolled us, taking control. He held himself up with one hand, taking his weight off me, and with his other stroked my face and ran his fingers through my hair. My leg brushed up his thigh and curved around his waist, and my nails dug into the taunt muscles of his back and shoulders.

Breaking away to catch our breath Marcus began shaking with laughter; I gave him a confused, slightly reproachful laugh.

"That is so not the reaction I expected."

He continued chuckling, pecked my lips and whispered, "I win."

It took me a moment to realise what he was saying and I laughed. "You totally cheated!"

He smiled smugly, "If I do recall you used a similar tactic during one of our first sparing sessions together."

I glared playfully at him and ran my fingers through his hair, "Paybacks a bitch."

"Not always," He replied, smiling devilishly, "You seemed to enjoy that as much as I did."

I smirked, "True."

I slowly became aware of an audience, and as my emotions calmed I sensed Lissa's presence. Turning my head to the side I looked over to see Lissa and Maia watching us with smug, amused expressions.

Blushing with embarrassment we separated ourselves and stood, rearranging our clothing and giving the two sheepish looks.

Maia raised an eyebrow, her eyes twinkling in mirth, "So this is what you two get up to during your 'training' sessions?" Making quotation marks with her fingers.

Marcus and I looked at each other, and back to them, "Uh,"

We didn't really have anything witty to reply to that so we didn't respond. Without thinking about it I laced my fingers with Marcus's and Lissa shot me a look; excitement rushing through to me from the bond.

~*~

"I want all the juicy details!" Lissa gushed as soon as my butt touched the couch. After we had had our little awkward moment with Maia and Lissa walking in on us, I had agreed to see him later, after I had a shower and Maia had her little... whatever, with him.

"Uh," Was my intelligent reply; she bounced her knee impatiently and I bit my lip.

"Oh come on Rose! I walked in on you making out with the guy you've been crushing on for ages. You've gotta have something for me!"

"Um, well we were sparring. Actually sparring until I tackled him, and he kissed me. It kind of went from there..."

She frowned in annoyance, "Oh, please Rose! You've got to do better than that! I wanted juicy details, not a military styled summary."

I broke out into a goofy grin, giggling like a school girl into my hand. Lissa's smile matched mine as we sat facing each other, grinning like fools in love. Which we were.

~*~

"Come on," Marcus whispered into my ear, tugging me gently away from the others. I followed willingly so as he led us out of the crowded building. The Queen had thrown some party for some reason or another and after a few hours of it, Marcus had apparently had enough.

"What's the matter? Don't like parties?" I teased as we made our way outside, the fresh, cool air brushing my skin and causing me to shiver slightly.

"Only because they prevent me from doing this," He murmured huskily before capturing my lips in his soft ones. I hummed in agreement and pleasure, my arms reflexively wrapping round his shoulders and neck, pulling him closer.

He spun me and I felt the cold, rough brick wall of a darkened back alley pressing into my back as he kissed me with more enthusiasm.

I would never get tired of kissing him, each kiss feeling like the first, explosive and pleasurable.

'_Rose, stop making out with Marcus and come back inside. Your mother's been asking for you.'_ Lissa's voice interrupted my very pleasant, dreamy, thought process and she felt my irritation flash at her.

'_Hey! Don't shoot the messenger. Besides you shouldn't be allowed to sneak out if I'm not. _And_ you're meant to be my guardian! What kind of guardian are you leaving your charge defenceless?'_

'_The kind that's off-duty tonight, as by your request I might add. I'm a guest so it's perfectly within my right to sneak out... for a little fresh air.'_

'_Fresh air my Aunt Petunia! More like fresh batch of sweet kisses. And need I repeat your mother wants you? Now seriously stop that! You're making me want to grab a hold of Christian and start making out with him, and I'm talking to Tatiana. Do you know how it'll look if I suddenly start making out with him half-way through talking about politics?'_

'_Funny,' _I replied, _'Just blame it on me.'_

'_Oh, like, 'I'm terribly sorry Your Majesty but Rose was busy making out with her boyfriend and it just made me want to too?' I think not.'_

I snorted, which caused Marcus to pull back abruptly.

"Totally not the sound I was going for."

I laughed, gesturing at my head with one hand as the other stroked down his muscular chest, "Lissa's funny/"

He raised an eyebrow, "You were talking to Lissa while we were passionately kissing? Gee I just love knowing where I stand with you."

"Don't be absurd, I always talk to Lissa, its part in parcel with the whole bond thing. Besides she was telling me we need to go back. Mum wants me."

"And that was meant to make me feel better? Knowing whenever I'm talking to you, or... touching and kissing you, you're also talking with Lissa?" He stepped back, eyebrows raised high in sarcastic scepticism.

"Nope, but this is..." I reply before pulling him into a deep kiss.

'_Rose!'_ Lissa scorned and I sighed, taking his hand and leading him this time.

'_You're such a buzz kill.' _I complained and felt her amusement.

We made our way through the crowd when Marcus stopped looking shocked, "Uh, Rose do you have any idea who your mother is speaking with?"

"Huh?" I stood on my tip toes to get a better look, "Oh, yeah I do." I answered and continued walking, half-towing him now.

Janine gave me a wide smile and a tight embrace when we arrived and I turned to hug Abe, much to his and Marcus's surprise.

"Hey Dad."

I swear Marcus's jaw would have dropped to the floor if he hadn't been clenching it so rigidly. Instead he straightened to his full height.

"Now that is a much nicer reception than what I received last time. What, you took out two of my best Guardians and then disappeared into the night wasn't it?" Abe Mazur laughed, sounding pleased and returned my hug.

"And who is this young man with you?" He turned to Marcus giving him his trademark stare.

"Dad, this is Marcus. Marcus this is my father." I introduced them lightly waving between them.

"Abe Mazur," He held his hand out, which Marcus took quickly.

"Marcus Isky."

Abe lifted an eyebrow, "Isky you say? As in Lucius's boy?"

"Uh, yes. How do you know my father?"

Abe simply smirked, a smirk he had given me plenty of times in the past. "We did some business together, years ago."

"So your mother was telling me about your recent achievements..."

I smiled, "Yeah now there is a long story..."

His smile widened, "I have all night..."

~*~

"A little heads up would have been nice you know?" Marcus exclaimed as we walked towards his apartment.

The sun was high in the sky now, as Abe had been serious in wanting to know about my activities and more about what I had been doing since I last saw him in Russia. I raised my eyebrows and he mimicked me.

"That Abe Mazur is your _father_."

Shrugging I swung our joined hands between us; "I didn't think it was that big of a deal. And, besides, it's not as though you ever asked."

"Because most Dhampirs don't know their fathers, and often enough their mothers either."

"You know your father," I stated and he nodded, his expression turning thoughtful.

"Yes, but I don't know my mother. She was a Royal Moroi, my father a guardian."

My eyes widened on their own volition, "He was her guardian?" Oh, the scandal! My tone told him my thoughts and I couldn't hide it.

"No. They met at the academy, were mutual acquaintances you could say, hung out in different crowds but spoke easily with one another. He transferred schools and a few years later they had a reunion; one thing led to another and nine months later she drops me off at his charge's doorstep. Luckily for me his charges were kind enough to allow him to raise me until I was old enough to live at the Academy."

"Oh, wow." Was all I could say and I squeezed his hand.

"My father was a great man, and I learnt more from him about being a Guardian than I did at the Academy. But when I dropped out to help Maia... I broke his heart. He hasn't spoken with me since."

"So Maia is your...?"

"Half-sister. We share the same mother. We found each other at the Academy in my first year. Apparently my mother had already had her with another Dhampir, but her upbringing wasn't as pleasant as mine. Her father had refused to take her, so she spent years being shifted from person to person, eventually being raised in an orphanage until she was old enough to attend the Academy."

"Oh, wow." I repeated and he gave me a kind smile before kissing my lips gently.

"Initially Maia wanted nothing to do with me as I reminded her too much of her mother, but eventually I showed her I held as much disdain for her as she did. I brought her home to meet my father during the holidays one year and he was... very generous with his love. He loved her as though she were his daughter." A look came into his eye then that I had never seen before, and briefly I was reminded of Dimitri when he had spoken of his family.

"Your father sounds like a great man."

Marcus nodded, "Yes, one of the best men I have ever known. It's just too bad I disappointed him so much. My following in his footsteps, to become a Guardian was one of his biggest dreams for me and I had wanted nothing more than to do so. But when Maia was kidnapped, I couldn't wait the extra year for graduation. And I knew even if I returned, I would not have been granted readmission. But I couldn't _not_ search for her."

I nodded in complete understanding, and although our circumstances had been slightly different, I had left to go kill Dimitri while he left to find his sister, I had had the same doubts about returning. I had been lucky enough for Alberta's generosity in allowing my readmission. Even though certain events caused me to miss graduation anyway...

We were silent for a long time, simply enjoying the peaceful 'night'. I never realised how much I missed the sun until I was back in its warmth, and today was no exception.

Marcus stopped and turned to me, before giving a quick glance up at his front door.

"Maia and Julius are out... would you like to come up?" He asked shyly, ducking his head and blushing adorably. I had never seen him blush like now, or act so introverted.

I ran my fingertips up and down his chest, smiling. Anticipating what my saying 'yes' would mean for tonight.

We had been dating and such for months now, and since the first time I'd seen him I'd felt that intense attraction. I wanted him, and tonight was my opportunity to have him. I'd be a fool to let this slip away.

I nodded; suddenly shy myself and he gently lead me up the stairs and into his home.

"Would you like something to drink?" He asked politely, becoming the perfect gentleman.

"No."

"Something to eat?"

"No."

"Would you -"

"No." I repeated and stepped closer, hoping my eyes and body language would tell him exactly what I wanted.

Smiling seductively (something I hadn't done in forever) I watched as understanding turned into lust and his eyes darkened infinitely with it.

...

Marcus's eyes burned into mine, holding me captive as he gently stroked his fingertips up my bare arm, over my shoulder, round my neck and pulled me into a soft, tender and chaste kiss. I willingly complied as I found my hands running up his sides like feather strokes. He was gentle, loving and compassionate as he fingered the hem of my shirt. I lifted my arms in a wordless gesture of permission. He slowly pulled it up, the material tickling my overly-sensitive skin.

I watched his brown eyes darken and his pupils dilate as he took in the sight of my topless figure. His breath hitched as he stroked the bare skin of my stomach, ribs and waist.

"God, Alla you're so beautiful..." He breathed and trailed kisses down my jaw, to my neck, to my shoulders; all the while his fingers tenderly caressed my fiery skin.

Muttering something in Latin he lowered me onto his bed. Everything he did, every touch, every movement was gentle, loving and tender. His focus was solely on me, on my exposed flesh.

I gasped in surprised pleasure as he nipped the tendon joining my neck to my shoulder. I ran my fingers down his back, over the smooth material of his shirt and hooked them under the hem and began their trip back up, taking his shirt with them. He shifted his weight, lifting slightly to take the shirt completely off and I marvelled his muscular, tanned and bare chest. A shudder ran through him as my nails ran over his torso and he reclaimed my lips in a far more passionate kiss.

"I've waited for four years for this moment Alla. I never forgot you, and I regretted my anger and dismissal of you instantly." His voice was hoarse, brimming with emotion and I kissed him in response, hoping to empress my love for him through it.

"I love you," I whispered and his entire body stiffened; pulling back he looked me in the eye trying to gage if I was serious. My expression was apparently enough for him because he leant down, touched lips with me before breathing against my lips, "As I love you."

From there our motions, our touches and kisses became more serious, more passionate and, if it was possible, more expressive. Our clothes were slowly shredded and our bodies joined as one.

My second time, with my second love, was just as loving and powerful as it had been as my first time, with my first love.

I couldn't compare the two because I felt both equal and differing loves for them. No love is ever the same, and no experience is ever the same. To say one was better than the other would be lying, because comparison was impossible.

We lay together afterwards, holding each other, murmuring confessions of love, stroking each other's skin and hair.

Eventually exhaustion pulled me under and I slept peacefully, deeply and blissfully.

...

I felt consciousness beginning and I kept my eyes closed as the memory of last night returned. I could feel the pleasant warmth of Marcus's body pressed into mine, my head resting on his chest, his arm draped over my shoulder, his hand on my waist, his thumb rubbing it rhythmically. Sighing happily I lifted my eyelids and turned my head up to see his brown ones watching me. As soon as our eyes met he smiled sweetly and kissed my forehead.

"Morning, love."

I blinked slowly and smiled back, "Morning."

Stretching languorously I let out a small yawn, which quickly turned into a slight moan as his fingertips traced down and up my naked side.

I couldn't keep the smile off my face as my fingers traced patterns on his chest.

"You're more beautiful this morning than you were last night," He murmured into my ear, his breath tickling my neck.

"I could get used to this. Waking up to you each morning, whispering sweet compliments in my ear, cooking me breakfast..." I hinted and he laughed outright.

"So that was your plan all along. You just wanted breakfast!"

"Of course, a girl's got to eat... especially after... _that._" I purred and his expression became adoring again. I shifted up onto my elbow and leaned in, stopping millimetres from his lips, "I'm very partial to pancakes."

He laughed again and rolled on top of me, attacking my lips. I responded and we started getting into it when my stomach growled. Effectively ruining the mood when we both broke into fits of laughter.

"Alright, alright I get the point! Breakfast time for Rose's impatient stomach!" Marcus, still laughing, said as he sat up.

"What can I say? My body knows what it wants, and right now it wants food."

He hopped off the bed after one last kiss and pulled some boxers on before slipping out the door. Giggling slightly I sat up and looked round the room for my clothes; however, I didn't feel like wearing the dress so I rummaged through Marcus's draws and found a large enough t-shirt I could wear that covered up the essentials.

"Hey, you got any peaches? I like..." I called out to him as I walked into the kitchen, only to freeze when I saw he wasn't exactly alone. Maia and Julius both turned to me, taking in my ruffled hair and shirt with bare legs. Blushing vividly I stepped out again.

"Marcus you sly dog!" I heard Julius cry out and Maia's laughing response. I dashed back into his room and pulled some sweatpants and tried to do something with my wild hair, but was forced to resort to tying it back in a pony-tail.

I re-entered the kitchen and Maia gave me a smug look, "Well at least she's wearing pants now."

Julius guffawed loudly and high fived both Maia and Marcus.

I rubbed the back of my neck awkwardly, "Uh..."

"Pancakes are ready," Marcus rescued me and I gave him a grateful look.

"Got your peaches?" Maia called out teasingly, continuing to laugh.

"I'm glad you're getting a kick outta this," I grumbled and Julius smirked, "Well, you got your kicks last night, so it's only fair we get ours too."

That sent Maia into a fresh batch of laughter that started to sound slightly hysterical.

I huffed, dropped into my chair and began eating my pancakes.

"Mmm, Marcus this is really good!" I complimented and shoved another mouthful in.

Julius snorted, "That's what she said!"

Marcus hit him over the back of the head, "That was totally not the right moment."

It seemed nothing could stop Maia from laughing as she began clutching her sides, wiping at an imaginary tear.

"Oh you guys are too much."

"So I was going to ask you how your night went, but I can guess just by looking at the two of you." Maia said, still smirking like this was the funniest thing in the world.

I sighed and shook my head, but was unable to remove the grin that had been plastered on my face since I woke.

Feeling the bond tingle I suddenly realised I hadn't told Lissa that I wasn't coming home and no doubt she'd be freaking. Immediately I opened it and was hit with a torrent of thoughts and feelings.

'_Where the hell are you Rose? I've been worried sick; you didn't come home last night! No phone calls, no message, no nothing! I was about to call Adrian and Eddie telling them you've been kidnapped -' _Her thoughts cut off as I gave her some small pictures of last night. _'Oh... oh... OH! Ohmigod Rose!'_ From there her thoughts were incoherent and I just got bursts of excitement, joy and giddiness. No doubt she was squealing with delight. _'Ohmigod you and Marcus?!'_

Laughing I acknowledged, but reframed from giving her any real detail, Maia and Julius were looking at me curiously because I had this goofy grin and was laughing at nothing. I saw Marcus mouth 'Lissa' and they both went 'Oh,' nodding their heads with understanding.

'_Ohmigod I'm coming over! I need to hug you both!'_ She was thinking and I caught a brief glimpse of her bedroom as she rushed round getting ready.

'_In that case can you bring me a change of clothes? I don't really want to walk home in my dress or Marcus's sweats.'_

'_Yes yes'_ She answered and I thanked her before closing the bond, not entirely but enough so that her thoughts weren't interrupting my own.

Marcus suddenly gave me a wide eyed look, "Please tell me you weren't 'talking' to Lissa last night..."

I laughed and shook my head, "I was _sure_ to close our bond. I'd had enough of her experiences with Christian to not feel the need to scar her for life too."

He gave me a slightly disgusted look at the thought of my 'experiencing' what it was like to be with Christian. I shrugged and kissed him chastely, enjoying the sensation of his lips on mine.

"I'm going to go have a shower," I murmured and Julius leapt at his chance.

"You know Marcus, it saves water if you two share!"

Marcus glared and hit him in the back of the head. I stopped at the door and gave him a 'come-hither' look.

"You coming or not?"

Marcus's eyes widened and he jolted forwards grabbing my hands and pulling me towards the shower and away from the laughter.

"That's totally what she said!" Julius bellowed out.

~*~

Lissa linked her arm with mine as we walked through the oddly empty streets of the Courts.

"Where is everyone?" I asked, looking around to only see a few stragglers. Lissa shrugged, "No idea. Probably all asleep after the party, I mean it is still reasonably early."

"It's like 9 in the morning, that's not early at all. If anything it's a sleep in!"

"Rose! We don't all rise with the Sun! Or should I say moon?"

I laughed, "True."

We talked about nonsensical topics for a while until my stomach churned with nausea. I recognised the sensation immediately, before it had even had the chance to fully develop I flung my arm out to stop Lissa and drew my stake with the other.

'_Strigoi'_ I hissed through the bond and her eyes widened in fright but she reacted on instinct, turning her back to me and opening our bond. It was a technique we had worked on and perfected over the past weeks as it acted like a second pair of eyes on the back of my head, giving me a 360 ̊ angle of eyesight.

A tall Strigoi emerged from the shadows of a tree, his tall stature and swagger familiar and a wave of terror flooded through me.

_Dimitri._

'_Oh, God it's Dimitri'_

"Good morning Rose, Princess." Dimitri drawled in his heavy Russian accent. His posture was deceptively relaxed as he stopped nearly five metres from me, arms in the pockets of his duster.

"What are you doing here Dimitri?" I asked, keeping my voice steady. My nausea was too strong for it to only be one Strigoi so I knew he had others hidden.

'_Stay where you are Liss, I need your eyes.'_ I commanded her and she obliged, her eyes darting, searching for any movement.

"I have been thinking Roza, that you and I have a few things to deal with. One thing on my list is of course revenge, which I've figured out how to do. You see, I've discovered why you've managed to survive after so many Strigoi attacks, after so many near-death, and one actual death. Your friend Lissa. She has kept you alive, kept you fighting me with everything you have, kept you fighting everything with all that you have. Because she has been what you've fought for. If she were to die... well we both know what became of Anna after Vladimir passed on.

"If I take your reason to live, to fight, then you become that much easier to kill."

Horror and fury mixed in my bloodstream and I crouched into a fighting position, physically telling him I would fight until my last breath before I let him lay a finger on Lissa.

He gave a signal and five Strigoi approached, circling us and closing in fast.

'_Stay strong'_ I whispered to Liss as my last coherent thought before allowing the instincts of combat kick in.

This was what I'd trained for; this was what all my training had been for. The hours of repeating strikes, blocks, stances, kicks and endurance training were for.

The years learning about Strigoi; their strengths, their weakness, habits and fighting style. All my education came down to this moment and I would fight for my life, for Lissa's life, tonight.

I blocked the first Strigoi, ducking under a swinging arm I thrust up, stabbing through the first Strigoi's ribs and heart. Ripping my stake out, I rolled over Lissa's back and kicked another's head. He stumbled and I struck out at one on my right.

Blocking, stabbing, kicking, blocking, slashing, blocking, blocking, punching. It was all repetitive, all a choreographed dance that only those involved knew. I moved as gracefully, as flawlessly as I could but even not even I am perfect. Even I tire, even I stumble. And that's what happened.

All it took was a lucky shot for it all to come undone, for me to stumble to the side and be knocked down. That was all it took for the Strigoi to get through my guard and grab a hold of Lissa.

Failure tasted acidic, rusted and metallic. It pooled in my mouth, dribbled down my chin. It tasted a lot like blood.

Leaping to my feet I killed off the remaining Strigoi, but it was futile as my head began spinning due to lack of oxygen. _Lissa_, I realised with horror and dispatched the last Strigoi before turning to face them.

Dimitri had her by the throat and was squeezing gently, getting tighter and tighter. His hand flexed and Liss flinched, closing her eyes and scrunching her eyes up minutely.

"Any last words Roza? We both know even if you kill me after this, you won't survive living on without your bondmate. You've been joint with her mind for too long. You will simply and up committing suicide. A less honourable death, I admit, but with the rage her death will put you in, I doubt I'll be able to kill you before you kill me." His voice was eerily calm, sending shivers down my spine at how impassively he discussed his death, and mine.

He was truly no longer the Dimitri I had once known, he wasn't even the Dimitri I had been with in Russia. He was the epitome of evil now.

"You evil son of a -" I began to curse him but that was as far as I got before Marcus appeared out of nowhere and tackled him with a sickening thud. Lissa screamed in pain as I felt, through her, my chest tear as a knife I hadn't seen slashed a deep laceration across her midriff.

Marcus fought like I'd never seen him, his face was hard, his eyes burning with a fire I'd not seen before, and his movements were fast, accurate and deadly. But Dimitri was a Strigoi. I referred to him as a God when he was a Dhampir, and now with his Strigoi strength, speed and hardened skin, he was beyond that. I bet Marcus in our sparring matches, and Dimitri outmatched me.

So even with the fire burning within Marcus, it would extinguish and I watched helplessly as it did so. His movements became slower, his limps heavier as fatigue set in. Strigoi don't get tired, they don't feel fatigued, ever, and that was why, as mortals, we were trained to kill a Strigoi as fast as possible. To not spar them, not extend the fight. To strike and kill at the first opportunity. Marcus never got any opportunity, and as he dodged a punch he was forced off balance. Dimitri used this and I watched in horror, like time had slowed as Dimitri struck, pride and true into Marcus's chest.

"Marcus!" I screamed "Marcus!" As he stumbled backwards, paling.

"Marcus!" as he fell to his knee, blood gurgling in his mouth.

"Marcus!" as he slumped forwards, landing on his chest, limp, his blood pooling around him.

Dimitri laughed. Actually I couldn't even call it a laugh; it was a maniacal exclamation of noise. And it was this that set me off.

I wasn't angry, I wasn't heartbroken. Furious and livid didn't even begin to express what I felt as the shadow's darkness boiled through my adrenaline pumped veins.

My vision blurred and tinted red.

A vicious and ferocious snarl ripped through my throat and out my clenched teeth.

I was beyond hatred for him, beyond loathing as I charged towards him like an enraged animal.

Instead of hindering my skill as a fighter like the darkness so often would, it refined my attacks, making them far more coordinated, precise and deadly. When he managed to hit me, no matter where the blow landed, I didn't flinch or didn't pause in my next onslaught. Adrenaline is a powerful and wonderful drug, and mixed in with this... frenzy, this pure darkness, it was more effective than morphine. I felt nothing when his fist connected with the side of my head, nothing when his knee slammed into my gut, nothing when I was slashed by his nails. Claws would actually be a more accurate description as they cut through my skin.

I was unstoppable and relentless and he realised this as he began fighting on the defensive, backing away; retreating from my wrath, my frenzy of attacks.

Spinning so fast the world blurred slightly, I kicked his head and followed through with an upper cut into the underside of his jaw. He stumbled back and I moved into finish this, stake held high I thrust it down, into his chest.

Bone crunched under the force, blood sprayed and I jerked away. His eyes widened in pained surprise as he stumbled back, my stake protruding from his chest, from his heart. His mouth gaped wordlessly as he continued to stumble, forwards, sideways, backwards until his knees buckled and he fell down, denting the ground with his hard knees. My breathing was ragged as I stood watching him tilt forwards in slow motion. He didn't speak, didn't thank me or give me one last declaration of love that I had so often imagined if this moment ever came, but I knew deep down where my I held memories of my Dimitri, the man I had loved, was thankful. He was free, freed from this eternal prison and now he could move on to whatever was after this life.

I kept my eyes trained on him, being sure he didn't move, didn't twitch. Once satisfied he was dead I looked over to where Marcus lay and I felt my heart, my soul rip and tear. Rushing over I dropped to my knees beside his limp, lifeless body, desperately feeling for a heartbeat, listening for breathing.

_Nothing._

There wasn't anything. No dull thump, no shallow intake of breath, no rising of his chest or pulsing in his neck.

_Nothing._

There was nothing.

Keening I collapsed onto his chest, wailing out my agony and heartbreak.

'_Why does this always happen to me? I fell in love with Dimitri and he was taken by Strigoi. Five years I waited. For five years I was too afraid to love like that again but Marcus wormed his way in with his humour and compassion. He didn't push, he didn't force. He just was - _Him_. For five years I kept my heart separate and now that I finally let someone else in, the Strigoi take him again.'_

Tears stung my eyes, my chest ached, my stomach cramped and my throat raw, but none of it stopped the torrent of tears.

"Marcus," I screamed out his name repeatedly, in between the sobs that shook my body.

"_Marcus"_

* * *

**Um, I think this is where I should mention this is the last chapter!  
But before you start throwing rocks there is an epilogue!!! I totally wouldn't be mean enough to leave you hanging like that, I mean I just killed two character's xP.  
Don't hate me too much please, I'll try my hardest to get the update done soon but no promises as to when it'll be ready.  
And now here's where I hide behind a giant boulder and cower for a few days, writing.  
Until next time! Ciao **


	43. Epilogue

**Okay, sorry about the delay but I've just realised Epilogues are actually kinda hard to write :P I just couldn't get it to come out like I wanted...**

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**Epilogue**

"Rose? You ready?" I turned to see Janine poking her head round my half-opened door. I nodded and took one last look in the full length mirror. My hair was pinned up in a tight bun on my head, displaying my impressive set of _molnija _marks to the world. My dress was black, silk and elegant, highlighted my curves and frame in an esteemed and elegant manner.

I nodded again, my expression unreadable and she gave me a brief look, asking if I was alright. Again I nodded and turned back to my reflection, arranged my dress fruitlessly before sighing and following my mother out.

The house was bustling with activity as guests chattered, laughed and danced.

It was my 25th Birthday party and Lissa had insisted we celebrate. Reluctantly, after much nagging from her, Mia and Maia, I conceded and allowed it to happen. I hadn't had any celebration of my birthday since my 17th and Lissa had taken it upon herself to make up for that, inviting basically everyone we knew in the Courts.

I took a deep breath, preparing myself for the onslaught of hugs, kisses and cries of 'happy birthday'.

As predicted Lissa was the first, closely followed by Mia, Christian, Adrian, my mother and father, Maia, Julius and others that all blurred into one single collection of hugs.

Adrian laughed at the look on my face after an hour of this and jerked his thumb to the porch outside. I mouthed thank you and slipped out, not unnoticed but I was too tired to care and breathed a sigh of relief, being the centre of attention used to be the highlight of my nights, but not anymore. Now I enjoyed my solitude, it gave me peace of mind and a chance to breath.

Two arms encased my waist and a deep voice whispered into my ear, sending shivers down my spine.

"I knew you'd come out eventually."

Well, maybe I didn't enjoy complete solitude...

I turned and wrapped my hands round his broad shoulders and smiled, feeling at home. "What are you doing out here? Why aren't you inside enjoying the party?" I teased, knowing full well how much he hated parties, especially now that he was often recognised and constantly bombarded with questions.

"You know full well I dislike parties, and now that everyone seems to know who I am I can't really get a moment of peace anywhere." He chuckled and I kissed him lightly.

"Well, it's your fault for playing the hero." I continued to tease as I trailed kisses along his jaw, neck and shoulders.

"Mmm, I'll try to keep that in mind next time you and the Princess are in mortal danger..." His voice had lowered, his breathing rhythm speeding up and his hands automatically tightened their grasp at my waist.

I closed my eyes at the horrific memory that still haunted my dreams some nights, although they were becoming less frequent.

"_Marcus" I cried again, collapsing onto his immobile chest._

_I was unsure of how much time passed, if any did at all. I disconnected myself from this world, becoming engulfed in the heartbreak; the agony until a movement pulled me back, snapping me into reality._

_An inhalation._

_A breath._

_A rising of his lungs, his chest that my head lay upon._

_It came in a gasp, a sudden, sharp inhalation._

_His chest rose suddenly, fell slowly. I jerked up into a kneeling position and watched in disbelieve as he opened his eyes and blinked a few times, adjusting his brown eyes to the light._

"_Oh thank God!" I exclaimed and collapsed back onto him, delirious with glee to feel the thudding of his chest, and rise and fall of his lungs in an even pace._

"_Well, I'm flattered, but Adrian will do fine." A voice laughed and my head shot up to see Adrian kneeling opposite me, looking absolutely exhausted._

"_Adrian..." I trailed off in disbelieve then launched myself at him, hugging him with all the strength I had left... which wasn't that much. _

"_Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I exclaimed, unable to convey my gratitude and elation._

"_Mmm, no problem... but I think I need a nap." Adrian mumbled and slowly became limp in my embrace, his arms dropping to his side as he leaned heavily upon me. Gently I lay him down, stroked his cheek before returning my attention to Marcus. Ripping his shirt off, his blood soaked shirt, I searched with my eyes and fingers for a wound, a mark. There was none. Nothing but blood stained skin._

"_Oh Marcus," I breathed out in relieve so profound I felt light-headed, and kissed him, on his chest, his shoulders, his neck, jaw, cheeks and finally his lips. His was obviously slightly disorientated but eventually began to respond, his hands working their way into my mattered hair._

"_Alla, you're hurt." He whispered as we broke for air but I shook my head._

"_I'm fine, but..." I trailed off as my head spun, and eyes centralised on Lissa's body. "Liss!" I cried as I stumbled to my feet, coming down from my insane high I started to feel the injuries I had sustained, but I continued to ignore them as I crouched beside Lissa and slowly turned her onto her back. She was pale, deathly white and non-responsive, but she was breathing on her own, and had a heartbeat._

"_Lissa! Rose!" I heard a feminine voice cry and I looked up to see Janine and several Guardians running towards us, thankfully they had medics with them._

"_She's hurt, badly!" I called and moved to give the medics room to work._

_She was still losing blood, at a rate too fast for bandages and any medical treatment to be of any help. Realising I had my ring I hastily ripped it from my finger and pressed it against her skin, beside the open wound. Praying it might work, but as nothing happened I realised her own magic would be useless on her._

"_She needs blood," I realised, "There aren't any feeder's close enough..." I trailed off and then gestured to Janine to hold her up while I pulled my hair back, preparing myself to feed her._

"_No Rose, you've lost too much blood, you can't afford to sacrifice anymore without putting yourself in danger." Janine stopped me and I opened my mouth to argue, but Marcus cut me off._

"_I'll do it. We don't have enough time to get a feeder, and I am healthy enough to not be weakened too greatly by this."_

_I couldn't protest, his logic was irrefutable so I moved aside further. Marcus bent over Liss, exposing his neck to her mouth and she reacted on instinct. Smelling the blood she latched onto his neck greedily and immediately began to feed._

_I sighed in relief as I felt her regain some strength and I allowed my own weakness and blood loss pull me into the dark oblivion as my eyelids drooped and I sagged._

"It's alright Rose," Marcus whispered gruffly as he tightened his embrace, holding me to his chest. I hadn't realised I'd begun to sob pitifully until I felt the hot wetness of my tears run down my cheeks.

"I almost lost you, and Lissa," I croaked digging my fingers into the chest of his shirt.

"But you didn't," He reassured me gently, kissing my head soothingly, "You didn't and I'm still here. We're still here."

"Hey Rose," I looked away from Marcus's chest to see Maia and Lissa standing on the porch, eyeing me in worry. Although I did cry a little more often now, it was rare they ever actually caught me. Smiling through my tears I broke from his embrace and took a few steps towards them. They smiled softly and offered their hands, which I took after wiping my eyes furiously.

Time to go inside and continue the celebration of my making it through another year.

"You know something Lissa?" I asked her as she linked her arm with mine, "Hmm?"

"This is my 25th birthday, and birthdays involve presents. You know what the best present you could give me right now?"

"What?"

"A vacation." I answered, "A vacation to some exotic beach where there are no politics, no work, no fans begging for autographs. Just nobody but us."

"That, my little Dhampir, indeed sounds like a perfect present," we turned at the sound of Adrian's voice. He was standing beside Marcus presenting five pieces of paper to me, "And since I'm the perfect guy and all, I thought I'd give you just that. You, me, Lissa, Christian and Marcus. Two weeks at my aunt's private resort. Nothing but sand, sun and -"

"Suntan lotion!" Lissa interrupted, giving me a knowing look. I laughed and agreed, "Defiantly suntan lotion. Lots and lots of it."

Marcus gave me a funny look but I shook my head and gave him a peck on his cheek, "I'll tell you some other time."

"So, Marcus have you been feeling anything Adrian has?" Julius asked and Marcus shook his head.

"No not yet, but I'm told that that won't happen for at least a few weeks, if not months."

I nodded, "I didn't start getting even a tingle from Lissa until a good couple of months after the car crash, but don't worry about it. First thing I'm going to teach you is how to block him and his thoughts... because no doubt they're going to be highly inappropriate."

Adrian gave me a look of indignation, "Hey, give me a little respect!"

"I did, by saying they'll be inappropriate, not completely indecent." I teased and the room filled with laughter.

He grumbled incoherently, muttering about being underappreciated.

"Oh Adrian don't be absurd, of course you're appreciated... who else could we get to give us use of a private resort?" I interrupted his ramblings and it only caused his pout to deepen.

~*~

As I watched Marcus and Adrian attempt to read each other's thoughts, and Lissa snuggle with Christian on the sand I realised something. In the past five years, where so much had happened to me, and to Lissa, a lot of things had changed, but as much as they had changed, essentially they had also stayed the same.

We were older, wiser, and stronger than before, but we were all still together. We could still muck about and talk with each other freely, and now that a lot of guilt had been lifted from my shoulders I was able to finally let myself be happy. I finally felt free to enjoy moments like these without worrying that Dimitri was out there killing, 'living' as something he had always hated.

Although Dimitri wasn't constantly on my mind, as he once had been, I still thought about him from time to time. Remembering the happier moments, happier times we had had together. It was easier for me to remember him as the Dhampir, the Guardian and mentor than as his final days as a Strigoi, a soulless monster.

The days after his death, and his funeral had been... rough to say the least. I had come dangerously close to a similar lockdown I had experienced back when I'd been brought back. Although I was more prone to fits of tears than fits of rage.

But it had been Marcus who had kept the nightmares at bay, who had beat away my fears and kept me sane. His presence had become a constant, and the only time he left my side was for toilet usage and food delivery, if Lissa was otherwise engaged. He had become my rock and I wasn't ashamed to admit it. Wasn't ashamed to admit I had been weak, and scared.

He understood, Dimitri had been my first love, and after nearly six years, I had finally succeeded in killing him, in fulfilling the promise we had shared with each other. The moment when I'd actually stabbed him had been surreal, as though I weren't actually the one doing it, but merely a spectator watching from afar.

The realisation that he was truly, completely gone didn't come until after his funeral, late during the night as I lay in Marcus's arms. It hit me like a tonne of bricks and I inexplicably burst into tears, sobbing and crying out 'he's gone' repeatedly. Marcus hadn't even needed to ask who, or what was wrong; he just understood and that made me love him more.

Coming back into reality I laughed at their attempts at getting into each other's head, "You guys realise it'll be months before Marcus even gets an inkling of Adrian's emotions right? I don't see why you're pushing it,"

They both looked up at me and grumbled, "It would be so cool though,"

"It's only cool until the novelty wears off and you end up in each other's head during the most inappropriate of times."

Adrian cocked an eyebrow up, "I don't think I'd mind being in his head at any... 'inappropriate' times. I've always wanted to see what lies beneath that clothing Rosie." He added in a drawl and Marcus hit him over the head while I laughed.

"And that Adrian, is exactly why as soon as Marcus gets that inkling, I'm teaching him to block you out."

"Well, we have a while before that happens," Marcus murmured in my ear and I felt tingles run down my spine.

"We have plenty of time for that." I agreed and kissed him lightly.

Lissa and Christian joined us as we watched the rising sun, the change in light and colour creating extravagant pictures on the water as it crashed onto the sand.

"It's too bad we can't stay here for longer than two weeks," I sighed, leaning into Marcus as he kissed the top of my head and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"Hmm, maybe we can come back again soon..." He agreed and swayed me to the rhythm of the tide.

"Yeah, very soon." Lissa added and we agreed in our mind that we hadn't had peace like this in far too long, but perhaps things could continue as they were now.

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**And that's it!!!  
Wow, I finished my first fanfiction :P I'm so proud even though I felt this chapter was a little off... but yeah...  
So that's it, and before you ask... no there isn't going to be a sequel, I think ya'll can use your own imaginations to think up dramas for Rose, she's had enough from me :P  
Thanks to everyone who followed me through this, it's been grand hearing from you, reading your reviews and opinions on what I should or shouldn't do.  
Cheers xoxo **


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